JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I started thinking about things again, and I really need to vent. I don't understand how she could have been so nice and sweet to me just a couple weeks prior to the break-up and acted as everything was normal even 2 days prior can send me an email to break up with me. Having gone through everything with her for nearly 4 years, all I got was an email. She didn't let me call when I first contacted her, but she told me that I could call afterward but not as often. She changed her answer to not for a while and then to never. GAH! I wanted just one call with her so we could say our good bye and move on, but she told me to let her be selfish. She didn't want to think that it was going to be the last call ever and she didn't want to be sad. How can it not be sad? WTF! Why does she want to pretend that everything is ok when it's obviously not? She keeps twisting every little truth to justify her decision to break up. How can someone who has been with you for so long do this to you and pretend that everything is fine? UGH! This is the one thing that I have been conflicted over since the break-up. I know her, so I do know the answer (at least to some extent), but I need to hear it from her. Whenever she brings up the break-up or the relationship, she stops short and tells me to not talk about it again. It just drives me insane @___@ I've been NC for 4 days, but it feels like hell right now. I keep trying to think positive, but the sorrow and confusion keeps coming back.
john1988 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Totally sucks all you'll get is bullsh*t so she doesn't look bad, she will tell you anything to take the heat off her and I very much doubt you will ever get answers it seems to be the same for everyone on here. I was the same an email was all I got, it feels so cowardly, I feel I deserved more but no matter how many answers we get we will still probably have questions.
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I know that it's childish, but I keep excusing her actions and try to tell myself that she has good reasons for doing what she's doing. I keep telling myself that she's putting me through this so I can hate her and let go of her more easily. And I try to convince myself with all these thoughts because the person that I knew was very sincere and kindhearted. I can't cope with this new person that broke up with me.
john1988 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Try to think if it was someone new you got involved with, if they were giving you all that crap you would tell them to f off and not take any of their nonsense, she is that new person- easier said than done I know, that's the good thing about experiences though you won't make the same mistake again.
wondering_girl Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 hi jaggedroad, i feel your pain, prior to my bf of 4 year's silent disappearance we were traveling, throwing parties, spending every weekend together, anything you can think of... we were doing super good then bam! he pulls this disappearing act that i'm thinking as a break-up without him saying anything... he's turn into a complete stranger and pulled a 360 on me.. i'm sorry we're all going through this but all i'm trying to do is trying to open my eyes that this is a reality not a nightmare... it hurts, sometimes i'm fine sometimes i'm crying even at the office UGH, totally caught me off guard. i've been NC for 9 days now, yes absolute hell, he took me to dinner and barely said 3 words to me. *hugs*
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Thank you both for your support =) I really needed some human contact or else I would have drowned in my own sorrow.
Taucher Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Hello! I had a relapse today too, I wrote about it in another thread (or whatever you call it). I feel for you. I can relate. I am on day 23 NC. She left me at end of May. She seemed to take it harder than me at times, which didn't make sense. But, like you, I don't really understand. Like you, our relationship was great (I thought). We used to have such fun! We went to bed on Friday night and discussed what we were going to do on our 5 year anniversary on the Sunday. We wake up Saturday morning, I make her breakfast in bed...then she drops the bombshell. And leaves me. She was so upset she crawled out our flat on her hands and knees because she could not stand. Since then, she is adamant that we have no future while getting cross with me because she perceives that I have moved on. Jaggedroad, you ask "How can someone who has been with you for so long do this to you and pretend that everything is fine?" The painful truth might be that they are not pretending it is fine; it IS fine for them. But, looking at it objectively (is that the word I want?) THEY are the messed up ones. Not us. T
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Hello! I had a relapse today too, I wrote about it in another thread (or whatever you call it). I feel for you. I can relate. I am on day 23 NC. She left me at end of May. She seemed to take it harder than me at times, which didn't make sense. But, like you, I don't really understand. Like you, our relationship was great (I thought). We used to have such fun! We went to bed on Friday night and discussed what we were going to do on our 5 year anniversary on the Sunday. We wake up Saturday morning, I make her breakfast in bed...then she drops the bombshell. And leaves me. She was so upset she crawled out our flat on her hands and knees because she could not stand. Since then, she is adamant that we have no future while getting cross with me because she perceives that I have moved on. Jaggedroad, you ask "How can someone who has been with you for so long do this to you and pretend that everything is fine?" The painful truth might be that they are not pretending it is fine; it IS fine for them. But, looking at it objectively (is that the word I want?) THEY are the messed up ones. Not us. T Wow... I really don't know what to say about your situation. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's just one of those things that in life that really make you rub your eyes in bewilderment. I'm not sure if I agree with the last thing you said, but it's quite possible =/
wondering_girl Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 hey guys, jagged i liked how you said "make you rub your eyes in bewilderment" it's like did they snap out of something? were you fake with me the whole time? 4, 5 years? really?? and then something hit you on the head and suddenly you won't talk or give me 20 minutes of your time to even talk to me? i really don't understand... it makes me SOO sad.
hoping2heal Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I know that it's childish, but I keep excusing her actions and try to tell myself that she has good reasons for doing what she's doing. I keep telling myself that she's putting me through this so I can hate her and let go of her more easily. And I try to convince myself with all these thoughts because the person that I knew was very sincere and kindhearted. I can't cope with this new person that broke up with me. so you two had never met and after spending 3 years talking to eachother she just abruptly ends things in an email? Sounds like she was leading a double life or had a lot of lies she knew she could never explain.
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 No, we met twice. Once in the winter of 2007 and once last summer. We were together 24/7 when I went over, but we had a lot of restrictions due to her circumstances. That's one reason why it really hurts to have it end when it did. Things were looking better for us and I was hoping to enjoy more with her the next time I see her. We were supposed to meet again this winter; next spring; and next summer, but that's not going to happen anymore. She ended the relationship when we were barely reached our potential. We had a lot to look forward to =/ I knew a lot of her secrets, but I knew she had more. I didn't want to keep pressing her for what she had hidden away because that wouldn't have been right either. I forgot to mention, but we were each other's first for everything. Well, she was my first real girlfriend. She had previous boyfriends before, but they didn't end well.
hoping2heal Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 No, we met twice. Once in the winter of 2007 and once last summer. We were together 24/7 when I went over, but we had a lot of restrictions due to her circumstances. That's one reason why it really hurts to have it end when it did. Things were looking better for us and I was hoping to enjoy more with her the next time I see her. We were supposed to meet again this winter; next spring; and next summer, but that's not going to happen anymore. She ended the relationship when we were barely reached our potential. We had a lot to look forward to =/ I knew a lot of her secrets, but I knew she had more. I didn't want to keep pressing her for what she had hidden away because that wouldn't have been right either. I forgot to mention, but we were each other's first for everything. Well, she was my first real girlfriend. She had previous boyfriends before, but they didn't end well. Well, just becase you met twice doesn't mean much, believe me people have pulled off living double lives under more contact than that. I mean maybe that isn't the case, I just can't honestly think of any other reason A person would abruptly end their relationship, with no explanation whatsoever. You said she had secrets? Well, yeah I would say it sounds like for certain she does.
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Yeah, I understand that meeting twice doesn't mean much. The break-up was abrupt, but she did give me an explanation... sorta. It was all done through MSN, so it's really easy to lie over an online medium. She told me that the reason she gave me in the email seemed like an excuse, and that she just wanted more. She was introduced to new people while she was in Malaysia and they questioned our relationship. She claims that the new people only made things more clear for her and they didn't influence her at all. I take that with a grain of salt and I'm sure there is more to it than what she told me, but it's still a very drastic change even if that's all there was to it. I still have the chat logs, so I can put them up for your viewing pleasure if you have the time. Maybe you can get something out of it that I wasn't able to. There's one thing that always bothered me. She always refused to speak with a member of my family over the phone unless I tried my best to persuade her. She had no problem talking to my cousins on MSN though. I'm not sure if it means anything or if I'm just over thinking things.
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