Alexaangel Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I am new to this, but I feel so alone and empty and I have been reading through some of the posts and you seem very supportive. My fiance died suddenly just 3 weeks ago. I have been staying with my sister because the thought of going back to our home we shared for 3 1/2 years is unbearable. My sister thinks I am being a big baby and says I should go home on Friday. I feel like I am going to lose my mind if I have to face all his stuff. And idea of facing the long weekend alone and empty and lonely is unbearable. I want my baby back.
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 There isn't much I can say other than ***hugs*** and I'm sorry for your loss.. Keep posting.. there are some wonderful people here on LS that hopefully can help you take your mind off it for a bit...
ReturnToSender Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Im so sorry to hear about this! Your sister sure is being brutal...you just suddenly lost the man you love without warning..of course you are going to grieve! You have every right to feel the way you do! Is there someone else that you can stay with for awhile? Maybe even if you need to travel to somewhere else? The complete change of location might help you a bit. You do deserve to take some time to collect yourself and what you are going through.
Author Alexaangel Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Yes, a friend is coming in from out of town and she is going to help me go through his stuff on Friday.....Thanks for the compassion-I really feel like I am at the end of my rope with this nightmare.
PerfectFailure Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Alexaangel, I am so very sorry for your loss. I offer you my sympathy in this trying time. Please take good care of yourself and allow yourself whatever time you might need to heal. I will hold you close to my heart and I will keep you in my prayers. Peace to you, PF
Katherineos123 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I am so incredibly sorry to hear your story. That is beyond heartbreaking. I agree that your sister is being a little harsh. There is no timeline in these type of situations. You should take all the time you need. Im glad your friend is coming to be with you. Ive never experienced the loss of a lover. But I found my mother in my childhood home when I was 20... About 5 years ago... And I thought I would never be able to set foot in there again... I have since, but it wasnt easy. So I can understand why youre not ready to go back there. The memories are everywhere, in every nook and crannie. I went to therapy for a long time. Maybe this is a good idea for you? Maybe look into joining a bereavement group? Not a day goes by that I dont think about her.... But it no longer makes me sad, its like I get to see her and feel her again... I can still remember the smell of her perfume. Cry when you need to cry, you dont have to be strong all the time... Laugh when you feel like laughing, dont feel guilty....
ReturnToSender Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Thats *really* good that you will have a friend there with you... And it sounds as though she is a good friend, to come in from out of town and help you through this. I dont know whats up with your sister...please dont take this in any way that Im badmouthing her as I do realize..she is your sister...but... okay, Im just going to say Im thankful you have a friend who is compassionate and will be there for you. Take it easy while going through the things at the house...everything doesnt have to be right away...it will take some time...the two of you were together for awhle, and many memories to sort through and deal with. A lot of joy will come from those memories, eventually....and you can take heart in knowing that can never be taken away from you.
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I am soo sorry for your loss.. You sister is not being supportive. You're grieving, in shock and lost the love of your life.. Last thing you need to deal with now is her being cruel to you. Can you stay with a trusted woman friend of yours? Or another family member? Grief counselling will help you, when you're ready to do that.. Not all can go that route, but it's something to consider at some point. Take care of you, and please, keep posting. Hugs..
Author Alexaangel Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Yes, I have grief counseling, but it hurts when you feel like you are being an imposition to your own sister.....She says that she is not doing this to hurt me but because she needs to get her life back to some kind of normalcy. That maybe I should consider being in a hospital. That I should be feeling better by now! That is what hurts even more-my fiance was my best friend-my family, because my own family is not there for me. Thanks for the reality check. I told her she must be a robot. And yes, I am grateful to this friend for coming otherwise I would go nuts.
Author Alexaangel Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 When did you mom pass? This is hard on me because my mom died when I was 8 years old so I feel abandoned all over again.
sb129 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Alex, I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss, and the insensitivity of your sister. As one of the others said, there is no timeline on this, and your grief shouldn't be shelved according to someone elses wishes. Do you have somewhere else you can go? Or someone who could maybe come and stay with you at your own place? I lost my dad quite suddenly earlier this year, and I have seen how devastated my mum was through the whole thing- she still has people go and spend weekends with her. I hope you find someone else who is more supportive, as you really need it right now and will continue to do so for some time yet. Hugs to you- take one day at a time.
t0ri Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 (((Hugs))) So very sorry to hear of your loss. I can't fathom your pain so I don't have much to say that hasn't been said already. My deepest sympathies to you dear...
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm glad you found this place, even though it's online, it can help alot. And I'm glad that you do have a friend to rely on to help you through this. Shame on your sister and the rest of your family! I'm sorry to hear about your mom too, at such an early age. I lost my father in '93, I was 23 years old.. Rough times, but as SB has said, take it one day at a time.. Take care of you.
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Oh dear, that's gotta be tough. I am so very sorry for your loss, but am glad to hear you have such a supportive friend. Like SB, I lost someone quite suddenly as well... the anniversary of which is coming up in about 2 weeks. I still hurt. My heart goes out to you. Take it one day at a time, and grieve in the manner you know how, and at your own pace. Don't let anyone rush you.
andy2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 i am sorry for your loss. i can understand you. you need to cry, it is good for your future and fast recovery. it is truth of life and we all have to pass that someday somehow. we LS members are with you. keep posting,
silic0ntoad Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I am soo sorry to hear this. It's never fair when this type of thing happens. Stay strong, and again, sorry for your loss hun.
CaliGuy Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm really sorry for your loss. We're here to support you as much as we can. Stay close to friends and family.
Teacher's Pet Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I am so sorry for your loss, Alexa. LS is a great source of positive energy, so please stick around and don't be afraid to share your thoughts. -TP *hugs*
Thaddeus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 As one who's suffered the loss of a loved one through death, I can sincerely relate to what you're going through. I wish I had some all-encompassing wisdom or advice to give you, but there isn't any. I'm very, very sorry for your loss.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I am so sorry Alexa, for your loss. There is nothing probably that can make it better except to know that he is undoubtedly watching over you and HE is not oblivious to your pain...neither is God...in fact if there were any "blocks" of life...as I call them between two soul mates when one does not appreciate the other the way they should...even if it is obvious there is true love on both sides..which sometimes happens (don't know if it happened with you, but if it did...)...Most likely being in heaven has somewhat of a clearing effect on the mind/consciousness and he may be even more aware of your feelings than he even was on earth. And although it may be hard because he can't hold you like he did when he was on earth and you were hurting, just be confident in that he is trying to guide you and comfort you as much as God will allow.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 well I tried to send you a private message, but it didn't let me, but it doesn't really have anything confidential in it,just a little personal, but it doesn't matter so I will just copy and paste... Alexa, I just wanted to send you a private message to say again how sorry I am for your loss of your fiance. I can't say that I can relate exactly, however I have been through quite an ordeal with a man I love , however fortunately he is still alive so there is always hope..But also my grandma is on her deathbed today and will most likely pass on in the next week or so I think. She is very old of course and we have been expecting it for a very long time....I do not claim to know what it is like to lose the love of your life at a relatively young age...grandma's are supposed to go at some point, no matter how much you love them. But nevertheless I felt drawn to your post being that I saw it today just a few hours after I got the call from my mom that my grandma took a turn for the worse. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
mickleb Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 You poor thing. I wish I could hold your hand until you feel a bit better. I guess your sister is not able to handle something this big but she sure isn't helping, here. If there isn't a friend or other family member who you can stay with, perhaps travelling would be a good option for you? You need some space to be however you need to be. Take each day at a time. Find happiness wherever you can. Thinking of you. x
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