ekt21 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 So we have been broken up for nearly 3 months now. NC for the most part just once ran into to him around campus couple weeks ago. His birthday is tomorrow do i tell him happy birthday or not? i wasnt going to call nor txt him i was simply just gonna email him a happy bday! i am in a mix of things should i or shouldnt i? i need some help please!
wondering_girl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 hey girl, was it a bad break up and he screwed you over? definitely no greeting!!!!! he's not your prob anymore, his loss!
Author ekt21 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 hey dumped me after almost a year of dating, over a text message..well he dumped me and after that i didnt talk to him at all, deleted everything of him like facebook, numbers and what not. I just dont know what to do. i ask my friends for advice its both 50/50
xchaotic_beautyx Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I’m having the same dilemma except my ex’s birthday isn’t till November 09. It was my fault that we broke up (I smacked him across the face) but he has treated me like **** since he left me. but I still love him with everything I have and I think about him all the time and I know he doesn’t have anyone but me and his mom so I feel like I should send him a card in November to show that I remembered and I care....
gavinus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 well since you are no longer going out, then really what is the point? What do you hope to get from it, if you hope to get nothing then do it, but if the person treated you bad, no way!! The second you send the message it says I accepted your treatment of me, good luck
Author ekt21 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 i dont expect anything out of it like hoping of getting back together i mean i've already accepted that fact already. I'm just in a toss up what to do. The only thing i would do is email him. but it shows that i took time out of my day to send him a happy bday email...blah
adamt Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 No, don't do it. What good will it do and what is the point in doing it when you have broken up and not spoke for months? If someone physical hurt you would you send them a birthday card. probably not. mental pain is no different
Broseph Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Anyone else with instant feedback, my ex's birthday is tomorrow ( I already started a similar thread but no responses yet). Quick background, I don't hate her, breakup was messy but was very emotional, dated almost 4 years, she dumped me, I still love her but am starting to accept, happened a month ago, and last time we talked almost two weeks ago she asked me to call and I told her I would. In preparation as well I started gathering signatures and photos of people holding happy Bday *** signs from a bunch of friends overseas for a large Bday card and many of them replied. Now I am just sitting on them and I feel bad because they are really nice people and helped me out. some of their responses are quite cool and funny. My ex has been weird and hasn't really made it public about the break so many of her friends don't know. I am happy with NC right now but was thinking of forwarding a couple of these on. Call or not call? Forward Bday stuff or dont Please I am so on fence here any would love advice!!!
gavinus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Hey Broseph, quick reply. My ex dumped me treated me like crap, gave me a birthday present, told me she would love one from me but only if I wanted to give her one back...then laughed at me, and told me she would let me know when she gets a new guy so I returned my present to her, went NC, and did not respond to her birthday. My advice if she dumped you...and still wants you to wish her happy birthday, its like she has her cake and eats it too. Myabe she wants you to be nice to her so she feels ok about ending it. Do what is right for you. I feel guilt for returning my present and I wonder if I did not would things have been different? But do you respect a doormat? If she dumped you how will she learn to miss you if you are still there? Its a hard call, can you live with being nice and never seeing her again, or can you live with no happy birthday and never seeing her again? do what you can live with
Broseph Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Its a hard call, can you live with being nice and never seeing her again, or can you live with no happy birthday and never seeing her again? do what you can live with This really helps Gav, I am leaning not calling and not sending. Whats the worst that can happen? She already dumped me, I have the stuff in my inbox and my excuse is the honest truth that I am not ready to be the 'friend'. I definitely think that she will notice but that's not my intention, like you said its what i can live with.
gavinus Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 the down side to that is now for me its been 2 months NC and I feel guilt....for not being nice, if you be nice that will haunt her in years to come...do whats best for you
t0ri Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 If you're in NC mode, I'd say not to do it. But... it is entirely up to you. I was doing NC and didn't think my ex deserved a "happy birthday," or happy anything for that matter, from me. It was 2 months post breakup, and NC. I felt a little guilty 2 months later for not saying a word to him on his bday, when he wished me a happy birthday on mine. But then I reminded myself of all the horrible things he put me through, and the guilt vanished. Anyway, I don't really see the point in most cases.
Broseph Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Well must say that not having texted/called/emailed her was about the toughest thing that I have had to ever overcome. I feel a bit guilty because I know this will have upset her on her birthday. She sent my roommate a couple texts tonight wondering in the first one "why I hadn't called and she was expecting me too" and the second after my room mate replied that I was stressed over my test i just wrote she said " we havent talked for a bit and i thought i would try to give him space, I guess I dont deserve a birthday text anyways". This ripped my heart out but i have gone 10 days NC now and am starting to move forward. I wrote a massive email that I will never send and might be sappiest crap paper has ever seen. After I took a walk to the beach and wallowed in my sorrow. I dont know where i go from here but I dont think any day can be lonier than this. My best friends birthday come and gone, oh I never could have imagined this 5 weeks ago. I have always been so kind and thoughtful to her and tonight I have felt I have went against that. Please let me know what I have done will help me heal and mend my heart and dry my eyes. I would just like her to know wherever she is that i truly love her and sorry if I made you sad.
gavinus Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Broseph look what she wrote" we havent talked for a bit and i thought i would try to give him space, I guess I dont deserve a birthday text anyways". She knows she hurt you..but she doesn't sound as heart broken as you my friend because SHE dumped YOU!! Be kind to yourself, meet the woman who will love you as much as you love her, be strong
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