Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Here's an example: One day at work I was coming back from a bank drop run. I managed to lock my keys in my car for the second time that week. I'd been extra stressed. Stressed prompted that attack. It felt like asthma. I wasn't afraid I was going to die, I was afraid I'd never calm down.
Isolde Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I agree you should keep the message short, decisive and clear. Be nice but don't apologize beyond saying you're sorry if he was confused or scared.
loveslife Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I think you're misunderstanding. With panic attacks it's typically not that you're afraid to die, it's that you feel like you're going to die. About eight years ago I suffered from panic attacks, brought on by a bad break-up. At first I had no clue what they were and thought I was dying. My heart felt like it was beating out of chest, I had trouble breathing. I was certain I would just pass out and die. But I never lashed out in any way. If anything, I became a lot quieter. And I remember every moment of them to this day. Homeopathy cured me, by the way. Not that everyone is the same but from what I remember at the time, what happened with me was considered typical. I have a feeling that you do suffer from anxiety but not panic attacks. But I don't know, of course.
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I spoke to my mom. All my family is back in Wisconsin If you can... try and keep up with her the next few days.. Having family around or on the phone.. even if you just talk to them about trivial things can help with your anxiety and help level you.. Would you be up for a trip to Wisconsin in your near future or is that not a possibility ? My Sisters/Brothers and family have helped me thru numerous things in my life in the past and it is always nice whenever I need someone to talk to that knows me that I can count on them...
loveslife Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Here's an example: One day at work I was coming back from a bank drop run. I managed to lock my keys in my car for the second time that week. I'd been extra stressed. Stressed prompted that attack. It felt like asthma. I wasn't afraid I was going to die, I was afraid I'd never calm down. I can't diagnose but that sounds to me more like anxiety than a panic attack. I've experienced both.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 If you can... try and keep up with her the next few days.. Having family around or on the phone.. even if you just talk to them about trivial things can help with your anxiety and help level you.. Would you be up for a trip to Wisconsin in your near future or is that not a possibility ? My Sisters/Brothers and family have helped me thru numerous things in my life in the past and it is always nice whenever I need someone to talk to that knows me that I can count on them... I was going to go late November, but work is not accepting request offs between Nov and Jan
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 I can't diagnose but that sounds to me more like anxiety than a panic attack. I've experienced both. It was anxiety disorder that I was diagnosed with.
BobSacamento Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Did they check if you were drugged? Black outs after 4 drinks doesn't sound right.
loveslife Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 It was anxiety disorder that I was diagnosed with. Anxiety disorder does not necessarily mean panic disorder, or panic attacks. It's a general term which could mean a lot of different things.
broken umbrella Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Here's an example: One day at work I was coming back from a bank drop run. I managed to lock my keys in my car for the second time that week. I'd been extra stressed. Stressed prompted that attack. It felt like asthma. I wasn't afraid I was going to die, I was afraid I'd never calm down. This example sounds very different than what you described as happening last night. But no one here can know that but you. It is something you should investigate ASAP. It is not uncommon for people to have multiple diagnoses, if the cutting is something new for you, this could be something different than just a panic attack. I do not think you should contact A for any other reasons than to find out exactly what happened and to get your clothes back (if you absolutley need them). Honestly... if he does not make an effort to contact you very soon, then this may just be too much for him to handle.
Jilly Bean Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Thanks JB. He's not my priority right now, but I do feel badly for him, and I want the missing information. It would explain a lot, and settle my mind. I've never had the thought or urge to harm myself either. That's what is so dumbfounding for me. I'm not unhappy with me or my life. Dreamer - you have no reason to feel badly for him. He's a big boy. Our concern is YOU. Though, I do understand you wanting to hear about this missing pieces from last night. Totally fair. And I don't doubt for a second that you're not (consciously) suicidal, and I do believe you enjoy your life, and this was not a sincere suicide attempt. However, it is extremely erratic behavior, and is not consistent with AP Disorder. I agree with Mea and the others. You do seem to have an anxiety disorder, but that's a very general area, and the cutting thing needs further examination. I get the sense that in your blackout stage, you grabbed the first thing you found. But, what if it had been a steak knife? This is just not something I would dismiss as a by-product of an anxiety attack, as there is more to it. In the meantime, do try and take the xanax when you feel like it. Or, if they are making you drowsy, take a half, sublingually. Just take good care, Dreamer.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Did they check if you were drugged? Black outs after 4 drinks doesn't sound right. I was waiting to hear back from the nurse or doctor to see if they could run a tox scan Anxiety disorder does not necessarily mean panic disorder, or panic attacks. It's a general term which could mean a lot of different things. I agree. If I said panic attack, it was meant as anxiety - that is what I've always believe to have had. This example sounds very different than what you described as happening last night. But no one here can know that but you. It is something you should investigate ASAP. It is not uncommon for people to have multiple diagnoses, if the cutting is something new for you, this could be something different than just a panic attack. I do not think you should contact A for any other reasons than to find out exactly what happened and to get your clothes back (if you absolutley need them). Honestly... if he does not make an effort to contact you very soon, then this may just be too much for him to handle. Well that's the thing - I started out feeling that way last night, and it past, but then it came on again. If I could get a clue on the missing parts, maybe I'll start remembering, or he can tell me something so I can tell if it was something way worse then an AA, or just a severe AA. I've always been a social drinker, never drink at home, don't drink at restaurants. I never crave alcohol except on a rare occasion where a glass of wine or a pina colada sounds good I can go years without touching a drink. But when I do drink, sometimes I don't know when to stop. The times I drink too much it's usually because I am insecure about something when I'm out. So it's fair to say I have an alcohol problem. I'm not an alcoholic by any stretch but I don't always control how much I drink and I act irrationally when I drink too much. On those occasions, I lose count of what I drink so I might think I had less than I really did. But the point is, when I'm under the influence that way, I have a hair trigger. It can be something innocent that I perceive as a wrong and all hell breaks loose. Again, it's usually caused by my own insecurities. I'll say and do things that I NEVER in a million years would say or do if I was not drunk. Since this attack was so out of the ordinary for you, I tend to believe that your anxiety caused you to drink more than you realized and you reacted more in a manner that's akin to over consumption of alcohol than anxiety. That would also explain cutting yourself since alcohol is a depressant. It explains blacking out. A date rape drug usually makes you compliant, not the other way around. I don't think it will raise your bac either (could be wrong on that one). I got tired of not knowing what happened. I got tired of that sense of dread and fear knowing that I said bad things and hurt people I care about but not really remembering what I said. I had to realize that this was something I had to address. So when I drink now, I quit drinking hard liquor at all and only have a couple of beers over the whole night. Enough to relax but not even enough to even be legally over the limit. I don't mean to threadjack here and I certainly am not trying to make you feel bad. I'm sharing my experience because I think it's appropriate to what you went through last night. Hopefully it will help you realize that alcohol may have been a large contributing factor to this behavior. I'm sorry you went through this. I will keep this in mind. This isn't something that usually happens to me when I drink though. Dreamer - you have no reason to feel badly for him. He's a big boy. Our concern is YOU. Though, I do understand you wanting to hear about this missing pieces from last night. Totally fair. And I don't doubt for a second that you're not (consciously) suicidal, and I do believe you enjoy your life, and this was not a sincere suicide attempt. However, it is extremely erratic behavior, and is not consistent with AP Disorder. I agree with Mea and the others. You do seem to have an anxiety disorder, but that's a very general area, and the cutting thing needs further examination. I get the sense that in your blackout stage, you grabbed the first thing you found. But, what if it had been a steak knife? This is just not something I would dismiss as a by-product of an anxiety attack, as there is more to it. In the meantime, do try and take the xanax when you feel like it. Or, if they are making you drowsy, take a half, sublingually. Just take good care, Dreamer. I'll be taking something before bed for sure. I will be going to bed with a peaceful mind. Another reason why I'm glad I got a lot of my thoughts out on here before bed.
Ariadne Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I've never had the thought or urge to harm myself either. That's what is so dumbfounding for me. I'm not unhappy with me or my life. Why do you say that you did it if you don't even remember? Just say that you woke up with a cut. Unexplainable. And not sure why you'd bother writing this guy a letter, when he should be the one comforting you. Some guys don't want to deal with responsibility, especially since he just met you.
BobSacamento Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I know my cousin punched a window and cut his arm on a drunken spree once. I wouldn't automatically assume you intentionally harmed yourself.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Why do you say that you did it if you don't even remember? Just say that you woke up with a cut. Unexplainable. And not sure why you'd bother writing this guy a letter, when he should be the one comforting you. Some guys don't want to deal with responsibility, especially since he just met you. Well he saw the cut and called for an ambulance. I don't remember cutting myself, but I know it happened between me sitting on his stairs with him telling me he had to take me over, that it wasn't working and then I remember being upstairs or just coming down with the slice on my arm. I was told it was a butter knife. I felt the need to write to him because I want to know what I don't remember. Something definitely upset him, and something triggered my attack, and I just can't remember, and it bugs me so much that I can't remember. Ugh my cut is itching
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 I know my cousin punched a window and cut his arm on a drunken spree once. I wouldn't automatically assume you intentionally harmed yourself. Well the hospital automatically assumed that. It's a side to side of cut too, not like the long way. How would I accidently have cut myself that way? Although I'd love it if it was an accident.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 I was talking with my bestest Colorado friend and also LS friend - who's been a great person to talk to with all the stuff that's been going on for me since I've been here.. She started reminding me of a lot of stress that I was dealing with right off the bat. But I kept letting it roll off my shoulders. Especially the whole psycho ex roomie thing. I never gave myself a moment to be angry, hurt, upset, sad..... I've just kept on going. Maybe all the struggles I've made are finally settling in. Is that possible?
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 While it might be possible or anything else anyone else has mentioned, I also think that some sessions with a professional counsellor, would be better. While there are some professionals on LS, I'm not sure that their expertises are what you need, since there's medication involved.
Ariadne Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Well he saw the cut and called for an ambulance. I don't remember cutting myself, but I know it happened between me sitting on his stairs with him telling me he had to take me over Sorry about all that happened. Hope he'll fill you in with some of the details. Good luck. You've been through a lot lately with the moving and you probably had a lot of stress about the whole thing.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 While it might be possible or anything else anyone else has mentioned, I also think that some sessions with a professional counsellor, would be better. While there are some professionals on LS, I'm not sure that their expertises are what you need, since there's medication involved. What's possible? Eh I really don't want to be on meds again. Not on a normal basis anyways. Sorry about all that happened. Hope he'll fill you in with some of the details. Good luck. You've been through a lot lately with the moving and you probably had a lot of stress about the whole thing. I will admit, there's been a few times where I've just gotten overwhelmed but I just kept pushing. I haven't given myself time to just take everything in. I take some things in, but not everything.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 What's possible? Eh I really don't want to be on meds again. Not on a normal basis anyways.Any of the other reasons and concerns that other members have also expressed in this thread. No one knows for certain what might have happened to trigger your attack, whether it's AD related or otherwise. Hopefully the hospital can provide a tox test, so you can discount external influences. As for not wanting to be on meds indefinitely, understood.
Ariadne Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 he saw the cut and called for an ambulance. I don't remember cutting myself I know it happened between me sitting on his stairs with him telling me he had to take me over Me sitting on his steps clutching my bag (I had cloths to change into). Him telling me that this is all too much and it's over. didn't think he should be driving as far as my place didn't want to get back into the jeep with him too late to be going on the metro (missing some parts) I was up stairs, he was down in the garage My wrist is bleeding, bleeding really good I've never cut myself before A felt the need to call the hospital Horrible scenario: A cut your wrist to get rid of you by calling the ambulance. But after all, you don't even know this guy. And he never contacted you after the incident. I find the wrist episode very strange, especially with a butter knife and that he informed you about it.
Cora Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I just got finished reading this post and I'm so sorry for what you had to go through! I'm so glad you are okay! Take care of yourself Dreamer!
sunshinegirl Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Well he saw the cut and called for an ambulance. I don't remember cutting myself, but I know it happened between me sitting on his stairs with him telling me he had to take me over, that it wasn't working and then I remember being upstairs or just coming down with the slice on my arm. I was told it was a butter knife. I felt the need to write to him because I want to know what I don't remember. Something definitely upset him, and something triggered my attack, and I just can't remember, and it bugs me so much that I can't remember. Ugh my cut is itching Dreamer, I'm super sorry for what you've been through. I have a couple of friends with various forms of anxiety and when they've described their panic attacks, it just sounds horrible - so out of one's control and so scary. I've followed this thread and while you say you're mystified at why you would cut yourself...you've just identified it as happening after this new guy started saying things were over between you. Is that accurate? If so, then might that have been the trigger for the cutting? You were so excited about him and it all felt so right and good, so maybe in the state you were in, physically and emotionally, the prospect of this thing dying on the vine pushed you over the edge? Just a thought. In any case, I agree with others that *you* need to be the priority right now. Take care.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Any of the other reasons and concerns that other members have also expressed in this thread. No one knows for certain what might have happened to trigger your attack, whether it's AD related or otherwise. Hopefully the hospital can provide a tox test, so you can discount external influences. As for not wanting to be on meds indefinitely, understood. They didn't call me back today, so hopefully I will know tomorrow. Horrible scenario: A cut your wrist to get rid of you by calling the ambulance. But after all, you don't even know this guy. And he never contacted you after the incident. I find the wrist episode very strange, especially with a butter knife and that he informed you about it. He informed the cop who informed the people in the ambulance who brought it up to my attention. Please tell m you don't really think he did this?
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