* I listened to you all and didn't send my ex the photos.. Then he contacted me!

[Charmaine_Champagne]

hey everyone, i posted on here last week how i was thinking of emailing my ex some photos of us in happier times. he dumped me and then changed so much. He's turned into a nasty, arrogant person. it's so strange i no longer know the person he has become.

 

i guess my idea was if i sent him the photos it would get him to think of me and remind him of the person he used to be and all the good times we shared before he turned into an @sshole. Everyone on here told me stick to NC and don't send them as i have no control over my ex and his behavior i can't change him or get him to act/think/feel a certain way.

 

i wanna thank everyone who responded to that thread i posted! in weaker moments i went back to re-read it and the advice was spot on. so thanks guys!

 

for those who don't know my story (and that is prob not many people as i've obsessively posted here the past few months) basically was with my ex 6 years, first loves. then in feb this year almost out of nowhere he completely turned on me, started to ignore me (on valentines day) and made it clear he didn't want to be with me. he was hanging out with new friends, getting drunk and wanting to mess around and prob screw around. he was very cruel to me and treating me in such a foul way after 6 years together was just so puzzling to me (it's in my older posts if u wanna read the whole story)

 

i then went NC for 5 months, but still was struggling and wanted closure as i never got any explanation from him. so i stupidly broke NC at the end of july and talked to my ex.. i didn't get closure, he pretty much laughed and i ended up feeling worse. at my lowest point i let him use me for sex, hoping he would come to his senses and want me back. i hit rock bottom and went back to square one.

 

the last conversation i had with him 2 weeks ago he told me he never wanted me to contact him again, ever! he said that i should delete his number. i was back to square one feeling the pain all over again but i realized NC was my only option, i'd lost all my dignity by this point.

 

well anyway, the past 2 weeks i stuck at NC, didn't send the photos. then last night after 1am he texts me!!! (after saying he never wanted to hear from me again)

 

-his first text said he had just masturbated over me!!!

 

-his second text said he needed to have sex with me!!

 

i ignored these obviously

 

-then he sent a third text saying ''just ignore my last texts, i was w@anking but i've just cum so you are out of my mind now, sorry lol"

i'm NC now, i know i can't talk to this guy or change him. it still hurts that a sweet guy who loved me for 6 years has turned into this arrogant idiot and is hanging out with stupid macho friends. but i know i'm best off away from that. it still annoys me that a guy who once loved me now only sees me as some kind of sex object. his whole personality has changed.

 

i feel ok about it now though. him contacting me confirmed to me that he still wants to play this game with me. and it gave me satisfaction knowing that i will no longer be playing it and i will stick to NC, he has just contacted me and made himself look like an @sshole! i'm feeling better this week and will stick to NC.

 

i guess i was just posting this to see what u guys make of his behavior? is he just trying to f*ck with me for kicks as some kind of game? does he want me to run after him and chase him? i figured as it was the weekend he prob expected me to be out drinking and therefore respond to him. it may be that he just wants to keep me in the loop for sex if he wants. personally i think he wants me to chase him so he trys to goad me with silly texts.

 

i know i need to stay away from him and i will be sticking to NC, i'm just wondering what you guys think? is it a game? he is 24 years old, i really think he has issues.

 

what are your thoughts?

[Charmaine_Champagne]

ahh! sorry i didn't mean to post the same thread twice! i hit the back button to edit my original thread and when i saved it, it posted it all over again! oops!

 

but i'd appreciate your thoughts on this one. we can just post on this thread here, ignore the other one.

 

i'm NC now anway, i've accepted i need to stay away from this guy. although i loved him for 6 years he has changed and actually seems quite dangerous.

 

but his behavior is really weird, seems like a game to me or to get me to chase him or just so he can mess with me when he is bored, etc

 

??

[anne1707]

To be blunt, he sounds like a complete p**** and you are way better off without him. Just ignore him - he is not worth any more of your time.

[Dream Brother]

To be blunt, he sounds like a complete p**** and you are way better off without him. Just ignore him - he is not worth any more of your time.

 

Seconded, could barely believe what I read in your post Charmaine, what an *******.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

yeh, i know that now. i have accepted things because last week i was obsessing about changing him back to how he used to be- believe it or not he was a very nice sweet guy once upon a time- but he has changed, running with a new crowd and acting like a creep. it bothers me tho, that he sees me as a sex object- prob like the girls he now picks up in clubs- when i'm not like that, i'm a decent girl and was faithful to him for 6 years. but oh well.

 

..i dunno if others will agree but i think it is all a game he wants to mess with me when he is bored and his last text to me said ''just ignore my last texts, i was w@anking but i've just cum so you are out of my mind now, sorry lol" ..i actually think this was his way of goading me into responding to him. like he will do immature things to get my reaction when he is bored. he must be on drugs the things he send to me though! it's messed up. but seems like a game? he made it clear he doesn't want me back a long time ago because he wants to run around with his friends, but i think at the same time he doesn't want me to move on with someone else and so he does this to try to get to me

[anne1707]

As you say, he is just after a response - sad but that is how he obviously gets his kicks. Just don't give him the satisfaction.

[Trialbyfire]

CC, how is his text any different than the disgusting texts he's sent in the past? It's like a vicious circle. He sends you these texts to ratchet up the drama. You take the bait and enable him, especially when you try to maintain contact, with or without sex. He gets the thrill of using you, like a puppeteer, a sick power and control game.

 

So, what's his incentive to stop, if it reels you back in, each and every time?

 

As well, it has nothing to do with the crowd he's hanging out with. It's got to do with this guy being sick in the head. Until you stop deferring the problem, from him, to his friends, you're never going to get over him. Like draws like. He's drawn towards sick people because he's sick, himself.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

his last text to me was particularly harsh..

 

''just ignore my last texts, i was w-anking but i've just cum so you are out of my mind now, sorry lol"

 

i mean wtf!!!!

 

in a way it makes him look pretty sad to be honest.

[skreen23]

This guy is a serious knob jockey. Sending those texts, drunk or not, shows that he has no respect for you at the moment. If you reply to these texts you are rewarding his behaviour and he'll do this again. Cut him out of your life until he starts treating you like a person. You don't deserve this crap.

I reckon his friends are egging him on. When certain kind of guys get together they act like a bunch of braindead monkeys. Also in a group of male friends theres an "Alpha" male whose actions influence the others behaviour.

[Art_Critic]

CC, how is his text any different than the disgusting texts he's sent in the past? It's like a vicious circle. He sends you these texts to ratchet up the drama. You take the bait and enable him, especially when you try to maintain contact, with or without sex. He gets the thrill of using you, like a puppeteer, a sick power and control game.

 

So, what's his incentive to stop, if it reels you back in, each and every time?

 

As well, it has nothing to do with the crowd he's hanging out with. It's got to do with this guy being sick in the head. Until you stop deferring the problem, from him, to his friends, you're never going to get over him. Like draws like. He's drawn towards sick people because he's sick, himself.

 

Word.......

[fofiffs]

Wow, what a dirt bag. you should block his number so you don't get anymore random text from him.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

yeh, only this time i won't be responding. and i mean that! seriously i have had enough. and i'm actually going to get satisfaction from the fact that he will be expecting me to answer his sad messages and i'm not going to. NC! i'm not being a part of this game anymore, look how low i got the last time i had contact with him and he just found it funny. i guess i posted this because some people on here think i have problems but he clearly has mental issues. he is 24 years of age. i think he is sick and dangerous. i'm staying away! its all a game to stop me from moving on, while he controls me like a puppet. well if i ignore him it will be game over

[Art_Critic]

his last text to me was particularly harsh..

 

''just ignore my last texts, i was w-anking but i've just cum so you are out of my mind now, sorry lol"

 

i mean wtf!!!!

 

in a way it makes him look pretty sad to be honest.

 

You seem to have problems with boundaries,

 

Why do you even allow such behavior in your life ?

 

IMO, You need to start looking inward as to why you think his behavior and the amount of disrespect he has shown you is okay with you..

 

If a woman I was dating did to me the things he has done to you then my reaction wouldn't be wanting her back.. My reaction would be extracting that person out of my life immediately..

I would never allow any contact with that person ever again....

[Art_Critic]

yeh, only this time i won't be responding. and i mean that! seriously i have had enough. and i'm actually going to get satisfaction from the fact that he will be expecting me to answer his sad messages and i'm not going to. NC! i'm not being a part of this game anymore, look how low i got the last time i had contact with him and he just found it funny. i guess i posted this because some people on here think i have problems but he clearly has mental issues. he is 24 years of age. i think he is sick and dangerous. i'm staying away! its all a game to stop me from moving on, while he controls me like a puppet. well if i ignore him it will be game over

 

You go girl.... that's the way you should be thinking.. good for you..

 

He is sick...and dangerous..and he does have mental health issues..

 

Keep the boundary

[Trialbyfire]

That's the attitude. Don't let his sickness infect you. Don't let his texts start the mind fcvk game, all over again. View the texts as what they are, ones coming from someone with some serious mental problems. Just be intensely revolted, as you should be, considering how twisted this is.

[Trialbyfire]

You go girl.... that's the way you should be thinking.. good for you..

 

He is sick...and dangerous..and he does have mental health issues..

 

Keep the boundary

We crossed posts! Werd!

[Charmaine_Champagne]

art critic i agree. i think because i was with him 6 years and he was my first love etc that i made excuses for his behavior- his friends, etc. also because- believe it or not- he did actually used to be a really lovely guy, i think i had this obsession with making him see sense and go back to the person he used to be, so that stopped me moving on.

 

plus he gave me a lot of mixed signals. one minute saying he loved me- so i'd think he had changed- the next getting a kick from telling me he didn't love me. i was at a low point then, i'd hit rock bottom and become entangled in his game so i put up with it in the hope if i stuck aorund i could change him back to how he was. plus my self esteem was so low then.

 

i know i can't keep blaming his new friends, everyone has a mind of their own and he must know he is being cruel- altho up until know i have allowed him to be because i tolerated him and put up with it.

 

i only broke NC after 5 months to get closure- ended up feeling so much worse and got no closure or apology from this guy- so i know now NC is the way to go. i can't change him. unfortunately i had to learn the hard way. i think its a control thing, he wants to mess with me to stop me moving on. and he expects a response because i gave him one before. he saw me at my lowest and knew after all he did i still had feelings for him and he played on that and got a thrill from messing with me. i put him on a pedastal. No more.

 

i read a post by Exit today on the forum. he also learnt the hard way. our stories are different but like me his ex gave him mixed signals and he broke NC to find closure, only to end up more hurt. i could relate to that. back to NC is the only way now.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

i do think my ex has mental problems. it was something i thought people only said to make me feel better and i didn't wanna believe it. but now i think he must, his behavior is not normal and he can't even see it. i know it isn't my problem now tho but it hurts still cuz he did used to be a nice guy.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

i don't want this guy back. i'm merely trying to work out what kind of sicko takes pleasure in tormenting a loyal girl who stuck by them for 6 years and loved them. i know i need to stay away from him and NC etc etc. and i will. but his behavior still puzzles me.

 

and i now have two identical threads. oops

[Trialbyfire]

Does it really matter what kind of sicko he is? Does it matter if he's a boa constrictor or a rattlesnake? He's still a snake. That he is one should jumpstart your self-preservation instincts, to run like the wind, which includes trying not to figure him out.

 

I sense some double-vision going on within you, which is causing conflict. The man you thought he was (nice guy) in the past and the man who actually exists in the present. Accept that what matters is the "now".

[da_come_bak_kid]

Have just read a few of your thread posts.

Maybe i can help you understand a few things.

Basically i'm quite similar to your ex, though i am not hanging around with a bad group of people, wouldnt stoop to stalking etc (just cut out the loserish bits)

 

i actually stumbled upon on this thread when googling 'would it be cruel to have sex with my ex'

 

So heres a few things u might need to understand. n remember everyone is different. i might not be spot on, but 99% correct.

 

basically your ex got bored of you, and now everytime he is with ya he is bored of you, apart from when youre having sex.

that moment from when u meet up on a certain day until you have sex with him, he'l do anything he can to have sex with you. whether it be telling you he loves you, or even lying to himself to convince himself he loves you to make his body language seem to you all the more convincing. (eye movements etc).

once the deed is done he doesnt need to make up anymore lies and will eject you from his head. there is no guilt there what so ever, and thats when he'll be nasty to get you to go away/leave him alone.

if any other girls offer him, he will take it without a thought of you.

 

sorry if im a bit late or posting on the wrong thread as i've just joined the site now, but just thought u might give my info a bit of thought.

[Wings Of Love]

He is acting like a child and seriously needs to grow up. Go ahead with your plan to stick to NC and if he contacts you just ignore it. Don't even allow yourself to dwell on why he's doing it. Eventually you'll look back, you'll laugh and you'll wonder why on Earth you ever let him get to you. Be strong, keep telling yourself you're better than him and you deserve so much more. Be the bigger person than this pathetic, attention-seeking, immature man. At least you know that you'll find someone else one day; with behaviour like that he'll never find happiness, and frankly I don't believe he deserves it.

[SexyShay]

Wow...this dude is a straight up jerk. Im glad that you have the strength to not respond. In time, he will realize how he messed up. Just continue on making yourself better and building your confidence back up. Bad things fall apart...so good things can come together. One day, you will find somebody that is a gentleman and know how to act their age. That is just ridiculous! Just reading the story...made me upset.

[You'reasian]

hey everyone, i posted on here last week how i was thinking of emailing my ex some photos of us in happier times. he dumped me and then changed so much. He's turned into a nasty, arrogant person. it's so strange i no longer know the person he has become.

 

i guess my idea was if i sent him the photos it would get him to think of me and remind him of the person he used to be and all the good times we shared before he turned into an @sshole. Everyone on here told me stick to NC and don't send them as i have no control over my ex and his behavior i can't change him or get him to act/think/feel a certain way.

 

i wanna thank everyone who responded to that thread i posted! in weaker moments i went back to re-read it and the advice was spot on. so thanks guys!

 

for those who don't know my story (and that is prob not many people as i've obsessively posted here the past few months) basically was with my ex 6 years, first loves. then in feb this year almost out of nowhere he completely turned on me, started to ignore me (on valentines day) and made it clear he didn't want to be with me. he was hanging out with new friends, getting drunk and wanting to mess around and prob screw around. he was very cruel to me and treating me in such a foul way after 6 years together was just so puzzling to me (it's in my older posts if u wanna read the whole story)

 

i then went NC for 5 months, but still was struggling and wanted closure as i never got any explanation from him. so i stupidly broke NC at the end of july and talked to my ex.. i didn't get closure, he pretty much laughed and i ended up feeling worse. at my lowest point i let him use me for sex, hoping he would come to his senses and want me back. i hit rock bottom and went back to square one.

 

the last conversation i had with him 2 weeks ago he told me he never wanted me to contact him again, ever! he said that i should delete his number. i was back to square one feeling the pain all over again but i realized NC was my only option, i'd lost all my dignity by this point.

 

well anyway, the past 2 weeks i stuck at NC, didn't send the photos. then last night after 1am he texts me!!! (after saying he never wanted to hear from me again)

 

-his first text said he had just masturbated over me!!!

 

-his second text said he needed to have sex with me!!

 

i ignored these obviously

 

-then he sent a third text saying ''just ignore my last texts, i was w@anking but i've just cum so you are out of my mind now, sorry lol"

 

 

i'm NC now, i know i can't talk to this guy or change him. it still hurts that a sweet guy who loved me for 6 years has turned into this arrogant idiot and is hanging out with stupid macho friends. but i know i'm best off away from that. it still annoys me that a guy who once loved me now only sees me as some kind of sex object. his whole personality has changed.

 

i feel ok about it now though. him contacting me confirmed to me that he still wants to play this game with me. and it gave me satisfaction knowing that i will no longer be playing it and i will stick to NC, he has just contacted me and made himself look like an @sshole! i'm feeling better this week and will stick to NC.

 

i guess i was just posting this to see what u guys make of his behavior? is he just trying to f*ck with me for kicks as some kind of game? does he want me to run after him and chase him? i figured as it was the weekend he prob expected me to be out drinking and therefore respond to him. it may be that he just wants to keep me in the loop for sex if he wants. personally i think he wants me to chase him so he trys to goad me with silly texts.

 

i know i need to stay away from him and i will be sticking to NC, i'm just wondering what you guys think? is it a game? he is 24 years old, i really think he has issues.

 

what are your thoughts?

 

Wanking it? He's gone to the pub a few too many times, me thinks.

[freestyle]

If you get more texts from him, I'd suggest deleting them before even reading them. After Text#3, it's very apparent that he's playing very twisted and cruel mind games.

 

The moment you start deleting his texts, instead of reading them, he will begin to lose the Svengali hold he's had over you. It will be another step towards true freedom for you. I can already see a positive difference in you compared to your posts from a month ago...........it's like you're waking up from a bad dream. Finally.

 

Stay the course, and don't fool yourself into thinking that you can help him. It sound to me like he's gonna have to hit rock-bottom before any changes will happen. (there's NO arguing with a drunk.......)

 

*hugs*