Sam Spade Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 So you WOULD be okay with the gal who told you your small dick didn't satisfy her. She is, after all, simply being honest. Okay then. Tolerance level noted. I'd be fine with it. Because if she's not happy with with my johnson, what effin difference does it make if she does or does not tell me - she's unhappy anyway??? Same thing with the OP - regardless of whether he says or does not say anything, he isn't happy. So, honesty is an attempt to at least try to do something about it. The only difference with your example is that there is nothing you can do about your size downstairs (except through expensive and risky surgery), while you can easily not get fat if you paid some attention.
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I'd be fine with it. Because if she's not happy with with my johnson, what effin difference does it make if she does or does not tell me - she's unhappy anyway??? Same thing with the OP - regardless of whether he says or does not say anything, he isn't happy. So, honesty is an attempt to at least try to do something about it. The only difference with your example is that there is nothing you can do about your size downstairs (except through expensive and risky surgery), while you can easily not get fat if you paid some attention. Well, that's quite a lousy analogy. Did the OP say she was told she was fat? Thought not. Do you REALLY think it's okay for a SO to tell their supposed loved one that they saw the most incredibly HOT, more gorgeous than anyone else person that day in THAT kind of way? Insensitivity reigns.
Die Hard Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Do you REALLY think it's okay for a SO to tell their supposed loved one that they saw the most incredibly HOT, more gorgeous than anyone else person that day in THAT kind of way? My girlfriend points out women in public that she knows are my type all the time. She is very secure in herself and we both have fun looking at other people and then going home and ****ing like rabbits
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 My girlfriend points out women in public that she knows are my type all the time. She is very secure in herself and we both have fun looking at other people and then going home and ****ing like rabbits Now that's fine. And like I said earlier, my sweety tells me about pretty gals, but not in the way the OP described - as if he wishes he could have her instead of me. And I have absolutely NO problem with it; in fact, when we're out, sometimes I'll comment on how gorgeous another woman looks. There's a fine line, and I think we ALL know that. BUT - it is very clear from the exchange of dialogue in this thread and others that the OP will NEVER feel good enough in any way.
sweetjasmine Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Eh? The man in my life is someone who'd never, ever say anything as stupid as the opening post. He's neither tasteless or tacky. There's honesty and then there's verbal diarrhea with no societal filter. The comments referenced in the opening post are of the latter. ^ This, +1. I'll chat with my SO about women he thinks are beautiful or attractive, and we have fun with it. I don't feel threatened or upset by him looking at other women. But I would be upset if he said someone he worked with was the "most stunning, beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life." Is it really that hard to see why that would be hurtful? I bet if someone started a thread here and said, "My wife just told me out of the blue that her coworker is the most wonderful guy she's ever met in her life", people would be screaming, "She's having an EA and maybe a PA!!!!!!!!! DIVORCE!!!!"
Taramere Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I bet if someone started a thread here and said, "My wife just told me out of the blue that her coworker is the most wonderful guy she's ever met in her life", people would be screaming, "She's having an EA and maybe a PA!!!!!!!!! DIVORCE!!!!" They would. What I can't get over though, is that we're not here talking about a comment that was actually made to the OP. She's just inventing horrible scenarios in her head to get depressed over...and encouraging other women to join in with some kind of "aren't men awful....isn't it just so terrible to be a woman?" sobsister fest. It's so OTT that you have to laugh at the prospect of some guy storming in through the front door and yelling "darling...I just saw the most stunning woman in my life in Tesco's. I ran three red lights on the way home, in my impatience to get back and share the news with you. I know how excited you get to hear that kind of thing." My bet is that the OP is the kind of person who exaggerates things intensely. Say a guy she knows happens to mention "Susan's been looking well lately", by the time she relays the story to friends, it turns into "Susan is 100,000 times more beautiful than you. You need to lose about 60 pounds. Seriously...anorexia is a girl's best friend. Maybe get some cosmetic surgery too."
sweetjasmine Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 They would. What I can't get over though, is that we're not here talking about a comment that was actually made to the OP. She's just inventing horrible scenarios in her head to get depressed over...and encouraging other women to join in with some kind of "aren't men awful....isn't it just so terrible to be a woman?" sobsister fest. It's so OTT that you have to laugh at the prospect of some guy storming in through the front door and yelling "darling...I just saw the most stunning woman in my life in Tesco's. I ran three red lights on the way home, in my impatience to get back and share the news with you. I know how excited you get to hear that kind of thing." My bet is that the OP is the kind of person who exaggerates things intensely. Say a guy she knows happens to mention "Susan's been looking well lately", by the time she relays the story to friends, it turns into "Susan is 100,000 times more beautiful than you. You need to lose about 60 pounds. Seriously...anorexia is a girl's best friend. Maybe get some cosmetic surgery too." Yeah, no kiddin'. OP, please get professional help.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 What I can't get over though, is that we're not here talking about a comment that was actually made to the OP. She's just inventing horrible scenarios in her head to get depressed over...and encouraging other women to join in with some kind of "aren't men awful....isn't it just so terrible to be a woman?" sobsister fest.I'm SO glad you mention this, because if I - as a male - were to make this comment I'd be slammed as a misogynist. I sincerely believe that the OP has issues that need working out with a qualified therapist. This whole "men = bad, women = good" scenario that she continually posts (and the fire gets fed plenty by more than one participant) and her predisposition to violence is seriously concerning.
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 It certainly doesn't help when people say it's okay for a guy to talk to his gal as described in the OP. And then backpedal when it's turned around. But yes, as I said before, and in her "past life" here on LS. She has self esteem issues.
Taramere Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I'm SO glad you mention this, because if I - as a male - were to make this comment I'd be slammed as a misogynist. Well you wouldn't get slammed by me for it. Obviously, as I made the comment - and I don't class myself as a misogynist. This entire thread appears to be an exercise in portraying women as having no worth beyond looks. It doesn't get any more misogynistic than that. The fact that the OP berates herself along with every other woman in this utterly miserable perception of femininity doesn't make it any more palatable. She's a misogynist, but she won't own it. Instead she ascribes all this negative thinking she has about herself (and about women generally) onto men.
Die Hard Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 They would. What I can't get over though, is that we're not here talking about a comment that was actually made to the OP. She's just inventing horrible scenarios in her head to get depressed over...and encouraging other women to join in with some kind of "aren't men awful....isn't it just so terrible to be a woman?" sobsister fest. It's so OTT that you have to laugh at the prospect of some guy storming in through the front door and yelling "darling...I just saw the most stunning woman in my life in Tesco's. I ran three red lights on the way home, in my impatience to get back and share the news with you. I know how excited you get to hear that kind of thing." My bet is that the OP is the kind of person who exaggerates things intensely. Say a guy she knows happens to mention "Susan's been looking well lately", by the time she relays the story to friends, it turns into "Susan is 100,000 times more beautiful than you. You need to lose about 60 pounds. Seriously...anorexia is a girl's best friend. Maybe get some cosmetic surgery too." I also agree with this 100% and I'm glad a woman said it so it will be taken seriously here.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I also agree with this 100% and I'm glad a woman said it so it will be taken seriously here.+1. Quoted for truth.
Die Hard Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Now that's fine. And like I said earlier, my sweety tells me about pretty gals, but not in the way the OP described - as if he wishes he could have her instead of me. And I have absolutely NO problem with it; in fact, when we're out, sometimes I'll comment on how gorgeous another woman looks. There's a fine line, and I think we ALL know that. BUT - it is very clear from the exchange of dialogue in this thread and others that the OP will NEVER feel good enough in any way. I agree with you. I also agree it can be a fine line but something tells me the OP is blowing this way out of proportion and not giving us all the facts as to exactly what was said and how it was said. He could have been making an offhanded innocent comment and the OP seems imclined to run with it and think every negative thought possible.
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If your husband told you that he saw the most beautiful, stunning woman he ever seen in his life at a department store, how would that make you feel? Say if he worked with this woman? Honestly, I'd probably start searching for a plastic surgeon to enhance my features because if my spouse is looking at other women, and saying that they are THAT beautiful, then there is something wrong in the relationship, and I my looks must be fading. I have to feel like I am the most beautiful woman to my spouse in order to feel complete. I know some women would be bothered by this but I would be incredibly infuriated, insecure and insanely jealous Sorry to say this, but if you're this insecure with yourself and don't have faith in you, let alone faith in general - Then please seek some counselling to build up your self confidence. I haven't read this whole thread (yet, but I will), all I can say is, I doubt his intent was to make you feel bad.. You're making something out of it, taken it personally. Honestly, I PEOPLE watch.. Not just men, but women too! I point out hot women to my H.. Big boobs, nice hair, nicely dressed, pretty, whatever.. It's just human natuare - IT is what it is. And I say it about men too. (I am female, just FYI.) Let me ask you something..What if a total stranger came up to you and said, "I saw you from across the street, had to tell you that I think you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.." Wouldn't that just make your day? And, with that said, wouldn't you want to go home and tell your husband that lovely compliment? But - Because he works with this woman I can see how you're hurt because he will see her often..He should have not said anything to you in this particular situation, even more so since he knows you..I hope he knows that you're insecure, jealous and feel the need to always be his ONLY woman he looks at.. Because if he doesn't, you two need to talk, and you definately need to work on self confidence.
carhill Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 No comments for the "total honesty" of telling a guy he has a small dick, eh? Sorry, was out on the road.... yeah, stbx made comments about my equipment many times during the course of our marriage. None were damaging singularly, but, over time, such things did erode my self-esteem a bit, though not about my physicality, more that I began to realize I had made a poor choice and internalized that. I didn't even give the type of stuff in the OP a second thought. That kind of stuff went on frequently. I've long subscribed to the 'bigger d*ck, fatter wallet' theory of relationships, so accept that some other guy is smarter, richer, better looking, better in bed, etc. I've never lived my life by the standards of others. How boring...
Skump Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Your husband tells you about a incredibly beautiful woman he saw at work ...then unfortunately, your husband is an emotional retard.
Rudderless Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Well you wouldn't get slammed by me for it. Obviously, as I made the comment - and I don't class myself as a misogynist. This entire thread appears to be an exercise in portraying women as having no worth beyond looks. It doesn't get any more misogynistic than that. The fact that the OP berates herself along with every other woman in this utterly miserable perception of femininity doesn't make it any more palatable. She's a misogynist, but she won't own it. Instead she ascribes all this negative thinking she has about herself (and about women generally) onto men. I'm not sure it's misogynist as much as she's simply asking the wrong question. The original question evokes an emotional reaction in people leading to the confrontational tones you see on this thread. It would be much easier if she asked how to get enough confidence in herself to make sure she's respected in any relationship as a bare minimum. That might elicit a positive response rather than the flurry of "men are bad women are bad" that we see on this forum too often like a broken record.
SummerLady Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If your husband told you that he saw the most beautiful, stunning woman he ever seen in his life at a department store, how would that make you feel? Say if he worked with this woman? Honestly, I'd probably start searching for a plastic surgeon to enhance my features because if my spouse is looking at other women, and saying that they are THAT beautiful, then there is something wrong in the relationship, and I my looks must be fading. I have to feel like I am the most beautiful woman to my spouse in order to feel complete. I know some women would be bothered by this but I would be incredibly infuriated, insecure and insanely jealous This does not bother me anymore. Its comes with maturity like it or not. I think I am pretty attractive but there is always someone more attractive, who cares.....Such is life. As the 80's song says, Don't worry Be Happy...
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Sorry, was out on the road.... yeah, stbx made comments about my equipment many times during the course of our marriage. None were damaging singularly, but, over time, such things did erode my self-esteem a bit, though not about my physicality, more that I began to realize I had made a poor choice and internalized that. I didn't even give the type of stuff in the OP a second thought. That kind of stuff went on frequently. I've long subscribed to the 'bigger d*ck, fatter wallet' theory of relationships, so accept that some other guy is smarter, richer, better looking, better in bed, etc. I've never lived my life by the standards of others. How boring... I agree with you that someone saying something like that shouldn't affect you. What it does do, though, is make you feel something specific about the person who would say such a thing. For example, I have this friend whose husband is a complete jacka55. Because I have a decent helping of self esteem, he is CONSTANTLY making cutting comments designed to hurt me because he has to feel superior. They don't, of course, because it would take someone VERY unlike him to have any kind of an impact. However, it makes me think less of him and not want to be around him simply because he is TRYING to hurt me, regardless whether he can or not.
Isolde Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 She's a misogynist, but she won't own it. Instead she ascribes all this negative thinking she has about herself (and about women generally) onto men. I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't a she.
Taramere Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't a she. I was wondering that same thing. I don't think I've ever heard a woman say "it's my duty to be pretty for my boyfriend." Regarding the business of pampering and prettifying as a duty, rather than as a bit of harmlessly self indulgent fun, strikes me as a perspective a man rather than a woman would be liable to adopt.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I hadn't thought that she was actually a he... but I was wondering if she's another poster here masquerading under a different handle. But I won't point fingers.
ReturnToSender Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't a she. I started thinking the same thing myself awhile ago...was getting the feeling that that feeling some guy is getting off on the responses.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Jay the deeper picture is if you live your life through external validation, then you will always have problems with your perception of youself. will people find me attractive if I get older or lose my income or don't dress well enough or don't brush my hair correctly or _____? It's a self-destructive road, and it's full of self-loathing. If you're confident in yourself, you realize that your self worth comes from within, and not from what some jerk thinks about you. Look, I don't think my self worth comes from other people. But if you are going to defend men looking at other women under "biology", then please at least be honest in realizing that women have a biology all their own. And while men get excited by looking at other women, women get excited by having her man notice her beauty, and not other women's. And infact, all this male posturing, puffing out your chests and defining your masculinity by how many women you can oggle is not only kind of sad to see that that is how men define what being a man is, but it is a form of extermal validation for men. Men don't feel validated by the same things women do. A man noticing other women validates him and his sexuality as a man. And at the level that men do look at other women, it's a never ending always hungry beast. No different then how women have the desire to have her man notice her and her beauty over other women. And if a man is more concerned with having to look at every woman that walks by, that's a problem with himself and what he feels defines his masculinty. There are some issues of self-esteem. But this isn't just a matter with women. Men are just as insecure but show it in other ways and are less likely to admit to it. I am tired of "insecurity" being the patent answer to not question or look at other things from other perspectives. Return to sender The only thing he did was have a thought. Okay, so he said that thought out loud to his wife...daft! But he never made a move on me, and was professional at all times. Heck, she worked right there next to me all day. She *knows* nothing was happening to be concerned about. But seriously...that he found me attractive was enough reason that I didnt deserve my job, and valid reason to scream on the phone at an agency to not send attractive people their office anymore? Thats a pretty extreme view you have there but...okay! Different strokes for different folks. Yeah, I never said that you being attractive was reason enough to loose your job. But really, that's not what this is about. You loosing your job was a side affect in the real topic/issue we are discussing. Really this situation wasn't even about you specfically and your long legs. This is biology 101. On a biological level this was about this woman wanting to protect what was hers. And to her, whether it as the truth or not, was to get rid of you. It doesn't matter if you weren't going to do anything. She doesn't know that. If a man shows any kind of sexual interest in another woman while he is already paired up with another woman, that is the classic biological ,very basic and human fundemental threat to his woman. This situation wasn't about you so much as it was about her biology working against his. And that is what it comes down to. So I am sick of hearing men defend their desire to look at everything that walks by but tell women that they are just "insecure" when they naturally do feel threatened. We all know how easily men are swayed by a pretty woman. Men go on and on themselves about how often they look at other women and how many other sexual thoughts they have. In all honesty, what do men expect us to think? That you are so loyal to us?
Jersey Shortie Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 diehard: My girlfriend points out women in public that she knows are my type all the time. She is very secure in herself and we both have fun looking at other people and then going home and ****ing like rabbits Diehard, I ask this in all seriousness and not to be cheeky. Do you go home and **** like rabbits because you got so excited by oggling all those other women? I see alot of men say this..that they look at other women, or go to a strip club or look at porn and then can be with their women all the more happy. But why should a woman be excited over being the left overs to use for his release when he was using a bunch of other women to get there? That is like the exact opposite of what most women want. Most women want you to be engaged with them. Not every other women that isn't them. Sure, I can understand why you are having a grand old time and this works for you. Sometimes though it seems that men want women to be more lke men..point out hot women and get excited over the women and then be willing to go home and just spread our legs. It works in your relationship and that's fine but it sounds like you want to date another guy that just so happens to have boobs instead of appreciating what you have in your woman. You also never said if you point out attractive men for her. Do you?
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