xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Alright so I'm thinking about dating again, only casually and no FWB. FYI, I've only one exclusive relationship in the past and since that time two years ago, I've dated 4-5 men, from musicians to lawyers, to accountants and artists. So now, I'm thinking, since I live in a metropolis there should be more options and that I should put on my trademark platform heels and venture out into this city and just experience. As of yet, I'm far from swearing off men. There have been times I've thought about settling down as a spinster and having blacks cats for company. It's maddening to think that way, especially since I'm still young, but for my birthday later on this year, I want to at least make an effort to come out of my shell, which I unwittingly stuffed myself in. These past few months, aside from working and living through other people's romances on LS ( <---- that sounds so sad doesn't it? ) I haven't really enjoyed my summer and fall. School and job wise, I'm balanced, yet during those intermittent breaks, say weekends, I haven't really had any plans to want to go out. I want to change that. I want to experience and date men that are out of my league just for the heck of it. I wouldn't mind just acting like Kate Hudson and lose a boyfriend in 10 days. But then how exactly do I date men that are out of my league? I'm not exactly confident, I'm far from it. Yet it's not hard for me to put on a facade of a siren or a coquette. No, I don't believe in PUA for a woman but if there are suggestions to just charm the pants of a guy I wouldn't mind taking it. What's everybody's take on this?
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 What is a man who is "out of your league"?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Oopps I forgot to write that. Men that are usually out of my league are those I find sexually attractive and intellectually intimidating. Normally I would meet one of these on the street but never have the courage to just go right up and give my number.
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I'm confused. So you usually date men you DON'T find sexually attractive and who are not bright? How do you typically meet men you date? I was thinking that "out of your league" would fit into a category like socially or financially. Like you want to date someone who is mentioned in the "about town" section or who the paparazzi takes pictures of.
bhweller Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 "I've dated 4-5 men, from musicians to lawyers, to accountants and artists." another BS thread. she has dated somewhere from 4 to 5 men, haha she doesn't know if she dated 4 or 5 men in the past couple years ! lol
2sure Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 The only you have to do is : Believe they are NOT out of your league. Better yet, know that YOU are above thier league and they'll believe THAT. And right or wrong, thats what they want. You are not out of their league. And to make it easier for you...men are even more insecure than women regarding the whole league thing, so its not hard for them to assume you are the golden ring...AND men, to me, seem less interested in "dating up" than women. Women add many more things to their considerations regarding "dating up" than men do.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 I'm confused. So you usually date men you DON'T find sexually attractive and who are not bright? How do you typically meet men you date? I was thinking that "out of your league" would fit into a category like socially or financially. Like you want to date someone who is mentioned in the "about town" section or who the paparazzi takes pictures of. Normally I meet men who has one but not the other, and when they're well off, they're not exactly on par in intelligence or social skills. Typically I've met guys from school, previously several men on online dating sites. Most of them haven't evoked in me a want to jump their bones on the first date. I don't want to date guys from college ( because my ex could be said to have had made an impression on me to not date guys around my age). Well I guess I would categorize ' out of my league" as financially stable, model features, intelligent, and well- rounded in character.
alphamale Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 But then how exactly do I date men that are out of my league? go to the most expensive pickup joint in town and act dumb and dress slutty
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 "I've dated 4-5 men, from musicians to lawyers, to accountants and artists." another BS thread. she has dated somewhere from 4 to 5 men, haha she doesn't know if she dated 4 or 5 men in the past couple years ! lol I was trying to be informatory without being elaborate.
ReturnToSender Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I dont believe anyone is out of another persons league...its a matter of compatibility and attraction. If you do believe every guy you find attractive and intelligent is out of your league, youre in trouble! Seriously though, I do think that you are underestimating yourself, and overestimating others. Everyone deserves to be with someone they find attractive and admire. Goodness...I look at my bf and see a guy who is drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, funny and has a lot going for him...I think I am very lucky...hes so "cool" and me...Im a reclusive geek, single mom, not fashionable at all...how "cool" I am depends strictly on the weather lol! And yet the guy has had the nerve to say he doesnt know what I see in him and tells me how lucky he is to have me. Hah! That would be both of our warped perceptions at play here. Dont let your perceptions get in your way and dont be afraid to go after what you want...if it doesnt work, then try again! The good thing about that is...when you do meet your match, youll appreciate him and your relationship with him that much more cause of who you went through before him, and you wont take what you have for granted
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 The only you have to do is : Believe they are NOT out of your league. Better yet, know that YOU are above thier league and they'll believe THAT. And right or wrong, thats what they want. You are not out of their league. And to make it easier for you...men are even more insecure than women regarding the whole league thing, so its not hard for them to assume you are the golden ring...AND men, to me, seem less interested in "dating up" than women. Women add many more things to their considerations regarding "dating up" than men do. That's true 2sure. I really need to change my way of thinking. I always have a hard time seeing myself as a beautiful or intelligent girl and when I do, I can't help but compare myself to the next girl out there. I also do think I'm very hard to please in terms of men I want to date. They could be by standards be " perfect" but there's always a chance a unease would settle upon me and I would nitpick at the slightest imperfection.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 go to the most expensive pickup joint in town and act dumb and dress slutty Yeah no I can't do that when I'm perfectly sober...
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 We must hang out in different places, because in general, the better educated someone I know is, then the more money he tends to have, the better care he takes of himself physically (making him more attractive), and the more he appreciates nicer things in life. I guess I have only casually dated someone who ended up not fitting all of my requirements; as it is, everyone was well educated, fairly well off to wealthy, nice looking, and well behaved. Maybe the difference is that I always KNEW that I deserved to be with someone who met certain criteria and always KNEW that I was on a par with them in any situation?
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Well I guess I would categorize ' out of my league" as financially stable, model features, intelligent, and well- rounded in character. Seriously, and kindly, you have some self-esteem issues that might be best worked on with a therapist. That description of a man just seems 'typical' to me.
2sure Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Well if you think that being financially stable, model features ( this one is always relative) , intelligence , and being well rounded is out of your league... Then what you are saying is IN your league is financially unstable, less than attractive (to you) , not very smart, and narrow minded. So, yes...I would say you have some self esteem issues, they are easy to come by. And yes, therapy is not a bad thing to consider ...but meanwhile: Those qualities you describe as desirable...are normal. The qualities you describe as less than desireable ...are normal. So - just keep that little list and see which category a guy fall into. Simply refuse to consider anyone who is in the second list and keep an open mind ONLY to those who have at least the basis of the first list. That will at least keep you from wasting your time and keep you focused on the guys that were PREVIOUSLY out of your league.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Seriously, and kindly, you have some self-esteem issues that might be best worked on with a therapist. That description of a man just seems 'typical' to me. Lucky, the thing is I know i have self-esteem issues, and I do work on it, albeit really slowly. But I think it's because we're at completely different stages in our lives that what's "typical" to you isn't really " typical" to me? I'm not offended. I suppose a more justifiable way to pronounce everything is that I really want to date outside the circle I normally associate with and explore other options.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 I dont believe anyone is out of another persons league...its a matter of compatibility and attraction. If you do believe every guy you find attractive and intelligent is out of your league, youre in trouble! Seriously though, I do think that you are underestimating yourself, and overestimating others. Everyone deserves to be with someone they find attractive and admire. Goodness...I look at my bf and see a guy who is drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, funny and has a lot going for him...I think I am very lucky...hes so "cool" and me...Im a reclusive geek, single mom, not fashionable at all...how "cool" I am depends strictly on the weather lol! And yet the guy has had the nerve to say he doesnt know what I see in him and tells me how lucky he is to have me. Hah! That would be both of our warped perceptions at play here. Dont let your perceptions get in your way and dont be afraid to go after what you want...if it doesnt work, then try again! The good thing about that is...when you do meet your match, youll appreciate him and your relationship with him that much more cause of who you went through before him, and you wont take what you have for granted RTS, unfortunately for me, I was in a position such as yours two years ago, and needless to say I had a relationship with a guy who really, really isn't someone I would want to think about. Yes, perception can be warped and I overlooked several major issues he had: unemployment, depression/mood swings, lack of social skills,etc. I was juvenile then but I have grown up knowing the kind of guy I wouldn't want or date. But good for you to have your boyfriend.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Well if you think that being financially stable, model features ( this one is always relative) , intelligence , and being well rounded is out of your league... Then what you are saying is IN your league is financially unstable, less than attractive (to you) , not very smart, and narrow minded. So, yes...I would say you have some self esteem issues, they are easy to come by. And yes, therapy is not a bad thing to consider ...but meanwhile: Those qualities you describe as desirable...are normal. The qualities you describe as less than desireable ...are normal. So - just keep that little list and see which category a guy fall into. Simply refuse to consider anyone who is in the second list and keep an open mind ONLY to those who have at least the basis of the first list. That will at least keep you from wasting your time and keep you focused on the guys that were PREVIOUSLY out of your league. Yes, considering my last relationship ( a long time ago) I always seemed to have a mindset to settle for less when I know I deserve more. It's true, I never gave thought to pine or ogle someone who I find attractive and desirable because while they are normal, they are also desirable to others? I never see the sense of fighting with people over things, although I can be very possessive in nature. And even if I put myself in a position to fight over someone, I would think I would end up losing out. Hence the need to avoid ( unnecessary?) conflict and settle. I love your advice. I will keep that in mind and give myself more chances to pursue those I perceive as " above my league" when in reality they're as normal as you and I.
2sure Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Kind of Fake It til you make it. But , you know, while you are working on yourself...its not a bad plan.
CaliGuy Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Ok well, a couple things. But then how exactly do I date men that are out of my league? A) NO ONE is really out of your league. I'm not exactly confident, I'm far from it. B) As long as you feel this way, EVERYONE is out of your league. Do you get what I am saying? You need to work on your confidence and self-esteem. I have dated some VERY attractive women and women that others may not find attractive. But not once have I ever thought that someone was "out of my league" simply because I am confident in who I am and what I have to offer. Counseling is excellent in this case because a Counselor can help identify the root cause of your confidence issues and can give you ways to help rebuild it to healthy levels. PM me if you want me details.
Jaytb Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 write down what you think you offer a man, then seek a guy who offers most of the same things. For instance, you think you're intelligent, then seek out an intelligent guy, if you think you're ok looking, then seek out an ok looking guy, etc. Try to be honest without being overly critical, and if you have self-esteem issue, then you should probably work on that first. A lot of people have self-esteem issues, some might find it helpful to see a therapist, but I think many can pull through without the need of a therapist. I think you should decide for yourself if you need therapy or not.
Hkizzle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I wouldn't mind just acting like Kate Hudson and lose a boyfriend in 10 days. Lol, if that's your aim then go over board on the sex appeal. It's easy for a woman to get a guy for 10 days. Considering how observant you are, haven't you yet worked out the problem women have is finding and keeping a decent man? Women date and have jerks run away from them all the time. So if it's 10 days you want, go head out to a club with a tight dress, not too tight but will accentuate your figure. Make sure it clings to your butt, show off the legs and wear a nice pair of heels. Make sure you take some pics and send to me as well. Thanks in advance!
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 xpaper, since you're looking for casual dating scenarios, I don't think you need to put so much energy into envisioning the perfect man, then finding him to date. Just get out there and start dating, which is what casual dating is all about. Relaxed, no commitment, no stress or pressure.
Star Gazer Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Well I guess I would categorize ' out of my league" as financially stable, model features, intelligent, and well- rounded in character. Aren't you describing yourself?
Cora Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Good luck with your dating endeavors xpaperxcutx!!! Believe in yourself! No one is out of your league!!!! :)
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