brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 i guess its easy for me to become addicted to drinking. iv always been a drinker, but right now i know in my head i dont want to drink. i know in my wallet i dont want to drink. and i know for my overall health, body, and career i shouldnt drink. breaking up with my ex has justed seemed like another excuse in my life to give up and drink. but right now in my point in life, EVERY person im friends with, from every group/click that i hang out with are drinkers/smokers. i cant get away from it. a day ending after me working, than going to the gym and playing handball. i feel good, but i cant stay still. im not content with going home and showering and calling it a day. i go out or my friends call me out and i hate saying no. in my mind, im constantly telling myself, keep going out your gonna meet someone else. its the lifestyle i know. if i stay home, how am i gonna meet anyone or move foward from constantly thinking of my ex.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I always felt so alone. It helps to know that there are others who feel the same way I do. I'm in the same boat as you. I can't stay home. I get off work, change and I'm off to keep busy until 11-12. I'm not sure if I'm dealing with my feelings or just putting them aside. B4 the heartbreak I never went out. I stayed home with my x and we always did everything together. I've become a lil more laid back. My social life is no longer in the gutter. I have friends but I'm constantly thinkin of my ex...
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 yeah i used to stay in a little more when i was with my ex. but once she cheated on my, i kinda let everything fall apart. now i KNOW im not at fault in the fact that she cheated on me. i know this. but i said that i was gonna try to work on us, and instead i put the relationship on the back burner and total turned inside out and didnt care anymore. i guess it was me just giving up knowing she wasnt faithful more than 1 time. instead of taking a break, it just escalated and turned sour quickly. all i keep thinking is if i changed, or even if i call her now, i know she'd take this back in a heart beat....but i know i dont deserve someone who cant be happy with just me. we did everything together. vacationed once a month. always traveled, lived together for 4 years. once i found out about what she did, it was never the same. and thats what i miss so much is what we were, not what we became.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I can relate to how your feeling. I was the one who messed up the relationship. I didn't cheat but I might as well have. I was contacted by her bro-in-law. He offered to give me $200. I was desperate for money and he gave it to me. At the time, I didn't realize he wanted to sleep with me. I left his house and I ran straight to my then x's house. I cried I told her everything I did. I was completely honest w/her. I apologized. I begged her to take me back. I did EVERYTHING. If given the chance I would show her I love her unconditionally. She won't take me back. She's been with someone, but it didnt work out. She's moving on. I'm heartbroken yet, I'm the reason why we aren't together. We lived together for 2 1/2 years. We work together. She lives with my sister. It's difficult to move on when I have to see her with my family, @ work. I made the mistake but I learned from it. I was selfish that night. I didn't intend to sleep with him but she no longer trusts me.
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 yeah, its a sucky situation. i know i didnt do anything wrong, but she broke up with me becasue she had "proof" i cheated on her. i NEVER once cheated. my conscience is way to guilty to deal with that. i guess the feeling of being inadiquate and not giving her what she wanted makes me feel like i should have done something, anything that could have kept her from cheating... and i dont know why i insist on thinking it was my fault.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I look at it this way. She didn't love me enough to work it out. I did everything I could to try to get a second chance. She gave up. It's her loss. Eventually, She will realize I loved her and cared about her. You didn't give her a reason to leave. Her feelings may have changed, no longer a connection etc. Whatever the reason may have been be thankful that she did not "pretend" to have feelings for you. It's out of your hands now. From what I've read it's not your fault. You are not to blame. You can only control what you think and how you feel. It's time for both of us to gather the strength we need to move on.
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 i know your right, you know your right, but its one of those lingering feelings thats so hard to shake. especially when i get texts and calls or emails saying that she sees us together in the future. that its not over she doesnt want this to end. its like a game to her. shes got my mind going in multiple directions. i need to just ignore her words and move on...once again easily said than done.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 You already know that I feel exactly the way you do. I get phone calls, but I don't return them. I try to remain NC however, she comes into my office and starts a convo. I went as far as turning off my phone to stop the communication. You're right. It is a game to them. Our ex's are selfish. They are getting an ego boost while we are trying to cope. In time we will move on. I refuse to let her back in my life. She had her chance b4 but denied it. WE WILL MOVE ON WITH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 yeah deff will, im just afraid now that i might have a cold shoulder or might be jaded from this experience. or maybe i might be too willing to fall quickly in the next relationship. im not exactly the best in terms of self esteem. i can be cocky, loud, and the center of attention, but its basically an act. when it comes down to it, i have trouble opening up and i know thats gonna put a block on progress with finding someone new.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Only time will tell. Don't be afraid to pursue a relationship when you're ready. I wish I was more laid back. Once I become comfortable with that person I open up and ppl tell me I'm a nice person to hang out with...I've always felt that I'm to shy. I may be interested in someone but I won't have the courage to talk to them. I've missed so many opportunities in the past b/c a lack of socializing skills. I want to meet someone new... but I'm also scared to meet them. I don't know if I would be able to open up or love them the way I loved my ex.
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 ugh, same boat. only im not afraid to open up and talk. thats something im very good at doing. that making friends ect. but im so clueless when it comes to flirting. people say i flirt, but its just my personality. but when i realize or know if someone has a thing for me, i clam up. all of a sudden im speachless. i also think well no ones gonna get me the way my ex did. And what really just f*cks with my head is, none of my friends have ever had a steady relationship. only flings. and a lot of my friends are literaly male hores. their constantly pushing me to go and sleep with everything that walks. and i guess my mind is so stuck in the relationship mentality that its just not me. and what pisses me off is they throw their experience at me like its a f*cking resume. i basically say ok yeah i was tied up for 8 years cut me some slack, but their relentless.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Its crazy...we are in the same boat, hope its floating in the right direction:). No one understand what we are going through. There is no switch that can be turned on/off. Everyone says the same thing. More fish in the sea blah blah blah. Yes, Its true, but someone we loved deeply is no longer in our lives. It's a hard process to deal with. Waking up, coming home to the person you love the most. Then one day they are gone. Hopefully, each day that passes it becomes easier. I've accepted the truth. She will not come back. As for one night stands- I don't agree with it. I hate how he/she could degrade themselves like that. I would feel used, worthless if I chose to do that. I'm only 20 but relationship wise I'm old skool. Make love not F***
GrayClouds Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 i guess its easy for me to become addicted to drinking. iv always been a drinker, but right now i know in my head i dont want to drink. i know in my wallet i dont want to drink. and i know for my overall health, body, and career i shouldnt drink. Find a AA group or two in your area, you may not be a alcoholic but your saying your dependent on it. Find a group, it will give you something else to do, meet some sober people, and help move your life in a different direction.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I found this website... http://www.nassauny-aa.org/
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 true, yeah im 26, but was tied up since 18, and iv always had some kinda g/f. its kinda strange being on the open market so to speak. and at this point, i know 26 isnt old, but i keep thinking my days r numbered, which i know is a bunch of bull sh*t. especially the fact that i have a young mentality where i like to have fun and keep active all the time. as for the AA, I know i wont do it. i'll tell myself im fine, that its a phase. blah blah, basically i hate feeling like i need help.
jv032889 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 26 is young!!!! You're old when you hit 40:p. This whole process is new to me. 5 months ago I thought I was going to fall over. I was in the relationship my senior year and two years after high school. I haven't experienced life yet. I know I will find love again some day. You are young as well. I've managed to stay super busy. It makes the healing process a lil easier. Just do you ...while you're enjoying yourself someone will notice you.
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 haha yeah everyone says it. im gonna do a full detox program. so i wont be able to drink or smoke. i had a broken hand for 6 weeks, so i need a jump start to get back into physical activities and keeping my self in good condition. i figured the detox can quickly get rid of all the ****ty toxins, and also give me a boost to get back down to my weight alonf with hockey and handball, i should be fine. your right, ill work on myself, eventually something will come along, i gotta stop looking for the quick fixes. it'll come in time
GrayClouds Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 true, yeah im 26, but was tied up since 18, and iv always had some kinda g/f. its kinda strange being on the open market so to speak. and at this point, i know 26 isnt old, but i keep thinking my days r numbered, which i know is a bunch of bull sh*t. especially the fact that i have a young mentality where i like to have fun and keep active all the time. as for the AA, I know i wont do it. i'll tell myself im fine, that its a phase. blah blah, basically i hate feeling like i need help. You just have to find one that is right for you with other younger members, it may take few tries but think of it as more about meeting some people. Fact is I went to one for a while and figured out I abuse alcohol but not an alcoholic. Still able to meet a few non-drinking friends and then met of few of there friends.
Author brock9911 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Yeah. it feels like im abandoning my friends though. the ones who have stuck around through this. i feel like i should be able to control my own actions, that its not my friends who make me drink or convince me to drink, its just my own way of self satisfaction. i havent let it interfere with my work. i just dont like to open up like that. to confess my flaws. it kinda makes me feel worse than i already do
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