EYECANDY000 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Well, I guess my bf and I are done. And I am so sad and hurt. And I would love some insight on the situation. I guess everything is always good in the beginning. We've been dating for some moths now, and we love each other. We practically was with each other every day. It was almost like we stayed together. It seemed like we had the best relationship and it would only get better. But that is until a few days ago we had a disagreement. Which was our first fight. The next day we talked about it and resloved our differences. (The disagreement was just a personality clash).. But since that day I've felt like he has changed towards me. It seems like his entire demeanor has changed. I would ask him a question and his answers are non chalant. Every time I try to be sweet to him, its almost like a brush off. I tell him that I miss him, and I love him, and his response is always uh huh.. and laugh.Now, in his defense he has always joked liked that with me, but now its a joke and not a follow up response. There's no real real response. And I'm left with doubts. Now that was a few days ago. And since then I feel like I'm walking on egg shells when I'm talking to him. Now, remind you we have layed with each other every single night for months, up until a few days ago when we had the disagreement. Now last night I talked to him while at work, and when I got off I didn't hear from him the entire night. So, I figured he is still a little upset with me from a few days ago. So, today when he called me it was almost like I was begging to see him today. I went over there and we layed around for an hour or so. And then his phone rung. So I scurried over in a joking way to knock his phone off the bed so he wouldn't pick it up. I figured we were having a quality time moment and it was just one of his friends calling, who he would speak to eventually. (And it was) so he stated that he thinks I don't trust him anymore, and I said 'i do' and reassured him. A few minutes later he made the joke that he was creeping last night, and he has someone new . So we play fighted about it and laughed it off. Then he said it again, and I said ' that's not funny, so stop. Then I said something, and he rebutted with , in a joking way, I did creep last night...... and I slapped him!! Now, I'm not a violent person at all, but it was almost like a defense mechanism. I felt like if he keeps saying it then it oviously have to have some truth to it. He got extremly upset and told me to get out. I apologized and said that it hurts to hear weather its a joke or not, that he's cheating.. and he just respnded ' why are you still here? Now, I know I was in the wong for slapping him, but I felt like he was pushing a button! I feel so sad, its like I've lost my best friend. I haven't allowed myself to cry , because I know it will be non stop. All I want to do is call him or text him but I'm afraid he won't answer or respnd back. And that will hurt more. This is my first real relationship, and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Encouraging words would be greatful..
boogieboy Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 You shouldnt have slapped him, but he is taking you for granted and you need to take yourself away from him for a while so he can realize is he will miss you. He's really cocky, so you need to have a talk with him about how he treats you and then dont if he doesnt want to treat you better, then take yourself away from him for a while. I have a feeling a guy like this wont do better though. You might have to cut your losses.
stepka Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I really, really hate to tell you this, but it sounds like he has someone else and he was trying to tell you that, but he's chickenshyt, so he said it jokey, but it's probably not a joke. I am so sorry for you, but you need to start making plans to move on. He's going to use the slap as an excuse to leave you, so don't feel too guilty about it unless you really hauled off and whacked him hard. If it was a play slap, then don't lose any sleep about it.
Rylle Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Physical violence is not OK, and it is not an appropriate response to someone "pushing your buttons." If a guy slapped you because you were verbally pushing his buttons, no one would find that to be an acceptable response. So, I don't want this to turn into a thread about the differences between men and women or acceptable violence or whatever. What are you doing wrong? That is one thing. Anyways, that said, he clearly has issues with holding a grudge, not being able to move on once an argument is resolved, and it's not OK or mature for him to withhold affection (verbally - I love you - or otherwise) when he's feeling like a pouty little boy. I really don't have encouraging words for you, because I see this relationship as having deeper issues than just you had one fight and now he's not speaking to you. The above poster may be correct in the assumption that he was trying to tell you that he cheated on you. It sounds plausible.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 You shouldnt have slapped him, but he is taking you for granted and you need to take yourself away from him for a while so he can realize is he will miss you. He's really cocky, so you need to have a talk with him about how he treats you and then dont if he doesnt want to treat you better, then take yourself away from him for a while. I have a feeling a guy like this wont do better though. You might have to cut your losses. Thanks Boogie.. I realize that I should have kept my hand to myself, and not got violent. And I hope he isn't taking me for granted. Because I know he cares.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 I really, really hate to tell you this, but it sounds like he has someone else and he was trying to tell you that, but he's chickenshyt, so he said it jokey, but it's probably not a joke. I am so sorry for you, but you need to start making plans to move on. He's going to use the slap as an excuse to leave you, so don't feel too guilty about it unless you really hauled off and whacked him hard. If it was a play slap, then don't lose any sleep about it. I am really hoping that its not true. I don't think he has someone else. But then again I feel like of someone keeps making a joke of such nature, it rings a little truth. I guess I do need to make plans emotionally to move on, but I don't know where to start. Its like I have revolved my life around him. I didn't slap him that hard, but it wasn't soft.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Physical violence is not OK, and it is not an appropriate response to someone "pushing your buttons." If a guy slapped you because you were verbally pushing his buttons, no one would find that to be an acceptable response. So, I don't want this to turn into a thread about the differences between men and women or acceptable violence or whatever. What are you doing wrong? That is one thing. Anyways, that said, he clearly has issues with holding a grudge, not being able to move on once an argument is resolved, and it's not OK or mature for him to withhold affection (verbally - I love you - or otherwise) when he's feeling like a pouty little boy. I really don't have encouraging words for you, because I see this relationship as having deeper issues than just you had one fight and now he's not speaking to you. The above poster may be correct in the assumption that he was trying to tell you that he cheated on you. It sounds plausible. I agree Rylle.. Its never ok to hit someone. I didn't hit him hard, but I think what upsetted him most was that he felt disrespected. After I did it I apologized profusely. And I tried to stay away from the ' you provoked me tactic' ... I just don't know where to go from here. I texted him and asked if he would like to talk, and of course he declined.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 . I texted him and asked if he would like to talk, and of course he declined. Of course I bet he planned the hole thing to be honest he knew how to push just that button and then when you took the bait wham get out see ya! Don't feel to bad EYE I think like you said there is some ring of truth to what he was saying hes not going to respond to you anymore. Its time to move on do you really want to live around some one so cold and childish as to make such a big deal out of a 1st argument? I know it doesn't feel this way now but think yourself lucky your not going to be stuck with a guy like this for the rest of your life..
aerogurl87 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I am really hoping that its not true. I don't think he has someone else. But then again I feel like of someone keeps making a joke of such nature, it rings a little truth. I guess I do need to make plans emotionally to move on, but I don't know where to start. Its like I have revolved my life around him. I didn't slap him that hard, but it wasn't soft. Yeah you need to start making plans ASAP and the best way to purge your life of him is through having no contact whatsoever with him. If you have a page on facebook, myspace, or something of the like and he's your friend on there, unfriend him. Delete his number from your phone, get rid of any saved texts you may have from him, I mean do any and everything to forget him and start focusing on you. I know it's easier said than done because I went through the same thing with my ex boyfriend who I dated for almost 6 months. My life revolved around him and I would've given up any and everything to make him happy, including my own happiness (which I almost ended up doing). But when he left me for someone else, I was pushed out of the relationship and forced to see that it was indeed the end. Hopefully your boyfriend hasn't cheated on you, but if he has you have to move on and the sooner you get to doing that, the happier you will be in the long run. I know I'm happier now without my ex who was at one point my entire life. And as a consolation prize, life and karma have given me the great man I'm dating now. So remember, it may be hard to move on, but in the end you will be much better off.
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 A few minutes later he made the joke that he was creeping last night, and he has someone new . So we play fighted about it and laughed it off. Then he said it again, and I said ' that's not funny, so stop. Then I said something, and he rebutted with , in a joking way, I did creep last night... My ex did the exact same thing! He was drunk and I tend to be on the passive side so I let it go...but it stayed on my mind despite his "Im kidding!!!" (Btw, in a relationship those "im kidding" are ways to tell you what they are afraid to say seriously) In any case, a few weeks later I got a hold of his phone and saw very very dirty texts to some random chick from the exact night he was "kidding".....so....yeah. I didnt slap him but funny enough later on he told me he wished I had cuz he deserved it and it had been hard on him that I reacted the way i did (i went back to the room where he had been sleeping, turn on the light put on my clothes, told him to go F*ck that chick. He begged and pleaded but I kept my dignity and left...it was beautiful to see ) In any case, my take on your sit? he did cheat...trust your gut. If nothing else he isnt treating you with the respect that you deserve (brushing off your attempts at mending problems? i think not). It wasnt right that you slap him, but dont feel too bad over it. He slapped you when he said he had been creeping. Id say count your blessings, and forget this jerk.....you deserve better
mortensorchid Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 This guy is an a******. Someone who treats someone like that is mean and self centered. You should stop contacting him, and if he wants to call you he has to make the first move. Don't let yourself be abused by someone else's insecurities, because that's what he is, insecure. He doesn't like himself for some reason, and instead of doing work on himself he's telling YOU what's wrong with YOU.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Of course I bet he planned the hole thing to be honest he knew how to push just that button and then when you took the bait wham get out see ya! Don't feel to bad EYE I think like you said there is some ring of truth to what he was saying hes not going to respond to you anymore. Its time to move on do you really want to live around some one so cold and childish as to make such a big deal out of a 1st argument? I know it doesn't feel this way now but think yourself lucky your not going to be stuck with a guy like this for the rest of your life.. Thanks spanks.. I appreciate your words.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 This guy is an a******. Someone who treats someone like that is mean and self centered. You should stop contacting him, and if he wants to call you he has to make the first move. Don't let yourself be abused by someone else's insecurities, because that's what he is, insecure. He doesn't like himself for some reason, and instead of doing work on himself he's telling YOU what's wrong with YOU. I think you are absolutely right morten. I havent allowed myself to cry and it has helped me be strong. and you guys advice has played a big part. i definately think he has some insecurites from past relationships, and they are playing a part in our relationship. what can i say to him without seeming like I am judging him or changing him?
boldjack Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 EC, Your issues with your BF, notwithstanding. When you reacted with physical violence, you became an abusive person. I have 3 grown sons and a grown daughter, I have told them that physical abuse will not be tolerated in my family. If I ever heard about it, they would no longer be welcome in my house. Your BF sounds like a d**k, but that's not as important as you getting help with your anger issues. You both need to mature, and apparently you can't do it together, so I think it is best for both parties, to go NC.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 but that's not as important as you getting help with your anger issues. QUOTE] I wouldnt say that I have anger issues, because i dont. I just let my emotions get the best of me the one time
boldjack Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Sorry EC, but I don't agree. Anyone who uses violence against a spouse or SO, needs to evaluate their anger-management behavior. You just let your emotions "get the best", of you? I wonder how many abusers have said the same thing?
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