brokenglass Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Ok so, I think I blew it with a potentially awesome girl that I would have really liked to get a little closer to. Let me explain and see what you guys think. I could be just paranoid but I'd like some feedback from people other than my friends in real life for once. A few months ago, I was out at a bar with my roommate. We were walking around and drinking and came across this absolutely gorgeous female...I pointed her out, he said he knew who she was but wouldn't introduce me (various reasons behind that one). Well I eventually made my way into her vicinity and struck up conversation. We spoke for a total of 10 minutes, at which point she mentions a boyfriend and totally blows me off and leaves. I never really thought about it that much and figured I'd never see her again. Well last Monday I ran into her at the same bar again. I again made my way into her vicinity and struck up conversation, except this time it lasted for about 2 hours. We eventually left and went to another bar with one of her friends and had a great time. I scored the number and went home. We went out last Wednesday and had an absolutely wonderful dinner together and made plans to go out again sometime. The next day, I went and finally decided to buy a laptop (something we had spoken about over dinner) and I called her in excitement to tell her about it. We spoke briefly, she asked if I wanted to join her that night for some beers with friends while she played for a league at another bar, which I happily accepted, which turned out to be another great evening. Well, the next day I texted her something completely mundane and never heard back from her. All I mentioned was my friends leaving me behind on a potentially awesome trip to another state to party. That was on Friday. Its Monday again and I haven't tried to contact her nor have I heard anything back. I have read over and over and over again on "dating tips and rules" of calling/texting and I think I made a big mistake going out Thursday night for beers with her friends, not to mention the stupid text I sent Friday. Do you guys think I have anything to be concerned about? I'm not looking to smother or be smothered, I'd like to take it as slow as possible with this particular woman. A part of me tells me I'm doing this right and another part of me is telling me I blew it already.
Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I'm confused. So, she doesn't really have a bf? Did she remember you from the time she blew you off by claiming to have one?......????? I'd say if she has a bf for real, that's probably why you haven't heard from her, not anything you did.....
Author brokenglass Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Sorry I wasn't clear on that part. Apparently they broke up...a few months after I had initially met her she had received some calls or texts or something from another woman that claimed to have been sleeping with her boyfriend, so she is apparently single now but was not before, during the first time I ran into her. She did remember me but vaguely, she was on her way out the door when we spoke.
BCCA Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Honestly, sounds like she was lukewarm on you the entire time. Generally, even if they have a bf, women tend not to totally blow a guy off unless they wouldnt date you anyway. Youre only choice is to back off, and see what happens. I wouldnt put too much effort into this. That text you sent was fine, she didnt respond because she didnt want to. If she was totally into you, you could have said almost anything and gotten a response.
Author brokenglass Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Bleh, kind of sounds like I blew it. I knew I shouldn't have gone out there Thursday night. I dunno, I've just been on a lot of dates the past few months and not really any women have gotten my attention like this one has. She seemed really into me the two evenings I saw her...oh well. I'm just going to try to forget it and hope she calls or texts.
dreamergrl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 When did you find out they broke up? If I'm reading right... you went in for the kill the second time without knowing. They could have gotten back together. To me, it all seems a little off.
Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I don't think you "blew it." She asked you to do something, since you like her, why wouldn't you go? She probably just wasn't that interested to begin with, as BCCA said. Plus...now that I read this again...OK, so "a few months ago" she had a bf...and now "a few months after I met her" they broke up. To me that translates as, "they just broke up now-ish." I'd say, one way or another, the bf is still in the picture or she's on the rebound.
BCCA Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Bleh, kind of sounds like I blew it. I knew I shouldn't have gone out there Thursday night. I dunno, I've just been on a lot of dates the past few months and not really any women have gotten my attention like this one has. She seemed really into me the two evenings I saw her...oh well. I'm just going to try to forget it and hope she calls or texts. Im curious as to why you think going out that Thursday was so bad. Did you do something, or did she say something to make you think so? I think youre issue is mostly that text that went unreturned, which was the next day.
dreamergrl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 When do we get to hear what the text was? That could make all the difference.
Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 All I mentioned was my friends leaving me behind on a potentially awesome trip to another state to party. When do we get to hear what the text was? That could make all the difference. I think that was the text.
dreamergrl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I think that was the text. Oooh I missed that part lol Maybe she just didn't know what to say back. Sometimes it's hard to reply to close ended texts.
Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Oooh I missed that part lol Maybe she just didn't know what to say back. Sometimes it's hard to reply to close ended texts. I think that's a possibility. I also think it's possible she took that as him fishing for an invitation to do something and was turned off by that. But, I think most likely, the bf is still in the picture, at least according to the timeline given by the OP. And I also agree with BCCA about if she were really interested she would've found something to say. That's usually the case. The guy I'm dating now is like that with me. No matter what stupid inane thing I text him, he will text back something, anything!
dreamergrl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Yeah, that's what I meant. If someone has little interest in talking to you, they will have a hard time replying to something close ended like that. I think the whole bf thing is fishy too. One minute she has one, the next they've been broken up for months. I think OP was a distraction.
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I don't think you blew anything by going out with her and her friends for a beer Thursday night. You have already gone on a date, she invited you to join them. It all sounds good. As for an unanswered text? I HATE texting as a primary means of communication. My old phone/provider would simply stop accepting texts if my Inbox got full. So I could go for days before someone says "Hey I texted you about dinner" and I'm like - I never got one. So I clean out my inbox, and I get a dozen texts flooding in. It's rare, but texts do go astray. My blackberry wouldn't accept email msgs last week, but they would come through on my laptop. Did I break up with my BF bc I didn't get a mail from him when I was on the road? No. Anyway, text her again or FB her or send smoke signals or whatever it is that kids these days use to communicate. You liked her, it appears she liked you, it was one missed communication. Likely she is agonizing about "Do I text him, or will he think I am clingy and not letting do the chasing or am easy????"
Author brokenglass Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 When did you find out they broke up? If I'm reading right... you went in for the kill the second time without knowing. I found out last Monday night when I ran into her again (before getting her phone number). Im curious as to why you think going out that Thursday was so bad. Did you do something, or did she say something to make you think so? I think youre issue is mostly that text that went unreturned, which was the next day. I feel like I shouldn't have called and should have waited a few more days to contact her. I've had a few friends say the unreturned text is meaningless. As far as I am aware the breakup occurred well before last Monday when I ran into her the 2nd time. I don't think shes still hung up over him personally, she mentioned what he did and that was about it honestly. I've found with other women I've dated, if the ex is still in the picture, they do nothing but talk about them. This one was different. In terms of be being a distraction...that would really suck because I felt like we connected really well. Just wanted to quickly thank you guys for responding. This has helped quite a bit with my nervousness. I am going to wait another day or two before trying to contact her again. I think texting is out of the question unless she texts me first. Also she does own a Blackberry so there might have been problems? Eh..anyways I'm just going to continue to work, go to the gym and keep myself distracted until Wednesday or so and hopefully shes "agonizing" as Lucky One suggests haha.
dreamergrl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 And what are the reasons why your friend didn't want to introduce you?
Author brokenglass Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 And what are the reasons why your friend didn't want to introduce you? lol He's socially awkward with beautiful women unless he's had a lot to drink. She's like, a 9 on the classic 10 scale. Brilliant, intelligent, short, thin and beautiful.
silic0ntoad Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I'll never understand that whole "scale" thing. Different people are attracted to different things. My ten may be a 5 to you, and vice versa. Not to mention, women are human. Getting rejected simply does nothing but put you back where you were to begin with, which is alone. Big deal? IDK, I have no qualms talking to attractive women. And they can be totally gorgeous, and we have nothing in common, so I'll move onto the next. IDK, it's just not a big deal to me. I wouldn't read to much into it. Send her a message just askin her how she is doing, and see where it goes. I'd give it a few days though.
Author brokenglass Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 So I just wanted to update if anyone was interested. I finally gave the girl a call late Monday evening. One of my friends asked if I talked to her over the weekend and when I said no, suggested giving her a call Monday night (due to my scheduling for the rest of the week and what I have going on). Called her at around 9PM or so, phone goes straight to voicemail. I freak out and hang up. Texted my buddy, says to wait and call back. If it rings, she'll probably answer, etc. I call back again at 9:45PM and it rings. Ring, ring, ring, get the voicemail, I leave a messages basically saying, "Hey, just wanted to say hi and see how your weekend went, hope all is well. I'll be out of town Thursday/Friday, was wondering if you would like to do something Saturday night? Give me a call back, talk to you later." Well, all day yesterday went through with no response and nothing so far today. My buddy told me to call her Thursday evening one last time while I'm at the event I'll be at, but at this point I feel like the ball is in her court and there's no need for me to beat the door in. Overall, I feel like a big pile of unattractive crap over this. I've dated a lot the past few months, and I am generally able to tell when a girl is into me and when she isn't. This girl seemed really interested in me...but perhaps she was not. Does it make any sense at all that I suddenly feel like I'm 355lbs again? Oh well...
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