Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Don't ever fall for the Catholic Guilt excuse. She wasn't feeling guilty when she was boffing you! then how is it that she is going to Confession?? To confess what? to ask for fogiveness for what exactly??? What the hell is this all about? Again, makes me feel "disposable"
Author Rusty Trombone Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Don't put out those 'nice' vibes to MW anymore... just put out the 'am not interested vibes' from now on... Agh... if you are trying to understand Affairs, then Welcome to the Club! It's not a clear cut case -- all affairs are messy, and then some! Don't for a minute think your MW has it all figured out! She hasn't -- unless she has done this cheating many times before!!! A Serial Cheater is a different kind of animal to the person who is cheating for the first time... a serial cheater Knows what to do, when, etc... is following their own personal 'formula'... as for your MW, I highly doubt she holds any Knowledge about what you two did, than you can expect her to... she played along, liked the feelings, then stopped herself... come on... what are you trying to understand? That she wasn't 100% enamored with You? Is your ego hurt more than your heart?! I am not saying this in a mean way, I am trying to prod you into looking at this in a lighter perspective. no, I am confident in what I brought to the table for her (and no, not in the sex department), just in the "filling her precious voids" department. I dont feel like I am being silly when I talk about this, as I "pay attention". I made her feel "validated", like she mattered. whatever...... like I mattered
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Stop the bus.. I didnt say there was more than one... Heck, we all meet people, have friendships, get "too close", flirt, get hit on etc... I have been hit on by MANY MW.... Don't understand it, but here I am in THIS situation and I am trying to figure it out... Shouldnt matter what other relationships I have been in. anyway, she one day told me that she was in love with me. It floored me.. took weeks of "thinking about it" before I realized that I too had very strong feelings for her.. she acted on them, fast and furiously, and then BAM! I disagree Rusty. There may be a pattern here, it just seems too coincidental. You should explore the idea anyway. If there was more than one MW, how would that reflect on you? Would it mean you are not open to allowing yourself the most fulfilling R available to you? Or perhaps that you were trying to fix something with this MW that you couldn't fix with the last? Or simply that you live in a rural area with no supply of single babes. Maybe you should move to a more metropolitan area. S girls are a dime a dozen where I live. I know it seems I'm grasping but I don't have enough details to help you. And you seem so hurt and in need of good advice:)
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I know it seems I'm grasping but I don't have enough details to help you. And you seem so hurt and in need of good advice:) Me too.... just kidding. I've been far enough down the road to know what an idiot I am!
stampdaddy Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Me too.... just kidding. I've been far enough down the road to know what an idiot I am! Hey, let's start a Fraternity. You can be President, and I will be the Veep... Rusty, welcome to the "OMFG" club (Other Men Fraternity Group)
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 then how is it that she is going to Confession?? To confess what? to ask for fogiveness for what exactly??? What the hell is this all about? Again, makes me feel "disposable" Rusty, her change of heart (and mind) in no way weighs your true value. It's not simply a matter of what you meant to her/ your value/ your specialness to her/ your being irreplaceable, etc... She likely stopped and reconsidered All Those Other Factors in her personal situation (M, H, Children, Family, Friends, Reputation at church /society /social standing etc) and got scared off... why are you taking this as a literal evaluation of your worth?! She simply changed her mind.
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Me too.... just kidding. I've been far enough down the road to know what an idiot I am! Laughing at ourselves keeps us sane!
Devil Inside Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Rusty Sorry for your pain. Whenever we get blindsided in a relationship it hurts...especially because it comes at the hands of someone we thought would never do that to us. This, however, is the problem with being in a triangle. In some ways it was not a complete blindside...she was married. As the OM you were only getting to see half the reality of this woman's life...the other half was filled in by her words...which probably wasn't always the exact reality. So how could she be so heartless? Who knows...how could any of us do the things we do. I have no idea how I could do what I did to my wife...but I did. Affairs are nasty business...and usually everybody ends up devastated. I would also surmise that she still has feeling for you. NC is about making it easier to heal...and if she didn't care she wouldn't need to do that. I think it is time for you to heal my man. Sorry for your pain.
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Have you started a thread on this? I would like to know how all this was dealt with. Can you post a link? Thanks. Nope, I haven't started a thread on this, although I have mentioned this fact in some posts wherever it was relevant... the way it was dealt with was they both agreed when his work contract came to an end, he would leave her country, and that would be the end of their affair. But, when the day came for him to leave (after having extended his stay there for another week, even though he had no work to go to!) at the airport, she STILL asked him (I guess it's good she got a clear answer from him!) if that was Really to be the END... he said yes. The way she dealt with it: she cried her eyes out and moved on (this was her second affair with a MM and both of them had kept their wives and ended it with her in the end)... she started dating a friend/colleague of my H's at work in that country -- a single guy -- and several months later they got engaged. Now, a year and a half later she is very much in love with her fiance and asked me for forgiveness, and when I forgave her, she then asked for me to forgive my H... I would not. My H moped around for several weeks -- particularly when he got a phone call from his friend/colleague two months after my H left that country, to inform H of the friend dating my H's xOW.... BUT when all $h!t hit the fan sometime after; upon my discovery of the affair (saw his photos of them two) H suddenly wasn't sure if he had been in love with OW... fluctuated back and forth on that declaration (I just take it as a Given)... to this day he still says he wasn't really in love with her, blah blah blah... I think it's just his Self-Preservation kicking in.... Hope that helps
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 then how is it that she is going to Confession?? To confess what? to ask for fogiveness for what exactly??? What the hell is this all about? Again, makes me feel "disposable" She's simply following her religion's protocol for putting things right again... you ask <for what> is she asking forgiveness for?! -- for breaking her marital vows before God and Man to Honor her H and to be Faithful to HIM... She is <confessing> her sin. She no longer is choosing to engage in something Wrong -- in cheating on her H. She is now coming forward to declare her Wrong to the priest (or whomever at the church) and to follow the Way to make things right, where she has gone wrong... in her failure to honor her Word, her Vows. This is not about YOU... Rusty... this is about her! (from her perspective)... she was simply ready to have an affair, and it happened to be with You. Now she is ready to repent and has gone about it the way her culturally prescribed way dictates... as for you... why do you feel so darn 'disposable'?! Did you only feel great worth when SHE paid attention to you?! She should not be the indicator of your worth and value.... even if you acted the perfect lover, gentleman, man, person, friend, etc... would not matter one bit if she was breaking her own integrity... she did what she did with you, and then she backtracked. Understandable... what I don't get is why do you feel so disposable? THAT is what you might want to focus on -- not on her not wanting you anymore...
tami-chan Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Yes, you are disposable. You have served your purpose and while she might miss your company, she is not willing to pay for what it will cost her to have you in her life.
White Flower Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Nope, I haven't started a thread on this, although I have mentioned this fact in some posts wherever it was relevant... the way it was dealt with was they both agreed when his work contract came to an end, he would leave her country, and that would be the end of their affair. But, when the day came for him to leave (after having extended his stay there for another week, even though he had no work to go to!) at the airport, she STILL asked him (I guess it's good she got a clear answer from him!) if that was Really to be the END... he said yes. The way she dealt with it: she cried her eyes out and moved on (this was her second affair with a MM and both of them had kept their wives and ended it with her in the end)... she started dating a friend/colleague of my H's at work in that country -- a single guy -- and several months later they got engaged. Now, a year and a half later she is very much in love with her fiance and asked me for forgiveness, and when I forgave her, she then asked for me to forgive my H... I would not. My H moped around for several weeks -- particularly when he got a phone call from his friend/colleague two months after my H left that country, to inform H of the friend dating my H's xOW.... BUT when all $h!t hit the fan sometime after; upon my discovery of the affair (saw his photos of them two) H suddenly wasn't sure if he had been in love with OW... fluctuated back and forth on that declaration (I just take it as a Given)... to this day he still says he wasn't really in love with her, blah blah blah... I think it's just his Self-Preservation kicking in.... Hope that helps Thank you Athena. How long ago was all this? How is your M doing now?
Die Hard Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Nothing in life dies harder than Love and Hope. You got that right my man!
White Flower Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Nothing dies harder than Love and Hope. You got that right my man!Spoken like a true...um...handle?
Jacky Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused I am in the same situation right now, wanting to quit but is hard. It feels to me that I have been betrayed. Once she feels guilty or the need of her first family have to come first, she will decide on that basis. The whole A's decision is based on the MW, whenever she feels that the A can effect her first relationship she WILL bail out. We are disposable, once she got what she wanted she will dispose you.
White Flower Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I am in the same situation right now, wanting to quit but is hard. It feels to me that I have been betrayed. Once she feels guilty or the need of her first family have to come first, she will decide on that basis. The whole A's decision is based on the MW, whenever she feels that the A can effect her first relationship she WILL bail out. We are disposable, once she got what she wanted she will dispose you. I am just so curious. What is it you think your MW got from you? Was she looking for better sex? More sex than she was getting? Compliments and self-esteem raised? I guess there is a double standard and we tend to throw those comments you made out to MM. Sorry if I fall into the double-standard thinking. I really try not to.
Jacky Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I am just so curious. What is it you think your MW got from you? Was she looking for better sex? More sex than she was getting? Compliments and self-esteem raised? I guess there is a double standard and we tend to throw those comments you made out to MM. Sorry if I fall into the double-standard thinking. I really try not to. In her words "You are the best thing thats ever happened in my life. You understand me so well and listen to me unlike my husband. I feel so comfortable talking to you, I love you more than my husband." I think she got attention which she lacked from her husband. Compliments, affection and communication which she also lacked. On the issue of sex, they weren't really having any becuase they weren't sleeping in the same room since she wants to speak to me at night. Even before that they weren't really sleeping in the same room. I stayed with her for 2 weeks when the husband was away and then 1 month after she was pregnant. I confronted her about it, she told me she had sex with him twice or thrice max. I do understand the double standard since MM and MW is probably slightly different. But I think when the MP realise they might have too much to lose they will back away from the situation. When the heat gets turned up in the kitchen they will bail out. Her words were "I don't want to hurt you because you mean a lot to me and I don't want us to hate each other. So we should stop talking to each other because I want us to leave on a good note.".... Personally I don't think that is a good note because I felt I went from the most precious person in her life to someone which is dispoable. I felt left behind and dumped, at the same time she is unsure of her decision to stop talking to me.
Woggle Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 What else did you expect from a cheater? With all the single women out there what are you doing messing around with a married woman?
kma11 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 a number of my female friends cheat...(age 30 to 35) . serial cheaters. they get all the attention...get a little fix and move on when something becomes more interesting..there husbands don't know, kids are at school, and i have to admit there is not much guilt flying around amongst them. judging from what i see...once the kids get to a more independent age women can get restless, marriage gets stale and you have the perfect storm. my circle of friends are female athletes in a male dominated sport..temptation is lurking everywhere....alot of MW seek out affairs with NO hesitation and NO plans on divorce.
fooled once Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 MM do the same thing to OW. Fill their head will all craps of bullsh*t about how they love them like no other, how their mean old wife doesn't put out, how they sleep in separate rooms, how they can't image life without them, how they look forward to the future and then as soon as the wife finds out, the OW is thrown under the bus and the MM and his wife try to mend the marriage.
Jaspe_Loco Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 MOM here. Early in our relationship, my MOW ended things several time, but only usually only for a few weeks at a time... then once for about a year. Even though I felt disposable and just about as low as I could possibly feel, I didn't doubt that she cared deeply for me. I pushed hard for our A and I just figured it was too much her to handle. There was never any talk about leaving our spouses for each other (although I was already separated at the time, but later reconciled). It was very hard. I missed her so much. Even as the year passed, I still loved her just as much as I did when we were together. We've been back together for 9 months and sometimes those feeling of loss still surface.
pkn06002 Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 WHY, WHY, WHY do MW treat us, the OM with all of the love and kindness, filling us with hopes and dreams and then BAIL when the heat gets turned up in the kitchen, like we didnt ever matter. Is there no bigger picture, no "forward thinking" from these MW? so confused I am a OM There is little to no forward thinking I would bet. I know there was none on my part.
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