Author Vertex Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Thanks for all the replies and messages -- I'll try to reply to everything here: 1. I do try to pay attention to other types of intelligence, but again, it's not so much a desire rooted in strictly "subject-oriented" intelligence/knowledge, although it does allow for more interesting conversations. I graduated from a top university, and there were plenty of smart girls at my school, to be sure, but there was a certain element of maturity that tended to be missing. I've had a somewhat tricky life growing up, which tended to differ from the lifestyles of my peers. While I do believe that intelligence and maturity go hand in hand, my point is that subject-oriented intelligence doesn't necessary cover these bases by default. It's certainly great, but it isn't usually enough -- someone who shares a similar style of observation/communication/logical worldview/etc, I've found, is more compatible with me. My first serious girlfriend fit this profile, which was great because we could toss jokes back and forth and understand each other, and we'd both find the same sort of things funny about life. We were both extremely well-read and we enjoyed reading/moviewatching a lot. We always had a good time discussing those things. We also both understood hard work, and so there was a huge similarity in lifestyle and the type of "wisdom" that comes with maturity, responsibility, work, etc. Whenever we communicated our problems with things, there was an underlying logic to it all that I've noticed is REALLY hard to find. I'm not really sure how else to quantify what I am looking for, but there's just a certain intellectual/emotional intimacy and maturity that I click really well with. 2. Yeah, there are a few alumni associations, but I simply don't know much about them yet and would have to look into them. I basically just moved here to Texas straight after college, which just recently ended for me. 3. If I reject someone, I try my best not to be mean or arrogant about anything. It's hard to break it off with someone, though, because usually people ask why, which can potentially become pretty nasty. I try to just keep things general by saying that I think our personalities/lifestyles aren't compatible, which is true. 4. I think simply looking to make friends too is good advice, thank you It would certainly make life better here... right now I don't really know too many people here. 5. I'm not looking for a "rocket scientist supermodel," no worries 6. I'm currently down in Texas, but I just dropped down from the New England area, where there were a ton of colleges. I moved down here to Austin for work, but we do have UT, which, as GorillaTheater pointed out, is huge. Perhaps I do need to plug in, haha. I'm just not quite sure how, yet. I'm very shy around new people and I would have to figure out the best way to meet those who are likeminded down there. 7. Yes, I've tried online dating before, but I always had a hard time finding compatible people there. It seems like every other profile is the same. The funny thing is that I met my first girlfriend online, although not through a dating site. It was LDR for a while, but with lots of plane rides scattered throughout, haha. Once college rolled around, we were much closer and able to see each other. Things fell apart due to other circumstances that came with the college transition, but such is life.
torranceshipman Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Vertex, you are not too picky - you just know what you want and I guess you are experiencing simple frustration that it seems to take an age to find that right person. I look for the same things in a person that you look for, and recently I found a guy who makes me very happy and who has all of those qualities, but it took a long time to find him! Don't lower your standards or compromise, and enjoy the searching, and the right person will come along eventually!
Author Vertex Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 I hope so I don't quite understand why it feels like I am so alone in this, despite the fact that there are so many single people out there. Seems so hard to find the right one.
sunshinegirl Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Hey Vertex, I know this is going to come off as condescending, and I don't mean it this way...but, you are only 23. Relax. And I mean that sincerely. I am 35 and still looking for the right person. I wish I could go back to my 20-something self and tell myself to chillax already about meeting the right guy. I wasted a lot of anxiety/worry on wondering where he was and would I ever meet him. It'll all fall into place. I now truly believe that every pot has a lid - I have been surprised several times by friends who I thought would never find the right "lid" unexpectedly meeting Mr./Ms. Right while they were just going along enjoying their lives. The more you can do that and trust the process (or God or the universe or the fates or Life or whatever you want to call it)...the better. [/end chirpy pep talk]
Trialbyfire Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 MENSA has mixers all the time. Hell every woman that goes to meetings is probably single.While your post demeans Mensa women, it's a way to meet someone. Mensa has an online site. Check it out.
Author Vertex Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 The problem is that I have a tough time meeting new people. I am very shy, but once I get to know someone, all bets are off and I can relax and be just as wild as the best of them. Mensa isn't really my cup of tea, to be honest, but thanks for the suggestion!
Ruby Slippers Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Vertex, I also need a very intelligent partner and a strong intellectual connection, and sometimes I worry about the same thing. To me, it's in the top three most important qualities in a partner. Smarts aren't prized as much as looks in our twisted modern society, but there are still some people out there who value intelligence. I believe that we'll both find one of them.
Hkizzle Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You don't need an intellectual. You need a quick witted girl, which is slightly different. A quick witted girl doesn't need to have the knowledge of a subject already but will be smart enough to understand. These types of girls also tend to have a good sense of humor because that's tied to wit. So go find a funny girl that can bust your balls.
Els Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I am the most overcritical hardass I think I've ever met, and it's driving me insane. I wish I could relax and not be so damn nitpicky, but my mind is so hard-locked into what I want out of a relationship. I absolutely MUST have an intelligent woman who is also very honest and forthcoming. With every girl I meet, I end up losing interest in because I somehow find that they aren't on the same level. It feels incredibly arrogant and elitist to feel this way, but I seem to have a hard time finding anyone with whom I can verbally spar/connect with. A woman who isn't very bright is just so boring to me and isn't very stimulating in the least, and it also affects how I view them physically. A hot girl who is otherwise dim may as well be a plank of wood :/ The problem is that I know, certainly, that there are plenty of intelligent girls out there... however, the underlying issue is that I feel as if I am not meeting any of them. I don't know if it's just bad luck or if my expectations are too high. I'm not expecting a woman to be able to spit out something absurd like a mathematical proof or anything, but I want someone who has clearly given a lot of thought to various things in the world -- who understands why they have the opinions they do. Someone who HAS opinions that are self-formed -- who can think critically for themselves. Someone with a level head, good common sense, great communication skills, ability to be empathetic, learns quickly, likes to learn/try new things, etc. Am I asking too much, here? I feel a bit hopeless. If this is considered 'expecting too much', I can only wish that all men 'expect too much', then. I've seen so many brainless beauties being swarmed with men, that I've become quite cynical about the other sex and their requirements for a mate. As a fellow elitist myself, I do agree that this will make it a tad difficult for you to find someone; heck, ALL requirements narrow the pool in one way or another. But know that when you do find someone, the chances of you being compatible years later and not just finding out that there was never anything to start with besides lust and passion, are higher. You might want to try 'intellectual' clubs and stuff; chess clubs, Mensa clubs, etc. Intelligent (in your sense of the word) people are more likely to be introverts, IMHO, so bars and meetup.com may not be the best ways to ferret them out. I have never regretted having my standards; even after I turned down the first guy who was ever interested at me, at the veeerryyy late age of 18.
messiah Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I would love to find some intellectual intimacy, I strive for it. Sadly in my case, I had a girl who had such a beautiful mind, somebody that I thought I would never come across, but I let her slip through my fingers! and I am kicking myself over it! because finding someone with a beautiful mind is so hard.
BlueHarvest Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I wish I could find the website, but I remember reading awhile back about 3 different types of attraction. Physical, Emotional, Intellectual. Essentially for a strong relationship with someone you should have all 3. But it's not necessary. I can't remember the exacts but it went something along the lines of... 1) Intellectual+Emotional=Friends 2) Physical+Emotional=Infatuation 3) Physical+Intellectual=Dating In a nutshell. It's not some grand scheme meant to answer all the questions about love but it helps to put things in a simplistic way to allow you to view where you stand in a relationship. If you have #1---you're pretty much screwed. Unless you create a physical attraction there will never be any sort of long lasting relationship. If you have #2---you need to figure out what attracts you to this person other then their body. You can have a fling with the person but it probably won't end up being any sort of long term relationship. If you have #3---You have a solid basis for dating, and the strongest foundation to get into a long term relationship with the person but you need to work on what makes you care about the other person. Remember... Physical attraction = How much you like their body/face/etc. Intellectual attraction = How much they can capture your attention irregardless of physical attraction. Emotional attraction = How much you care about them, last time you saw them, etc.
Author Vertex Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 As a half-introvert half-extrovert, I can agree that the kind of girls I am after are probably more likely to be introverts. But meeting such girls is tricky :/
Els Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Actually, online wouldn't be too bad for ferreting out us introverts. NOT meetup.com, though. Online games (especially the text-based sort, ever heard of MUDs?), community forums and such are also good. Unfortunately that tends to lead to an LDR more often than an ITR, so you've to consider that risk. What happens if you feel you really connect with someone, you meet up and confirm it in person... but she lives on the other side of the world?
Ruby Slippers Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 As a half-introvert half-extrovert, I can agree that the kind of girls I am after are probably more likely to be introverts. But meeting such girls is tricky :/ I am in the same boat. I am not interested in the player-vibe salesman types who usually hit on me in social situations. But I have never done Internet dating and don't want to turn to that. I am trying to think of good things to do to meet those quiet, rocklike guys I love so much.
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