How do I know what's right? I am extremely stressed over this decision.

[Missy Love]

So my ex-boyfriend (if that's what you would even call him) and I have been in limbo of some sort for the past year. We are both fresh out of college. We dated for 2 years, and about a year ago he initiated a break from me. This was due to immaturity, overexposure, and selfishness on both parts. In his words, "We both needed some time to heal." He didn't see anyone else, but I was absolutely devastated. I started to question if I could feel really secure with him or not. Towards the end, I thought he was mean to me, and it felt like a lot of things were on his terms. Aside from us fighting, I know in my heart that he is an amazing person, and I think we both let some childish behaviors get in the way. Well after a few months of the break, he realized that he wanted to be with me. He said that he would do what it takes to make it work. I haven't committed to him yet. It's sort of been like we're together, but we're not. I haven't been seeing anyone else either at all, but the reason why I haven't committed is because.

A.) All of my friends think he is terrible now, and they would be so disgusted with me if I went back to him. They would think I was horribly foolish. Sometimes I hide the fact to my friends that I still talk to him. I don't think they get it.

B.) I'm not sure if anything has changed, how do I know that the same things won't happen again?

C.) I'm not sure if I do feel secure with him. I don't want to just a beat a dead horse and waste time if he's not right for me. They say when you know, you know.

D.) Once I do commit to him and I'm in it, I don't let myself love him like I used to.

E.) I know we didn't bring out the best in each other, and he especially brought me down.

 

He is getting to the point where he wants to either be together and committed or not speaking to each other again. It makes it seems like such a challenging decision because he says if I don't make up my mind soon one way or the other he will give up on the whole thing and never speak to me. I feel so much pressure to make the decision right now. I don't like alienating people. I wish we could just remain friends, take it slow, maybe date some other people, and then if after sometime realize we're what we want, be together and 100% committed. He says it can't be like that, and if that's what I want to do, he says there will be no turning back, and he will delete me on facebook, and delete my phone number, he wants no form of contact whatsoever. Some of my friends think that is a form of manipulation, do you agree? I don't think it is. He says it's because it is the only way he could move on with his life, otherwise he will always want to be with me.

 

Now why I haven't cut things off is:

A. He has been my best friend and there for me through thick and thin.

B. Aside of what my friends think, I know in my heart he is a good person. No one is perfect, and while he wasn't the nicest person to me, I know it takes two to tango.

C. What if this time is different?

D. The "dream guy" doesn't exist. My friends think I am settling for him. However, I would never even question myself if I knew I didn't want to be with someone.

E. Maybe right now he has some things to work on, but I think with time he'll mature into the man he wants to be.

 

I know that I don't want him alienated in my life. However, I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to him because of what I stated above. I just feel so unsure of the whole thing and guarded. I love him, and I am so scared that one day he is just going to quit answering my calls and have given up on me. I felt horrible and absolutely crushed when he left me for a break the first time, I really don't think that I could handle it again without having an emotional breakdown. He says he is reaching that point where he just wants to be done with the whole thing. With him it's a now or never type thing, and he says that's because he has given me plenty of time to decide if he's what I want.

 

I still don't know, but I feel so much pressure to make the right decision because otherwise there is no turning back.

 

Suggestions on what I should do, and how can I make this decision??

[brightlights]

It sounds to me like he is pressuring you, a lot. With the original break that he initiated you worked with him and gave him the time eventhough you didn't want to, so now that he made you think he should extend you the same courtesy without any deadlines because this is a crucial decision.

 

If you go back with him and you weren't ready it's just going to start arguments about stupid things probably and it won't be what it could be. Your going to want to put your foot down a bit if you really are feeling uncertain he should understand, and if he doesn't then as harsh as it may sound he may not be the person for you right now.

 

I hope your able to figure this out, be strong and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.