Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I'm very close to trying to contact my ex.. I posted this in my other thread offer me guidance.. But I'm honestly on the verge of trying to contact her. My dad thinks Im beating me head against the wall. Long story short I broke up with her after feeling like no matter how hard I tried.. Nothing was good enough.. It sucked.. But for some reason I can shake this feeling, it's been a week of NC, and today is just really really hard. Since then I has actslly met someone who is an awesome girl similiar interests morals.. Goals.. All that.. My dad says I should be positive now, and I do feel positive I just wonder if she's ok. I still have her sisters phone number and I'm debating calling her just to see if she's ok. I've been to her councelors before.. So I'm debating calling her councelor just to tell her to make sure she is ok.. That I'm worried about her. My dad says I shouldn't be worried about her and her feelings because she wasn't worried about mine throughout or relationship... I just wonder if she's with someone else.. It's almost as if I want the bomb dropped on me.. That she's happy without me and with someone else.. I guess ifeel maybe that will make it easier to move on.. Or if I was to check her facebook and see a picture of her and some guy or something.. I don't know I just don't know what to do here.. I wouldn't have made another thread but I just feel so weak right now.. I just don't know what to do... I'm honestly going crazy.. I was good up until now.. Now I'm just having a very hard time.... God this is so hard.. I almost wish she would have just dumped me.. Maybe that would have made this easier...
mimiminx Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 What would you want to say to her if you contacted her? Just to see how she's doing? What's your intention first of all? Do you want to just say hi? Do you want to be friends? Do you want to get back together?
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 What would you want to say to her if you contacted her? Just to see how she's doing? What's your intention first of all? Do you want to just say hi? Do you want to be friends? Do you want to get back together? I wouldn't contact her directly.. I guess I would try.. And contact someone who is around her.. Just to make sure she's ok. My intention I guess is just to see f she's ok.. I guess yea I just want her to know I'm still thinking about her. I'd like to be friends I justdont see that being able to happen.. Especially now mayb later on downthe line. The getting back together.. I've given her so many chances.. And everytime was the same result.. I guess I'd love for her to realize what she lost and be willing to fix everything.. And us to live happily ever after.. But I don't see that happening.. I dont know I just feel very weak right now...
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 The idea is here since I also broke up with her... If I try to make contact t make look like I am the weak person... Like I can't stand behind what I say.. And I guess I'm worried that she may loose respect for me.. I'm just really cofused and lost right now...
Lishy Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Lynx if you want any chance of her missing you and getting her back in the future then trust me and dont call! You are fighting a losing battle, you cant make her miss you or make her realise what she has lost, she will do that all by herself and the only way for that to happen is for her to truely miss you and the only way she will miss you is if you are not around AT ALL!! Good luck and br strong ps ... ask yourself why you want all the drama back in your life, people never change unless THEY want to and she has proven time and time again that she does not want to
GrayClouds Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Long story short I broke up with her after feeling like no matter how hard I tried.. Nothing was good enough. So your going to try something new, break up and see if she see the light. If you are trying this hard you were likely right. She will contact you if she is interested. Good luck
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 God this is just hitting me so hard all of a sudden... I can hardly breathe.. I've never felt this before....
Lishy Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 It will pass Lynx Go run a hot bath and try to get it out of your head for a while Each day of no contact is a day closer to feeling no pain
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Thank you for the replies.. I appreciate you all taking the time to try and give me advice... I don't know why I think calling someone would make me feel better... I've even thought of calling her mom, just to tell her that I never meant to hurt her.. I never wanted to see her sad, I'm sorry I had to hurt her... And for her to please make sure she is ok.. To please take care of her.. Because I no longer can... I don't know why.. Somehow that just seems like it would make me feel better.. I don't know
Exit Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 She will be fine, don't worry. Your conscious mind might just be playing tricks on you, you might think you want to contact her to check if SHE'S okay, but subconsciously maybe YOU just want to talk to her.
mimiminx Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 So your going to try something new, break up and see if she see the light. If you are trying this hard you were likely right. She will contact you if she is interested. Good luck Why do people do this? Do people break up with someone because they're fed up but hoping the other person will really see the light so they can be together?!! I think this might be happening to me.. In your case, no... I don't think you should wait for her to contact you. You dumped her, why would she contact you? To make herself look desperate and beg you to come back? In her mind, there is nothing to say. She is waiting for you to make the first move. She won't do it. Trust me, I have been there. You ended it with her, it is your call to make. My guy broke up with me because he couldn't deal with the way we were communicating, (long story), he waited a week and a half and contacted me pretty much to see how I was doing. Then he has been initiating contact after that, and very often, almost daily, if not more than once a day. It hasn't really gone anywhere yet, but I have been able to gauge a lot of things from him communicating with me. Let me just say that she may not be responsive to your contacting her. I often have ignored his persistent attempts to contact me. If you broke up with her and you are secretly hoping she will see the light, then by all means contact her. And you need to tell her this. If that is how you feel, please tell her this. In other words, you can say "I felt like as much as I tried, it wasn't good enough. I would like this to work between us but I'm not sure if it can. (whatever) needs to change if we are going to be together". If you are hoping for a chance to be together and for things to work out, talk to her. If you know in your heart it won't work out, just leave her alone. You broke up with her, if you don't want her anymore at all, let her go. My opinion.
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 It's not really that I broke up with her for that reason. I broke up with he because I was tired of the empty promises to change.. And empty promises to make thngs better.. I just got tired of it.. But yet I guess my mind hopes she may realize things.. And realizes she sloves me.. But I guess that's just my mind trying to take some of the pain off and make it easier.. Because I guess I realize that is not possible..
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Would it be wrong, or a bad thing for me to contact her mom? Just totell her to please take care of her, and I never meant to hurt her... I think it would make me feel better.. Would that be a good thing..?
PinkToes Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Hey Lynx, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Honestly, and I doubt that anyone else on this forum will agree with me, but I think it would help you out of this dark hole if you did contact her mother, to say exactly what you've suggested above -- provided you can do that without any chance of speaking with her. You're upset enough about this situation that you're having trouble breathing at times, I seriously doubt that a brief phone call to her mother would set you back any further. Get past that situation first, and then see if you feel better. And promise yourself that no matter what happens, you will go strict NC from then on. Take care.
Lishy Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 NO! It would not be wrong or bad for you to call Make the call sweetie, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. We will be here whatever the result! Do it! x
hoping2heal Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Lynx, I read your previous post so I would understand a little better what is going on here. It sounds like she is going through some things and is not at the point in her life where she is able to handle dealing with that, and having a relationship also. You mentioned you have given up a lot of the things you used to do (working out, working on cars etc.) so that you could just sit with her and make her happy instead. That's a very unhealthy sign. You are not responsible for her personal happiness, our partners "making us happy" does not mean we lean and rely soley on them to carry all our burdens. It means they add happiness to our life, but we need to find that sense of peace and joy all on our own. So long as she keeps believing that you being at her beck and call will contribute to making right what's broken inside her, and so long as YOU believe that you doing that will have the same effect this relationship wouldn't go anywhere but straight into the ground anyhow. I'm glad she's seeing a counselor, that's a good step and I hope she sticks with it. I don't think she knows how to treat another person right, she probably has never been shown and again, if she's expecting you to save the day; you are both putting pressure and burden on YOUR shoulders that is not realistic and will always lead to dissapointment. Not only that, but your mother is sad because she saw you losing your sense of self, a good relationship will draw growth and development and great things out of oneself, it will not cause the person to go stagnant, or or recede. I'm sure she is just fine, and you must be feeling an almost profound sense of lost identity now that your role as her caretaker has been eliminated. I hope you will start to rediscover yourself again now.
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Well I just tried to call.. I used a pay phone.. Because I wasn't sure if they would answer if they saw my number... And also I didn't want er to see it and pick up the phone.. Since they have caller I'd.. No on answered.. I'm not suprised..I did try twice with nothing... Now I don't know what to do..
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Lynx, I read your previous post so I would understand a little better what is going on here. It sounds like she is going through some things and is not at the point in her life where she is able to handle dealing with that, and having a relationship also. You mentioned you have given up a lot of the things you used to do (working out, working on cars etc.) so that you could just sit with her and make her happy instead. That's a very unhealthy sign. You are not responsible for her personal happiness, our partners "making us happy" does not mean we lean and rely soley on them to carry all our burdens. It means they add happiness to our life, but we need to find that sense of peace and joy all on our own. So long as she keeps believing that you being at her beck and call will contribute to making right what's broken inside her, and so long as YOU believe that you doing that will have the same effect this relationship wouldn't go anywhere but straight into the ground anyhow. I'm glad she's seeing a counselor, that's a good step and I hope she sticks with it. I don't think she knows how to treat another person right, she probably has never been shown and again, if she's expecting you to save the day; you are both putting pressure and burden on YOUR shoulders that is not realistic and will always lead to dissapointment. Not only that, but your mother is sad because she saw you losing your sense of self, a good relationship will draw growth and development and great things out of oneself, it will not cause the person to go stagnant, or or recede. I'm sure she is just fine, and you must be feeling an almost profound sense of lost identity now that your role as her caretaker has been eliminated. I hope you will start to rediscover yourself again now. You know... You have a very good point there.. That could very much explain what I am feeling.. Almost lost.. Don't know what to do with myself.. Thank you for taking the time to read my other post and to post such a lengthy answer.. I really appreciate it, it made me feel better!! I still however think that if I could just somehow talk to her mom.. Justto get it off my chestthat I never meant to hurt her.. And for her to please make sure she is ok.. I feel that will be a big weight lifted off my chest.. The only problem is gettig ahold of her mom.. :-/ thank you to everyone for all of your replies.. I appreciate them ALOT, really, every single one of them has helped me! And I appreciate you all taking the time to read and respond to help out a total stranger! So thank you! Now if I could only figure out some way to get her mom on the phone..
Author Lynx331 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 wow this really sucks... now im fighting myself not to text/call her.... why is this so hard... if this is the correct thing for me to do.. i dont understand why it is so hard.... thanks again to everyone coming to help me in my time of need, i honestly whole heartidly appreciate everyones time and efforts! I guess i just really hoped someone would pickup the phone...
muse08 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 lynx, i feel you.i really do. you're at a crucial time where you can either go through with reconnecting with her or not.that is, if someone on her end would pick up the phone... not sure what you're doing about it now, but rest assure that this feeling you're feeling will pass when you're honest about what you really feel for her. it sounds like you want to do more than make sure she's ok. when you find out she's ok, then what? you may have to do a real assessment of the pros and cons of being with her. you miss being needed...it's ok to not be needed all the time.but make sure you realize that she may need more than you can give her.you may have your work cut out for you and that's not all bad, but tread carefully.
hoping2heal Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 You know... You have a very good point there.. That could very much explain what I am feeling.. Almost lost.. Don't know what to do with myself.. Thank you for taking the time to read my other post and to post such a lengthy answer.. I really appreciate it, it made me feel better!! I still however think that if I could just somehow talk to her mom.. Justto get it off my chestthat I never meant to hurt her.. And for her to please make sure she is ok.. I feel that will be a big weight lifted off my chest.. The only problem is gettig ahold of her mom.. :-/ thank you to everyone for all of your replies.. I appreciate them ALOT, really, every single one of them has helped me! And I appreciate you all taking the time to read and respond to help out a total stranger! So thank you! Now if I could only figure out some way to get her mom on the phone.. You are welcome, I am glad it made you feel better. I think you are chasing a pony and a rainbow on the mom bit. I wouldn't go down that train, her mom is just something you are using to tie yourself into the dysfunctional pattern you two have created. You contact mom, tell her you never meant to hurt daughter, her mom responds in god knows what way, and then it will be something else. Some other way you "need" to reach out. You will just be repeating a cycle, you are not sure what to do with that caretaker role now removed from your identity, it's normal that you are feeling the way you do and that's one thing; but I wouldn't act on your impulses and pull yourself back into the scheme of things.
Katherineos123 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Lynx, you gave me such wonderful advice on my thread, I think you should head your own words. I dont think you should contact her. Although I dont know the back story too well. Im sure shes doing fine, and if anything, you might not only upset yourself, but you might upset her even more by talking to her again. You both need to heal and move on. A week is just a week. ALthough I know that it seems like forever, its just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to letting feelings for someone go... I wouldnt want to delay either of your progress. If you care about her, trust that she will be okay and give her time for her wounds to heal...
ace2666 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Honestly, you broke it. If you're second guessing it and want to go back, then contact her. If you want to move on, then don't. She'll survive.
Author Lynx331 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Lynx, you gave me such wonderful advice on my thread, I think you should head your own words. I dont think you should contact her. Although I dont know the back story too well. Im sure shes doing fine, and if anything, you might not only upset yourself, but you might upset her even more by talking to her again. You both need to heal and move on. A week is just a week. ALthough I know that it seems like forever, its just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to letting feelings for someone go... I wouldnt want to delay either of your progress. If you care about her, trust that she will be okay and give her time for her wounds to heal... Well thank you for that but I find it's always easier for people to give advice to others then to give advice to themselves. If only worked just as well both ways... Just to give everyone and update.. I will not be trying to contact her mom again. I'm done, just done. I'm sick of feeling the way I felt today. I sat ad thought.. And I cryed my eyes out today.. And I realized... That I would do that every 2-3 weeks when she would dump/threaten to dump me.. Over something very juvenile.. I hadn't cryed in years until I started dating her.. And it happened pretty often.. So I'm done with her. I need to man up and take care of ME for a change, instead of worrying about someone.. Who obviously wasn't worried about me. I also picked up the book no more mr nice guy, I read about it on another thread on here. Thank ALL of you again for your help/advice/time, I definately do appreciate it. And I will be returning to re read these if I have another moment of weakness..
fofiffs Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Well thank you for that but I find it's always easier for people to give advice to others then to give advice to themselves. If only worked just as well both ways... Just to give everyone and update.. I will not be trying to contact her mom again. I'm done, just done. I'm sick of feeling the way I felt today. I sat ad thought.. And I cryed my eyes out today.. And I realized... That I would do that every 2-3 weeks when she would dump/threaten to dump me.. Over something very juvenile.. I hadn't cryed in years until I started dating her.. And it happened pretty often.. So I'm done with her. I need to man up and take care of ME for a change, instead of worrying about someone.. Who obviously wasn't worried about me. I also picked up the book no more mr nice guy, I read about it on another thread on here. Thank ALL of you again for your help/advice/time, I definately do appreciate it. And I will be returning to re read these if I have another moment of weakness.. Thats good you realized that, you'll probably regret it if you did call her. I know I regretted ever time after I called my ex just to get shut down. But i'm way past that now. Like you I have never cried so much over a girl. Before I met her I've never cried so much in my life.
Recommended Posts