iforgotit Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 My boyfriend used to be "bad boy". His first love cheated on him and after that, he banged whatever had a pus*y until we met. He fell really in love and everyone said he changed. I know he changed as well. So I trust him either though he is still a flirt and loves girls. Sometimes a little too much. He is still best friends with his ex's and other girls that he have even fantasized about. Sometimes he talks to them as if they were his girlfriends, but last time I commented it, he got angry and told me to not look at their profile if I didn't want to see it. That really hurt. He understood it first time... Anyway... He used to smoke, but since I hate smoke, I wanted him to stop. He didn't stop until he moved away to the other side of the world. I asked him about Shisha/hookah and he said that OF COURSe he should be allowed to smoke it! I have never cheated or been any bad before. I love him with all my heart, but after he moved, he said I had to stop drinking. I asked if it was because he didnt trust me but it was because he had to quit smoking, then I had to quit something too. He parties every weekend and drinks a lot. I don't even go out anymore because I am a very shy person while he is born with social skills. He totally refuses me to drink at all and I know it is because he doesn't trust me fully. Even though he doesn't want to admit it. He also complains if my dress is a little too short or my top shows a little too much. But seriously, compared to others, I don't show much at all. And my clothes give me confidence. He also complains about me always hanging out with guys. Which I don't do at all. He hangs out with girls and of course this is OK!... What can I do? I feel he got some control over me. He likes to show it. He just is that type of person. but I a getting depressed. HE blames me for stuff and gets angry fast and of course.. he is always right. I would like to be answered by a guy. Why does my boyfriend do this? The result: I drink behind his back. I'm sorry. I am already ****ing depressed of not having him here. Then at least I want to have fun once a while. I don't have much confidence.
RickyAvon Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 As an objective male perspective, your relationship has no makings of a long-term happiness. So in the short-run, you are losing time finding the 'right one' or just enjoying being single. He: He's controlling, disrespectful, and does not meet you halfway on issues that affect you both. He appears insecure and selfish. You: If he chooses to smoke, let him. The world has plenty of smokers and smoking couples. It is not a great habit, but forcing anyone to do anything is just wrong. Fundamentally, what I sense as an outsider is that because you claim to love each other, one or the other feels a right to lay claim to each other, as if you own them because of exchanging the word 'love.' No. I may be wrong here, but my idealistic self says that love should build you up...that you should be free...and should that need to be you or free impinge on your SO, then you should be single...if the relationship does NOT return more energy than you give, then you should leave it...this is not a baby or a child or a parent you are taking care of, but a significant other. Just reading your side of the relationship makes me sad. NO person, if they care, should cause you to feel that way - and vice versa. You shouldn't have to 'micro' manage the relationship - by hiding your drinking, by wearing certain clothes, by cattering to every single need he has (what about your's?), not smoking, or even allowing him to disrespect you. He OBVIOUSLY would not like you doing it, so why do you accept it of him? My only thought is based on this sentence: I don't have much confidence. 1. You are dating a 'bad boy,' as you call it. 2. He's evidently controlling. 3. You don't have much confidence. As such you cater to his whims, while not attending to your own or expecting him to respect your requests. The only solution here is to live a life like this forever, or move on.
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