wontgohomewou Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 We were both at the same party. I thought I was over her until I saw that happen. It made me rage HARD. The next day, I told her that I can't see her anymore after seeing that. She started crying, we made love, she cried again. Then I told her that it's done for good this time. No more friendship, no more anything. I've been hurt by this girl REALLY bad and I don't want to get hurt again. What pisses me off is that she told me 'I still have feelings for you, but I can't be with you'. **** YOU BITCH. Don't tell me that kind of **** if you have no intentions of getting back together because it doesn't help me in any way. Damn I hate some girls. Just a little recap: She dumped me in January, I was devastated and clinically depressed. Tried getting her back until June, she said no, I stopped talking to her. Saw her again at school in August, she was a bitch at first but opened up. I thought I was moved on, I liked other girls. I saw this happen and it made me want to kick the crap out of the guy. Found it extremely disrespectful, could have not danced with him when I was there. So happy to have her out of my life again. Sorry for the post, I'm just really pissed.
Taramere Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Presumably you and she, as a result of studying at the same college, bump into eachother a lot socially. If the two of you are no longer in a relationship, how did it go from her and this guy grinding at a party together to you and her being alone in a situation where you were able to have sex?
Author wontgohomewou Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Presumably you and she, as a result of studying at the same college, bump into eachother a lot socially. If the two of you are no longer in a relationship, how did it go from her and this guy grinding at a party together to you and her being alone in a situation where you were able to have sex? We've had sex before that too. Once she started opening up again she would just come into my room without knocking. Eventually we started cuddling at night and then it led to us having sex once again. The sex isn't worth the pain though. DAMN IM PISSED!
Taramere Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Right....so you're both in halls of residence together. I think that's often a recipe for disaster. I had my own place when I was a student, but I know that people who shared houses, or stayed in halls, with people they'd been involved with often ended up embroiled in these pretty horrific situations. You definitely need ground rules to protect yourself from further drama. Even if she were your friend or girlfriend, I think it would be completely out of order for her to be walking into your room without knocking. It shouldn't be tricky to ensure that that never happens again. The trickier aspect probably relates to the two of you having a social scene in common, which is the aspect that possibly can't be changed - and that you'll have to therefore learn to manage effectively. It's really not uncommon during uni for people to be caught up in those kinds of messy games. It happened to an ex of mine, and messed him up quite badly. He didn't deal with it very well, and I think in some ways he carried a grudge against that girl onto subsequent relationships. That coping method probably felt satisfying to him in many ways, but ultimately he was letting a ghost from the past exert control over every other relationship he tried to have. Rather than going down that road of making your grudge against this girl one you hold against girls generally, I'd recommend you make an appointment with a student counsellor to talk this over. They'll be well versed in hearing about this kind of situation occurring in student life, and helping people to find ways to deal with it effectively so that you can feel back in control of yourself and your emotions...without trying to regain that sense of control in destructive and unhelpful ways.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Taramere has everything on point. I would like to emphasize on the ground rules that you avoid intimacy with your ex even if she obligingly welcomes herself into your dorm and onto your bed. If you don't the draw the lines you'll end up in an emotional rollercoaster.
Author wontgohomewou Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Yeah you guys are right and I have already taken action. I told her that I don't want to hang out anymore and that if we see each other in public, we'll just act civil. I don't think I'm mad at her, I think I'm mad at myself for letting her get close again. And I'm even more mad at the fact that I fell for her again after all that she put me through. Sometimes, life sucks.
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