MissJoness Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If your husband told you that he saw the most beautiful, stunning woman he ever seen in his life at a department store, how would that make you feel? Say if he worked with this woman? Honestly, I'd probably start searching for a plastic surgeon to enhance my features because if my spouse is looking at other women, and saying that they are THAT beautiful, then there is something wrong in the relationship, and I my looks must be fading. I have to feel like I am the most beautiful woman to my spouse in order to feel complete. I know some women would be bothered by this but I would be incredibly infuriated, insecure and insanely jealous
clv0116 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I learned long ago to never ever say anything like that to my SO. No woman I've ever been with has been able to REALLY be OK with it even if they SAY they are gonna be OK. Better to just let life move on.
Bejita463 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If this example were not taken to the extreme, then what? What if he only said he saw someone he believed to be attractive in some manner? Would that still be worthy of such a reaction?
Thaddeus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Note to the guys: This is a prime example of a woman wanting total honesty from her man, then when he gives her total honesty she gets all bent out of shape over it. Are you taking notes? MissJoness, calm down. Comparing yourself to others will get you nowhere. Besides, your dude is with you, despite the fact that there's this hottie in the department store. That should give you all the information you need.
torranceshipman Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'd be disappointed at the realization that I'd married a man who has absolutely no tact or manners and who is clearly too stupid to realize you don't say that kind of thing to your wife...dumbass....
Author MissJoness Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 If this example were not taken to the extreme, then what? What if he only said he saw someone he believed to be attractive in some manner? Would that still be worthy of such a reaction? I would still be jealous. I would wonder why does he feel the need to tell me about it? Is he given me hints that I need to do something extra to my appearance to be more attractive. My ex had mentioned girls he thought were very attractive and it infuriated me. He even told me he thought my best friend looked hot in a mini skirt she wore to her birthday party. I hated him for saying that.
AlektraClementine Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 MiisJoness, do you want total honesty from your husband?
shadowplay Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Note to the guys: This is a prime example of a woman wanting total honesty from her man, then when he gives her total honesty she gets all bent out of shape over it. Are you taking notes? MissJoness, calm down. Comparing yourself to others will get you nowhere. Besides, your dude is with you, despite the fact that there's this hottie in the department store. That should give you all the information you need. Any guy who makes a comment like this to his wife is an insensitive jerk. It's fine for a guy to comment on another woman's attractiveness to his OP, as long as it's done in a sensitive way. But in the hypothetical posed by the OP, the husband is waxing poetic and implying that the wife is less attractive to him (saying this woman is the ~the most~ beautiful he's ever seen, etc.). It might be justified if the object of his adoration were a celebrity, but not if it's someone he interacts with regularly, whom could be perceived as a threat to the wife.
shadowplay Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I agree with you that this hypothetical guy is an arse, but your reaction to his comment is misguided. You're internalizing this guy's BS when you say that your looks must be fading or you must need plastic surgery. This is a case of it's not you, it's him. I would direct my frustration at his tactlessness, not at my own appearance.
shadowplay Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I would still be jealous. I would wonder why does he feel the need to tell me about it? Is he given me hints that I need to do something extra to my appearance to be more attractive. My ex had mentioned girls he thought were very attractive and it infuriated me. He even told me he thought my best friend looked hot in a mini skirt she wore to her birthday party. I hated him for saying that. Depending on context that would annoy me too, but why don't you see this as his problem not yours?
Author MissJoness Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Yeah, but a lot of the women here never had a boyfriend who would go on and on about how hot a certain celebrity was..??
shadowplay Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Yeah, but a lot of the women here never had a boyfriend who would go on and on about how hot a certain celebrity was..?? It really depends on what you mean by "on and on." Yeah, most of my boyfriends have commented on the attractiveness of other women or certain celebrities. I've never had a boyfriend who went gaga over a celebrity in my presence. That would be annoying.
Island Girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'd be disappointed at the realization that I'd married a man who has absolutely no tact or manners and who is clearly too stupid to realize you don't say that kind of thing to your wife...dumbass.... Exactly Torrance. My husband is smart enough to say I am the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. And I think he is the most wonderful man on the planet every single time.
Author MissJoness Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Depending on context that would annoy me too, but why don't you see this as his problem not yours? I feel like part of my duty as a girlfriend is to stay pretty enough so that he doesn't need to make those kind of comments or look at other women.
hotleggs Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 well me if he came home and said that to me , i would just say well why did you bother coming home go and get her !! and say i can do better who needs a arsehole saying that
carhill Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 well me if he came home and said that to me , i would just say well why did you bother coming home go and get her !! and say i can do better who needs a arsehole saying that This is good advice. It would've helped me to a divorce much sooner. I'll remember that the next time a woman behaves in exactly the same manner. Equal responsibility
Isolde Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 To put a different spin on it, I like it when people can admit to themselves that their spouse isn't necessarily universally attractive, but is the most attractive, to him/her. Relationships aren't about ego stroking and being told all the time, that you're the best. Women that focus on internals won't be nearly as bothered by their husband admitting other women can (gasp!) be attractive. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's ok to be harping on and on about other women around your SO. But relationships are not about your SO being perfect, and having a monopoly, on all positive attributes in the world.
Thornton Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If he thought she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, I'd be annoyed, because that means he thinks she's more beautiful than me. If he just said she was beautiful I'd be fine with it, because I think I'm beautiful too. I guess if I was more insecure about my looks it would bother me more. When I see beautiful women I look at them too, and I've been known to comment to my mother or my friend "gosh, isn't she pretty, I love her hair/clothes/whatever". I don't think it's a big deal.
eiithan Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Depends on his manner/attitude. Coming from art background I see tons of people who are aesthetically flawless who have no effect on me. It is rather clinical. And I am certainly not the most beautiful woman in the world for a fact, and men I find attractive are not the most good looking guys either...(my bottomline is whether I find the person to be sexually attractive or not, which is quite different from being beautiful). So yes, if he addressed it in such a manner, describing an ideal beauty, then I'd let it pass. The most beautiful man I have seen so far is a young Italian architect, and I am not sure if I'd be lucky to meet anyone else to top that However if he addressed it in a way to criticise me with 'why can't you be like that?' or 'I wish I were with that woman' then he is an insensitive jerk who deserves being thrown into an ice cold pool of water to get a reality check.
sweetjasmine Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If he said: the most beautiful, stunning woman he ever seen in his life about someone he has daily contact with at work, it'd make me pretty uncomfortable. That's a pretty insensitive thing to say.
Jaytb Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 sounds like a jerk. I would never out of the blue tell my gf about some random girl being insanely beautiful or whatever it is. But if she asks if some girl is beautiful, then I'll tell her my honest opinion.
Taramere Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If your husband told you that he saw the most beautiful, stunning woman he ever seen in his life at a department store, how would that make you feel? Say if he worked with this woman? I'd feel that he was treating me like one of the guys rather than like a woman and a wife. I'd tell him so, and I'd ask what the deal was. I certainly wouldn't be making appointments with a plastic surgeon though. That's just ridiculous. Plastic surgery may be able fix a lot of things, but it won't fix another person's disrespectful attitude towards you.
Vertex Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I would say that if communication isn't fully open and honest, you're better off not mentioning other women. If it is, however, then it should probably be established that there ARE other attractive people out there, but merely mentioning so doesn't mean you don't find your present wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever attractive. I think if your SO were constantly oogling other people, however, and it was becoming a chronic issue, then I'd be worried. But no, I don't think mentioning another attractive person is a huge issue unless there are inherent insecurities, especially if everything else in the relationship is stable. It all depends on what you're okay with, though. If you don't want to hear about other attractive women, then tell him not to mention anything about them again. Personally, I know I'm only average-to-above-average, and I'm okay with the fact that there are tons of hotter dudes out there, so I don't really care if a girlfriend notices/points one out unless she was looking into jumping ship or something.
sweetjasmine Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I would say that if communication isn't fully open and honest, you're better off not mentioning other women. If it is, however, then it should probably be established that there ARE other attractive people out there, but merely mentioning so doesn't mean you don't find your present wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever attractive. Well, to me, there's a big difference between "that woman is attractive/beautiful" and "that woman was the most beautiful, stunning woman I've ever seen in my life." I know my SO would feel hurt if I described a guy I work with as "the hottest, manly-est guy I've ever met in my life" or "the smartest, wittiest, most charming guy I've ever met in my life."
hoping2heal Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If your husband told you that he saw the most beautiful, stunning woman he ever seen in his life at a department store, how would that make you feel? Say if he worked with this woman? Honestly, I'd probably start searching for a plastic surgeon to enhance my features because if my spouse is looking at other women, and saying that they are THAT beautiful, then there is something wrong in the relationship, and I my looks must be fading. I have to feel like I am the most beautiful woman to my spouse in order to feel complete. I know some women would be bothered by this but I would be incredibly infuriated, insecure and insanely jealous My partner is smart enough to never say something like that to me. If a woman is beautiful, a man will notice her. No matter HOW beautiful you are, he will notice another woman physically. That is inevitable and he can't really help it. He would never make a comment though about another woman being the most "stunningly beautiful one he'd ever seen". I'd never put up with a man who told me other, random, meaningless women he found were to be more beautiful than me. That's just a slap in the face, and there's more than physical appearance that makes a woman or should make aw oman the most beautiful woman to a man, so to be downgraded for a cheap meaningless floozy? Puh lease. Not interested in any kind of man who would do such a thing and would never tolerate it, ever.
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