consume Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I was dating a girl for 4 years and we broke up this spring, except we kept the friends with extra's. Although we both agreed it wouldn't, it messed with my head, as I'm sure it did hers. Our relationship for the most part was, unhealthy. Arguing, her drug habbit, never remember my birthday or Christmas... just it wasn't a good place. When the times were good, they were better then any I've ever had with anyone, which brings me to this. I've been seeing a new girl for about 4 months now, she has all the qualities I've wanted in a gf, and she's someone I could see myself with longterm. She really is amazing, and is giving more into this relationship that I honeslty have been. I'm still stuck on my ex. I'm not being fair to her... I'm not over my ex, I still have feelings for my ex, and I've been talking with my ex through phone convo's. For 80% of my relationship with the ex, things were bad, but something I've never had with anyone is how my ex and I could be around eachother when times where good. We were goofballs, whatever... just we had so much fun, and with my new GF that's not there, and i miss that, ALOT. My new gf and I go on dates, and my ex enters my head... I just really miss that goofiness... I talked to my ex before I got involved with my new gf, she made it clear she did not want to re-enter a relationship. Now she's all anxious to see me, asap... she's telling me if I see her, there might be hope. And her saying that is screwing with my head, big time. Even she's said she doesn't know if it's just jealousy. My new gf wants me to cut things off with the ex 110%... and yes obvisouly that is fair I agree... I just can't get my ex out of my head... I miss being able to act like I did with her, and vise versa... my ex wants to see me, and the new gf wants me to cut things off... Any good ways to deal with this? Thanks. It's eating me up, and possibly killing a great new relationship, but at the same time, it's so hard to tell the ex I can't talk to you ever, NC. I just want to see my ex one last time.
brightlights Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If you and your new gf are official and exclusive you shouldn't see your ex. As you stated you spoke to your ex before starting this new relationship and she didn't want to be with you, so why now, when it's too late. You should do NC with your ex and see where this new relationship is going, which sounds promising. You haven't given yourself the chance to interact and find out how you and your new gf will interact once your not thinking about your ex. You never know what the future holds and you and your ex never had NC so she never really knew what it was like to miss you, she always thought you'd be her back up so her wanting to see you is most likely fueled by jealousy and the fear of losing her back up and nothing more. Be strong and good luck.
NopeNah Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You never know what the future holds and you and your ex never had NC so she never really knew what it was like to miss you, she always thought you'd be her back up so her wanting to see you is most likely fueled by jealousy and the fear of losing her back up and nothing more. Be strong and good luck. This is true. As soon as i started to move on and date around my ex wanted me back. I let the others go and went back to the same old sh*t! That lasted a month before I couldn't take it anymore. Now she's back again with the guy she left me for..haha! This time I was the dumper and just seeing ALL her flaws again makes it laughable that I'd put myself back in that mess. I was INSANE!! I started seeing one of the girls again for a couple weeks and it just didn't feel the right. I think I'll fly solo for a while.
deux ex machina Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You really have to let the ex go. You do realize that you'll never be able to let anyone else in unless you get past this, and with the attachment you have with the ex, no contact is really the only way. It's kind of sad, because if you had let go earlier, you would've been able to be there for you new girlfriend in a better state of mind. If I was your gf, I wouldn't be happy with how indecisive you seem about your ex. She is right, you can't sit on the fence forever. Just trying to give you an idea of what your newest may be thinking...
WSeeker Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Listen, man i have quite a few female friends who have the exact same problem. Its called the rebound relationship. When you enter in a relationship but still thinking of the old one and its very bad. Someone will get hurt at the end and its not gonna end nicely. Best thing you can do is not to have relationships after breakup of the longterm. Give yourself a couple of months to move on.
AlektraClementine Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I feel bad for your current girlfriend. She didn't ask for this. You seem very wrapped up in how you feel. Which isn't horrible but I don't see a lot of mention of how this is making your current girlfriend feel or even if you care.
Author consume Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 I'm pretty sure my new gf isn't feeling to loved... I probably never should have started dating again tbh. Half the time I'm with my new gf, weither at her place or out, my mind is flooded with thoughts about my ex. We went to this museum place, and walking around there with her, all I could think about was wishing I was there with my ex. I've asked my ex so many times, and been told the same answer, there is no future for us. What she wants is intimacy, and someone to hang out, and as sad as it sounds, at times I'd rather take that then not having her at all. My current gf has put up with a lot, more then most girls probably would. She found out I had been talking with my ex and although upset, she wanted/wants to work through it. The new gf, she's 100x more thought full and supportive then my ex ever was.... I just can't get my ex out of my head. There are things I miss, and I can't get over them no matter how toxic our relationship was, or how badly she treated me at times. I feel like I'm ignoring something so good, and watching it dissipate because I'm so wrapped up with thoughts about something that will never happen.
WiseOne1 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I have experience in this situation, trust me!! It's all 100% jealousy! I had a ex that did not want anything to do with a relationship until I got a new GF and she seen that I was treating her great while her new BF was treating her like trash, and then she started telling me she loved me the same day she found out I had a new gf, she called me and talked to me for hours, when she use to call only every couple of days. She made sexual comments towards me, made insults to my new GF, and even said she wanted to get back together. Once she found out I was interested in her still or even willing to leave the new girl she disappeared, on that Tuesday she loved me, but next day Wednesday she all of a sudden lost her feeling again because she knew she still could have me. Its pure and utter BS, Im so sure that I would even bet you that once you breakup with your new gf, or show any interest in the ex, she would drop you like a bad habit, don't let her come in between you and your new GF, and make sure you aplogize to the new girl about it, because she doesn't deserve that type of stuff.
WiseOne1 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 But I know how you feel, even though things are great with the new girl, your still in love with the ex and would rather be back with the ex, but I can't "SCRETCH" this enough, if you do let your ex come between you and your new GF it will be last 1 night..... Look at the following Senario of you calling the ex gf : You : Hey whats up EX : Nothing, just bored You : Blah Blah Blah, nothing really to do today EX : Im going out today with friends You : Oh, really that sounds cool You : So im no longer with my gf, whats up with me and you EX : I don't know, I'm not really looking for a relationship You : WTF EX : Just give me time, I just need to work something out You : you still love me right? EX : Kinda, but I kinda feel like I was jealous Dude please don't be another statistics, trust me, you'll be thinking to yourself, that dude on loveshack warned me.
Surfer Girl Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 It is called a rebound... you still are not over the ex and compare to much.... Why I have no desire to date someone now.... Once I reach indiference with Ex.... only then, will I feel it is ok to date....
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