EmptyPromises Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 we stopped talking a week ago. hes gotten with two girls already! and one of the girls that hes gotten with told me he hooked up with someone the week before that ( when we were still together) WTF. he told me he loved me!! he doesnt even care that i found this all out! i am sooooo hurt!!!!!
It's Me Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Take pride in knowing you're a better person than he is. Those girls are just ho's.
Author EmptyPromises Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 im literally about to have a nervous break down. we were together for a year and a half. stopped speaking for 5 days and he was hooking up with girls already. did i mean anything to him at all?
Katherineos123 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Oh I can imagine how much this must sting... Im so sorry youre going through this. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. Did you mean anything to him? Of course you did. But these girls?.... they dont. People deal with loss and stress and hurt differently. Hes probably hurting. This seems like his coping mechanism right now.... as vile as it is. Just know that you are much better off without him. Dont speak with him. Even if he tries first. I know it hurts, But stay strong.... Let him have his floozies.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Oh I can imagine how much this must sting... Im so sorry youre going through this. I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. Did you mean anything to him? Of course you did. But these girls?.... they dont. People deal with loss and stress and hurt differently. Hes probably hurting. This seems like his coping mechanism right now.... as vile as it is. Just know that you are much better off without him. Dont speak with him. Even if he tries first. I know it hurts, But stay strong.... Let him have his floozies. Umm no offense, but those two girls are probably writing pretty much the exact same thing as she did somewhere else on the wide world of the internet, and if you happened upon their posts you would probably say the exact same thing to them. There is no logic, NOR heart feeling/instinct that could reasonably lead you to believe that he feels something for EmptyPromises and nothing for other two girls, that they are just "floozies" (however I ADORE the old school terminology, super cool) ....it could just as easily be the other way around. I have seen Empty Promises around a little and haven't read much of her posts, so perhaps you have more of a backstory on their relationship/feelings for eachother than I do, but otherwise and most likely you are only saying this Katherine, because it is just the thing to say to make her feel better....just expected. I am a hopeless romantic and don't generally believe in logic when it comes to matters of the heart, but with these things I can be more offended honestly not really because I have been on both sides ...but seriously more because the logic seems to stupid to me, it's ridiculous. I am not a very smart of educated person but even I can see that that just doesn't compute. I mean I have been on her side just as much and I really do empathize but even then I had to concede that it may be he actually did have real feelings for these girls, at least some of them...or maybe he did not, but even if you believe in the one true love thing, most of us by a certain age have had somewhat deep feelings for more than one person...even at the same time. Perhaps we come to the conclusion someday that there is one that affects us so much more than all the others and there is a deeper connection with...that is just "right" for us and encompasses all the qualities of every other crush, relationship, lover, best friend, etc..Perhaps we don't, not everybody does. And the people who do sometimes end up with that person, and some of them don't. yeah but I hate to be a total vulcan here (lol)...but that is just illogical.
Author EmptyPromises Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 ....umm?not sure whether your trying to insult me or not?
Katherineos123 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Umm no offense, but those two girls are probably writing pretty much the exact same thing as she did somewhere else on the wide world of the internet, and if you happened upon their posts you would probably say the exact same thing to them. There is no logic, NOR heart feeling/instinct that could reasonably lead you to believe that he feels something for EmptyPromises and nothing for other two girls, that they are just "floozies" (however I ADORE the old school terminology, super cool) ....it could just as easily be the other way around. I have seen Empty Promises around a little and haven't read much of her posts, so perhaps you have more of a backstory on their relationship/feelings for eachother than I do, but otherwise and most likely you are only saying this Katherine, because it is just the thing to say to make her feel better....just expected. I am a hopeless romantic and don't generally believe in logic when it comes to matters of the heart, but with these things I can be more offended honestly not really because I have been on both sides ...but seriously more because the logic seems to stupid to me, it's ridiculous. I am not a very smart of educated person but even I can see that that just doesn't compute. I mean I have been on her side just as much and I really do empathize but even then I had to concede that it may be he actually did have real feelings for these girls, at least some of them...or maybe he did not, but even if you believe in the one true love thing, most of us by a certain age have had somewhat deep feelings for more than one person...even at the same time. Perhaps we come to the conclusion someday that there is one that affects us so much more than all the others and there is a deeper connection with...that is just "right" for us and encompasses all the qualities of every other crush, relationship, lover, best friend, etc..Perhaps we don't, not everybody does. And the people who do sometimes end up with that person, and some of them don't. yeah but I hate to be a total vulcan here (lol)...but that is just illogical. Whoa. All Im saying is that this guy was her boyfriend for a year and a half... That seems to me that if he stuck around for that long, than that leads me to believe that YEA. She DID mean something to him.... Probably much more than these two random chicks he's hooking up with a week later. I am by no means saying that she is his "one true love" or vice versa. I was merely saying that I'm sure she did mean something to him.... And that perhaps spreading his seed with these floozies is his way of coping with the break up. I dont think thats at all illogical.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Whoa. All Im saying is that this guy was her boyfriend for a year and a half... That seems to me that if he stuck around for that long, than that leads me to believe that YEA. She DID mean something to him.... Probably much more than these two random chicks he's hooking up with a week later. I am by no means saying that she is his "one true love" or vice versa. I was merely saying that I'm sure she did mean something to him.... And that perhaps spreading his seed with these floozies is his way of coping with the break up. I dont think thats at all illogical. so you're basing the idea off of the fact that they were together for a certain amount of time on the calendar, even when half the people on this forum claim that people stay together all the time for the wrong reasons when they don't feel as much as they should (even when kids are not involved)..I am not saying that is the case here..in fact I am pretty SURE it is NOT (I have read a little of EP's posts, I will go back and read more tomorrow to be more informed)...and there ARE real feelings between her and her ex, on BOTH sides... However if he just met these "floozies" say a month ago (I don't know if that is the case at all, I am just posing a hypothetical ) and he was already in a relationship anyway...well then they, by fate's hands, haven't even had much of a chance to mean something to him anyway. Katherine I think you are assuming here that you are EP's parallel in your own situation, whatever it is (I often find myself musing about my sis and girl friend's relationships -when they have been betrayed by a guy or when there seems to be hope, and think that the same thing will happen to me...it is irrational but it's almost like with girls and their periods and how they say they can be in sync when you spend a lot of time together..I feel like that with guy/romantic stuff sometimes)...Anyway I find myself also doing this with strangers/acquaintances on the net that I don't know as well, but I find myself reading a post and either identifying with them or the "other woman"....I have no idea why sometimes I identify with the writer and sometimes with the other, it makes no sense, it's just different every time. But my point is, I have nothing against EP, and I sincerely hope and pray to God that if this guy really is right for HER, then he snaps out of his foolishness and realizes how much she really means to him, what a jewel she really is, how right she is for him, and what a complete idiot he is being. All I am saying is that I have no actual evidence either logically or instinctually (but like I said I will find more of her posts tomorrow-I am tired gotta get to bed- and will make myself more properly informed, and I'll let you know if I change my mind) that SHE is the right person for him...regardless of a timetable, and not one of these other girls. I also take offense to people calling anyone names (like "floozies" as super cool and old school as it is) when they don't even know them...don't know their name, don't know where they are from, don't know their hopes and dreams and their life story, don't know what the guy has told THEM about the whole situation and if he is manipulating THEM and telling them that he is leaving the other girls and they don't mean that much to him, yadda yadda...as they tend to do. Just because they are in this situation does not mean that they are horrible evil people.. Me I have never been the other women, willingly at least (that is, I have never been the other woman when I was AWARE of it, and wasn't being lied to by the man)..and would NEVER do that either. But lets' be realistic here, haven't you ever watched Criminal Minds...there are a whole lot worse monsters out there...a WHOLE lot worse.. More than that, in my opinion, it is the actual two (or three, etc.) timer that is the worse monster anyway. And yes, I kinda do think that this stuff has to do with women's equality and sisterhood amongst women...a feeling of good faith..I think it DOES erode that kind of positivity in the world...While it IS a very personal thing and just because a woman despises another woman that her guy cheated on her with (or her ex, got with), it IS totally natural and understandable, nothing wrong with that, perhaps it is even healthy...And it is separate from the whole sisterhood thing...after all there is only a very small portion of all the billions of women in the world that each of us will be in competition with for the love of a man wether we love just one man or 12 and with the multiplication of that...it's still just a drop in the bucket. However I DO think that the act of women calling other women who they have not even met and know practically nothing about, names...is really a shame..And not to be a paranoid misandrist here..I really am not..but it really is hard enough living in a man's world already without infighting between us.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 ....umm?not sure whether your trying to insult me or not? no I am not trying to insult you, I don't know you and have no reason not to like you... I am just ....I just think about things in a different way than some people do...and I guess I get pissed off when people cant' see it my way when it seems to really make sense to me. But let me be clear, I am NOT saying that he does not have feelings for you and isn't being a total jerk and a complete idiot to let you go in favor of these girls...But in my mind if that is the case it would be because they are not as compatible with him as you are, not because they are "floozies" ...I have no idea what kind of people they are, and I doubt at this point you have a whole lot more either.
Katherineos123 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Ok. Im going to bow out of this because I dont feel like hijacking this girl's thread anymore, but my advice was not for you... so I dont really know why youre commenting on it, let alone berrading me.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I did not berate you...only your line of thinking. I have no reason not to like yo either. In fact I have read some of your other posts and you seem like a truly cool person. I understand you were just trying to be compassionate....that was really nice of you and if you had done it for me I'd really appreciate and I'm sure EP appreciates it. Perhaps it was wrong of me to hijack the thread, I could have started another one about my thoughts on my topic....this one was meant as support for EP whatever perspective any of us have...sorry...Maybe I will start a thread somewhere else tomorrow...but for now I apologize for getting all high and mighty.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 p.s. How do you like living in Boston? It is my birthplace but I moved when only a year old and grew up mostly in Texas, but I went on vacation there once as a teenager and always wanted to go back. It is one of the places I am considering moving to when I get out on my own, hopefully soon if I can manage it and depending on where family and friends end up in the next few years...don't want to be hundreds of miles away from anyone I know. I imagine it is expensive living in some areas there these days...are there other areas (maybe farther away from downtown) that are somewhat safe but a little less expensive?..I am not a very high society person and don't need a swanky area, but would prefer a neighborhood with not a high crime rate if possible..though we can never be completely safe, it would put my mind at ease.
hoping2heal Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 we stopped talking a week ago. hes gotten with two girls already! and one of the girls that hes gotten with told me he hooked up with someone the week before that ( when we were still together) WTF. he told me he loved me!! he doesnt even care that i found this all out! i am sooooo hurt!!!!! EP, I'm really confused. You are basically saying "Hey, a dog just barked!" "I mean! can you believe it?? That a dog just barked??!" He has berated you left and right, effed with your mind, and acted like a jerk to you and you are talking about how he told you he loved you? Newsflash, belittling someone left and right is not love, playing intentional mindgames is not love. He did not love you and all of his actions reflected that he didn't, so come on now you can't be that shocked by all this, it is nothing new for him. I'm really baffled at some of your posts lately and don't understand what you really want. You are starting to sound like charmaine champagne. I mean you served as material to feed his need for control and power, and you are STILL playing into it, that is what has gone on here for god knows how long and still is.
livingnightmare Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Was with my ex for 6 yrs have a child together she left just to sleep around! Be strong there not worth it! U will get through just let go you cant change what these scum bags do so dont let it eat at you! you have been freed to have a better life with a better person! I know how you are feeling! just let go no matter how hard it seems! my ex was my first love and first sexual partner! It burns but it gets better its only 15 days since i found out! Just let go Of everything it realy works! NC all the way!
northstar1 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 so you're basing the idea off of the fact that they were together for a certain amount of time on the calendar, even when half the people on this forum claim that people stay together all the time for the wrong reasons when they don't feel as much as they should (even when kids are not involved)..I am not saying that is the case here..in fact I am pretty SURE it is NOT (I have read a little of EP's posts, I will go back and read more tomorrow to be more informed)...and there ARE real feelings between her and her ex, on BOTH sides... However if he just met these "floozies" say a month ago (I don't know if that is the case at all, I am just posing a hypothetical ) and he was already in a relationship anyway...well then they, by fate's hands, haven't even had much of a chance to mean something to him anyway. Katherine I think you are assuming here that you are EP's parallel in your own situation, whatever it is (I often find myself musing about my sis and girl friend's relationships -when they have been betrayed by a guy or when there seems to be hope, and think that the same thing will happen to me...it is irrational but it's almost like with girls and their periods and how they say they can be in sync when you spend a lot of time together..I feel like that with guy/romantic stuff sometimes)...Anyway I find myself also doing this with strangers/acquaintances on the net that I don't know as well, but I find myself reading a post and either identifying with them or the "other woman"....I have no idea why sometimes I identify with the writer and sometimes with the other, it makes no sense, it's just different every time. But my point is, I have nothing against EP, and I sincerely hope and pray to God that if this guy really is right for HER, then he snaps out of his foolishness and realizes how much she really means to him, what a jewel she really is, how right she is for him, and what a complete idiot he is being. All I am saying is that I have no actual evidence either logically or instinctually (but like I said I will find more of her posts tomorrow-I am tired gotta get to bed- and will make myself more properly informed, and I'll let you know if I change my mind) that SHE is the right person for him...regardless of a timetable, and not one of these other girls. I also take offense to people calling anyone names (like "floozies" as super cool and old school as it is) when they don't even know them...don't know their name, don't know where they are from, don't know their hopes and dreams and their life story, don't know what the guy has told THEM about the whole situation and if he is manipulating THEM and telling them that he is leaving the other girls and they don't mean that much to him, yadda yadda...as they tend to do. Just because they are in this situation does not mean that they are horrible evil people.. Me I have never been the other women, willingly at least (that is, I have never been the other woman when I was AWARE of it, and wasn't being lied to by the man)..and would NEVER do that either. But lets' be realistic here, haven't you ever watched Criminal Minds...there are a whole lot worse monsters out there...a WHOLE lot worse.. More than that, in my opinion, it is the actual two (or three, etc.) timer that is the worse monster anyway. And yes, I kinda do think that this stuff has to do with women's equality and sisterhood amongst women...a feeling of good faith..I think it DOES erode that kind of positivity in the world...While it IS a very personal thing and just because a woman despises another woman that her guy cheated on her with (or her ex, got with), it IS totally natural and understandable, nothing wrong with that, perhaps it is even healthy...And it is separate from the whole sisterhood thing...after all there is only a very small portion of all the billions of women in the world that each of us will be in competition with for the love of a man wether we love just one man or 12 and with the multiplication of that...it's still just a drop in the bucket. However I DO think that the act of women calling other women who they have not even met and know practically nothing about, names...is really a shame..And not to be a paranoid misandrist here..I really am not..but it really is hard enough living in a man's world already without infighting between us. Wow, after reading that, I'm not sure which tangent of yours I should follow. I'm not sure if that was supposed to help the OP or not.
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Wow, after reading that, I'm not sure which tangent of yours I should follow. I'm not sure if that was supposed to help the OP or not. It was not really meant to help the OP, it was just an opinion that was related to the original posts and a post in response to it (by Katherine)....but nor was it meant to HURT anybody either...Just an opinion that I felt had enough to do with the original subject that it was relevant. Is that bad? I acknowledged already that I will just leave it at that, and if I want to talk about all my theories again, I'll start a fresh thread and leave EP in peace...and that this thread is meant for support for her..However I have a history of getting confused on the "rules" of forums and all the organization of talking about one thing here, and one thing there, and another thing there, etc. Sometimes I think it gets so tidy it gets a little out of hand and there are so many separate threads in so many separate sections and discussions don't really get going in a timely manner because there is so much to choose fun...it separates everybody, and is confusing... LOL, that is a whole OTHER tangent though (I do have a problem with that .
northstar1 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 It was not really meant to help the OP, it was just an opinion that was related to the original posts and a post in response to it (by Katherine)....but nor was it meant to HURT anybody either...Just an opinion that I felt had enough to do with the original subject that it was relevant. Is that bad? I acknowledged already that I will just leave it at that, and if I want to talk about all my theories again, I'll start a fresh thread and leave EP in peace...and that this thread is meant for support for her..However I have a history of getting confused on the "rules" of forums and all the organization of talking about one thing here, and one thing there, and another thing there, etc. Sometimes I think it gets so tidy it gets a little out of hand and there are so many separate threads in so many separate sections and discussions don't really get going in a timely manner because there is so much to choose fun...it separates everybody, and is confusing... LOL, that is a whole OTHER tangent though (I do have a problem with that . Yes, best to start a new thread
Author EmptyPromises Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 im sorry, i really am. im trying to let this go. its so hard and i dont know whats wrong with me. maybe he didnt love me, your right. but i loved him and im just an emotional wreck and need support to really let this go.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 That's what guys do. They hump other girls. It's just part of the process. If it's any consolation, it's not making him feel better emotionally, just physically.
EarthGirl Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 That's what guys do. They hump other girls. It's just part of the process. If it's any consolation, it's not making him feel better emotionally, just physically. Again...no offense but there is no reason to think that. Just because EP was with him officially for however long does not mean whatever girl he slept with was not "the girl" or at least AN important girl emotionally for him. It may be that it was just physical pleasure and it was not the same for him as having EP and these girls were nothing but bodies to him to do his thing and they might as well have been a blow up doll for all he cared about them as people, but that just may not be the case with one or all three of them even, sorry EP...It's just hard to know. Hell lots of us have a hard time knowing ourselves about this stuff with certainty...it's even harder for someone outside even lovers to know. But I think EP, it's important for you to remember that he WAS with you for a good amount of time, and he must have been there for a good reason. And it's important for you to remember that if you felt so strongly for him he most likely felt the same for you. Even if he does not want to be with you forever, just that knowledge will get you through to a point where you can get over him and perhaps find somebody even better for you that you can live happily ever after with...or at least as close as we can get in this life which is tough sometimes. You will be ok though. I wish the best for you.
Author EmptyPromises Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 are you trying to make me upset? stop writing in my thread if your not going to be help
EarthGirl Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 im sorry, i really am. im trying to let this go. its so hard and i dont know whats wrong with me. maybe he didnt love me, your right. but i loved him and im just an emotional wreck and need support to really let this go. I never said he did not love you. I am pretty sure he did. Just have a feeling about it. If it's any consolation from me, I know how you feel. I have been through it, I have been through the rejection, the loneliness..at least a couple times with at least a couple guys, maybe one or two more. It all hurt so much that it gets blurry sometimes but it still hurts sometimes. That is the reason why I know that people can love more than one person, and I know how f#cking bad it hurts to let any of them go, especially the ones that are just really special in our eyes. We may only have 2 or 3 of those in our lifetimes "if we're lucky". But in my opinion we're actually unlucky because it only ends up hurting, one way or another, most of us were not made to love more than one person...most of us, even men who like to sleep around and seem to be either biologically or psychologically incapable of settling down and not cheating...most of us somewhere deep down inside one to love and be loved by one really special person forever. The fact that we may find a few such special people usually only ends up f*cking us up in the head...wether it is because they cheat on us with one or more of THEIR other special people (and/or cheat on us with people that may as well be blow ups dolls)...or we have one but miss the other/s. I really hope you find happiness. we all deserve it.
northstar1 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Again...no offense but there is no reason to think that. Just because EP was with him officially for however long does not mean whatever girl he slept with was not "the girl" or at least AN important girl emotionally for him. It may be that it was just physical pleasure and it was not the same for him as having EP and these girls were nothing but bodies to him to do his thing and they might as well have been a blow up doll for all he cared about them as people, but that just may not be the case with one or all three of them even, sorry EP...It's just hard to know. Hell lots of us have a hard time knowing ourselves about this stuff with certainty...it's even harder for someone outside even lovers to know. But I think EP, it's important for you to remember that he WAS with you for a good amount of time, and he must have been there for a good reason. And it's important for you to remember that if you felt so strongly for him he most likely felt the same for you. Even if he does not want to be with you forever, just that knowledge will get you through to a point where you can get over him and perhaps find somebody even better for you that you can live happily ever after with...or at least as close as we can get in this life which is tough sometimes. You will be ok though. I wish the best for you. I have to ask, what does it matter at this point if he did have some emotional connections with them or not? It doesn't change things for the OP and how she is feeling.
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