carhill Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Not even if he made you dizzy with delight in bed? LOL, probably better to refrain from bartering in absolutes, IMO. I've seen enough women get sucked down that hole. The best way to avoid it and remain true to those boundaries is to not engage emotions. I know some guys who do what the OP suggests just to rile up their women; keep them on edge. It works. Many have been successfully married for years.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I would ask him what he found beautiful about her in order to gain insight about him.
hoping2heal Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Not even if he made you dizzy with delight in bed? LOL, probably better to refrain from bartering in absolutes, IMO. I've seen enough women get sucked down that hole. The best way to avoid it and remain true to those boundaries is to not engage emotions. I know some guys who do what the OP suggests just to rile up their women; keep them on edge. It works. Many have been successfully married for years. Well, I can tell you I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who made me feel like someone ELSE was the most beautiful woman to him. I'd want to be most beautiful because of who I am and I'd want that to be the staple. Riling up is one thing, it's quite another to make your partner feel like random should be meaningless women, somehow hold more signifigance in a way than you do. I just know myself, my man is the top dog to me, and I want that reciprocated and don't apologise for it.
carhill Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 This is how it works..... establish bond; engage emotions; float a trial balloon 'Look at the tits on her'; gauge response; add appropriate sweet talk. Escalate a bit after appropriate response pattern is enabled. The key is the balance between great sex, sweet talk and rile-up. I'm in awe of the men who play women this way like a fine violin. It is something I will never be equipped to do, simply because I cannot be that disconnected from my emotions to follow such a path. I've also been on the other side, being the woman's bitch-friend who hears the 'makes me feel like nothing'/ 'azzhole'/ 'jerk'/ 'loser', etc..... and the promises to 'lose his azz'. Mind you, this is many friends over many years. I mean, they all can't be disfunctional, right?
eiithan Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I know some guys who do what the OP suggests just to rile up their women; keep them on edge. It works. Many have been successfully married for years. Some guys do this to test their gfs' affection too...and if women do not really respond to it, they get insecure and start to have doubts. :x
ReturnToSender Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 My bf told me that he finds women from a certain area of europe to be the most beautiful women hes ever seen...he went on to say that when he traveled there for business once, he was completely in awe with how gorgeous they all were. To add insult to injury, I am the complete opposite of what these women are. To make it even worse, the woman he had cheated on me with was from there. Now, my bf is a very intelligent guy...but when it comes to certain things, I really do think he is daft. Really...knowing him, a couple days later he realized what he said and slapped his forhead. All the same...I really kept my cool, even though I was boiling inside. Call it rationalization, or what you will...but...every woman hes actually been in a relationship with has been black or latin. 90% of his magazines is dedicated to black/latin women with huge butts, plus the women who tend to catch his eye tends to look quite a bit like me...and he cant stand european accents...he visibly cringes when someone with an accent is trying to talk to him and gets all irritated cause he swears he cant understand them. Putting all that together...I feel way better. He was talking out loud, said something insanely stupid that would have been better off kept to himself... In the end, what he said he likes, and what he seriously goes after are polar opposites. Plus...more importantly than anything else...he is with me. Hes the one who first saw me, and was attracted enough to approach me. Im not going to insist I have to be the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life...I dont need my ego stroked, I know how I look and I love how I look...Id rather he love me for it than lie to me about it. Another thing..I got fired from a job for that....the guy I worked for mentioned to his wife (who worked admin and hired me) that I was so tall and stunning, and made some comment about my legs. She fired me so fast my head spun...I found out cause the agency I worked though called me up the next day and called me in...she could barely stop laughin as she told me how his wife was angrily yelling at them, over what he said and to not send anyone who looks remotely attractive to work for them again. Goodness knows..just cause he looked at me wouldnt mean I was going to hop into bed with him. To be honest...I didnt even know he was looking..I was oblivious to him. He was a nice guy and all but...no interest whatsoever. I was of no threat whatsoever...and so thats how I try to look at it from where I stand with what my bf said to me too.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Goodness knows..just cause he looked at me wouldnt mean I was going to hop into bed with him. To be honest...I didnt even know he was looking..I was oblivious to him. He was a nice guy and all but...no interest whatsoever. I was of no threat whatsoever...and so thats how I try to look at it from where I stand with what my bf said to me too. It doesn't matter if you were going to hop in bed with him or not. You were still a threat because he found you attractive on a base level. In this equation, you're not really the main event. He is. So it doesn't matter what you would or wouldn't have done. What matters is what he did and said that caused her concern. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note to the guys: This is a prime example of a woman wanting total honesty from her man, then when he gives her total honesty she gets all bent out of shape over it. Are you taking notes? MissJoness, calm down. Comparing yourself to others will get you nowhere. Besides, your dude is with you, despite the fact that there's this hottie in the department store. That should give you all the information you need. Comparing yourself to others doesn't get you anywhere. But either does oggling other women and making comparisons that they are "the hottest woman I ever saw". And women do want honesty. They just wish that the honesty their own man reflects to them is of their own beauty, and not other womens. We don't live in this kind of world, with so many judgements made about female beauty, and going out every day and being bombared by images of what makes a woman a woman, and want our own man to buy into the hype. And while there will always be someone more attractive, no man or woman wants to be reminded of this. So when men say "well there will always be more attractive women", it might as well go in and out one ear because that's not what really matters in this situation. It's not about there being more attractive women out there. It is about a reflection of other women that one woman is picking up that is being projected by her partner. And since we live in a world where men say how "visual" they are and how "sexual" they are, it can easily be very threatening. You might be with us but that doesn't mean you aren't more interested in the very attractive women you are thinking about in the moment. It doens't mean that a man wouldn't be with her if he had the chance. Fact is, yes he is with you. But he doesn't have a chance with that woman. So I can't just take the answer "you're the one he is with" has 100% truth in his loyatly. Men and women judge others by their actions. Men oggling other women and commenting on their beauty is a very realistic action for women to note and consider. No one thinks they are the most beautiful person in the world. But most women don't ask for the whole world to validate their beauty like the next Swim Suit model does. She just asks for HER man to do this. And if he can't do this, or feels the desire to validate other women as well, I am sure alot of men can understand how that can feel. I think women want to feel like her man is on her side. But sometimes it seems like men aren't on their partner's side and are easily swayed by an attractive woman. So again, he might be with us, but that's not all it requires to be a good caring partner. There is so much more a man needs to do then just show up.
Pink Cupcakes Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 A man who is in love with you would not say something like that. Period.
Jaytb Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Comparing yourself to others doesn't get you anywhere. But either does oggling other women and making comparisons that they are "the hottest woman I ever saw". I tell you, any guy who does this is a jerk, and should be avoided. And women do want honesty. They just wish that the honesty their own man reflects to them is of their own beauty, and not other womens. So you're saying you want a man to never find another woman attractive (when in a relationship)? it's a little unrealistic, don't you think? And while there will always be someone more attractive, no man or woman wants to be reminded of this. I don't mind actually. I accept that there are more attractive looking people out there. If my gf finds Brad Pitt hot, then no biggie So when men say "well there will always be more attractive women", it might as well go in and out one ear because that's not what really matters in this situation. It's not about there being more attractive women out there. It is about a reflection of other women that one woman is picking up that is being projected by her partner. And since we live in a world where men say how "visual" they are and how "sexual" they are, it can easily be very threatening. My gf doesn't seem to care if I'm around attractive women. If you have reason to be threatened, it should be because someone is untrustworthy. A man finding another woman attractive doesn't mean anything unless the guy is seeking out other women to have an affair with. You might be with us but that doesn't mean you aren't more interested in the very attractive women you are thinking about in the moment. I've seen plenty of attractive women, but have not given them one thought ever again. It doens't mean that a man wouldn't be with her if he had the chance. Fact is, yes he is with you. But he doesn't have a chance with that woman. So I can't just take the answer "you're the one he is with" has 100% truth in his loyatly. Men and women judge others by their actions. Men oggling other women and commenting on their beauty is a very realistic action for women to note and consider. No one thinks they are the most beautiful person in the world. But most women don't ask for the whole world to validate their beauty like the next Swim Suit model does. She just asks for HER man to do this. And if he can't do this, or feels the desire to validate other women as well, I am sure alot of men can understand how that can feel. I think women want to feel like her man is on her side. But sometimes it seems like men aren't on their partner's side and are easily swayed by an attractive woman. So again, he might be with us, but that's not all it requires to be a good caring partner. There is so much more a man needs to do then just show up. All I can say is all this stupid validation stuff needs to stop. You should validate yourself, you shouldn't have to rely on others to validate you. It all reeks of low self-esteem to me.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 And when people resort to the easy " you just have low self-esteem " comments, they don't want to see the deeper picture. So you're saying you want a man to never find another woman attractive (when in a relationship)? it's a little unrealistic, don't you think? That's not what I am saying at all.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 "Hi Honey, a new man started working today in my office. He's the hottest man I've ever seen in my life! :love:" I'll bet that any of the guys posting in this thread would go ballistic or clam up inside of them. Any guy who would say something like the opening post, is an idiot and deserves to be alone. Tasteless and tactless. This is coming from someone who used to point out attractive women to exes.
BobSacamento Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 The guy sounds like an idiot. He had nothing to gain from saying something like that. I say make him pay for his stupidity.
Jaytb Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 And when people resort to the easy " you just have low self-esteem " comments, they don't want to see the deeper picture. the deeper picture is if you live your life through external validation, then you will always have problems with your perception of youself. will people find me attractive if I get older or lose my income or don't dress well enough or don't brush my hair correctly or _____? It's a self-destructive road, and it's full of self-loathing. If you're confident in yourself, you realize that your self worth comes from within, and not from what some jerk thinks about you.
ReturnToSender Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 It doesn't matter if you were going to hop in bed with him or not. You were still a threat because he found you attractive on a base level. In this equation, you're not really the main event. He is. So it doesn't matter what you would or wouldn't have done. What matters is what he did and said that caused her concern. The only thing he did was have a thought. Okay, so he said that thought out loud to his wife...daft! But he never made a move on me, and was professional at all times. Heck, she worked right there next to me all day. She *knows* nothing was happening to be concerned about. But seriously...that he found me attractive was enough reason that I didnt deserve my job, and valid reason to scream on the phone at an agency to not send attractive people their office anymore? Thats a pretty extreme view you have there but...okay! Different strokes for different folks. I wasnt hurt to lose the job, my agency found me another one that I started the day after that, but I still list that right up there as the wierdest reason to get fired from a job...my legs were too long
Stung Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 ReturnToSender, I agree that the fact that her husband simply found you attractive is a poor reason to actually fire you or to scream down the phone lines at your agency, if that's the way it went down. And yeah, definitely unprofessional. But unless I'm mistaken you weren't actually there for the exchange between the married couple, so you are sitting in judgment over hearsay. Who knows what he said to his wife, or where she was really coming from? My guess is she knows him a bit better than you do...maybe he has a history of sniffing around other women <shrug>. Anyway, original topic. Like many have said, turning to thoughts of plastic surgery is extreme, and a sign that you are waaaaaay to dependent on external validation. And I get it, I do...society programs women to feel their highest value is placed on their looks, most women are vulnerable to some issues around their bodies at one time or another. But that kind of a reaction would be giving that fool-headed big-mouthed man too much power over you, and indicate that you've lost your center. That being said, of course it's a messed up thing to say. I can just see my partner's reaction if I came home one day and said my new coworker one desk over was 6'5" of hawty-hawt brainiac Scotsman with a sexy brogue all wrapped up in a pretty kilt for me to drool over and he gave me the tingles like no man ever before...he would feel insecure and unhappy, of course, because I would have just said something totally insensitive and actively fed his insecurity. Disclaimer: I work with no such Scotsman.
Isolde Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Again, I agree that this specific hypothetical statement, is horrible to say. However, I don't understand why a woman in a happy, committed relationship or marriage, would need to be reassured by her SO, over and over again, of her attractiveness. In a good relationship it should be taken for granted, that the two are crazy about each other and don't care for the attractiveness, no matter whether subjective or objective, of those outside the relationship. I suppose I just don't get some women needing to be "worshipped" or gushed over, but to each her own...compliments are wonderful, but I think it's a beautiful thing when a couple can realize there are more objectively attractive people out there--and it doesn't matter.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Again, I agree that this specific hypothetical statement, is horrible to say. However, I don't understand why a woman in a happy, committed relationship or marriage, would need to be reassured by her SO, over and over again, of her attractiveness. In a good relationship it should be taken for granted, that the two are crazy about each other and don't care for the attractiveness, no matter whether subjective or objective, of those outside the relationship. I suppose I just don't get some women needing to be "worshipped" or gushed over, but to each her own...How did the tasteless and tactless remark, as defined by the opening post, get to women needing to be worshipped and gushed over? We all need some external validation from our SOs, gender aside. Most don't need it all the time. The vast majority of people, once again, gender aside, don't really want to hear about the most attractive opposite gender person. It's about as tactful, as saying to your SO, "Honey, I saw the most incredible penis in a porn, today." TfrickenMfrickenI!
burning 4 revenge Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 "Hi Honey, a new man started working today in my office. He's go the biggest prick I've ever seen in my life! :love:" Im not sure its really the same thing
Isolde Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I guess I was just caveating this one extreme, with the other, if that makes sense. The need for some people to be constantly reassured of this kind of thing, within a relationship, is a pet peeve of mine. I agree that "Most don't need it [validation] all the time. The vast majority of people, once again, gender aside, don't really want to hear about the most attractive opposite gender person." Moderation!
Hkizzle Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Note to the guys: This is a prime example of a woman wanting total honesty from her man, then when he gives her total honesty she gets all bent out of shape over it. Are you taking notes? . LMAO. Hey OP, a woman gets her man with looks, and hooks her man with her wits.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 LMAO. Hey OP, a woman gets her man with looks, and hooks her man with her wits.I can guarantee that if women were completely honest with their SOs, you guys would all curl up into lifelong fetal balls, whimpering and foaming at the mouth.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 MiisJoness, do you want total honesty from your husband? I could have been honest to my ex and told him he had a really small basically useless penis I mean just saying if were going to be totally honest why not right? Its because even tho its being honest theres just no need to share that info it would serve no purpose other then to hurt the recipient. I swear allot of people seam to have lost the art of being tactful anymore..
Hkizzle Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I can guarantee that if women were completely honest with their SOs, you guys would all curl up into lifelong fetal balls, whimpering and foaming at the mouth.
Taramere Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Some guys do this to test their gfs' affection too...and if women do not really respond to it, they get insecure and start to have doubts. :x For a man to rave on about woman A to woman B is just begging to be friend-zoned by woman B. I can't understand how any man wouldn't see that - or why it would be considered to be a good game plan rather than a chemistry killer.
AlektraClementine Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I'm confused, did this actually happen?
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