juz84 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 After 3 years of living with my housemate, we've just started dating. All our friends thought it was about time and he is a lovely guy . He hasn't been in a relationship for a few years and netiher have I. The difficult thing is that he is always making wise cracks about sleeping with other people and hitting on my friends right in front of me. He used to only say stuff like that to me, but in the lead up to us getting together he started to hit on my best friend. Everyone assures me it was to get my attention, but it was only when she was away for a month that I felt enough space to finally get together- I don't find hitting on my best friend an attractive quality. The only problem is, he rarely makes jokes with me anymore, but still thinks it's fine to hit on my friends in front of me. I really don't want to change who he is because he can be such a great guy and I've tried talking to him about it and he says he'll stop and the very next time another girlfriend comes over, his greeting words are to suggest that she takes her clothes off. In the time I was single, I made a really big effort to be comfortable and cinfident with myself and I really was happy. But I can feel this eating away at my self esteem and feel like I've become helpless and whingey, and I can feel that he is starting to resent me for the restrictions I've attempted to impose. Where is the line?
Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 The line is wherever you draw it. You have a line in your head, and he has crossed it. When you said something to him about it, he should have showed his love, respect and commitment to you by knocking it off. Don't let him behave a certain way that crosses your line because he's getting tired of YOUR behavior just because you're afraid of him dumping you. You're tired of his behavior too right??!!
sweetjasmine Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 The difficult thing is that he is always making wise cracks about sleeping with other people and hitting on my friends right in front of me. He used to only say stuff like that to me, but in the lead up to us getting together he started to hit on my best friend. Everyone assures me it was to get my attention, but it was only when she was away for a month that I felt enough space to finally get together- I don't find hitting on my best friend an attractive quality. The only problem is, he rarely makes jokes with me anymore, but still thinks it's fine to hit on my friends in front of me. I really don't want to change who he is because he can be such a great guy and I've tried talking to him about it and he says he'll stop and the very next time another girlfriend comes over, his greeting words are to suggest that she takes her clothes off. IMO, those "lol you should take your clothes off" jokes are lame and tacky, and they strike me as kind of sleazy coming from a guy who's sitting there with his girlfriend. I'd personally think that saying it once would be tactless and insensitive. But making those jokes repeatedly, even after you've told him that it bothers you, is just plain disrespectful and obnoxious. Where is the line? Where you decide to draw it. IMO, I don't think you drew it at an unreasonable place.
alexxx Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Where is the line? The line is at different places for different people. Depends who you ask. Some people have open relationships, meaning that the line is far away. I respect those relationships (but would never want one myself). I do not know where your line is, but I definitely know this much: If you guys want to have an exclusive, committed relationship, your bf CROSSED THE LINE (wherever the line is).
alexxx Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Forgot to add. I honestly think your bf is a complete jerk.
Lucky_One Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 When you accept bad behavior after he promises to chage it, then you are setting the stage for the remainder of the relationship. (Notice I didn't say for the rest of your life with him, as this R will not make it that far. It will implode prior to that.) For my BF to ask another woman to take her clothes off for him is a dealbreaker. Period. No ifs, ands or buts. I can see why he hasn't been in a R for a few years. And you have known it and you have seen it - and you only would get with him when your BF was gone. That right there is a red flag.
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