moet70 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Hello I had been dating a guy for 3 -4 weeks, all going well.... he had been seperated 1 year, wife cheated, in the process of financial settlement and sale of the house and they share custody of a 3 year old boy. I had just gotten over a severe commitment phobic who would go hot and cold, on and off etc... we discussed our issues and agreed to always try to communicate work through our baggage etc... [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]he was being a bit hot and cold, distracted, not making any plans to catch up, all those..." feelings came back and I could feel him pulling away...distancing..my insecurtiies were out of control so I was pulling away too. we had a chat about it last week and the week before, eg: I have recently been very hurt and I am scared of going through all that again ...you have just come out of a marriage and going through settlement" lets try and be as honest and communicate as much as possible going forward...about how we are feeling...he agreed and we did have some pretty honest discussions. I had told him I can be needy and insecure and the best thing to do is to just say " calm down" and it works like magic. On sat night I rocked up at his house and he was half way through a bottle of bundy!! Well and truly trashed, his ex had called him at 3am talked about his ex non stop, was clearly not dealing well with things, I try to listen an be supportive, but I have my own fears and defenses at play.... Eg he is going to end this, he is going to run away, I am gonna get in first… He kept assuring me he was fine with his ex and that relationship had ended and he was over it and when I asked him about how he felt about selling the house his response was " awesome" but he kept talking about her non stop. didn't hear from him since sat, sent a msg last night, "how's things" "not that great, settlement yesterday has left me very flat" " do you want to be left alone?" "That is the way to go I think, I feel very lost all of a sudden" " Thanks for letting me know, have a great life" ( YIKES!!!!) I didn't handle it very well and instead of giving him space and support, i took it personally, made it all about me, eg he is pushing me away so i am gonna shut it down He wasn't very happy with that response and told me not to contact him again. No excuse I did the wrong thing. I am ashamed. I should have just said " no worries, take your time, hope your ok and call me if you need anything" Incredibly bad form on my part. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]i think it needed to end as he is not ready, but not like that, could have ended on better terms...[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff]I still have not heard from him a week later....[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#0000ff][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]
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