CincyGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 OK . . . don't judge me please. I am a very attractive woman, run cross country, and am pretty much a straight-A pre-med student. In every other aspect of my life, I am the good girl next door type that you would want your son to date! I have a hidden side of my life that I very much enjoy. I have a very strong sex drive. I in college, but have gone out of my way to have as many sexual experiences (group, threesome, anonymous sex, friends with benefits, role playing, etc) as possible. I have had many partners and do not feel any shame. I have done most of this off campus. Now, I have met a great guy. Like a best friend and we have been dating for about 6 months. I wanted to build a real relationship here, so we did not sleep together until about 6 weeks into our dating. The sex is OK, but he is not very experienced and very shy. I have held back alot. I have not cheated either. But, I think I am not wired to only have sex with one guy. I think he could be open to sharing with another couple, but how should I bring something like this up? I would actually really like to see him with this cute friend of mine. I am also bi, but I have only joked around with him about it. Other than the sex, this is THE GUY (maybe). My question: For this to be the guy for me, he has to be open to having an "open relationship" What is the best way to bring this up to him?
alphamale Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Other than the sex, this is THE GUY (maybe). My question: For this to be the guy for me, he has to be open to having an "open relationship" What is the best way to bring this up to him? none of this makes any sense
silic0ntoad Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Most guys won't be open to this. I think you need to continue doing as you were doing without him, in order to feel fulfilled. Honestly, if I was him, and you approached me in any way seeking this, I'd cut you loose quick. If you are serious about this guy, and do in fact love him, then I am at a loss. Sex is a major part of the equation, and if he doesn't satisfy you, then, you need to see a counsellor or cut it off. have you told him of your sexual escapades? Or tried to get him to do new things to keep it fresh?
silic0ntoad Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 none of this makes any sense +1 on this.
Kamille Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I agree with Alpha: there's a huge contradiction in what you're saying. You can't know he's "the guy" until you've actually discussed your sexual needs with him. Sounds like "your guy" will have to be understanding of it. Most guys won't be open to this. I think you need to continue doing as you were doing without him, in order to feel fulfilled. Honestly, if I was him, and you approached me in any way seeking this, I'd cut you loose quick. Yes, he may cut her loose, but then she wouldn't really be losing anything would she? The way I see it CincyGirl, you owe it to be both of you to broach the subject. There is no "easy" way to do this. Start by talking about your fantasies (of including another person or couple) and tell him that you think it would be cool if he was into acting on them with you. Then see how he reacts.
ReturnToSender Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Not everyone is conventional and traditional...case in point..OP. Everyone doesnt want or need the same things out of a relationship, and I do think its a good thing that you are being honest with yourself, and wish to be honest with this guy as well. It doesnt matter who approves or does not approve of your lifestyle, the key is to find someone who compliments your lifestyle choice. That being said, I would just ask him his opinion on open relationships/swinging/etc instead of outright asking him to jump into it with you. Just get an idea for this thoughts on the matter and decide from there how youd like to go forward. If he is strictly against it, which you know is a huge possibility, then youd need to decide for yourself if thats a part of yourself youre willing to get go of to be with him. If its not...then he isnt the guy for you, and its better to find someone who shares your same level of sexual adventure...otherwise, both of you will feel cheated...you for having to do without, and he would be able to sense that youre not getting "quite enough". Just to let you know, when I first started dating my bf it came up...Im not entirely sure how to be honest...from pretty much the beginning we've talked about anything and everything. Hes a really easy guy to talk to and be open with. Anyway, he told me that if thats something Id be interested in doing, hes fine with that. Its been over 2 years now, and we still havnt ventured there...no desire to. All the same, my point is that not every single man would recoil in horror and run away. Vanilla isnt the only flavour and everyone doesnt live in a neatly tied box of common
Lauriebell82 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I agree with the others who have said you need to tel him about your sexual needs. If he is shy and inexperienced I would say it would be a long shot that he would agree to an open relationship. BUT don't pretend to be someone you are not. If you like sexual experimentation and need that in a relationship then you should find someone who feels the same way. I like what Kamille said about talking about your fantasies. I would actually start though by asking what HIS are. Maybe he has similar fantasies.
CaliGuy Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 OK . . . don't judge me please. I am a very attractive woman, run cross country, and am pretty much a straight-A pre-med student. In every other aspect of my life, I am the good girl next door type that you would want your son to date! I have a hidden side of my life that I very much enjoy. I have a very strong sex drive. I in college, but have gone out of my way to have as many sexual experiences (group, threesome, anonymous sex, friends with benefits, role playing, etc) as possible. I have had many partners and do not feel any shame. I have done most of this off campus. Now, I have met a great guy. Like a best friend and we have been dating for about 6 months. I wanted to build a real relationship here, so we did not sleep together until about 6 weeks into our dating. The sex is OK, but he is not very experienced and very shy. I have held back alot. I have not cheated either. But, I think I am not wired to only have sex with one guy. I think he could be open to sharing with another couple, but how should I bring something like this up? I would actually really like to see him with this cute friend of mine. I am also bi, but I have only joked around with him about it. Other than the sex, this is THE GUY (maybe). My question: For this to be the guy for me, he has to be open to having an "open relationship" What is the best way to bring this up to him? Well based on what you've said, I find that you are slighted towards a narcissistic view of yourself. Also, what do you expect? A college aged boy isn't going to have much experience with sex. Since you are promiscuous, you should really just be honest with him. A) Because he needs to know and... B) Just in case you have a STD. Honestly, if you can not be monogamous with one man, then you really shouldn't be in a committed relationship. I'm not chastising your lifestyle, you are who you are. What you should not do, however, is screw up someone else's life.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 There are people who enjoy open relationships. I know a few. One couple in particular seem very happy together, they are 100% free to date and have sex with other people, and they both enjoy this. Best way to bring it up: Just be honest. If he's as inexperienced and shy as you say, he might not be able to handle it or be open to it. But he might.
Sam Spade Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Well based on what you've said, I find that you are slighted towards a narcissistic view of yourself. I was about to post the same thing . I've got no problem with people's sexual preferences, but it peeves me that you write about him like he's some sort of accessory to your wonderfulness .
Rebellious Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Maybe he's a slut promiscuous too and he's also "holding back" thinking that you're a virgin:bunny:
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