Agent99 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Question: Is it possible for a potential boyfriend to see my situation for what it is as opposed to seeing it as something to be avoided at all costs? I keep coming across posts that say that women with no job, financially unstable, no goals (among other things) should be avoided or that those things are deal breakers, etc. I embarked on a new career 2 years ago so that set me back a bit in terms of earnings potential. I quit my job recently to advance my career with a better position and got fired after only two months. My financial situation wasn't good to begin with, huge student loan isn't going away anytime soon. Now I'm unemployed and in this economy, who knows when I might be able to get something in my new field. If I go back to my old career, that will be another set back and I know that I won't be happy doing that. Is this an unattractive situation for a guy? I'm back on the market after 10 year relationship recently ended. I need to know what I'm up against in the new world of dating.
ReturnToSender Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Personally, Id rather work on trying to get my life together, work on my job/financial security before wanting to include someone else in my life. It would make me feel better as a person, and being able to take care of myself would reflect outwards and make me a more attractive potential. Also, unfortunately, in this time...there are so many people who are jobless, and looking at hooking up with somone as a way out...as in finding someone for the sake of finding someone to take care of them. Im not saying thats what youre doing! Just that when looking at a potential, that can be a red flag and make a person thread cautiously... Either way...taking care of yourself and being stable on your own before finding someone to be with isnt a bad idea, no matter what the circumstances.
Chicago_Guy Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If you have a huge amount of debt (e.g., $75k+) and no job prospects then I think that absolutely could be a big red flag to some guys.
ReturnToSender Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Oooh yeah...that made me think of something Chicago Guy.. Even if you dont have a job, if your financial situation isnt in dire straights..as in you have enough money in savings to live off of for awhile, then theres no red flag in that. Everyone goes through set backs...that in and of itself is not a problem. I just kind of jumped to the thought of the position that this recession has put so many people in...losing their job which puts them at risk to losing their home,car, etc because they cant afford anything anymore. If thats not you though and youre doing okay regardless...then I dont see how anyone would hold your situation against you.
phineas Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If she is unemployed I wouldn't mind. Just as long as she doesn't expect me to pay her way. I have met & stopped dating women like that in the past.
Thornton Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 As long as you're not in a huge amount of debt, are actually looking for work and would have some decent prospects in a better job market, then I don't think your current unemployment should be a problem.
Sam Spade Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 As long as you're not in a huge amount of debt, are actually looking for work and would have some decent prospects in a better job market, then I don't think your current unemployment should be a problem. That's pretty much it - as long as those things are present, no big deal. But do be aware that many guys are paranoid (myself included) that some women only get job to tide themselves over from college to their future husband's house (and then stop working). My point being is that having career goals and being self-reliant even while unemployed is much better than having a job you don't care about just so you could quit it as soon as you get hitched . But, as others have said, it seems more prudent that you get your career back on track rather than worrying about a relationship anyway. Good luck.
Enema Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I wouldn't date anyone that's unemployed. Time is short, people lie. I don't want to waste time trusting someone in the hopes that they're telling the truth about their persona when I could simply choose from the pool of people that currently have jobs.
PQ13 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Is being unemployed (even in this economy) a turn off? It's not necessarily a turn off but rather a big inconvenience, some guys may consider it as "red flag" b/c they don't want to put themselves in the position of being a "sugar daddy". One of my friends got fired from his job 9 years ago, he hasn't been looking for any work since then... he became self-employed and lives of publishing royalties now, as he says : "getting fired was the best move in my career".
aerogurl87 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 For me it depends, if they got laid off or fired and it wasn't their fault then I wouldn't care as long as they were actively looking for a new job.
splintered thing Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Now I'm unemployed and in this economy, who knows when I might be able to get something in my new field. If I go back to my old career, that will be another set back and I know that I won't be happy doing that. Is this an unattractive situation for a guy? It depends entirely on the guy. People contribute a lot more to a relationship and a partnership than just the bits that make it into the bank account. I can think of several relationships where the guy didn't care that much--where he was looking for an emotional contribution from a partner, not a financial one. (You can always go out and make more money all by yourself--other parts of a good relationship aren't so easy to do solo.) There are certainly guys out there who would think it's important that you be doing what you enjoy and find rewarding...and not particularly important whether it makes big bucks (or any bucks at all). I think do do have to keep an eye out for some red flags on your own--some of the guys who will be unfazed by your employment situation will also turn out to be overcontrolling and/or hypercompetitive and things will go sour and unsupportive when you *do* get your own work situation moving forward again.
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