gd26 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 After he rejected me, I didn't speak to him for 13 months. The last time he spoke to me 13 months ago, he was polite, but I could feel the contempt in his voice (not that I ever did anything wrong to him, but because I was still clinging when he wanted me to be gone from his life). I tried to use NC to heal, but I confess there was always the hope that he would realize what he was missing and contact me again. I idealized everything we had together. After 13 months of not hearing from him, I couldn't handle it anymore (as I still dreamed of getting back with him) - so I contacted him online with a friendly note. He wrote me right back, another friendly note. The contempt in his communication is now gone, but he tells me he has been seeing another woman over the last 6 months. He then sends me a 'friend request' on a popular social networking site. Breaking NC destroyed my fantasy and gave me a wake-up call. I am no longer waiting and wondering about him. Instead I got a rough slap across the face. Looking at his handsome face no longer warms my heart. Instead I feel like vomiting. He is no longer the amazing guy that I thought I knew. I am not specifically angry at him for being with someone else (as I am happy that he found someone compatible with him). But I am angry at myself for wasting over a year of my life dreaming about him. I also realize that he is not my soulmate, just another person tending to his own selfish needs and not caring about mine - though this is as it should be, as I wouldn't expect anyone to put concern about my feelings above his own... or would I? Breaking NC forced me to accept the closed door behind me, and now I am forced to turn around and see a life of possibility. In some way I am deeply disappointed, but also quite relieved to no longer be waiting. I have learned a lot about myself over the last year alone, and maybe now will have a much better awareness to bring into my next relationship whenever it arrives. (I wonder if I'll ever meet anyone who I liked as much as the last, as I was head-over-heels for the last guy - as he had it all: very good looking, intelligent, highly educated/successful, and a great sense of humor, etc. But I'll try not to dwell on that and just hope for the best.) I am not certain about being friends with him though. Yes, we had an amazing connection, and so much in common that I've never shared with anyone before - but he never really cared about me. Maybe I'll accept his offer of friendship at a later point, but right now any communication with him makes me cringe up inside. I don't want to be reminded of his lack of care for me every time I talk with him.
mr heartbroken Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 well done you sound so much as though you aredoing really well. i hope you meet someone that makes you happy. a quote i heard and has made me sort of relize "Watching you walk out my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love, but rather makes me realize that i wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along... goodluck
Recommended Posts