aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 (sorry english not my main language) Hi guys, I was wondering what you think if a girl tells a guy that she likes him but she cannot choose between you and an other guy which is like a brother to her. The short version goes like that: She met the guy 1 year before me and he promised her things for the future...Despite that, she never told him a "yes" or a "no". In the meantime me and her met, and she started postponing her decision with the other guy , which I just found out not so long ago because she "needed time to realize that I was actually into her". And she mentioned that she didn't feel the need to tell me about him because me and her weren't 'serious' yet. We seen each other yesterday and I really felt a very deep connection between us. ( She couldn't have faked that. I'm pretty sure ) It was raining and we ran into the first cafe we saw, and sat there for 5,5 hours talking. But then the next day I became rational and started to wonder why is she keeping me " on hold". And also the other guy... I mean it's not nice to feel that you mean everything to her or that you are just one of the two guys she likes... Some of my concerns are that she couldn't make a decision back then when we were talking but at the same time she was passionate to be with her, at least when we were there at the time. I hope somebody could at least give me a clue what could be going on in her head I mean I am either everything to her or I am just one of the two guys she likes. And that makes me desperate and hopeful at the same time. Would like to add that she is the kind of person that is afraid to be alone, the future is important to her. And she is totally switching to being objective in love, instead of letting her feelings decide what she wants. I told her that there is a possibility that I might leave the country for some time, and that also played a role. However, maybe it's just me, but I would never think rationally when it comes to people spending their life time together. For me feelings are everything and even if there was a big chance that it wouldn't work out, I would still give my feelings the benefit of the doubt, if I really FELT a deep connection. I don't know if she is just being greedy and only thinking about the things she wants to reach in the future despite of the character of her partner. I am a very sensitive guy and I strongly believe in individuality but I got the feeling that maybe she just needs "someone" and that someone can be anybody as long as he doesn't leave her on her own and has children with her. Also yesterday I been told that " I need to wait " and she has to think over for a day or two ,whom she will choose. And I see that as being selfish. I mean people aren't things that you just choose out in a shop and then say " I don't need the other thing any more". Do you people think she is being selfish ?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Yes I think she is a very selfish person common she kept the other guy on hold for a year until she met you? how do you think he feels poor guy! I say let her go and make the decision easer for her. You may just be surprised how quick the princess makes up her mind then either way don't go with her who wants to be just one of 2 to pick from oh how romantic give me a break
xpaperxcutx Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 If she can't make up her mind, then she doesn't like you enough to want to be with you exclusively. She's either a) holding out for more options ( hey why not a 3rd guy?) or b) she's likes the idea of having two people feed her ego. Better yet, don't be her option but rather make her your option.
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Yes I think she is a very selfish person common she kept the other guy on hold for a year until she met you? how do you think he feels poor guy! I say let her go and make the decision easer for her. You may just be surprised how quick the princess makes up her mind then either way don't go with her who wants to be just one of 2 to pick from oh how romantic give me a break It is ironic how she does say that I am being selfish now and then. While what she is doing, sound selfish on it's own. I am glad that you said it for some reason. And "princess" ? Wauw that is a good description. The way she acts is very charming alike. Yet her actions say something totally different. I am amazed. She did cry because of me, yesterday and yet she couldn't make a decision. Which is ironic. I am not a very grounded person my self. So it is difficult for me to see reality some times. I am glad I have at least an other opinion now. Thank you
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 If she can't make up her mind, then she doesn't like you enough to want to be with you exclusively. She's either a) holding out for more options ( hey why not a 3rd guy?) or b) she's likes the idea of having two people feed her ego. Better yet, don't be her option but rather make her your option. Thank you xpaperxcutx as well. Funny thing every time I confront her, she starts saying that I criticize her and that I made her cry...
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Yes I think she is a very selfish person common she kept the other guy on hold for a year until she met you? how do you think he feels poor guy! I say let her go and make the decision easer for her. You may just be surprised how quick the princess makes up her mind then either way don't go with her who wants to be just one of 2 to pick from oh how romantic give me a break Ow my god I remember her saying that she would like to be a princess like in Belle and the Beast ( she is in her twenties like me) . She is the only child in her family and she wants to have children so she can make ribbon knots for her daughter and a son to protect her. I think that I just answered my own question.
Thaddeus Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Yes I think she is a very selfish person common she kept the other guy on hold for a year until she met you? how do you think he feels poor guy! I say let her go and make the decision easer for her. You may just be surprised how quick the princess makes up her mind then either way don't go with her who wants to be just one of 2 to pick from oh how romantic give me a break STM is right. She's stringing you along because it's good for her ego. But at the same time, aystro, you're putting up with it. You're giving her all the power to say yay or nay to you. She's just one among thousands of eligible women. Wish her well and move on.
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 STM is right. She's stringing you along because it's good for her ego. But at the same time, aystro, you're putting up with it. You're giving her all the power to say yay or nay to you. She's just one among thousands of eligible women. Wish her well and move on. I understand Thaddeus, thanks =)
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 What is she decides to go for me. Still a big risk right? I asked her about her previous boyfriend of 2 years ago. And all she said " he was very selfish. I don't want to talk about it". Funny thing she still thinks of him now and then, which does put me into a shell. I got the feeling that there is something much more behind it other than "he was selfish".
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 She says she likes me but "can't choose between me and other guy" ? Isn't that her really choosing the other guy ?.. Many times if a person says they can't chose between 2 people then in reality they already have but don't want to hurt the other.
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Well she said that she already wanted to go for me basically. but that she was afraid to tell the other guy because it "would hurt him and he wouldn't survive that". And yet she hasn't given her decision yet.
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 But she didn't.. so effectively she chose the other guy.. get it ? This scenario really is black and white.. either you choose me or you choose the other guy, she seems to have chosen him.. and you don't know for sure what she tells him about you.. for all you know she is telling him that you won't leave her alone and she doesn't want to hurt you.. Kick her to the curb
CaliGuy Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 But she didn't.. so effectively she chose the other guy.. get it ? This scenario really is black and white.. either you choose me or you choose the other guy, she seems to have chosen him.. and you don't know for sure what she tells him about you.. for all you know she is telling him that you won't leave her alone and she doesn't want to hurt you.. Kick her to the curb I will second what Art said. If someone says they can't choose, then YOU make the choice for them and walk away with your self-respect in tact. Why waste your time on her? Why make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option.
Author aystro Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 you are right. I don't know the real truth behind it.
bhweller Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 you know the real truth. she does not want an exclusive relationship with you. you are not a victim, you are a man, and you went after her and she isn't what you want long term. you are creating this drama for yourself by not going after a new woman.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 The short version goes like that: She met the guy 1 year before me and he promised her things for the future...Despite that, she never told him a "yes" or a "no". In the meantime me and her met, and she started postponing her decision with the other guy , which I just found out not so long ago because she "needed time to realize that I was actually into her". And she mentioned that she didn't feel the need to tell me about him because me and her weren't 'serious' yet. aystro, she's a liar by omission. Also, you're assuming she honestly feels for you. A classic cake eater. RUN FORREST RUN!!
Recommended Posts