It's been 27 days and all I wanna do is call him!

[smookie]

Aww I am very sorry to hear that ... Because you broke NC does not mean that you are at step one again, My own personal thought. I broke NC again because he was texting me so last night I said to him in a text Hey hun...lol I really need to ask you one thing that will only require a yes or a no answer ... are you 100 % finished with a relationship with me...meaning that there is no chance in the future for you and I ever...i am ok with whatever answer you give but I really have to know ..please answer this one...i do love you ..i do care about you...the ball is in your court. I

 

I did this text because he has been sending me videos and calling me by my nicnames latly... He answerd yes.... You know what I am ok with it. I had to put in my head that this is the best for myself and my kids as well as him. I had to let go and I think that I did when I got his reply I felt no different.

 

I think that I also asked it because I was asked out for a date (it's been since the 4th of june since the break up) and he asked me if I was going to go. I told him yes I am. So I am not hurt but numb I think.

 

You look at your past your a very strong person and we all make it through it. We learn from what we did wrong in the relationships and carry on. I also started to look at relationships as learning experiences ... ya they hurt so does alot of other stuff.

 

Good luck and keep post on here.

[RedDevil66]

You mention you dad was an alcoholic and you're in therapy talking about codependency, and that this guy left because you were on him about his drinking.

Is he an alcoholic?

[wondering_girl]

hi almita,

 

how was your day today? have ya been sleeping ok lately? i just read your post i'm sorry to hear about how he didn't want to work it out? i cant remember.. did you guys officially break-up or he just left without saying anything? i know it's hard pill to swallow for all of us but we don't want them anyway (i know easier said than done) because they were only giving us half-ass love, and you know he's not gonna change, i know they'd be perfect if they changed, but we can't make them.......and if they did come back, they're gonna treat us like that, then SUFFER again?

 

i'm so sorry babe, but you know, as everyone tells us TIME will heal but i can't see the light right now, all i see is clouds and his face and our memories. but i'm sure somewhere it's there....... let's all try to get to see the light soon...

 

how was your dinner with that guy?

 

keep us updated - i know what you're going through.. i hate my panic attacks and they come early in the morning.. i hope you don't have to suffer through those?

[almita]

Well he likes to drink quite a bit. He says it calms him down and relaxes him.There are not many days that he goes without beer. Last night when we met he had 4 large beers in 3 hours, I don't know whether he is an alcoholic but I would say he drinks too much.

 

Him drinking made me feel guilty which is one of the signs of co-dependency. The more he drank the more vulnerbale I would feel.

He was nevver passed out drunk but often past tipsy if you know what I mean.

He also likes to hang out with people who drink and I think that was a big problem for me from scratch and I thought he would change for me.

 

Do you know anything about co-dependency?

Thanks for your post and take care

Almita

[almita]

how was your day today? have ya been sleeping ok lately? i just read your post i'm sorry to hear about how he didn't want to work it out? i cant remember.. did you guys officially break-up or he just left without saying anything? i know it's hard pill to swallow for all of us but we don't want them anyway (i know easier said than done) because they were only giving us half-ass love, and you know he's not gonna change, i know they'd be perfect if they changed, but we can't make them.......and if they did come back, they're gonna treat us like that, then SUFFER again?

 

i'm so sorry babe, but you know, as everyone tells us TIME will heal but i can't see the light right now, all i see is clouds and his face and our memories. but i'm sure somewhere it's there....... let's all try to get to see the light soon...

 

how was your dinner with that guy?

 

keep us updated - i know what you're going through.. i hate my panic attacks and they come early in the morning.. i hope you don't have to suffer through those?

 

Hello wondering girl,

 

he left after a week not talking to me basically and he had been withdrawn for a while. So I guess that's an official break up.

 

We've hade a lot of fights in the last 2 months because he behaved like a bachelor sometimes, not calling me for instance when he came back at 3 one morning and I had no clue where he was etc. It got to a point where I called him all the time and he never called me that got me so frustrated I felt like he did not care at all (and he probably didn't).

 

He had to meet lots of "important" people to improve his boat charter business which never helped any but it was a good reason to go out and drink. I was upset because I think that you don't do serious business in bars unless you run the bar. Anyways it was tough and it hurt and I missed the man I fell in love with or maybe I was blind from scratch.

 

So here is how the post NC meeting went (I had his belongings with me):

 

We met at an italian restaurant last night he arrived and said he would just have a drink (in the end we talked for 3,5 hours).

- he had 4 large beers during that time and smoked about 10 cigarettes.

- he told me he is now chain smoking

- said it is over for him because I did not change

- because I never learned anything

- because he fell out of love

- because I was too much into him and he is bored with that

- he said he is fine now and does not mis anything

- maybe he will miss something in the future but who knows

- he asked me where I go during the winter

- asked me what I do next summer

- said he doesn't want to be in contact for a longer period (didn'ts say how long) because it is "better for both of us" but basically better for me.

- he also told me that his new landlady would have slept with him if he wanted to (that really got to me...) I guess he thought that was funny

- said I never respected his necessities in life (I guess he meant going out to the pub) because in most other aspects of his life (business or other) he NEVER asked me for my opinion and he admitted that.

- I said to him that I ALWAYS wanted his opinion on things and he said "yes but you would end up doing what you wanted"

- he had said to one of our friends that he wanted to be "good friends" with me and during dinner he said he wanted to stay out of touch and said he is trying to rearrange his life and is determined to do so without me.

 

We live on an island and I work during the season from May to October after that I go to my homecountry.

So stupid as I am I offered him to stay in my appartment durung the winter when I am not there anyways and he said "no thanks ask me again in 6 months".......whatever that means...

 

One of the worst moments was when he he asked me whether I still had some hope for us and I said yes because I wanted to be honest.

He then said he wanted no contact with me until I lost all hope (( Boy was I shocked.

 

BTW we never ate anything just sat and talked he also said about his plans for work (which are vague as always) and then we left and I hugged him to say goodbye and he was hesitant but hugged me back. He is VERY VERY stubborn always has been and I don't think I could deal with this any more. It HURTS SO BAD.

 

Ok this post is long but get the message meeting with the ex means you do your crying time for a few days after (I did today) went back to work in the afternoon eyes swollen, heart broken in two words A MESS.

 

I do have some pride left though I can't believe it myself and I think I will declare him dead now (you see I am beginning to develop the tiniest bit of anger here) although I'd rather feel indifferent and Iwill work on that.

 

Very importantly I have to get my self esteem back in place after 3 years of being critisized for not being flexible or being given sugar bread one day and vinegar the next I am so depressed I REALLY need to pamper myself BIG TIME to get over this.

 

Toughest bit is socializing I could NOT CARE less I'd rather stay in bed all day but that's no good.

 

To all of you who think they can handle meeting the cool ex please read my post and spare yourself a big 2nd heartache. WAIT UNTIL HE CALLS YOU and if he doesn't NEVER EVER LOOK BACK BECAUSE HE IS NOT WORTH IT.

 

Big hugs and be strong

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita.. how's your day today?

 

i'm sorry he acted that way, we don't want them anyway(easier said than done)..... i know what you mean last weekend, i had plans with friends but i would have rather stayed home....and i did i stayed home and cried UGH..

 

i'm having the hardest time to swallow my pill of 4 years down the hill too ughhhhhhhhh i know everyone is saying time will heal, i can't wait to have that time, i hate him!!!!!!!!!!!

 

i'm here...... *hugs* i'm sorry we're going through this.

[almita]

I had the worst two days in my life. met him again and we had a 2 hour chat yesterday and I had my hopes up although we never spoke about the relationship.

Then I bumped into him today and asked him die he want to have a coke and he said, no too much contact LOW BLOW.... I was almost instantly in tears.

He also said he wouln't mind not hearing from me in 6 months which was the end for me.

I drove hime crying all the way in the car and hated myself for breaking NC I AM SO STUPID !!!!!

I make all the mistakes you can make it is almost unbelievable I am 44 years old.....

I was so low I called in sick at work. I hate him. He broke my heart big time and he is so cold in his words and expressions it's like someone emptying a bucket of icecubes on my head.

 

I should have known from Adam, I think I saw it all coming but was never able to leave on time. Now I'm in too deep to come out.

 

I hate the world.

Almita

[almita]

Just to keep you guys updated.... I met him a few times by accident we live in small village. He was very short with me , not many words, says he still needs peace etc.... then I called him (WTF I needed to get that off my chest) and told him that this silence for me is passive aggressive behaviour and I suffer A LOT from it. I knew it wouldn't make a difference.

 

He had originally said he wanted to be left alone for 6 months this time on the phone he said lets talk in 2 months.

He still still completely in control of the situation and he knows it. I need to forget about him and move on and I can actually see some light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I pray every day for strength to walk through this dark valley and once I am through it it will be tough for him. He said he wants us to be friends eventually that is such BS, all he wants is calm his guilt, he was dumped himself years ago by his wife who had cheated on him and he went through hell so he knows damn well what it feels like.

 

Did I say I hate him ? If not I say it now. LOVE was really just a four letter word for him, why is it that COMMITMENT is so rare these days. Problems ? Oh off I go the grass is greener elsewhere. No depth no true love but he did not break my spirits thats for sure.

 

Wishing you all well

Almita

 

 

 

"I am a dreamer but when I wake you can't break my spirits it's my dreams you take......"

[lovebug44]

Hi Almita, what town are you from? Would you consider learning Reiki? To learn more about what it is, go here:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reiki

 

My friend is luckily a practitioner and it is BEYOND amazing. EVERY time i had a break up with someone, my friend did reiki and the feelings of attachment almost disappeared.

 

I was recently broken up with (early october) was crying myself to sleep, woldn't eat ANYTHING (dropped from 115 to 112 in 3 days) it was really bad.

 

My friend performed reiki on me and it was so funny I was complaining and talking about the situation with her. And about halfway through, my feelings melted away. I literally said aloud, "Why am I not angry anymore? Why do I no longer care to discuss this? wtf is going on here??" lol she laughed bcuz this is typical.

 

But it's wonderful because it disattached my feelings from the situation and prevented me from doing anything stupid.

 

If you pay for someone to do it, it's expensive (like 100/hour which is ridiculous) but I'd almost suggest you take a class. You will all practice on each other (so free reiki for you) and you will meet so many wonderful people!!

 

This is the only thing that's worked for me. My breakup I think is fresher than yours (solidified this past Thursday) and I have absolutely no desire to call or contact him. The feelings are coming back a little so I deff need another zap but I know i'll be ok

 

If you have any questions just post here and I'll check back when I can

[wondering_girl]

hi almita, how are you? just wanted to check in...

 

WG

[Confused728]

here is a song from andrew loyd webers sequeal to phantom of the opera called love never dies, its an exclusive, i think most of us here can relate to the lyrics

 

till i hear you once more

[muse08]

it's kind of disturbing when we you don't hear back fom people. i hope she's ok...

[lovebug44]

here is a song from andrew loyd webers sequeal to phantom of the opera called love never dies, its an exclusive, i think most of us here can relate to the lyrics

 

till i hear you once more

 

Argh NOOOO! Listening to this stuff isn't gona help you get over your ex!!

All it does is make you dwell!! It is romantic, but love LOST is romantic. Not love that willingly left!! Makes you think false thoughts such as, "I'm never gona find anyone as wonderful as that person used to be..." (hence why he's singing years and months pass lol!) - no! This is the biggest lie you could tell yourself! Think back to your previous relationships, do you still think about any of those exes? Probably not, or if you do it's a purely innocent feeling - like no heartache attached. If anything, when you met the person after them your thoughts were, "Wow thank God I'm not with that person anymore cuz then I wouldn't have found the one I'm with now."

 

Here Kandee Johnson's video on breakups has helped TONS - she has a fantastic outlook on relationships (great makeup vids too - check out her Jessica Rabbit makeup vid for fun):

 

I read through the comments and looked up what some women wrote about finding their husbands - they were words of encouragement:

 

"I definitely agree with everything you said here. I met my husband because of a mutual friend. I only met that mutual friend because I dated this horrible guy that cheated on me repeatedly with my friends. I thank God each day that I dated him so that I could meet my true love!!!"

 

"All of this is so true. I thought my world was over everytime I had a bad breakup. Thank god I have a fantastic husband who treats me like a princess (and thinks strip clubs are disgusting lol). And reading emails isn't so crazy lol I have my hubs' facebook password because he has a legit stalker that we need to block everytime she sends a message so she can't get 30-day access to view his account. Looking for being untrusting and sneaky is crazy though lol"

 

"Kandee, you are so funny and cute. I loved the lists you made they were so funny! Such good advice and so true. I used to feel the same way until I met my husband 9 YEARS AGO! So, hold out because THE ONE is there! :)"

 

"So true. I never would've met my husband if I had stayed with all the losers in my past. What a bunch of jerks they were. "

 

All these women went through what we've gone through, until they had the courage to stand up and say, "Is this my perfect love story? I think not." And move on to find the one that WOULD complete their fairy tale.

 

Next, read the books "Why Men love bitches" or "why men marry bitches" by SHerry argov. GREAT books, so funny and so true! We women want to please our men so much and we wonder why women who seemingly don't give a crap about their men have him drooling over them! This book explains why! AND how to become the woman that will have men fawning over YOU.

 

Also - make a free dating profile. This will help branch you out to MANY people - whether in your area or not. It will boost your self confidence to see there are men out there who would love to meet someone as fabulous as you! - these sites are really good:

http://www.pof.com (the pof stands for plenty of fish - 'nuff said!)

http://www.okcupid.com

 

I also liked christiancafe.com but it only allows you to do a free 10 day trial. I actually met and started dating an abercrombie model from there! only lasted a month tho lol. (He's married now - honestly i'm happy for him! Good guy but not for me). immediately after him I started dating the next guy who lasted 10 months and we just broke up like a month ago. Still getting over him. Doesnt help that he'll flirt with girls, meet them, then 2 days later call me crying that he misses me, etc. At this point I'm like "Im done being your security blanket - go to ur mother for that" and I'm cutting him out like a cancer. The other profiles are helping since I'm meeting many wonderful people - helps to forget as well as move on. Also feel free to read the testimonials people submitted on their success stories.

 

Hope this helps!

[lovebug44]

I also wanted to add...

 

When I dated guy 1 (abercrombie model), rather than pine over him, I messaged back a cutie (guy 2) who messaged me on myspace just a few weeks prior. Of course I still had feelings for guy 1, but hanging out with guy 2 allowed me to get over guy 1. In addition, not being so clingy to guy 2 made him CRAZY over me! (He would complain when I wouldnt hold his hand at parties for ex).

 

Guy 1 of course saw my relationship status change to "in a relationship" and didn't say anything. he couldn't because he was the one that chose to end it, but I would see status changes on his page like "I wish things could go back to the way they were" when it was HIM that caused his own misery.

 

In time, I started to care immensely for guy 2, to the point where I became smothering, which pushed him away. Now we are apart and I am doing things to get over HIM.

 

I made a list of all his bad qualities and read it whenever I have a weak moment. Then I check these new profiles and read the great things these new guys do see in me to rebuild my self confidence. If I still have a bad moment, I'll call up a close friend and ask her to help me remember what was ****ty about the guy. calling a friend who has no clue what happened and starting at the top and telling the story in its entirety is a huge help too - it helps you relive the moment that made you break up to begin with.

[bluestraps]

The only thing worse than not knowing what your ex is doing, is to know exactly what your ex is doing.

[bluestraps]

Yes but sometimes you meet that person who is everything you have come to love and cherish. But time can do so much (THATS part of ANOTHER SONG ) and especialy if its a long term one. I'ts not like a 4 or 5 month thing. my advice watch you toes and watch your back . .. !!!!:laugh:

[keisha2412]

Worse than anything is knowing your ex is seeing someone else. And you are stuck feeling completely helpless and alone. How can they go on with their lives so fast and so easily while we sit here lost without them. Everytime I think about my ex I start crying. We were together 2 1/2 years and he broke up with me 4 weeks ago. He started seeing a new girl one week after leaving me. So much for love and devotion. I should be hating him, but all I can do is miss him and wish we were back together. Love is sick and twisted and really does suck!

[squidattack]

You've made it this far with NC, why set yourself back? Find things to keep you busy. Start a new project or find a new hobby to keep busy. It will get easier, I promise.

[Metal_Muffin]

I know its hard and if you work out how to make it easier then dont forget to let me know. I cant really function very well but mines only really been two weeks...and like i keep hearing from every angle it can only get better!

My train of thought is that i dont want to txt him and make him think he can just mess me about and ill sit here waiting..i basically begged him to come home when i was drunk and i didnt feel better for it...only worse! just take each day at a time and every evening when you go to bed you can think...well thats another day. Dont have too many expectations of yourself..ive learnt that im struggling more then i thought i would and thats fine...im allowed to find this as hard as i want and i can take as long as i want to get over it. Just try vent on here when you get a masive urge!!

[almita]

Well when I started the thread it was 27 days. It is now 70 and all of the conversations I have had with my ex (about 4) have been downright frustrating.

It was like climbing a mountain and then sliding back down. He made a lot of contradictory statements ( I am over it emotionally - I miss a lot of things) and really this did not help AT ALL.

 

I still have a long way to go, without knowing how to take the next step. There have been no good days since. Days yes. But no good days. I seem to be just functioning. I have developped a lot of anger which I don't know how to deal with.

 

Can't say much more tonight. Hope time will help me heal the pain.

 

hugs

Almita