2sure Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Yes, thats right dear. I have been here before. You are my third marriage. So, yes - I have to admit that it has become clear to me that I have issues of my own. You have asked me what I said to them at the end of the marriage, that enabled me to walk away and would I be able to do the same this time? This time knowing that part of the problem is me.... Sure, I can tell you. Its the same thing for you as it was for them: Don't Let the Door Hit You in the Ass. And you know what? Me and my problems, my issues...we'll get along just fine without you. I'll just be one issue less.
misternoname Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Dear Ex Wife, You traded a stable family, a generous lifestyle, good friends, a supportive loving husband, etc etc for a few lustful moments with a three timed divorced, engaged to another woman, loser you met in a bar. Hope it was all worth it! -Your Ex Husband P.S. Thanks...because of your setting me free I was able to meet a kind, sweet woman that actually appreciates a guy like me. I'm looking forward to spending my remaining years with her...happy and content.
datura_noir Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I would want him to know I love him, and I am in love with him..always have, always will. And growing old together and creating more memories is all I could ever ask for...and I really like jewelry, too.
2sure Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Oh yeah - don't let the door hit you in the ass and leave my jewelry. And your watch too.
Athena Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 And more... Today you told me that if I had been the one having the ten month affair, that you would be over it by now (three months post D-Day). You also said that you wouldn't ask the same questions over and over. I have become bitter towards you, but its seething beneath the surface. Sometimes I feel like everything is back to normal, and in fact, better than normal. I feel nervous and excited like we are just dating. I LOVE having sex with you. And yet, I am closing off parts of myself to you. I have had a RA. Did I enjoy it? Yes, very much. It was brief, a mere two weeks compared to your ten months of deception. Yes, I sunk to your level. But did it make me feel better? Yes. It made me feel like less of a victim. As if I took control of something in my life, even though I have never felt so completely out of control. I have given caution to the wind. I have been tired of being "the good girl" because I have seen that being the good girl gets me nowhere in the end. You threw that girl away. And you know what? I still respect myself. Something else interesting....it gave me a perspective on how affairs work. I realize that I did exactly what I have read about. I minimized the marriage to enter the affair and I minimized the affair to "re-enter" the marriage (still not sure that I want to re-enter the marriage). I even used all the lines on my XOM I have since read about--"We're not doing that well." "We don't have sex" (God, this couldn't be further from the truth--still two and three times a day!) I ended the A after I got what I wanted--validation, some good sex, a distraction from the immense pain. It was all about ME. So, here we are after I've asked a million questions and you clearly don't want to continue to dwell on it. You didn't reprimand me for dwelling on it, but in a roundabout way you were. You asked me at lunch why it looked like I was studying you so closely. My dear husband, I am looking at you trying to figure out who the hell we have become. Wow. So heart-wrenchingly honest
65tr6 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 That isn't a threat - like "I may do 2 you what you did 2 me" kind of thing. It's more like "We all have 2 heal in our own way and in our own time from this kind of experience. Just be aware that when you finally figure out what love really is and who really does love you, it might not be so important 2 me that we stay married." Like "I don't need you, though I may still want you. But that may change." 2long, that is lot of wisdom right there for anyone. Not just the WS. I really felt this way about my wife but man you nailed it. This is exactly what I had in my mind but you said it so eloquently and in a non-judging manner.
inhindsight Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 thank you everyone for sharing your feelings, and for Devil Inside for starting this post. I was a WS... H and I are "in recovery" mode... We have discussed it, but he is not a man eloquent with words, so I have to extrapolate his feelings sometimes from past conversations, remarks made her and there... Everything he has never been able to put into words, you have done so on his behalf... I know my H would take those words straight out of your mouths and say them to me if he could. I am shamed beyond belief to have caused this, and I cannot stop the tears from flowing reading it all. I have a lot to pay back, and a lot to be grateful for, and a lot to make up for. You have all evoked something very deep inside me. It is a rare time when I cannot articulate my feelings and thoughts, and that is where I am right now. I have a lot of reflecting to do. I feel very much like a prisoner who has only time to live with guilty thoughts... and I appreciate your insight.
Author Devil Inside Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 thank you everyone for sharing your feelings, and for Devil Inside for starting this post. I was a WS... H and I are "in recovery" mode... We have discussed it, but he is not a man eloquent with words, so I have to extrapolate his feelings sometimes from past conversations, remarks made her and there... Everything he has never been able to put into words, you have done so on his behalf... I know my H would take those words straight out of your mouths and say them to me if he could. I am shamed beyond belief to have caused this, and I cannot stop the tears from flowing reading it all. I have a lot to pay back, and a lot to be grateful for, and a lot to make up for. You have all evoked something very deep inside me. It is a rare time when I cannot articulate my feelings and thoughts, and that is where I am right now. I have a lot of reflecting to do. I feel very much like a prisoner who has only time to live with guilty thoughts... and I appreciate your insight. Remorse is important. Just remember...you will have to forgive yourself at some point to really heal you and your marriage. When I figure out how to do this completely I will let you know.
smarterthanbefore Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 My ex never could understand that I do indeed forgive him for ripping out my heart and pulling me through the depths of hell with his lying and cheating. I totally forgive him and wish him only the best in life, but I will never trust him with my heart, soul and health ( STD'S ) again. I would like all WS to know that once the bond of trust is broken, it will never be given back 100 % the way it was before. My ex can't seem to except that we are over and I have moved on, ( cheating happened 4 years ago after 5 years together ). I would want my ex WS to know that even though I forgive, you took away the gift of blind trust and faith I had in other people. I will never have that back, and realized how much of a gift that was. I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years, and I do trust him, but that took alot of time. I will always wear the scar he left, but it will never bleed again, because i still believe in love.
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