Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Oh, come on. LOL True, I laughed hard at the first sentence. But I'm trying to imagine a guy picking out a ring SO garrish and SO embarrassing and SO ugly that I wouldn't even want to wear it...if his taste is THAT bad, WTF am I doing with this guy? That was my point. haha I don't mean for those women that are picky about their diamond cut, clarity, or the metal color. I'm NOT picky about that stuff - I really don't care. See what I mean? You don't take things seriously so I had to tease you, even though yes, I did understand where you were coming from previously. Ryelle, I'm curious of something. I'm guessing you're a woman but forgive me if I'm wrong, since your username and profile don't reflect gender. Which one would you prefer and is this something that's meaningful to you, what other women prefer?
ReturnToSender Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 The other guy may just be more observant and therefore in-tune to what your friend likes, or perhaps he just has similar taste as she does. My bf is the same as yours about gift shopping. He once got me a beautiful necklace, and I like it, but it's really not my style at all. I definitely see it as more of a "special occasion" and "with the right outfit" kind of necklace. He, and the girl who helped him pick it out (no one that really knew me at the time) always want to know why I don't wear it more. Ironically, my sister loves the necklace, and it would become a regular part of her wardrobe if it were hers - because it's definitely her style and taste, and it would go with pretty much everything she owns. So, if he were dating her, it would've been seen as "the perfect romantic gift," ya know? Talking to someone that knows the bride-to-be's taste and style is very important if you don't go shopping together! My friends bf is a hopeless romantic...its great to hear about but honestly? Hes not my type of guy at all. All the poetry and flowers and random gifts...I would appreciate it, but it would be a bit much for me after awhile. I *much* rather like it that when my bf does do something for me or gets me something, the worried look on his facehoping that Ill like it...and knowing he *had* to put a lot of thought into it, cause its just not something that comes naturally to him. Knowing him...he goes into a panic before he enters the store...I can imagine all the crazy questions hes asking the sales person, and then the moment of hoping he didnt mess up and that I like it...and I always do. Even if its not exactly my thing...just knowing he really put thought and effort into doing something for me counts for a lot. You know..really thinking about it...if he did buy me a ring, I would love it. Well..as long as it wasnt yellow gold...I hate yellow gold LoL! But if he did surprise me with it, Id appreciate it and love it for what the whole thing means to us. Maybe I am a romantic afterall? hah! Im getting so ahead of myself though, we arent ready for marriage.
dreamergrl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I'd prefer 1 - but would not be upset if the other happened. It wouldn't be just about me, so I'd want him to do what he's comfortable with and wants as well.
Author Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 You don't take things seriously so I had to tease you, even though yes, I did understand where you were coming from previously. Ryelle, I'm curious of something. I'm guessing you're a woman but forgive me if I'm wrong, since your username and profile don't reflect gender. Which one would you prefer and is this something that's meaningful to you, what other women prefer? Yup, I'm a woman - Rylle like Rye-lee, which I guess is still ambiguous or androygenous or whatever. I would much prefer the first option, given that we were at a point that he knew it was OK to propose. The second just seems, as others have said, lazy, other than that it has the appeal of getting the exact ring you want. I'd rather have the EXPERIENCE I want - the ring itself is less important. The second option seems much more like going shopping for your Christmas gift together, knowing exactly what you're getting, and then either opening it at Christmas (and it's not a big deal at all - sort of like what was the point of having to wrap and unwrap it and wait for it). So maybe you go shopping for it together, and then you just wear it, and you never really get a proposal - you just get a ring and now you're engaged. Plus, I don't even like picking a restaurant when a guy or bf asks me where I want to go for dinner (and it's understood he's paying), because I don't know how expensive or not it should be. I would hate having him say "this is the budget" and then looking at rings together. This is just something I recently started thinking about, and those are my initial thoughts on it. I also know that (as another poster started a thread about) I'm kinda of a hard-ass and difficult to please - to the point of looking for reasons to be mad or dissatisfied or whatever sometimes. So just curious what other people's thoughts on this are.
sweetjasmine Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 The second just seems, as others have said, lazy, other than that it has the appeal of getting the exact ring you want. I'd rather have the EXPERIENCE I want - the ring itself is less important. The second option seems much more like going shopping for your Christmas gift together, knowing exactly what you're getting, and then either opening it at Christmas (and it's not a big deal at all - sort of like what was the point of having to wrap and unwrap it and wait for it). So maybe you go shopping for it together, and then you just wear it, and you never really get a proposal - you just get a ring and now you're engaged. That's funny. Going shopping for my Christmas gift together was exactly what we did last time. We were wandering aimlessly through the mall, and he asked me what I wanted. I said I didn't know, and as we walked past a jewelry store, he said he was going to get me a ring because "I want to get you something nice". So we looked around, went to a few stores, and picked one out. It had to be resized, so I didn't get it until several weeks after, but I've been wearing it every day since. I certainly didn't feel like it was lazy of him to do that. I thought it was very sweet. Anyways, if we went shopping for an engagement ring together, I wouldn't wear it after we bought it, and I'm sure he would plan a surprise for me.
Author Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 That's funny. Going shopping for my Christmas gift together was exactly what we did last time. We were wandering aimlessly through the mall, and he asked me what I wanted. I said I didn't know, and as we walked past a jewelry store, he said he was going to get me a ring because "I want to get you something nice". So we looked around, went to a few stores, and picked one out. It had to be resized, so I didn't get it until several weeks after, but I've been wearing it every day since. I certainly didn't feel like it was lazy of him to do that. I thought it was very sweet. Anyways, if we went shopping for an engagement ring together, I wouldn't wear it after we bought it, and I'm sure he would plan a surprise for me. Well I guess that's what I'm saying - no matter what happens after the fact, it's not a surprise, to me. I know what the ring looks like, and I know he's going to "propose" (which, let's face it, he pretty much already did when he said "let's go look at rings"). The second he does something even slightly romantic or out of the ordinary, you know it's coming. Or what if he doesn't do anything that's a surprise, and you just go out to a nice dinner and he does it? While normally that would be an "experience" it no longer is. And then, assuming you never told your friends that you two were getting engaged, you now get to tell them, and it's like "oh yeah, I've known for awhile now, we picked out the ring weeks ago." I'd much rather have the experience than "the ring." I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, or convince anyone that I'm "right" or that they have to feel the same way as me about this.
Shygirl15 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If you're dating a guy, would you rather: 1. Have him surprise you with a ring/proposal? 2. Have talked about marriage, and have him ask you to go pick out a ring with him? And why? And for those of you who have a preference, would you be upset if he did the opposite? Men, which would you rather do for a woman you're dating? My BF is very good with other surprise stuff but for some reason he was very upfront with with the engagement issue; he told me the exact date/place he's going propose and that we will have to go ring shopping together to give him an idea of the ring I would like to have. Not exactly romantic and my preference is to be surprised however the fact that he's proposing to me is far more important than how he's proposing.
ReturnToSender Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I would hate having him say "this is the budget" and then looking at rings together. Oh gosh..the whole idea of us making such a major purchase together....him letting me know the budget then shopping for a ring together, makes me all tingly. But Im weird... I *know* this..lmfao! I so need to stay out of this thread. I SO dont need to even be thinking of things like this right now. (I know what Id like my wedding colours to be!) okay I just had to get that out of my system, Im gonna stop now
Author Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 My BF is very good with other surprise stuff but for some reason he was very upfront with with the engagement issue; he told me the exact date/place he's going propose and that we will have to go ring shopping together to give him an idea of the ring I would like to have. Not exactly romantic and my preference is to be surprised however the fact that he's proposing to me is far more important than how he's proposing. Interesting. Maybe he saw that episode of "Scrubs" where Elliot made her bf re-propose to her specifics so that she could get her nails done and have the right outfit and stuff
sweetjasmine Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Well I guess that's what I'm saying - no matter what happens after the fact, it's not a surprise, to me. I know what the ring looks like, and I know he's going to "propose" (which, let's face it, he pretty much already did when he said "let's go look at rings"). Yeah, I can see that. At the same time, we've both already talked about marriage and all that in detail, so we're both working under the assumption that we're going to get married. In a sense, he already has proposed even though he's never asked, "Will you marry me?" while down on one knee. We both know we want it, and we both know the other wants it, too. So in a sense, we're "engaged." The second he does something even slightly romantic or out of the ordinary, you know it's coming. What if he occasionally does romantic or out of the ordinary things? I know what you mean, though. But I'm sure there would still be some way to surprise you or make the experience romantic. Or what if he doesn't do anything that's a surprise, and you just go out to a nice dinner and he does it? While normally that would be an "experience" it no longer is. I think it'd still be an experience - just not as surprising. I guess it depends. "We don't want dessert, just regular coffee - oh by the way, dear, will you marry me? And, yes, just bring us the check, thank you," would be pretty lame. And then, assuming you never told your friends that you two were getting engaged, you now get to tell them, and it's like "oh yeah, I've known for awhile now, we picked out the ring weeks ago." Well, for me, I already know. So I could also be saying, "Oh yeah, I've known for two years now, we decided on things way before he proposed." I'd much rather have the experience than "the ring." Yeah. I understand. I just think that you can have both. I know he wouldn't want the experience to be awkward because he bought an expensive ring I'd never wear. I wouldn't mind having picked out the ring and seen it before. He's good at setting up surprises, so I'd be excited to see what he came up with. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade, or convince anyone that I'm "right" or that they have to feel the same way as me about this. Same here.
sb129 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Even though my H and I had talked about marriage enough so it was pretty much a given that we were going to go through with it, AND the fact that I had dropped a few hints about the kind of ring I would like, I was STILL 100% blown away with surprise when he actually did it. Best of both worlds!
looking4 green grass Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Interesting question and one I've thought about a lot. I think I used to be an option #1 kind of girl. But now I have inherited my mother's diamonds that will need to be set in a custom ring. I would absolutely DIE if any future husband of mine messed that one up. It's all I have left of my Mom, so I want to be there during the design process because I want the ring to reflect both me and her. (And how is a man going to know her if he's never met her?) I do still think the proposal can be a surprise though, even if I do have a hand in the ring design.
lordWilhelm Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I would talk to her first about marriage. Obviously, I wouldn't just pop the ring if I didn't know whether she wanted to get married. But I would try to make the proposal a bit of a surprise too, and picking the ring myself is part of that.
aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I would much prefer the first option, given that we were at a point that he knew it was OK to propose. Yeah I gotta agree, I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic at heart. Plus, I don't even like picking a restaurant when a guy or bf asks me where I want to go for dinner (and it's understood he's paying), because I don't know how expensive or not it should be. I would hate having him say "this is the budget" and then looking at rings together. This made me laugh because that's exactly how the guy I'm dating is. He hates to decide on where we eat or what we do when we go out because he says he wants me to enjoy myself. At first it really bothered me, but now I just know that's how he is, he's not gonna plan anything ahead without letting me know about it first. But I digress. I think if my SO took me to a store, said "this is how much we have to spend on your ring" and let me loose on the store, that would be a big letdown. Unless of course it would be like the opening scene of that movie Sweet Home Alabama where he proposed to her in a room full of rings and then let her pick the one she wanted. That would work for me just as well, lol.
Stung Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Oh, come on. LOL True, I laughed hard at the first sentence. But I'm trying to imagine a guy picking out a ring SO garrish and SO embarrassing and SO ugly that I wouldn't even want to wear it...if his taste is THAT bad, WTF am I doing with this guy? That was my point. haha I don't mean for those women that are picky about their diamond cut, clarity, or the metal color. I'm NOT picky about that stuff - I really don't care. See what I mean? We went with #2, and thank God, because my partner IS just that clueless about jewelry, and I'm just that picky. I'm sure he wouldn't necessarily have chosen something garish and embarrassing, but he wanted it to be something I will wear forever, and I am very into unique artisan jewelry and have taken many classes in making my own jewelry including wax-casting and pouring my own metal rings. I love my man and find him quite wonderful but he's a typical engineer-type and knows feck-all about jewelry or fashion or art. I'm not talking about diamond clarity blah blah either...I didn't want a diamond, my ring is sapphire.
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