JL911 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 It just wont go away...I keep blaming myself for this...Im sure I had a hand in how this all went down, but I keep blaming myself. If only I had done this, or said that, or tried this, or done this better....I didnt want this I wanted to fight so hard to make it work...I just feel like I am not good enough for anyone anymore... Why am I still doing this 2 months later....Why cant I just let go....The things she said to me were so selfish and hurtful...I was trying to work things out and she was just walking out and tearing me down emotionally in the process...
Exit Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I have a few answers to that question: 1) 2 months is not a lot. Not sure how long you've been together, but regardless, still hurting at 2 months is normal. 2) She said selfish and hurtful things and tore you down. She wasn't willing to meet you half way and admit that you had both failed. I know how you feel. I blame myself so much. I was unemployed, depressed, and the way I treated her really wasn't my natural personality, and I've tried to get her to understand that, to no avail. But finally after 5 months, I am starting to see the bad things about her, and it allows me to go a little easier on myself. The only way I forgave myself was by making sure I worked on my issues every day after she left. I can't change the past, but I could control whether or not I ever tried to fix things, or just let things continue the way they were. I overcame my social anxiety, my negativity, and many other things. Yes I still blame myself that she is not with me anymore, but all I could do was make an effort to change, and try to get her back, and trust me I did. It's out of my hands now.
jlr Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I've been blaming myself alot too. And like you, I've apologized for anything I did wrong. But still, she chooses to not see her faults and paints it all on me. I feel like a failure. My therapist told me "You are a failure. A failure at making things you can't control happen. And everyone is a failure at that. It's like saying you're a failure for not being taller." Basically, it's ridiculous to put it all on you, especially when you can't change someone elses' actions. They don't want to meet us half way. They don't want to try and work on it. And, obviously, without their participation, it's pointless. I guess when were low we need to remind ourselves of that. Tell ourselves: "I tried to make it work. I took responsibility for my part of this. She didn't. Without her cooperation, it's out of my hands now." Easier said than done, I know. I'm not there yet either.
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