JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Hello everyone, it has been a while since I last posted. If you don't know my story, then I suggest reading through my first post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201761/ and my other post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201829/ A lot has happened in the last 10 days, but not much changed between my ex and I. I was fine and dandy when I was still in Canada, but things went downhill the day I went back. Prior to returning to New York, I broke NC to tell my ex what I learned from my aunts. I was supposed to initiate NC after contacting her, but I wanted to wait one more day to see if I could find a way to tie up loose ends while I still had the opportunity. I ended up giving her closure the next night, and we got into an argument again towards the end of the conversation. The funny thing is that she slipped. I had the upper hand and she slipped. I asked her if she wanted me to stay for a while and she gave me a bull**** answer at first. She didn't want to reveal much, so she just told me that she was going to answer it as if it were any other friend asking her the same question. I pressed her for an answer again, but this time she asked if it meant that I would eventually leave. I told her that it would depend on how things progress since it feels forced whenever I talk to her and she was no longer the same person I knew. That's when she slipped. She explained to me that she was only acting the way she did because she was confused; if she acted normal, I would have thought she was leading me on. If the conversation was held over the phone or done in person, this is where she would be crying. I apologized to her for confusing her, and told her how ironic it was that we were both confusing each other. The conversation ended there because I had to leave for New York. I thought we were reaching a point where we could be more transparent with each other and finally have a proper conversation. Well, things didn't work out the way I had hoped. I returned to New York and contacted her again, and I asked if she wanted to continue the conversation. It was the usual no again and she reverted back to her distant self. It seemed like the conversation never even took place. Long story short, I ended up getting really depressed at the end of that night and got into a big argument with her again. This was the 13th of September. I didn't break contact until the 18th. Why didn't I break contact right away? Well... I was trying to see how long I could force myself to talk to her. It was awful and I don't suggest anyone do the same. Everything was forced and it felt like my soul was being eaten away each time I said something to her. It got to a point where it was painfully obvious that she was mocking me. I didn't want to say much, but I let her know that she didn't have to talk to me if she didn't want to. She was really angry at me when I brought that up, so I just told her to forget it. Fast forward to the last day of contact, I wanted to tell her that I no longer had a desire to speak to her, but she was at a bar that night and went straight to sleep after I contacted her. I was going to call her, but a friend got to me before I could and invited me for some drinks. Long story short, my friends told me to forget the ex because she was the one who broke up with me and I took their advice. I woke up the next day and noticed that my computer was left on, and the ex had messaged me (nothing of importance) when she woke up. I didn't reply, and I put my friends' advice into action by blocking and deleting her. It has only been 4 days of NC, but it feels so much longer than that. I think I'm making progress, but the whole ordeal is still very very devastating for me. I don't understand how someone so sweet and considerate could change so much in just a month. Like someone else on LS, my ex refused to let me have 20 minutes to tie up loose ends. This was the person I shared my life with for the past four years, and all she told me was to let her be selfish. A professor of mine told me to visit the ex in 6 to 8 months, but I'm not sure if I want to contact her or see her every again. Oh, and shameless blog plug: http://jaggedroad.com/blog I'm very active when it comes to blogging, so check it out if you want to know more about what I was going through.
wondering_girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 hi jaggedroad, i am sorry we're all going through this, i'm just like you, my ex-bf or whatever he is now, didn't even officially break up with me, and we dated for 4 years.. you would think that the 4 years we spent with them was something valuable, that they could give us 20 minutes of their time to talk, or however long and to not be rude, short, or at least show some respect....but i guess not, our issue was about a month ago and the just like you everytime I attempted to contact he threw me away and talked to me like i'm a stranger from the street, how cruel.. last time i talked to him he barely said 3 words to me, i took his silence as the end.. i don't have much advice as just to not talk to her and let time do it's thing (i know easier said than done, i've cried everyday for the past month) like you said, i'm amazed how he went 360 on me in a month? it's horrible and like a nightmare i wanna wake up but it's a reality... i keep telling myself that everyday, he screwed me over..... "hugs"....
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I'm sorry everyone has to go through this too. If I had a time machine, I would invite everyone for a ride.
wondering_girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 a time machine that can predict that they're gonna act like this, it's disturbing like you said what happened to that cool person they once were, i guess their true colors came out... or a delete button that will erase them, that sounds good too.... have ya been doing anything with your friends? how's work and stuff? sometimes i can't concentrate
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I'm 21, so I'm at a stage where all of my friends are busy with school or work. I'm taking a break from this semester so I can get my life sorted out. I have plans for next month, but nothing in the meanwhile. I always had a fear of heights, so I'm going skydiving before Halloween in hopes of removing a bit of that fear. I can't concentrate either, but I try to keep myself busy by either reading or playing games. I actually have a lot to look forward to, but there is that void that she used to fill. It'll take a very long time to fill it up again. The biggest problem with this entire situation is her stubbornness. Everyone who knows her well understands what she is doing, but they're afraid of talking her out of her decision. Her friends have always tried to lend her advice, but she never accepts them. Her father died a few years ago, and she still blames herself for it. Her best friend told me last week that that particular topic was brought up when she was in Malaysia. I cannot help but think that she felt deserted or neglected by me when I didn't call while she was going through that again. But I can't really blame myself for it since she said nothing to me that would have indicated that she needed me to talk to her. She made it seem like everything was fine. She has a way of doing things that fulfills her doubt so she could have an excuse to justify her decisions later on. I have no idea when or if she'll ever snap back to her senses, but it may be too late. I have a cold side to me as well and she definitely stepped into it.
wondering_girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 i def understand where you coming from, sometimes i'm thinking his way of not talking to me he maybe going through something else but i told him, how would i know ya know? if he doesn't tell me.... i can't read his mind... yes, with the stubbornness too, along with the if he didn't wanna talk, just like if your ex-gf didn't wanna talk, there's no talk, right? that's how he is.. and that's not fair... before i'd start talking and he'd just say can't you see this is not a good time (he's watching tv) it's so disrespectful.. i'm still in shock and trying to accept it but... it sucks...he has friends but most of them are married (we're in our late 20's) soo really, the only person he talks to me when he talks is me but we don't ever discuss things, sometimes he just blocks me out.... i'm sorry we're going through this jaggerhead.... they're so CRUEL and i'm done trying to initiate convo because when he's short and rude it makes me feel even worse, i'd rather him not say anything
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I know this may sound weird, but try to think happy thoughts and listen to the Carpenters. Try to accept what's going on and move on. He may tell you what's going on one day, but don't wait on him until he does. You have a life of your own and you need to live it as he is. You will find happiness again. And this is coming from a person who's in a situation similar to yours. I messed up a lot along the way after the break-up and I would hate to see someone else do the same. Try to be civil with yourself and give it some time.
wondering_girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 thanks jagged, it still hurts, i'm trying.. thanks so much for listening.....
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 No problem =) It still hurts for me too, but I know I'll survive. Look at the bright side, you can still meet up with him in person if you wish. My ex is in Scotland now and I'm in New York. I have to cross the ocean to even see her.
wondering_girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 i really don't want to see him anymore, it'll just hurt me even more to see him, unless he wants to say sorry, but if it's over i'd rather him stay away and never see him again.... i'm trying to fade him out of my memory... let's stay strong.....
Author JaggedRoad Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I'm trying to do the same, but I was told that it wouldn't be a good idea in the long run (to fade her out). I'm still obsessing over one of my conversations with her. Can someone read over my last post in this topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201829/ and give me an opinion? I never got it sorted out with her, so I'm still very lost =/
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