Trialbyfire Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Aww TBF, I know I need to make me okay, but I can't help thinking about how I hurt someone while having my AA. I don't think he understand the concept of a full blown AA. Any one here ever had to explain it to someone, and how did you do it?I'd be surprised if you hurt him so that's not an aspect to be concerned about. Give him a few days to process it and focus on yourself. If he doesn't come around, he's not the man you need. So that you know, not only did my ex-SIL have panic attacks, a cousin of hers did too. You're not alone. Not even close.
jen924 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I have had panic attacks before. It is terrible. I have never had to go to the hospital though. Although some alcohol can help calm nerves, too much can actually trigger attacks. Not good. You can find stuff online about this. Here is one link I have posted. http://ezinearticles.com/?Does-Alcohol-Trigger-Panic-Attacks?&id=1934773
Hop_prophet Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal. I know all to well the shame, humiliation, and utter fear that these attacks leave in their aftermath. I never resorted to cutting myself but I clearly remember asking my friends to hit me over the head with a bat so I would not have to suffer through it. I have also wound up in the hospital after one of my episodes and I have begged people to call for an ambulance on more than one occasion. I'm sure I appeared crazy to a lot of people. Please know that you are not alone and that things do get better. I rarely ever have episodes now. I did have one very soon after meeting my SO but she was very supportive about it and I was so grateful. She has a psychology degree and anxiety issues of her own, though so it was easy for her to understand. I imagine youre date will find it more difficult, but hopefully he will empathize and give you the support you deserve after you explain things to him.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 DG, I have AD but drinking usually calms it. If you had an attack on three or four drinks and you can hold your liquor then I wonder if something else was happening. I was at a bar one night with my H, and sitting with some friends. I'ld had one drink at dinner earlier that evening, and one drink at the bar hours later. This girl got up to dance and had a shot of tequila in front of her, and my friend handed it to me. He said, she doesn't need any more, its weird because she's only had a few drinks. I took the shot and a few minutes later was crawling out of my skin. I started freaking out and asking my H to take me home, he's not getting it, you're fine, here have another drink. I insisted, by the time I got home, I was talking like a crazy woman, walking into walls, and passed out on the bathroom floor and would not allow my H to move me. He almost got hurt trying to put a pillow under my head. My friend called the next day to tell me that the other girl had passed out and been taken to the hospital and they said she had been given the date rape drug. Your story reminds me so much of that night. Are you sure someone didn't put something in your drink?
AlektraClementine Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 DG, Your story reminds me so much of that night. Are you sure someone didn't put something in your drink? VERY good question. Did the hospital run a tox screen by any chance?
2sure Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Dreamer, Myself and all of my sisters have suffered from anxiety attacks. Some cousins too , so I think some of it is genetic. You know, high strung, "I come from nervous people" kind of thing. My one sister, is basically disabled while she copes and learns to. Ive been pretty good for a number of years now. Therapy, meds, etc. Very good actually. Even when dealing with crisis, etc. The thing is, there was a time when I also had an alcohol problem. A vicious cycle I'm sure you understand. I just HAD to pick. Anxiety Disorder OR Alcohol Problem. I knew, for sure...that I might be able to deal with one kind of "crazy" but 2?? Way beyond my skill level. With any disorder, its not like you choose to have it...but if there is any way at all you can choose to not also bring alcohol into it. Ya gotta. You just have to.
New Again Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm sorry you had that experience, your mom sounds like a smart lady though
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Thank G-d you're okay! You ARE okay, and you WILL BE be okay, no matter what happens. Believe that. One of my best friends has PD, so I'm pretty familiar with it. It's very, very scary, as I imagine it is for you as well. I have seen first hand how terrifying they can be. ((HUGS)) In any event, I think your mother gave you some very sound advice on all points. He's probably just a bit freaked out right now. Do you remember whether you were able to communicate to him what happens/how you behave (whatever occurs) during a PA, before it happened? Give yourself a few days, and then reach out to him. Try not to worry yourself about the outcome before then. When the time comes, hopefully you'll be able to gather some information from him to piece the puzzle together. The missing patches alone would drive me crazy, and I'm sure they're bugging you too. I'm so sorry you went through this. We didn't get much of a chance to talk about the AD, the cause and effects. I was going to later when we were one on one. I tried to assure him that I wasn't upset with him. It is tearing me apart trying to piece things together. I just can't do it. It's like trying to remember a dream after it's forgotten. I feel distraught and confused. I want so much to apologize, but I can't even do that right because I don't know what I said and did. And he must think I'm a effing nut case with the bleeding wrist. I was showing my arms too all the nurses- making them see I'm not a cutter nor have I done this before. My discharge papers said alleged attempted suicide - I didn't even want to die, not even my anxiety state. I love my life, family and friends too much to want to die. What other instances were you able to control it? Do you have agoraphobia as well? Or... You were feeling better, so you started drinking again. Do you think perhaps the alcohol intensified it? Maybe that's it? FWIW, my friend ceased smoking and now only has a glass of wine here and there, as he was told that smoking and drinking have been linked to causing PAs and/or making them worse. You'll obviously want to talk to your doctors/therapist about that, but just though you might want to consider it for the future. Talking in big groups of people, sometimes crowded buses, new areas and situations, but I can talk myself down. Worrying about something the next day or stress, but meditation helps with that.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I agree with the drinking stuff - Normally I'd just not drink and go home if I can't talk myself down, but I got myself back up to go, then it just came crashing down. Next time, regardless if I'm feeling better, I"ll keep the liquor away. Wine now, for me is calming. If I'm stressed, I'll have a few sips of wine and a smoke, and I feel calmer. When I quit smoking one time, my doctor actually put me on an anti depressant so I wouldn't go loony toons with out cigs.
sb129 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Dreamer, did they run a tox test? Someone might have put something in your drink that set it off- its pretty common unfortunately. Its worth ruling it out.
Isolde Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 [[dreamer]] Alcohol's a depressant and IME, though small quantities are relaxing, large quantities have the opposite effect. YMMV but I think it's worth trying to stick to two drinks. I know AD is common, but your story is new to me, in that I wasn't aware that attacks could be this disorienting, where time is blocked out. It sounds like it's a danger to you, and I can't help wondering why you decided not to try some other meds to control it?
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Sorry to hear what you went through. But try not to fret too much. My one girlfriend has serious OCD. Her now husband is the perfect match for her because he is calm and relaxed and just teases her about her OCD. It helps balance her out. She always worried about her OCD and how to tell the new guys she was dating about it. We actually became friends because she dated my older brother. And remained friends even when they broke up. If this man doesn't turn out to be the right one for you, there will be another one who will. It's funny you mention this... A has this cute phrase (it's cute because how he says it) "Don't worry about it". He's very laid back and just chill. I love that about him. I feel relaxed with him. Except last night I have had panic attacks before. It is terrible. I have never had to go to the hospital though. Although some alcohol can help calm nerves, too much can actually trigger attacks. Not good. You can find stuff online about this. Here is one link I have posted. http://ezinearticles.com/?Does-Alcohol-Trigger-Panic-Attacks?&id=1934773 Thank you for the info, I'm going to read it in a bit, trying to get back to everyone on here. All the replies are so encouraging - and started lifting my spirits. VERY good question. Did the hospital run a tox screen by any chance? DG, I have AD but drinking usually calms it. If you had an attack on three or four drinks and you can hold your liquor then I wonder if something else was happening. I was at a bar one night with my H, and sitting with some friends. I'ld had one drink at dinner earlier that evening, and one drink at the bar hours later. This girl got up to dance and had a shot of tequila in front of her, and my friend handed it to me. He said, she doesn't need any more, its weird because she's only had a few drinks. I took the shot and a few minutes later was crawling out of my skin. I started freaking out and asking my H to take me home, he's not getting it, you're fine, here have another drink. I insisted, by the time I got home, I was talking like a crazy woman, walking into walls, and passed out on the bathroom floor and would not allow my H to move me. He almost got hurt trying to put a pillow under my head. My friend called the next day to tell me that the other girl had passed out and been taken to the hospital and they said she had been given the date rape drug. Your story reminds me so much of that night. Are you sure someone didn't put something in your drink? I didn't think about that. Alcohol normally relaxes me as well. I thought that's why I was starting to feel better. I wonder if the doctor did a full tox screen. I should ask. They don't like me much there though, I wasn't an easy patient. I never am. I fear hospitals like I fear needles. What could have been put in my drink that'd cause this? Now that this is brought up, I remember about 3 years ago I had a similar attack, I didn't slice myself, but I was being hard on myself, real hard. I kept telling my bf (at the time) that I swore someone slipped something into my drink.
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Can you get a copy of your chart from the hospital? Perhaps your guy's explanation of what happened is detailed there. E.g., "Patient did XYZ and said ABC..." ?? And I agree about the tox screen as you may have been drugged (even by a bartender!). Been there, done that... THAT was a fun experience (sarcasm).
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Dreamer, did they run a tox test? Someone might have put something in your drink that set it off- its pretty common unfortunately. Its worth ruling it out. I haven't asked. I wonder if my pee sample is still available to run it on. They didn't take blood, just tested my bac - which I thought was kind of high for what I drank. I've drunk much more before and had a LOT LESS of a bac [[dreamer]] Alcohol's a depressant and IME, though small quantities are relaxing, large quantities have the opposite effect. YMMV but I think it's worth trying to stick to two drinks. I know AD is common, but your story is new to me, in that I wasn't aware that attacks could be this disorienting, where time is blocked out. It sounds like it's a danger to you, and I can't help wondering why you decided not to try some other meds to control it? I haven't needed to in so long. Not that I'm not going to make sure I have some on hand now. Although, I don't want to be on something daily, I did that and I felt nothing. I was stone cold to all feelings around me. I hate that, because it's not me. Even a happy Dreamer is driven by her emotions, I hated not having them.
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 They didn't take blood, just tested my bac - which I thought was kind of high for what I drank. That you remember. Depending on how long your black-outs were, you could have been drinking a lot during that time in the hopes it would calm you down some more. When I was drugged, I had a very low BAC, but was acting as though I was high and D-R-U-N-K. I don't know whether drugs affect a BAC or not though.
sb129 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Dreamer, whether you are a "difficult" patient or not is beside the point. They don't have to like you to do their job properly, and you have a right to know things about your own physical and mental state of mind if they have information or the ability to get information that may help you. Give them a call- I am sure you will be nothing but charm personified right now, and ask them if there is a chance they can help you out.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 That you remember. Depending on how long your black-outs were, you could have been drinking a lot during that time in the hopes it would calm you down some more. When I was drugged, I had a very low BAC, but was acting as though I was high and D-R-U-N-K. I don't know whether drugs affect a BAC or not though. My usual drinking patterns (these days) - I drink 3 or 4 - have a happy buzz, and slow down quite a bit. Even when I was getting anxious at first, while drinking, I wasn't slamming, just sipping.
donnamaybe Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Dreamer, you come across as a very sweet natured gal. Just give this guy a little time to sort through things. He'll recall that quality in you, I'm sure. He might be a tad freaked out after last night, but just give him a little space for now. You both need it. Take good care of yourself and, in time, contact him and feel him out. See how he responds. I hope you feel better. {{{HUGS}}}
torranceshipman Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Did you mention it is close to your time of the month as well? In terms of the alcohol, my tolerance can go down to almost nothing around this time of the month, for some reason - maybe the alcohol hit you harder than usual (did you also eat or have an empty stomach?) - and if alcohol exacerbates the problems with the anxiety, maybe this contributed? Maybe not but just a thought and possibly something to consider in future?
AlektraClementine Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I've been drugged before. I had 2 drinks and completely black out. Never happened to me before or ever again since. Something HAD to have been slipped into my drink. GHB is a popular "slip". SG is right though, you could have had much more to drink than you remember considering your black outs. I had friends with me to corroborate my recollection of my intake. It's worth a call to the hospital to check.
Trialbyfire Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 dreamer, did you ever leave your drink unattended?
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Dreamer, you come across as a very sweet natured gal. Just give this guy a little time to sort through things. He'll recall that quality in you, I'm sure. He might be a tad freaked out after last night, but just give him a little space for now. You both need it. Take good care of yourself and, in time, contact him and feel him out. See how he responds. I hope you feel better. {{{HUGS}}} Thanks for the kind words Donna :bunny: Did you mention it is close to your time of the month as well? In terms of the alcohol, my tolerance can go down to almost nothing around this time of the month, for some reason - maybe the alcohol hit you harder than usual (did you also eat or have an empty stomach?) - and if alcohol exacerbates the problems with the anxiety, maybe this contributed? Maybe not but just a thought and possibly something to consider in future? My period hasn't ever messed with my drinking tolerance. I should be getting it in a week. That is something to think about. I've been drugged before. I had 2 drinks and completely black out. Never happened to me before or ever again since. Something HAD to have been slipped into my drink. GHB is a popular "slip". SG is right though, you could have had much more to drink than you remember considering your black outs. I had friends with me to corroborate my recollection of my intake. It's worth a call to the hospital to check. But blocking out after 4 drinks? That's what seems strange to me. That could be the reason for the higher bac - Personally, I don't see how I'd even be standing or moving up and down his stairs with that bac - and that was about an hour after coming to the ER. For my BAC - I should have been puking, and feeling HORRIBLE today. I'm just a little tired, like how I usually feel after drinking my norm.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 dreamer, did you ever leave your drink unattended? I'm sure I did when I ran to the ladies room while playing poker.
Trialbyfire Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm sure I did when I ran to the ladies room while playing poker.Give the hospital a call then and find out if they have any samples they can test. The only thing is, if the two of you have been intimate already, there would be no purpose for your date or anyone else, to put a date rape drug into your drink.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Give the hospital a call then and find out if they have any samples they can test. The only thing is, if the two of you have been intimate already, there would be no purpose for your date or anyone else, to put a date rape drug into your drink. You think they still will after discharging me? I'm gonna go find the paper work. Well when I went through my purse today, all my cash was gone. We had a tab going and paid by card (I called my card, and nothing was put on it) and the tab was larger then what I had in my purse. 20 bucks wouldn't even had paid for my 4 drinks, much less his beer as well. And I very much doubt he'd have taken it.
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