LullabyforLuna Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm not even sure where to start on this. To write this requires me to say things I haven't told anyone, but then maybe that will help me. To give you the basics: I'm turning 21 next month, my husband is also 21. We got together in 2006, when we were about 17. We got married in 2007 after being together for a year... I am now 13 weeks pregnant with his child. I can't remember if it was before or after our marriage, but around that time he began seeing women online, using IMVU. He told them he loved them and was generally their online boyfriend. There was two of them. This hurt, a lot, but I managed to get over them because it was just online after all, I reasoned. Last year he left me after 5 months of marriage. He was then with someone online and planning to join her in the United States (we live in New Zealand), except she was a liar and was never really going to pay for him to come over. It also turns out she was older than she said, had two kids, and was in another relationship the whole time. I think he left me for her, but that part doesn't concern me much anymore, it's over and done with. So he left me and I scrambled to come up with ways to keep my husband - as you do - and agreed on, of course, "friends with benefits". Sometimes it would just be sex and he would leave. Other times, it would be more emotional - but still include sex. I was the one he would talk to about all the ways his online gf was screwing him around, avoiding talking to him, etc etc. I was his shoulder to cry on. Occasionally he showed regret but he never broke it off with her or came back to me then. Eventually he realised it was all a lie and wrote her a 'last chance' email. She never replied, and he began getting over her. Eventually I moved on and got into another relationship that lasted a couple of months. A short while after that ended, I sent him a message regarding a job I knew he'd wanted to get for a long time, and we started talking, and agreed to meet up. From then, we were back on, and everything was great. Except. On my FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY a "friend" decided to tell me that my husband had slept with this waste of space, L. Only once, (but H was at her house on our wedding anniversary, trying to kiss her!) but then the "friend" gave my number to the OW and we texted back and forth, she said she hadn't known about me (the "friend" knew everything, including that H and I were back together, and would have revelled in this situation). I took pity on the OW and upon speaking to my husband decided they (he and OW) were better off together. This never eventuated, and for some unknown reason I took my husband back. No, I know why, it's because I loved him desperately, and I still do. I also recognised that at the time it was probably a desire thing, because I will readily admit that we don't have sex often at all, even less now that I am pregnant. ('Men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel LOVED to have sex' might come into this). Later that year he also had several online relationships, and the OW tried to start up an online thing with him, which at the time he accepted, but it fizzled. I know all this because I have become very good at hacking into his emails, messengers and other online accounts. He has admitted to me that last year the OW asked him to move with her and be with her and he said no. He claims that he has been completely faithful to me, in RL and online, for the whole of this year. And even though I have looked through his phone, all his email accounts and his messengers, I can't find a single thing from this year that I could view as even slightly cheating or intending to. Nothing dodgy at all. I am so happy about this. But I am stuck on his one-time thing with L the OW and I can't get past it. I can't heal... I have turned into the most awful person because of this and I am now having dreams every night that he is cheating. I know if he was it would be online, but having gone into all his accounts I truly believe him. But HOW do I move on? I know it seems ridiculous that I should still be with him, much less expecting his child, but he is the only one I want to be with and I honestly can say he has changed this year... he got a job, a good one, and is now so much more responsible... I am always with him if he goes out, and I spend my days at home now so I know he doesn't access the internet except to check emails (which I can also access and which he doesn't delete - his old cheater ones are still on there even). He's stoked to be expecting a child with me. But I need to heal. It was made worse by the fact that the OW saw us out and about but I didn't see her and only heard about it through the "friend" - I then found her photos on one of her profiles and as sad as this sounds, I am so relieved to find she is not attractive at all. Please don't be harsh, as that is not what I need. I need advice on what I should do to heal, to get over this infidelity. I should also mention that he was a virgin before me, so I get that he might have wanted to experiment, whatever, but it doesn't help the way I feel... I feel as though I have been ripped apart, and my heart will always feel broken. We need to be okay for our baby.
chixy lady Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 you need not force yourself to instantly forget and heal the wound in your heart. it's like an incident, a trauma you can hardly forget but as you go along and believe that he indeed has changed, you insecurity would eventually wiped out. You pray and God will definitely help you calm down and accept things as it is. ___________________ http://www.cebuanas.com
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