*iI listened to you all and didn't send my ex the photos.. Then he contacted me!

[Charmaine_Champagne]

hey everyone, i posted on here last week how i was thinking of emailing my ex some photos of us in happier times. he has changed so much and turned into a nasty person, it's so strange i no longer know the person he has become.

 

i guess my idea was if i sent him the photos it would get him to think of me and remind him of the person he used to be and all th good times we shared before he turned into an @sshole. Everyone on here told me stick to NC and don't send them as i have no control over my ex and his behavior i can't change him or get him to act/think/feel a certain way.

 

i wanna thank everyone who responded to that thread i posted! in weaker moments i went back to re-read it and the advice was spot on. so thanks guys.

 

for those who don't know my story (and that is prob not many people as i've obsessively posted here the past few months) basically was with my ex 6 years, first loves. then in feb this year almost out of nowhere he completely turned on me, started to ignore me (on valentines day) and made it clear he didn't want to be with me. he was hanging out with new friends, getting drunk and wanting to mess around and prob screw around. he was very cruel to me and treating me in such a foul way after 6 years together was just so puzzling to me (it's in my older posts if u wanna read the whole story)

 

i then went NC for 5 months, but still was struggling and wanted closure as i never got any explanation from him. so i stupidly broke NC at the end of july and talked to my ex.. i didn't get closure, he pretty much laughed and i ended up feeling worse. at my lowest point i let him use me for sex, hoping he would come to his senses and want me back. i hit rock bottom and went back to square one.

 

the last conversation i had with him 2 weeks ago he told me he never wanted me to contact him again, ever and that i should delete his number. i was back to square one feeling the pain all over again but i realized NC was my only option, i'd lost all my dignity by this point.

 

well anyway, the past 2 weeks i stuck at NC, didn't send the photos. then last night after 1am he texts me!!! (after saying he never wanted to hear from me again)

 

-his first text said he had just masturbated over me!!!

 

-his second text said he needed to have sex with me!!

 

i ignored these obviously

 

-then he sent a third text saying ''just ignore my last texts, i was w@anking but i've just cum so you are out of my mind now, sorry lol"

i'm NC now, i know i can't talk to this guy or change him. it still hurts that a sweet guy who loved me for 6 years has turned into this arrogant idiot and is hanging out with stupid macho friends. but i know i'm best off away from that. it still annoys me that a guy who once loved me now only sees me as some kind of sex object. his whole personality has changed.

 

i feel ok about it now though. him contacting me confirmed to me that he still wants to play this game with me. and it gave me satisfaction knowing that i will no longer be playing it and i will stick to NC, he has just contacted me and made himself look like an @sshole! i'm feeling better this week and will stick to NC.

 

i guess i was just posting this to see what u guys make of his behavior? is he just trying to f*ck with me for kicks as some kind of game? does he want me to run after him and chase him? i figured as it was the weekend he prob expected me to be out drinking and therefore respond to him. it may be that he just wants to keep me in the loop for sex if he wants. personally i think he wants me to chase him so he trys to goad me with silly texts.

 

i know i need to stay away from him and i will be sticking to NC, i'm just wondering what you guys think? is it a game? he is 24 years old, i really think he has issues.

 

what are your thoughts?

[Excellent]

I would report him to the police for sexual harassment.

[Excellent]

I see i posted in the wrong thread, nice! Oh well..

[RedDevil66]

WOW!

Let me tell you, his DISGUSTING behavior has nothing to do with hanging out with new friends and everything to do with his character.

What a low life he is.

I have been really disgusted in how my BF has treated me at certain times and have allowed it, but to talk to you like that. Man, I would be so over that.

 

Right now, you're feeling rejected and in shock that he can be so mean. This is where you need to use anger and not sadness to get you to move on.....

ugh what a douche he is

[Lishy]

you should have replied to him "hey I would guess that you would be wanking as who would have sex with you and your tiny weener! Delete my number and never contact me again as I have met the man of my dreams and you obviously have your soul mate ... your right hand"

[Taramere]

i know i need to stay away from him and i will be sticking to NC, i'm just wondering what you guys think? is it a game? he is 24 years old, i really think he has issues.

 

what are your thoughts?

 

I think he's a wanker.

[boogieboy]

Youre never gonna block him from your phone are you?

[hoping2heal]

Is he just playing a game? Does he want you to chase him? He just disrespected you, and gave you one of the biggest insults known to womankind, and you A) Are trying to still get back with him B) are telling yourself this is him "contacting you" and trying to throw you a line?

 

He just insulted you and disrespected you to the core. He has been doing this for months, 6 years is no excuse for him to treat you like that, and it's no excuse for you to continue this RIDICULOUS fantasy land with someone who does not care for you, holds no respect you, and sees you in no positive light whatsoever, not even slightly. And don't fool yourself into thinking a man telling you that all you're good for is a sexual afterthought means he CARES.

 

Honestly, Get.Off.The.Self.Destruction.Roller.Coaster. FAST

[PinkToes]

And don't fool yourself into thinking a man telling you that all you're good for is a sexual afterthought means he CARES.

 

She didn't say she thought it meant he still cares. It sounds like she's just trying to reconcile how the person she used to know has become such a monster. We've all done this; it's part of the process of letting go. Eventually, it doesn't matter at all.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

It sounds like she's just trying to reconcile how the person she used to know has become such a monster.

 

PinkToes, you've got it spot on. that is exactly what i'm feeling right now, it's still very puzzling to me. I'm at a stage of acceptance now where i know i can't change him and i'v stopped making excuses for his behavior, but i am still guilty of trying to work him out, and work out why he does this to me and why he behaves so strangely. Tho i know i have to maintain NC. hopefully i'll get to the day where i don't care anymore.

 

 

HopingToHeal, I get where you are coming from. Afew weeks/months ago i was guilty of the things you stated. I still wanted him back, clung on hoping he could change and at my lowest point tolerated his behavior and hung around him in the hope he would see the light and want me back. That is not the case now. I don't want him back, i despise the person he has become. I miss the person he used to be. However, his behavior does still confuse me and i know i shouldn't care but i do try to work out why he does this. I'm not a fool, i know this filthy texts aren't a way to reach out to me, i know he doesn't want me back. I'm just saying i think it's a game to stop me moving on. a game when he gets bored because before i stupidly responded and played it. Anyway, i'm sticking to NC and i know i need to ignore this jackass.

 

Tho someone you spent 6 years with saying 'i love you' and then 'only joking i don't really' is still pretty damn hurtful. i know i'm better than that and need to cut him out and not put up with that nonsense but it still hurts all the same.

[Beeotch]

I thought you said you were finished with your ex for the 100th time after he told u he didn't want you except and I quote "to empty his balls"

 

I am rather speechless as to why after he said that and after you made another thread saying you realized how disgusting he is...why you would then make another saying you were going to email him photos of you in happier times.

 

 

You really should work on yourself and your self-esteem because someone saying all you were good for was to "empty their balls" in and yo still feel the need to try to be with them.....it speaks about how you view yourself.

 

Nothing is wrong with still caring for your ex or who you THOUGHT he was...but usually if they say crazy stuff like that to you and treat you like crap you mourn who they were and move forward no matter how hard. You don't ignore it and continue trying to be with them.

 

It is no secret your ex has issues....every post you make about him solidifies that but it also shows the issues you have. I am not trying to be mean, we all struggle with different things, and maybe self-esteem is your struggle. Each time you say you know your ex is bad for you, you post line after line of disgusting, outlandish, insulting things he says to you and then you say you won't speak to him. Then there is another thread saying how you spoke to him and he degraded you and another and another....it shows that he has issues and so do you. And he keeps degrading you...he doesn't try to hide it...he blatantly disrespects you and you return to him so he continues. You have to stop.

[Beeotch]

I think I misread your post...and I have no problem apologizing..I swore you said you were again thinking of emailing him photos which is why I was so hard on you in the above post.

 

But I see you were talking about the past and not something you are currently thinking of doing.

 

In that case...keep NC. Who knows or cares what he is doing or why? He is ridiculous and disgusting and that's all that matters. Let him play alone...don't play with him.

[Kamille]

I understand why people who haven't followed your threads are concerned, but I'm really relieved to read your tone here. It sounds like you've gained some distance from the situation and understand that you deserve nothing but respect from now on.

 

So Hurray! ((CC))

 

As for why he does the things he does... It's normal to want to try and figure out how he can be so different from the man you loved, but the truth is, you will never really figure it out. So try and let it go. He is responsible for his actions and you are responsible for yours. Focus on getting better, on feeling stronger and on congratulating yourself for respecting yourself.

[wuggle]

I think he's a wanker.

 

Totally agree, the guy is a pr*ck. No decent bloke wacks off over a picture of the ex then lets the ex know. Sorry, you may have loved him and he may have been ok, but now he's an arse. stay clear

[Lishy]

He is a total wanker, in every sense of the word!

 

Scum city!

 

 

Block him and move the hell on!

[hoping2heal]

And don't fool yourself into thinking a man telling you that all you're good for is a sexual afterthought means he CARES.

 

She didn't say she thought it meant he still cares. It sounds like she's just trying to reconcile how the person she used to know has become such a monster. We've all done this; it's part of the process of letting go. Eventually, it doesn't matter at all.

 

No, I know she didn't come right out and say it, but I didn't put it past her to tell herself otherwise, which would be harmful to her. The way she said "what do you guys think? Is he just messing with my head or trying to get me to chase after him?" I don't know, but I get the impression OP that you will take whatever minnow this guy throws at you and try to turn it into a walleye.

[hoping2heal]

It sounds like she's just trying to reconcile how the person she used to know has become such a monster.

 

PinkToes, you've got it spot on. that is exactly what i'm feeling right now, it's still very puzzling to me. I'm at a stage of acceptance now where i know i can't change him and i'v stopped making excuses for his behavior, but i am still guilty of trying to work him out, and work out why he does this to me and why he behaves so strangely. Tho i know i have to maintain NC. hopefully i'll get to the day where i don't care anymore.

 

 

HopingToHeal, I get where you are coming from. Afew weeks/months ago i was guilty of the things you stated. I still wanted him back, clung on hoping he could change and at my lowest point tolerated his behavior and hung around him in the hope he would see the light and want me back. That is not the case now. I don't want him back, i despise the person he has become. I miss the person he used to be. However, his behavior does still confuse me and i know i shouldn't care but i do try to work out why he does this. I'm not a fool, i know this filthy texts aren't a way to reach out to me, i know he doesn't want me back. I'm just saying i think it's a game to stop me moving on. a game when he gets bored because before i stupidly responded and played it. Anyway, i'm sticking to NC and i know i need to ignore this jackass.

 

Tho someone you spent 6 years with saying 'i love you' and then 'only joking i don't really' is still pretty damn hurtful. i know i'm better than that and need to cut him out and not put up with that nonsense but it still hurts all the same.

 

I'm genuinely happy you are going to stick to NC. Please understand that you gave me an entirely different impression than what you are saying here. If you know he is just playing games and being a jerk because he can (which he is) then why the need to come ask us about it? Is kind of my line of thought, it just gave me the impression that you were still trying to go round with this moron.

 

Glad you're sticking to NC.

[boogieboy]

No, I know she didn't come right out and say it, but I didn't put it past her to tell herself otherwise, which would be harmful to her. The way she said "what do you guys think? Is he just messing with my head or trying to get me to chase after him?" I don't know, but I get the impression OP that you will take whatever minnow this guy throws at you and try to turn it into a walleye.

 

Shes been doing this for the past 227 posts, why stop now?

[john1988]

That made me furious and sick to the stomach to read that, never ever ever contact that creep again, not even if he tells you he's dying tomorrow he has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and clearly only wants you for one thing.

[john1988]

This guy is a grade A- c*nt he is treating you like gutter trash, are you a glutton for punishment? Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself to keep giving this loser the time of day? This forum is a no brainer, why are you asking for advice? Is it going to take for him to gun down your family to realize what he's really like?

[Taramere]

This guy is a grade A- c*nt he is treating you like gutter trash, are you a glutton for punishment? Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself to keep giving this loser the time of day? This forum is a no brainer, why are you asking for advice? Is it going to take for him to gun down your family to realize what he's really like?

 

That might be a little harsh. If people berate her for not being able to instantly switch off from thinking about this wanker, then potentially it encourages her to start coming up with excuses for him (ie in the process of trying to defend herself from lectures, criticism and accusations of being a masochist for having liked him in the first place).

 

PinkToes, you've got it spot on. that is exactly what i'm feeling right now, it's still very puzzling to me. I'm at a stage of acceptance now where i know i can't change him and i'v stopped making excuses for his behavior, but i am still guilty of trying to work him out, and work out why he does this to me and why he behaves so strangely.

 

Despite what I've said above, I do hope you don't waste too much more time on this Charmaine. Trying to understand this guy, with reference to all the available theories on human psychology, would probably be a little like taking a Ph.D in oceanology to gain a better understanding of puddles.

[Ingenue]

Charmaine,

 

Your ex is deplorable. What he texted you is offensive to you as a human and completely disrespectful of your past relationship. While I can understand your confusion at suddenly seeing the once "love of your life" transform into a supreme a-hole in the span of months, be glad that you now see him for what he truly is. The measure of a person is not how he behaves when things are going well, but rather, when things are not. He does not measure up.

 

Keep up NC and go a few steps more. Block his number entirely so he can't text you. Don't even read anything he sends you. Don't pick up his phone calls. Don't respond to him period. He doesn't deserve a second more of your time.

 

Thankfully, time tarnishes what was once treasure.

[Quest]

Charmaine,

 

Glad you are keeping up the NC. But now you should block his number and any other means of contacting you he has. You should not have to read or hear anything so demeaning from anyone, let alone an ex. This guy is sick, sick, sick.