Arabella Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 So I recently broke up with the guy I'd been on a long-distance relationship on for months. Someone whom I trusted, supported and loved above all else. Yesterday we were having a somewhat casual conversation through texts about my new car... and I made some offhanded comment about letting him drive it when I see him (I'm supposed to be in his area next month and we had agreed to meet for lunch). He started making excuses as to why he wouldn't be able to meet me. I called him on it and I told him it was fine if he didn't want to meet, but please not to lie to me. He denied lying, even though it was obvious... At one point, he said he stopped smoking for me, but I could smell cigarettes on him when we met... I said nothing because he wasn't actually smoking around me. This morning I was so upset that I sent him a text about it. He laughed and admitted he was still smoking. I don't know what happened but something inside me snapped. I'm starting to think of all the other lies that over time I caught him on and either I forgave, or dismissed. I realize that, over the time we were together, there were so many things he lied about that I have no idea how much of it was real. We got together right after he broke up with his girlfriend. I feel like I was just rebound and after he was over her, he had no use for me anymore. Over the past few weeks he has been so cold and cruel with the way he's been behaving. At first I thought it was because of his depression. We had a stupid argument (our first argument ever, actually) and he was so gruff... so unlike him. I called him on it and he apologized, but his general demeanor remained unchanged. Up to a few days ago, he was still claiming to love me. Today, though, felt like my love for him finally... gave up. Or perhaps it just died finally after everything he has put me through. Hard to define the feeling, but something's changed. I find myself resenting everything he's done and resenting myself too for not seeing his game sooner. I see now that the relationship never had a shot because it was all me and he never put any effort. I don't even -want- him back anymore. But I wanted him in my life, as a friend. However, it's very difficult not to let my resentment bleed all over my good intentions. I really don't want to lose contact with him. Is this an unreasonable expectation to have of myself? Should I just go NC for a while? Not sure what to do... please advice. Arabella
john1988 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If I were you I'd have a long hard think about this then speak to him on the phone with your decision, be honest and up front you will feel better for it.
Author Arabella Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 If only it were so easy. He's been refusing to speak to me on the phone for a month now before we even broke up, but we're still texting. There's a history of mental illness that makes him unable to cope with certain situations (mostly negatively charged moments) so he tends to avoid anything that may lead to them. He does know that I'm aware of all his lying, though. I've called him on it many many times, some he apologized, some he never did... some he hasn't even admitted to (but I have proof of most). Not even sure what he wants, or if he even cares about my friendship, honestly... that's partly why I'm struggling so much. Arabella
john1988 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Do you really want friendship with someone you cannot trust? Do you really want a friendship with someone you are going to be banging your head against the wall with? Why not treat him like he is an old colleague or something? Someone you can say hi to but you don't really have ties to anymore
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