Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If you're dating a guy, would you rather: 1. Have him surprise you with a ring/proposal? 2. Have talked about marriage, and have him ask you to go pick out a ring with him? And why? And for those of you who have a preference, would you be upset if he did the opposite? Men, which would you rather do for a woman you're dating?
Thaddeus Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Men, which would you rather do for a woman you're dating?Neither. I'd prefer that the money used for a shiny bauble actually be saved and eventually spent buying the family home.
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I've never the second scenario happen, only the first one. Either is fine with me.
Lucky555 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I would love to be surprised and pick my own ring. if the guy talks with the jeweler before then he could have different rings set up, like styles. If a girl is going to wear a ring the rest of her life she might as well like it. Unless you know the type of ring she wants then you could just surprise her!
Ruby Slippers Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I would not want to be surprised. I would want him to know for certain that I would say yes before he asked -- otherwise, I might be put in the uncomfortable position of rejecting him, and that would suck for both of us. I would prefer to have discussed our future plans and the possibility of marriage. As for the ring, I would prefer that he had paid enough attention to what I like to pick out something good himself. I would like to be surprised with that -- provided he has good taste. All that said, if a man I loved and wanted to marry proposed to me without discussing it first, and made a less-than-ideal ring selection, I'd care more about the meaning than the details, and would accept.
aerogurl87 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Well I haven't been proposed to yet, but I'd like the guy to surprise me with a ring and maybe go shopping with it with my best friend or someone like that (someone who knows my tastes in rings and what I'd love and hate). But on the flipside, I'd definitely want to discuss marriage first so I wouldn't have to reject him, especially if he were to do it in a public setting. *shivers*
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Only had the second scenario. Always wanted the first. I'm a romantic at heart, so all that mushy stuff like grand proposals and a big wedding are dreams of mine. Don't know that it will ever happen, so I tend to sit and eat my big bowl of sour grapes while rolling my eyes and telling myself how contrived it is.
sb129 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 We talked about marriage, but in the end he surprised me with a ring. It was awesome.
sweetjasmine Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 #2, especially since I'd probably pick a cheaper ring than he would. But it'd be nice for the actual proposal to be a surprise, even after we've talked it over and decided on things.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I'd prefer #1, provided he KNEW we were on the same page about getting married. Meaning, that we had talked about it in general and had talked about our futures together. But that the actual proposal itself was a surprise. I don't really care about the ring. I'm easy to please when it comes to that kind of stuff. I think if I were with a guy that had such wacked-out taste that I'd be embarrassed by whatever ring he chose to profess his love for me, then we have bigger issues.
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I don't really care about the ring. I'm easy to please when it comes to that kind of stuff. I think if I were with a guy that had such wacked-out taste that I'd be embarrassed by whatever ring he chose to profess his love for me, then we have bigger issues.Hey, hey, hey, how many men would you trust to dress you, on a daily basis? The same holds true for rings.
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Surprise me with it. I'm just hoping when he does so, we are on the same page about it.
sb129 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Hey, hey, hey, how many men would you trust to dress you, on a daily basis? The same holds true for rings. Didn't your fiance surprise you with your ring?
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Didn't your fiance surprise you with your ring?Yes but I was teasing SSC about her incompatibility comment, if a man were to choose a tasteless ring. All six proposals were surprises, rings picked out by each of them. The ex-H had it made, based on his design.
sb129 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Six! Plus a 5 year marriage- is that right? What a busy girl you have been. Too bad you didn't keep all the rings, would make a nice little collection. Or did you?
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Six including my 5 year marriage and my current engagement. 4 weren't accepted so they remained with my exes. Why would I want to keep rings from men I didn't want to marry? Makes no sense to me. This is one of the hazards of not discussing marriage with your SO, previous to proposal, which is option #1.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Hey, hey, hey, how many men would you trust to dress you, on a daily basis? The same holds true for rings. Oh, come on. LOL True, I laughed hard at the first sentence. But I'm trying to imagine a guy picking out a ring SO garrish and SO embarrassing and SO ugly that I wouldn't even want to wear it...if his taste is THAT bad, WTF am I doing with this guy? That was my point. haha I don't mean for those women that are picky about their diamond cut, clarity, or the metal color. I'm NOT picky about that stuff - I really don't care. See what I mean?
Author Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Well it's certainly not fun to not be on the same page about a proposal. But I would be severely disappointed if the proposal consisted of "Hey let's go look at rings, I want to marry you." In fact, I would probably be so disappointed that he hadn't put any time/effort/thought into picking out a ring, I can definitely see myself crying.
Thornton Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If you're dating a guy, would you rather: 1. Have him surprise you with a ring/proposal? 2. Have talked about marriage, and have him ask you to go pick out a ring with him? And why? And for those of you who have a preference, would you be upset if he did the opposite? Men, which would you rather do for a woman you're dating? The latter, because that way I'd get a ring I liked and wanted to wear for the next however many years. If he surprised me, I'd probably hate the ring he picked out and feel terribly disappointed. If I could guarantee that he'd choose a ring I'd like then obviously I'd prefer to be surprised, but in general men have very poor taste in jewellery. The best scenario is probably for him to surprise me with a cheap temporary ring that he picked out himself, then take me to the jeweller at a later date to choose the real ring that I wanted.
New Again Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If you're dating a guy, would you rather: 1. Have him surprise you with a ring/proposal? 2. Have talked about marriage, and have him ask you to go pick out a ring with him? And why? And for those of you who have a preference, would you be upset if he did the opposite? Men, which would you rather do for a woman you're dating? #1 - but as other posters said, as long as we had discussed the possibility of marriage and were on the same page. But other than that I want him to surprise me with a ring that he picked out and a planned proposal. #2 is so unromantic, and doesn't show initiative or effort. But I'm also pretty traditional. I guess marrying the person you love is the important part, but I would probably be upset and question how well he knew me (and how much effort he'd put into our marriage) if he did this. It's just such a passive, laid-back approach to something that's a pretty bid deal, and pretty special to (most) women. Guys have so many options to figure out what type of ring/taste their gfs have, so it's not like he's 100% on his own and flying blind on picking out a ring or anything. My bf and I have hypothetically talked about engagement/marriage-related things. I learned that he's an option #2 kind of person (and a lot of his friends did this also), and he learned that I'm an option #1 person and that my sister knows what I like...so if we ever get to the point of marriage and he went with option #2, we'd have an issue.
Star Gazer Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 #2 is so unromantic, and doesn't show initiative or effort. But I'm also pretty traditional. I guess marrying the person you love is the important part, but I would probably be upset and question how well he knew me (and how much effort he'd put into our marriage) if he did this. It's just such a passive, laid-back approach to something that's a pretty bid deal, and pretty special to (most) women. Guys have so many options to figure out what type of ring/taste their gfs have, so it's not like he's 100% on his own and flying blind on picking out a ring or anything. I couldn't agree more. Ideally, we'd know that we were getting married, because we would have talked about the subject enough to know that "this is it." He'd also know my taste, and know just who to chat with (BFF, mom) to pick out the perfect ring. However, I know BF is an option #2 kind of person because he'd want it to be EXACTLY what I want. At the same time, he knows I'm an option #1 girl and knows just how to make sure he succeeds.
ReturnToSender Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Can I say both? Id like to be surprised with a proposal...and then go together to choose a ring. Knowing my bf, if it happens, he will not propose until hes very ready, and knows that I will say yes. Also knowing my bf, he will feel completely lost as to what sort of ring to get me...even buying me regular gifts puts him into a panic attack...the guy is totally lost when it comes to these things, and would want to take the safe route and make sure im with him to get what I want. On the flip...a friend of mine is dating a guy who seems to always get the perfect thing for her. Im sure he could confidently walk into a shop and pick out the ring she would love. Hes such a romantic, he probably figured out what ring to get her from the moment he laid eyes on her...lol! So..I guess it would depend on the couple. I do want a little bit of romanticism though...Id like to be surprised with a proposal.
sweetjasmine Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 #2 is so unromantic, and doesn't show initiative or effort. But I'm also pretty traditional. I guess marrying the person you love is the important part, but I would probably be upset and question how well he knew me (and how much effort he'd put into our marriage) if he did this. It's just such a passive, laid-back approach to something that's a pretty bid deal, and pretty special to (most) women. Guys have so many options to figure out what type of ring/taste their gfs have, so it's not like he's 100% on his own and flying blind on picking out a ring or anything. I don't really agree. I don't think it shows lack of initiative or effort at all. Even if I showed every single piece of jewelry I own to my SO and had him talk to the only friend of mine who understands and shares my taste, he still would be completely lost and wouldn't know what kind of ring I would like. He doesn't have an eye for that sort of thing at all, and it doesn't have anything to do with knowing me well or not knowing me well. He could probably describe most of my wardrobe in detail and say which pieces I like better than others, but he'd still never be able to pick out a dress for me and feel confident that it's something I'd like. And I know that my SO would feel terrible if he picked something I didn't really like, and he'd notice if I wasn't happy with it, even if I was pretending to be. Doing it that way would be unnecessarily stressful and would result in him spending more money to get something I might not like, and if I didn't wear the ring, it'd really hurt his feelings. I'd rather help him pick the ring and then let him surprise me by doing his own thing. I don't see it as a passive, laid-back approach, but every person is different.
New Again Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Can I say both? Id like to be surprised with a proposal...and then go together to choose a ring. Knowing my bf, if it happens, he will not propose until hes very ready, and knows that I will say yes. Also knowing my bf, he will feel completely lost as to what sort of ring to get me...even buying me regular gifts puts him into a panic attack...the guy is totally lost when it comes to these things, and would want to take the safe route and make sure im with him to get what I want. On the flip...a friend of mine is dating a guy who seems to always get the perfect thing for her. Im sure he could confidently walk into a shop and pick out the ring she would love. Hes such a romantic, he probably figured out what ring to get her from the moment he laid eyes on her...lol! So..I guess it would depend on the couple. I do want a little bit of romanticism though...Id like to be surprised with a proposal. The other guy may just be more observant and therefore in-tune to what your friend likes, or perhaps he just has similar taste as she does. My bf is the same as yours about gift shopping. He once got me a beautiful necklace, and I like it, but it's really not my style at all. I definitely see it as more of a "special occasion" and "with the right outfit" kind of necklace. He, and the girl who helped him pick it out (no one that really knew me at the time) always want to know why I don't wear it more. Ironically, my sister loves the necklace, and it would become a regular part of her wardrobe if it were hers - because it's definitely her style and taste, and it would go with pretty much everything she owns. So, if he were dating her, it would've been seen as "the perfect romantic gift," ya know? Talking to someone that knows the bride-to-be's taste and style is very important if you don't go shopping together!
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