prayingshecomesback Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 dated 2 1/2 years. broke up 2 months ago. been NC for 1 1/2 months. She stated the last time I saw her "Not to give you any false hope, but maybe in 6 months I will realize I made a mistake" Why would she say that?
sheithappens Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 probably just to not hurt you more, keep doing what you are doing man, seize the moment you get to talk to her, i am in your same situation and it is killing my heart every day, but we will be ok, remember that, good luck bro
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 I know man. It sucks. I have my good days and my bad days. I have been on dates with really attractive girls but they just dont compare to my ex. It hurts so much. Weekends are the worst. I keep saying time will heal but I dont think I will ever get over this. Deep down in my heart I know its over and I will never see or talk to her again. I am not going to call her or contact her. Just going to keep praying and hoping that her heart softens. She is stubborn as hell though. Self esteem is low today. I bet she is having the time of her life right now and is not even thinking or caring about me. Sucks.
sheithappens Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 dude thats how i feel, but sometimes i start to doubt that she cant miss me or at least thinking about me, so dont ever doubt that, also, it is good to move on but i know its hard hell i cant even do that yet, read my thread and you will know my store, hang in there man, and no contact helps YOU move on, and you know what man if you feel like initiating contact with her do it man, if you still have some fight in you, but dont beg , don t bring up the relationship or any of that, just talking would put her at ease
skreen23 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 She may have said that because she's confused about her feelings about you, but seeing i don't know her, that's an educated guess. Its best for your mental health to assume the worse and try and move on. Unless shes a complete wagon she'll be missing you at some level.
norajane Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Why would she say that? Either she felt bad for breaking up with you and it was her way of easing the blow... Or she just put you on the back burner as a back-up in case she doesn't find anyone better. Or both.
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 dude thats how i feel, but sometimes i start to doubt that she cant miss me or at least thinking about me, so dont ever doubt that, also, it is good to move on but i know its hard hell i cant even do that yet, read my thread and you will know my store, hang in there man, and no contact helps YOU move on, and you know what man if you feel like initiating contact with her do it man, if you still have some fight in you, but dont beg , don t bring up the relationship or any of that, just talking would put her at ease Yeah I am using the NC to try to better myself and take time to focus on me. She is not coming back. I just have to accept it and move on. When I feel like I have let go and I go out with friends or on dates...I really feel like I am moving on. But then you get lonely on days like this, and all you do is think about her. Where there is life there is hope I guess. That is all I am clinging too at this moment.
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Yeah I am using the NC to try to better myself and take time to focus on me. She is not coming back. I just have to accept it and move on. When I feel like I have let go and I go out with friends or on dates...I really feel like I am moving on. But then you get lonely on days like this, and all you do is think about her. Where there is life there is hope I guess. That is all I am clinging too at this moment. She may be confused, but as I look back at the whole thing, she was thinking about calling it quits months before she actually dumped me. She was a very hard woman to please. I think she is looking for that perfect guy. In reality, the guy she is going to meet is going to have just as many flaws as her and even me. The best hope I have is NC for 5-6 months... and I will contact her then if I still want a second chance. I hope then I can show her that I changed and the new guy she is dating is a jerk.
bhweller Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 "That is all I am clinging too at this moment." the clinging is the problem. hanging on to illusions from the past. not living in present reality. not going after what you really want right now because your self esteem is low. once your self esteem recovers and you date another woman it will all be a lot better.
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Do you think there is a chance someday she will see that I have changed and want me back? Or once the love is gone... can it ever never be rekindled? Im going to try to better myself over the next 5-6 months with NC and then give her a call and see if she wants to go out. By then...she might be dating the same guy. Or she might want to see me as a friend and then hopefully I can start over again to win her heart again. She fell in love with me to begin with, so I attracted her in some way before. Does that sound like a plan? If it doesnt work the other outcome will be I meet somebody new that really knocks me off my feet and I will have my chit together for the next relationship.
mimiminx Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 There is always a "chance" that they will see that you have changed and want you back. Best not to bank on it though so you're not clinging to that hope prolonging your stagnancy. Funny, my ex said the same thing to me recently: "maybe we can come back together, but if that doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be"... I also wonder why someone would say something like that. It depends on the situation I guess. What comes to mind if someone says that is that they still have feelings for you and are unsure. Just my opinion. (unless there is someone else they left you for) Try not to think about when you do see her again, I'm kinda going through the same thoughts.. (my situation is different from yours but same ideas going on in my head) like, when I see him again, will he still love me? will I still love him? will it be mutual? (best case scenario). The truth is not to think about the future... let the present be the focus. Easier said than done, I know.
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 There is always a "chance" that they will see that you have changed and want you back. Best not to bank on it though so you're not clinging to that hope prolonging your stagnancy. Funny, my ex said the same thing to me recently: "maybe we can come back together, but if that doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be"... I also wonder why someone would say something like that. It depends on the situation I guess. What comes to mind if someone says that is that they still have feelings for you and are unsure. Just my opinion. (unless there is someone else they left you for) Try not to think about when you do see her again, I'm kinda going through the same thoughts.. (my situation is different from yours but same ideas going on in my head) like, when I see him again, will he still love me? will I still love him? will it be mutual? (best case scenario). The truth is not to think about the future... let the present be the focus. Easier said than done, I know. 3 weeks after she dumped me I found she was dating. I dont know if it is the rebound or somebody she had waiting in the wings. Heck, I hooked up with a rebound girl 2 weeks after she broke up with me and I regret every minute of it. Dont do it people. You are emotionally crazy after a breakup and you try to cling to someone to fill the heartbreak you have. I was taking crazy talk like marrying the rebound girl I hooked up. haha. Now I know my mind is back to somewhat normality. One reason why I know she is not coming back is this. She was thinking about breaking up with me a couple months before she did it. Therefore, it wasnt on a whim or because she got pissed at me cause I didnt clean the toilet. It was something much deeper. She convinced herself she didnt love me and then got the support from her family and friends. Then pulled the trigger. Once that happens...its all over. Not coming back. Jmho.
BCCA Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 One reason why I know she is not coming back is this. She was thinking about breaking up with me a couple months before she did it. Therefore, it wasnt on a whim or because she got pissed at me cause I didnt clean the toilet. It was something much deeper. She convinced herself she didnt love me and then got the support from her family and friends. Then pulled the trigger. Once that happens...its all over. Not coming back. Jmho. Dude, unfortunately - you are exactly right. The good news is that knowing this puts you WAY ahead of a lot of other people who wont read the writing on the way. Why would she say that? False hope eases the guilt. She knows full well thats not going to happen, but anything she can do to make it less 'her fault', and more circumstances, she will.
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Ok guys and gals.... Second chances, do you really want to? If he/she dumped you...just move on. As hard as it is to swallow and painful as it is right now...just do it. After my GF of 2 1/2 years dumped me I was a wreck for 2 months. But after the dust settled and my mind returned to normal, I can think and breathe for the first time. And I finally just let go and decided there was something bigger and better...and guess what. I was set up with a blind date from one of my friends, and I went in to the date not caring because I thought to myself it didnt matter, she wouldnt compare to my ex. And she turned out to be the most amazing girl. She is like 10 times better than my ex. She is sweet and affectionate, more times in our 4 dates than my ex ever has been in the 2 1/2 years dating. (and to all the guys out there...she is D size cup instead of flat as a table like my ex!! HEHEHE:D) We went to a hockey game last night and every guy was staring at her and probably thinking "lucky guy". I am a lucky guy. Lucky to be alive. Lucky to have family and friends that cared for me and gave all the advice and love after the breakup. They helped me through the tough times that is for sure. Also, the man upstairs is looking out for you. I believe in God and prayed he would lead me to the right girl for me and I trust in decision. The new girl I am dating now may be the right girl for me, and she may not...but after the weeks going out, I realized there are plenty of fish out there in the sea. Pick yourself up, and move on. Forget about your ex. I thought I would try to get her back in 5-6 months, but forget about it. I am so over her! Hopefully I will provide an update to you guys in the next couple months. Keep your chin up there, it does get better!
NSW768 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 glad to hear it turned out awesome. seriously this gives me great hope.^ my ex the last time i saw her (3 weeks after the breakup and this past weekend) said there might still be a chance for us, but not to get my hopes up. she needs time to see what her heart wants. its hard not to wait when they say something like that.
Author prayingshecomesback Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 In your situation (and all situations for that matter), go straight NC. Do not call, text or email. It is for your healing. Then get out of the house and be with friends or family. Exercise is a must. I workout everyday for 45 minutes during the week with a personal trainer. Well worth the money. Don't start dating right away or feel that you have to. That was a big mistake of mine. I hooked up with someone I shouldn't have and regret it every minute. Let your mind clear and your heart to heal a little. Don't put your ex on a pedistol and try not to think of the good times too much or the new guy she is dating. When you start to feel better and your confidence is picking up... Get out there and date. You will realize there are so many more girls out there and they will show you more attention than your ex did. I met the most amazing girl and she has 100% fallen head over heals for me. We have a busy weekend lined up. Since I met her... I don't think about my crazy ex nearly as much. let go of the past... Once you do the future is so much brighter!
bhweller Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 yeah this is such a hard thing, I totally get all the pain. in my case I kept having sex with her and really just had a hard time turning down any chance to be with her and she never completely left me alone. This just made her extremely cocky and she became very disrespectfull. Now we haven't had sex in about 10 days and I am sitting here alone on friday night while she is out having a good time. So yeah, beware "second chances" because that is not really what they are. What you are doing is prolonging the pain. Also no woman respects a man she can treat like a dog and that is what she will do to you if you let it linger on long enough. However, I do not judge anyone or myself for doing so. Here is why....she finally got honest with me after I was calm with her and I could tell she just didn't care anymore so she opened up. I actually understand what was wrong the whole time and why she was never "into me" like I was "into her". Basically I actually have a lot in common with her ex-husband including some negative characteristics that I was trying to gloss over instead of fixing them. It was very eye opening for me, and now an area of self improvement has opened up for me, I really look at it like a chance to be a better mate the next time around. People come into your life for a reason or a season, and almost never for life. Thats the way it is naturally, and that is the way God intends it to be so don't waste too much time sulking. But I do know its hard and you have my sympathy.
NSW768 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 def took her off the pedestal (sorry to jack the thread) u can read about that here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=202446&page=4 it just sucked she had to say i might have a chance or that she wasnt sure and then for her to show so much emotion (crying, hugging,saying i love you) just to confuse this kid. NC 4 lyphe
Author prayingshecomesback Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 So yesterday I found out about who my Dumper is dating. Her tennis partner of all people. She supposively started dating him 3 weeks after she dumped me. They have been dating for 2 months and I know they are still together. I dont like to talk bad about people...but he is fat and ugly. and has kids from a previous relationship. Why she is with him I just dont understand. But when she broke up with me, I specifically asked her twice, "Did you meet another guy", and she flat out lied to me both times saying "No." So once again, do you think when she said, "Maybe in 6 months I will realize I made a mistake" meant that she is going to give this new relationship a try and if it doesnt work out she will have me on the back burner? I am still dating girls and moving on, but this just irks me that she was defiatnely looking at another guy and had him in the wings and that was the reason why she dumped me. Nothing else.
cdt76 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 I know man. It sucks. I have my good days and my bad days. I have been on dates with really attractive girls but they just dont compare to my ex. It hurts so much. Weekends are the worst. I keep saying time will heal but I dont think I will ever get over this. Deep down in my heart I know its over and I will never see or talk to her again. I am not going to call her or contact her. Just going to keep praying and hoping that her heart softens. She is stubborn as hell though. Self esteem is low today. I bet she is having the time of her life right now and is not even thinking or caring about me. Sucks. I am right there with you brother. Women seem to have some kind of emotional switch that they can turn you on or off in their heads and go about their lives without any remorse or thinking of the past and what you had. My ex is dating a co-worker (of MINE!) and I know they are having the time of their lives. So...I know it sucks. Believe me. Therapy and medication help!
Author prayingshecomesback Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 I am right there with you brother. Women seem to have some kind of emotional switch that they can turn you on or off in their heads and go about their lives without any remorse or thinking of the past and what you had. My ex is dating a co-worker (of MINE!) and I know they are having the time of their lives. So...I know it sucks. Believe me. Therapy and medication help! How do you get past the thoughts about them having sex and that he is the most amazing lover? It drives me crazy and hurts at the same time. Btw, went on another blind date last night that went nowhere... But I'm not giving up!! It's actually kind of fun meeting and flirting with all these girls. I will find the one! No worries here!
Author prayingshecomesback Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Just a message of hope guys... It still hurts that my gf left me for another guy, especially since I love her so much. The new guy she is dating already has a picture of her and his 7 year old daughter up as his facebook profile. So I know they are going to get married. No doubt in my mind. It sucks. But... Since the break up, i have hooked up with a former miss north Carolina, a former Atlanta falcons cheerleader, a hot personal trainer, and flirted and went on dates with a hanful of other girls... And i am taking the girl of my dreams to a las Vegas destination wedding (as friends but hoping It turns into more than friends) So life is not bad! I have spent my fair share of pining over my ex, and still have desires she will come back... But the reality is it is probably not going to happen. You have a choice to walk wounded or be a man and go out and find the next one. I have another busy weekend lined up to meet girls. Remember, this is a contact sport, meaning the more girls you get in contact with, the better your odds. Don't mope. I did and it didn't help one bit.
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