Your husband tells you about a incredibly beautiful woman he saw at work

[torranceshipman]

Really beautiful women...are just as much a target for jerks who want to drag them down than other women are, so they'd probably have heard negative comments about their looks (or how great someone else is, in a disrespectful way) at some time or another (as most people have the misfortune to date a jerk at least once!). I don't think in th OPs example it was so much about looks or honesty, it was about a power trip...

[Island Girl]

One poster here said she thought it was her duty to look and stay hot for her man, so her man didn't go off and get attracted to other women (like in this OP's example).

 

Yes torrance - and that was the OP actually.

 

That's an awful doormat attitude: men are ALWAYS going to find other women attractive, and women are ALWAYS going to find other men attractive: BUT thats not the point - it is a case of appreciating beauty (fine), not completely disrespecting your partner in the way that the guy in this original example did, by broadcasting his thoughts out loud in the most disrespectful way possible (not fine!).

 

I agree.

 

Of course everyone wants honesty in the relationship. That doesn't mean you have to broadcast every thought in your head and every event in your day. MOST of those things have absolutely NOTHING to do with your relationship or your SO.

It is simply ridiculous.

 

When a guy does that it is designed to make the woman feel bad about herself. Not cool, and not the actions of someone that loves you...

 

He could be simply stating it as an event that happened. But to that end there is nothing productive or unproductive and certainly it wouldn't spark an engaging entertaining conversation, so why do it?

 

A comment like this could feed insecurity that is already there (and he KNOWS his SO and would certainly know if this is the case) then it would prove damaging EVEN IF NOT MEANT THAT WAY - so why do it?

 

And knowing his SO if he is aware that a comment like this WOULD feed insecurity then that is simply destructive and cruel -- so why do it?

 

There is NO good reason for these kinds of comments to fly out unrequested.

 

For a man OR a woman to say, "I am just being honest" is a cop out and an excuse.

[MissJoness]

Really beautiful women...are just as much a target for jerks who want to drag them down than other women are, so they'd probably have heard negative comments about their looks (or how great someone else is, in a disrespectful way) at some time or another (as most people have the misfortune to date a jerk at least once!). I don't think in th OPs example it was so much about looks or honesty, it was about a power trip...

 

Whatever.

 

Really beautiful women get

 

*noticed more. hit on more. have more men tryiing to buy them drinks at a bar, club. therefore you want to go out more because of all the positive attention you receive from men because of your looks. i notice girls with a certian look (in the black community lightskin with long straight hair)love going to clubs because they know they are going to get hit on and chased by men. they even act a certain way because of it, like they carry themselves with more esteem

*have the opportunity to marry/date rich more successful men. or you can get the type of guy you want because chances are he finds you attractive as well

*when they go out men are nicer more gracious to them. makes the day go by and gives you an ego boost

*people always compliment them which makes you feel good

*people are just nicer to you. you always have people admiring you whether it be something you wear or makeup

*you can get away with having a stank attitude or no personality at all

 

there are really veyr little negatives to be beautiful. if it was that bad then most beautiful women wouldn't work at staying beautiful. a lot of times they wear makeup wear nice clothes, etc. If it were such a drawback then they would dress down and not do much to enhance their p hysical appearance

[donnamaybe]

If I were confident in the relationship, frankly it wouldn't bother me at all. It would tell me something about what's going on inside her head and that might need some care and attention, but - and I say this with all seriousness - it really wouldn't affect me in the least.

 

You would be confident in a relationship wherein your woman made sure to try and hurt you emotionally? Sorry. Not buyin' it.

[donnamaybe]

Megan Raye, right?

 

Look - you will NEVER be THE one and only MOST beautiful woman in the world. Of course we would naturally enhance the looks we have, wouldn't we? That doesn't mean it's healthy to obsess over being better looking than every other woman your SO might come across. It's just NOT gonna happen, so let it go already.

 

However, that said, I think any man who would go to the lengths you described in your opening post is a jerk and should be drop kicked quite unceremoniously OUT your front door.

[MissJoness]

Look - you will NEVER be THE one and only MOST beautiful woman in the world. Of course we would naturally enhance the looks we have, wouldn't we? That doesn't mean it's healthy to obsess over being better looking than every other woman your SO might come across. It's just NOT gonna happen, so let it go already.

 

However, that said, I think any man who would go to the lengths you described in your opening post is a jerk and should be drop kicked quite unceremoniously OUT your front door.

 

Look how people say Halle Berry, Aishwayaray Rai and megan fox are the most beauitufl women in the world that is implying that they are better looking than most women and I am trying to achieve that.

[Thaddeus]

You would be confident in a relationship wherein your woman made sure to try and hurt you emotionally? Sorry. Not buyin' it.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a woman who did that. I have standards and preferences and simply wouldn't engage someone like that.

 

But I think we might be straying from the topic at hand... (pursuant to Tony's fair warning to everyone about staying on topic).

[donnamaybe]

Look how people say Halle Berry, Aishwayaray Rai and megan fox are the most beauitufl women in the world that is implying that they are better looking than most women and I am trying to achieve that.

 

And here we have the crux of the REAL problem.

[MissJoness]

And here we have the crux of the REAL problem.

If they can do it through plastic surgery, and other nips and tucks than why can't I? When I do then I can finally be at peace with myself and not have to worry about not being pretty to a man.

[donnamaybe]

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a woman who did that. I have standards and preferences and simply wouldn't engage someone like that.

 

But I think we might be straying from the topic at hand... (pursuant to Tony's fair warning to everyone about staying on topic).

 

Oh, no. We are VERY MUCH on topic.

 

You made an offhanded remark that "women want honesty." So what you SHOULD have said instead was, "If a guy would want to hurt you in that insensitive way, you should dump him."

 

Right? Since you "wouldn't be in a relationshp with a woman who did that."

[Island Girl]

No. I would just be very angry and infuriated if my husband made a comment about another woman's looks--especially saying that she looks better than me. I would divorce him. I don't want to be w/ a man who thinks that way. That is just how I am.

 

There is a lot wrong with this paragraph.

 

If you plan on divorcing someone because of comments that make you angry -- plan on being divorced MANY TIMES.

 

I would venture to say that you'd know if you are marrying a man that would do this long before the wedding date hopefully and not even marry that kind of man.

 

What about the really beautiful women, do they not have to worry about this because they are always that 'really beautiful' woman?

 

I've always been attractive in the physical sense. That does not mean there aren't others that are just as attractive or more so.

There are women out there that have that exotic beauty while I am blonde, there are those that are petite while I am tall, etc. etc. etc.

 

What impresses one man as beautiful does not necessarily impress another as such.

 

That said - I don't worry about ANY another woman beautiful or not. I don't worry that my husband would seek another because he knows he would lose ME and I am so much more than the physical attributes I have.

 

When he says I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen I know he means my entire self -- and it has WAAAAAAAAY more to do with WHO I am than how I look.

 

I wish you had more of that confidence in your internal self MissJoness.

Your posts have led me to believe you are so focused on looks and insecurity.

I have stated you focus on the attractive woman as being the trigger or the problem in a cheating scenario instead of the responsibility sitting squarely on your partner's shoulders WHERE IT BELONGS.

[ReturnToSender]

What impresses one man as beautiful does not necessarily impress another as such.

 

That said - I don't worry about ANY another woman beautiful or not. I don't worry that my husband would seek another because he knows he would lose ME and I am so much more than the physical attributes I have.

 

When he says I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen I know he means my entire self -- and it has WAAAAAAAAY more to do with WHO I am than how I look.

 

So on point Im in awe...you totally nailed it.

[Thaddeus]

We're going around in circles here.

 

I'll stand by my original statement: If you want honesty, then don't get upset when you hear it. Goes for men and women, it's not gender-specific.

[donnamaybe]

We're going around in circles here.

 

I'll stand by my original statement: If you want honesty, then don't get upset when you hear it. Goes for men and women, it's not gender-specific.

 

So you WOULD be okay with the gal who told you your small dick didn't satisfy her. She is, after all, simply being honest.

 

Okay then. Tolerance level noted.

[MissJoness]

There is a lot wrong with this paragraph.

 

If you plan on divorcing someone because of comments that make you angry -- plan on being divorced MANY TIMES.

 

I would venture to say that you'd know if you are marrying a man that would do this long before the wedding date hopefully and not even marry that kind of man.

 

 

 

I've always been attractive in the physical sense. That does not mean there aren't others that are just as attractive or more so.

There are women out there that have that exotic beauty while I am blonde, there are those that are petite while I am tall, etc. etc. etc.

 

What impresses one man as beautiful does not necessarily impress another as such.

 

That said - I don't worry about ANY another woman beautiful or not. I don't worry that my husband would seek another because he knows he would lose ME and I am so much more than the physical attributes I have.

 

When he says I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen I know he means my entire self -- and it has WAAAAAAAAY more to do with WHO I am than how I look.

 

I wish you had more of that confidence in your internal self MissJoness.

Your posts have led me to believe you are so focused on looks and insecurity.

I have stated you focus on the attractive woman as being the trigger or the problem in a cheating scenario instead of the responsibility sitting squarely on your partner's shoulders WHERE IT BELONGS.

 

I feel this way because when a woman who is really beautiful gets cheated on, people say "how could he cheat on such a gorgeous woman" which makes me believe that the prettier you are, the less you deserve to be cheated on. I hear these comments all the time when women like Halle, talk about bieng in relationships with infedility.

 

I've always been attractive in the physical sense. That does not mean there aren't others that are just as attractive or more so.

There are women out there that have that exotic beauty while I am blonde, there are those that are petite while I am tall, etc. etc. etc.

 

Well, I'm not happy if I don't feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I feel very uncomfortable and threatened. Once I left a place because I felt I wasn't as prettier as the other girls. I am not happy if I don't feel beautiful. I just remember a few years ago aman said that I was the prettiest girl in the entire place, and it just made me feel so good. I felt like I meant something and that I had a purpose in life. Typically when you're ugly, men don't pay attention to you or value you much.

[donnamaybe]

I feel this way because when a woman who is really beautiful gets cheated on, people say "how could he cheat on such a gorgeous woman" which makes me believe that the prettier you are, the less you deserve to be cheated on. I hear these comments all the time when women like Halle, talk about bieng in relationships with infedility.

 

But, don't you get it; they WERE cheated on. Even those beautiful beyond belief women! So what guarantee is there then?

[MissJoness]

But, don't you get it; they WERE cheated on. Even those beautiful beyond belief women! So what guarantee is there then?

Yeah, but because they are so beautiful society thinks that they didn't deserve it. People say that they are too beautiful to be cheated on, and they get more sympathy. They are still put on a pedastol. Just knowing that will make me feel good if my spouse is unfaithful. but if you aren't that pretty people think its something you did; like maybe you didn't keep up your appearance, you nagged too much, didn't give him enough sexetc. They place the blame on you for when a husband strays based on how attractive you are

[GorillaTheater]

Yeah, but because they are so beautiful society thinks that they didn't deserve it. People say that they are too beautiful to be cheated on. Just knowing that will make me feel good if my spouse is unfaithful. but if you aren't that pretty people think its something you did; like maybe you didn't keep up your appearance, you nagged, etc. They place the blame on you for when a husband strays

 

So, if I can sum this up, you want to try to acheive spectacular beauty so that when your guy cheats on you, you'll be more likely to get sympathy. Have I got that straight?

[donnamaybe]

Yeah, but because they are so beautiful society thinks that they didn't deserve it. People say that they are too beautiful to be cheated on, and they get more sympathy. They are still put on a pedastol. Just knowing that will make me feel good if my spouse is unfaithful. but if you aren't that pretty people think its something you did; like maybe you didn't keep up your appearance, you nagged too much, didn't give him enough sexetc. They place the blame on you for when a husband strays based on how attractive you are

 

Silly me. I would place it on the husband. If he had a problem with me/us and didn't let me in on it and, instead, went f'ing around, that is HIS fault. Pure and simple.

 

And, like the tumor I mentioned before, I would have his arse excised from my life.

[Island Girl]

If they can do it through plastic surgery, and other nips and tucks than why can't I? When I do then I can finally be at peace with myself and not have to worry about not being pretty to a man.

 

So you feel that you have to look like other people to be more attractive to men.

 

You worry about not being pretty to a man.

Well then you better find THAT PARTICULAR man because not all men think Megan Fox is attractive - or Halle Berry - or Aishwayaray Rai.

Some men like blondes. Some men like redheads or dark brunettes.

 

The danger here is that YOU do not see yourself as attractive. It has nothing to do with any man anywhere.

YOU are focused on physical attributes and do not see yourself as bringing any more to the table than that.

And it is very sad. Very, very sad indeed.

 

You have no security within when it comes to your intelligence or personality which (more than physical appearance) differentiates you from EVERY other woman on the planet.

THAT is what makes you an individual - THAT is what a man you spend time with and marry should LOVE - THAT is who he will spend the rest of his life with - Not the shell of the outside which ages and changes as time goes by.

 

When I was in high school pictures were everywhere of Cheryl Tiegs and Christie Brinkley. Those women do not have large full lips. ---- I do.

I was teased about them when I was younger too.

But guess what? Fads changed and full lips became "in" when I was in college. Suddenly everyone wanted lips like mine and they were all over the magazines, etc.

The moral of the story is what is attractive today may not be tomorrow - and you should be happy with whatever you look like because you can not please everyone - not in appearance, not in what you like or dislike, not in personality -- there will always be people who like or don't like whatever it is.

 

YOU have to live your life being happy with YOU - who you are AND how you look because it is YOU (Unique and different from everyone and anyone).

 

Your issue is a self esteem issue. And I really hope you work on it because right now you are chasing the unattainable and living an unfulfilled life because you are focused on everything externally and living like that there will ALWAYS be something else - something different - something you would see as "wrong" that needs to be "fixed".

[AlektraClementine]

I feel this way because when a woman who is really beautiful gets cheated on, people say "how could he cheat on such a gorgeous woman" which makes me believe that the prettier you are, the less you deserve to be cheated on. I hear these comments all the time when women like Halle, talk about bieng in relationships with infedility.

 

MissJones, your beliefs are a result of what you choose to believe. You have what appears to be self-esteem issues. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong...only making a judgment based on your posts.

 

You've got plenty of people posting uplifting advice that contradicts what you believe about beauty. You aren't listening to any of it because it doesn't corroborate what you are CHOOSING to believe.

 

I myself, have a loving fiance who thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. EVEN though I've put on 15 lbs since we got together and my roots have gray hair in them. Sure he think other girls are pretty. But he thinks I'm the bees knees!

 

Stories like mine, and Island Girl's don't matter to you because you are stuck in a bad place and you're seeking to validate your bad thoughts. Until you CHOOSE to change your thinking, or at least try to, I'm not sure you're going to be receptive to anything that might bring you peace of mind.

[Taramere]

Yeah, but because they are so beautiful society thinks that they didn't deserve it. People say that they are too beautiful to be cheated on, and they get more sympathy.

 

I can't believe there are more than 90 posts on this thread, and nobody has yet commented on what a beautiful, fascinating soul you have. You don't deserve this lack of validation. People are just crazy.

 

Feel better?

 

Edit. No of course you don't. What the hell was I thinking?

 

Okay. I just called several male friends - and they all think you sound like the most fascinating woman ever. They all want to woo you, marry you and f*ck your brains out. But in a respectful way, of course.

[Thaddeus]

Well, I'm not happy if I don't feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I feel very uncomfortable and threatened. Once I left a place because I felt I wasn't as prettier as the other girls. I am not happy if I don't feel beautiful. I just remember a few years ago aman said that I was the prettiest girl in the entire place, and it just made me feel so good. I felt like I meant something and that I had a purpose in life. Typically when you're ugly, men don't pay attention to you or value you much.

I'm going to re-iterate here, based on this and your predisposition to violence: Please get professional help. No joke.

[Island Girl]

I feel this way because when a woman who is really beautiful gets cheated on, people say "how could he cheat on such a gorgeous woman" which makes me believe that the prettier you are, the less you deserve to be cheated on. I hear these comments all the time when women like Halle, talk about bieng in relationships with infedility.

 

Who are these people??

 

I would hear that and think those people lack life experience and are ignorant. I certainly would not adjust how I feel about myself or anything else based upon what people such as these say.

 

Well, I'm not happy if I don't feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I feel very uncomfortable and threatened. Once I left a place because I felt I wasn't as prettier as the other girls. I am not happy if I don't feel beautiful. I just remember a few years ago aman said that I was the prettiest girl in the entire place, and it just made me feel so good. I felt like I meant something and that I had a purpose in life.

 

You really need to work on your self esteem. Seriously.

 

You should not feel you have purpose in life because of what you look like. It is a set up for failure because you will encounter times when you are NOT the most beautiful, the thinnest, have the best booty, etc.

And the older you get the more it will happen.

 

Typically when you're ugly, men don't pay attention to you or value you much.

 

Listen MissJoness. There have always been THOSE men who value me simply BECAUSE of the way I look. These are the same men you speak of here.

 

THOSE MEN ARE USELESS. They objectify women and do not understand we are so much more than the external.

If you worry about pleasing this type of man or being wanted by them you are making a tragic mistake in your life.

This is the man who will make you unhappy in your life - who WOULD make comments like the one in your original post -- who WOULD measure you up against others ALL THE TIME.

THOSE MEN ARE LOSERS. THEY ARE JERKS.

 

MOST men are not like this AT ALL.

[Die Hard]

Like I said in your other thread, until you deal with your vanity and insecurity you'll never feel better and it will only worsen as you get older. Wanting to be the prettiest girl in the room is the epitome of vanity,btw.