Sam Spade Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 The *only* thing that a marriage certificate can actually guarantee is being screwed in divorce court. While there are benefits to marriage, there are no guarantees for anything except for getting a dent in your 401k and losing the house. Marrying without a sensible prenup is indeed an insanity. Divorce is too easy, fault is not considered, so that inevitably begs the question "why bother to begin with?".
Thaddeus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 The *only* thing that a marriage certificate can actually guarantee is being screwed in divorce court. While there are benefits to marriage, there are no guarantees for anything except for getting a dent in your 401k and losing the house. Marrying without a sensible prenup is indeed an insanity.What was that quote that Rod Steward made about marriage? "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." Something like that.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 James: Well it is sort of similar (although vastly different I am sure) to being single or in a relationship. At times I am frustrated with things, but try to look at how happy she makes me in other areas. Also I agree that sex drops naturally, but I don't wanna be stuck married with someone who has sex with me once a month.... not til I am 60 anyways. VM: Yeah, whenever me and my woman started having sex, we'd have sex a good 10-20 times a week. Now we have it 4-6 about. I wouldn't trade the relationship I have now with her for the one before. Mahatma, I was having fun with you as I have read your posts and you are way too young, discovering your sexuality and have a long time ahead of you to think about marriage. However you did say 10-20 times a week above. Don't worry about, enjoy life, spend time studying, working and being a better person. Maybe a little less worry about sex actually won't hurt either..... Heck read this section too much and you'll be told 10-20 X's a year and 30 minute start to finish sessions is too much for many women (some men) and they don't have the time in any case with kids, house, chores, work.....
Author Mahatma Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 the statement "a good 10-20 times a week" doesn't mean that it was "good." It was good, but I wouldn't want that now. I got college, studying, motorcycle, friends and other things to do. "good" in that sense meant like... the higher number i guess for lack of definition. Sorry for confusion. I really do not think I have that many more women that will be in my life, but who knows... I don't. In Texas, if you live together for 5 years, you are married under common law and are subject to some of the same things as divorce if you break up. What do you guys think about a prenuptial agreement before marriage? In some parts I can understand wanting one, but if you do not trust that the person will be a good spouse enough to have them sign one, what is the point of marriage? Which then brings me full circle to the original question of why get married?
sweetjasmine Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm sure there are happy marriages, my point is that even a happy marriage isn't an extatic journey through life, it's still pretty mundane stuff. (and again, that's true even if things are going well...). Life in general is "pretty mundane stuff", and some people are okay with that while others aren't. I don't get what your point is. As for parents, well I and everybody I know love and respect their parents, but, at the end of the day we still call once a month (if that) and visit once a year (if that). Not everyone I know is like that. And yes, even if that guy flies totally off the handle, it's still funny:lmao: It is kind of funny, but it's also really disturbing because I keep seeing a lot of those underlying attitudes here. They're just expressed in more subtle ways.
Thaddeus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 What do you guys think about a prenuptial agreement before marriage?No pre-nup, no marriage. Full stop. That's especially true if one (or both) parties have significant assets and/or children from a previous relationship. In some parts I can understand wanting one, but if you do not trust that the person will be a good spouse enough to have them sign one, what is the point of marriage? Which then brings me full circle to the original question of why get married?That's the beauty of bringing up a pre-nup. If your intended partner balks or gets upset, then you know without any doubt that they're more interested in what you can bring financially to the relationship than you are as a person. But if they agree, then you know without any doubt that finances are playing, at best, a secondary role.
mem11363 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I agree 100% with that statement. I honestly think a person Man or Woman is taking a huge risk marrying without a prenup when there is some real money on the table on either side. That does not mean I believe a pre-nup should mean that their is "no settlement" in a divorce, I simply think the settlement terms should be clearly defined and acceptable to both people. No pre-nup, no marriage. Full stop. That's especially true if one (or both) parties have significant assets and/or children from a previous relationship. That's the beauty of bringing up a pre-nup. If your intended partner balks or gets upset, then you know without any doubt that they're more interested in what you can bring financially to the relationship than you are as a person. But if they agree, then you know without any doubt that finances are playing, at best, a secondary role.
fral945 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 What do you guys think about a prenuptial agreement before marriage? I think that is a great idea and the only condition under which I would get married. If done properly, it will prevent you from being financially screwed if problems arise and your spouse decides to hit the road. In some parts I can understand wanting one, but if you do not trust that the person will be a good spouse enough to have them sign one, what is the point of marriage? It's the ultimate proof that you can trust your spouse is not with you for financial reasons and/or will consider screwing you financially down the road if things go awry.
mem11363 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Full disclosure: When I married my wife 20 years ago my net worth was so small a pre-nup never entered my mind. So we married, she did the SAHM thing and I worked hard as well - outside the house. She was very good with our money, a champion saver. About 18 months ago - at a very low point in our marriage - we had a huge blow-up which honestly I can't even remember the cause of. And she said something she had never said in almost 19 years of marriage. Thats it, I'm out. You can have everything - and the kids. I am getting an apartment and we are done. I don't want anything other then enough to get started. I remember looking at her - mostly in shock and saying - "but we only have what we have because you were such a good partner - so half of everything we have is yours". And I remember thinking, she deserves half of everything we have and not being mad or resentful at all, just sad that she was so upset she wanted to walk away. The next day we kissed and made up. But to this day I don't think I would have felt screwed financially if we had split and then split the money in half. A true partner deserves half. I think that is a great idea and the only condition under which I would get married. If done properly, it will prevent you from being financially screwed if problems arise and your spouse decides to hit the road. It's the ultimate proof that you can trust your spouse is not with you for financial reasons and/or will consider screwing you financially down the road if things go awry.
Stung Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Sam Spade, why do you think it's amusing to be offensive and hateful towards women in general and mothers specifically?
Mr. Lucky Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Sam Spade, why do you think it's amusing to be offensive and hateful towards women in general and mothers specifically? I think he was being amusing for effect, Stung. Humor is often funny because there is a tiny bit (in his case, a very tiny bit!) of truth in it. I'm sure somewhere there's a site written by women with an equally offensive POV towards men. Feel free to link to it to balance the scales of justice ... Mr. Lucky
Woggle Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 This site was the gospel to me after my first marriage ended. I now realize it might be just a tad extreme and hateful but every man who has been married can relate to what the guy is saying.
sweetjasmine Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 This site was the gospel to me after my first marriage ended. I now realize it might be just a tad extreme and hateful but every man who has been married can relate to what the guy is saying. A tad extreme? Just a tad? How would you react to a website that said this? (taken from the site, genders reversed): Statistics on how worthless western men actually are - 96% lie, 45% lie most days, 57% steal, 38% would marry purely for sex I see most men below the age of 40+ as having unrealistic expectations, bitter, angry, extreme emotional and mental problems, unpredictable behaviour, difficult to be around and just have a plain old good time with, difficult to please, moods that vacillate constantly......taking exorbant amounts of medication, not able to keep a goal in mind and complete it, complain and nag, highly negative and far too effeminate in my humble opinion......eat too much, enjoy fast food far too much, base most of their joys on going out clubbing, purchasing [toys], and finally: status Most of them invest a lot of effort into making themselves appear [rich], special, and different than other males, but it is completely transparent. The modern American male is an empty shell of a human being, and apparently there are few exceptions. PS: Most of them act like they are f***ing 15 years old. Would you call that just a "tad" extreme or would you be disgusted by the unabashed hateful sexism?
Woggle Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I hear that kind of stuff all the time. The stuff about men being overgrown babies is so ingrained in out culture that nobody even notices. I don't like it but I am past the point of caring. This site is more than just a tad hateful and it certainly does generalize women but every man who has had relationships with women has had to deal with a lot of the stuff depicted.
sweetjasmine Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I hear that kind of stuff all the time. The stuff about men being overgrown babies is so ingrained in out culture that nobody even notices. I don't like it but I am past the point of caring. This site is more than just a tad hateful and it certainly does generalize women but every man who has had relationships with women has had to deal with a lot of the stuff depicted. You're right. This site is more than just a tad hateful. The other one is full of bile, and I think it really says something that you believe that "every man" who has had relationships with women has had to deal with "a lot of the stuff" depicted.
Woggle Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You're right. This site is more than just a tad hateful. The other one is full of bile, and I think it really says something that you believe that "every man" who has had relationships with women has had to deal with "a lot of the stuff" depicted. Every man can relate to a lot of this stuff. Good women do exist but and I found one but I had to go through a whole lot of drama to get there. In those deep dark moments where a man has his heart ripped out and he feels worthless a site like this can cheer him up.
Trojan John Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Happily married here. Hot wife, lots of sex, comfortable financially. I, like a succubus, just come here to feed off of the misery of others and to interject a sarcastic comment from time to time.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 It's honestly hard to take, the opinions posted by people who've never been married, about how bad marriage is and the way it's made to appear like it's always the woman's fault. Mahatma, if you don't believe in marriage, do your g/f a favour and never, ever get married. With a bad attitude towards marriage, you've set any marriage up for divorce. I repeat this advice to the rest of the single crew.
deux ex machina Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Happily married here. Hot wife, lots of sex, comfortable financially. I, like a succubus, just come here to feed off of the misery of others and to interject a sarcastic comment from time to time. ......
JumpinJimmy Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Married 13 ys, together 18. Happy 90% of the time....lot's of work, but she is worth it in every way. Still lots of sex(5x/week), but that is because we both take good care of ourselves and we have our priorities in order. 1. God 2. each other 3. children
Joie de Vivre Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Happily married here. Hot wife, lots of sex, comfortable financially. I, like a succubus, just come here to feed off of the misery of others and to interject a sarcastic comment from time to time. ......:lmao:......
Author Mahatma Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Mahatma, if you don't believe in marriage, do your g/f a favour and never, ever get married. With a bad attitude towards marriage, you've set any marriage up for divorce. I repeat this advice to the rest of the single crew. I hope I didn't come across that way. I was just asking a question. I would like to get married one day. I viewed that website for all of 3 minutes maybe and decided it was a little BS, but it brought a question in my mind.
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I hope I didn't come across that way. I was just asking a question. I would like to get married one day. I viewed that website for all of 3 minutes maybe and decided it was a little BS, but it brought a question in my mind.Yes, sometimes viewing negativity, brings questions to mind. The only problem is that marriage is all about love, trust, respect, commitment, friendship and a healthy dose of pragmatism. I do recommend that no one marry young. Take your time, date around and have relationships, get your career underway, get financially secure and when you find the right person for you, do get married if that's what you want to do, but protect your assets via prenup. If your partner won't sign one, she's not the one for you. A natural filter. Having said all that, if your entire perspective on women and/or marriage is negative, I restress that most def., no one should get married.
Thaddeus Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I do recommend that no one marry young. Take your time, date around and have relationships, get your career underway, get financially secure and when you find the right person for you, do get married if that's what you want to do, but protect your assets via prenup. If your partner won't sign one, she's not the one for you. A natural filter.Should be pinned, or at least forwarded to every poster who submits a, "Why won't he marry me?" thread.
Sam Spade Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Full disclosure: When I married my wife 20 years ago my net worth was so small a pre-nup never entered my mind. So we married, she did the SAHM thing and I worked hard as well - outside the house. She was very good with our money, a champion saver. About 18 months ago - at a very low point in our marriage - we had a huge blow-up which honestly I can't even remember the cause of. And she said something she had never said in almost 19 years of marriage. Thats it, I'm out. You can have everything - and the kids. I am getting an apartment and we are done. I don't want anything other then enough to get started. I remember looking at her - mostly in shock and saying - "but we only have what we have because you were such a good partner - so half of everything we have is yours". And I remember thinking, she deserves half of everything we have and not being mad or resentful at all, just sad that she was so upset she wanted to walk away. The next day we kissed and made up. But to this day I don't think I would have felt screwed financially if we had split and then split the money in half. A true partner deserves half. Interesting experience here, and you should be proud of your wife. Glad to know that women like her exist (most would probably take you to the cleaner, just for spite). Anyway, to the point of the assets. I too believe that prenup and a protection of assets should be something that both partners deem fair, rather than basically start with a hostile stance (e.g. "you ain't getting squat"). the function of a prenup for me would be to take out, to the extent possible, what the law has to say about division. for example, I am also just starting with my career. I have negative -$ 5000 k net worth, but pretty good prospects. Not that much money, but security and prestige etc. If I were to get married now, I'd still insist on a prenup. I would want things such as retirement accounts, cars, certain amount of emergency savings to be considered separate personal property (and therefore not subject to division). Anything beyond that I would happily divide if shet hits the fan. In the absence of a prenup, a mad ex WILL dent my retirement, will get alimony, and will have pretty good chance of getting some of my personal toys . - just because she can.
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