oysterman Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Based on definitions, I'm in an EA now for almost a year (I'd call it an intimate friendship but it has the secrecy component, etc.). Anyways, am interested in whether these always turn physical, or whether the EA can go on for years...and if it turned physical, were there warning signs that it was coming? Plz no lectures on cheating, I've heard them all before, and no, I'm not looking for a PA to start. Thanks for any advice on keeping it an EA...
eeyore1981 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Keep it in your pants. It is really that easy.
Meaplus3 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Well, You know I think that it would be very easy for an ea to turn to a pa. I was once involved in an ea and it was close to the pa point and the warning signs were simple. Getting close to the person in a physical sense because the desire was there. While my ea did not turn into a pa, it was darn close. So I think just by having an ea one is walking a fine line to the start of a physical relationship. Mea:)
eeyore1981 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 And by the way, my wish for the day is your SO is enjoying her own "intimate friendship with a secrecy component."
tami-chan Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Forever? NO. Nothing remains the same. Either the relationship will fizzle out or it will graduate into a PA.
always_searching Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Based on definitions, I'm in an EA now for almost a year (I'd call it an intimate friendship but it has the secrecy component, etc.). Anyways, am interested in whether these always turn physical, or whether the EA can go on for years...and if it turned physical, were there warning signs that it was coming? Plz no lectures on cheating, I've heard them all before, and no, I'm not looking for a PA to start. Thanks for any advice on keeping it an EA... Well, as you would rather not hear this advice, I'll make it brief: you need to get out of this EA--the sooner the better. The majority of the time EAs eventually turn into PAs. So, uphold the integrity of your marriage and talk to your wife about this other woman. Okay, that being said, I think the best way to keep it an EA is to (1) not put yourself in a situation where anything physical might happen viz. make sure you're around others when you two are together; (2) don't get touchy-touchy i.e. no hugs, kisses, grabbing, picking lent off her, etc.; (3) talk to the other woman about this issue, and tell her that you are not interested in this going any further than friendship; (4) tell your wife that you have a female friend whom you haven't been entirely honest with her about. I would opt for the latter. Anyway, I hope this helps and good luck!
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 As a guy who went through this once as a "OM" (not married) I'd suggest that it's likely that at some point one or the other will find the right moment to push the issue, and take the leap to a PA. That's what I did. The heart wants what it wants. I suppose the body does too, however that wasn't my prime driver, the need for increased intimacy was. If "emotional affairs" actually exist (are not just a Dr. Phil construct) as infidelity, they are certainly the first step on a slippery slope. I can't think of a physical affair (not a booty call) that didn't begin with an courting phase (or "emotional affair"). Making intimate emotional connections with people outside your relationship can lead to disaster in the relationship.
Devil Inside Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 To answer your question....maybe. As for warning signs...are you physically attracted to her...or her to you? Be careful brother...the fact that you are asking tells me you may be thinking it could go this way...so watch your step.
bentnotbroken Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Why would you want to cheat forever? Why would you want to cheat at all? What are you wanting as an end result? Is this something you would be willing to put up with from your W(or significant other)?
JumpinJimmy Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Tami-chan is right, it will turn into a PA to get your half, or you will tire out providing for the emotional needs for 2 women with nothing in return (sex). You may not realize it, but you are pursuing this for the PA part, and she is pursuing for the EA part. She is having her cake and eating it too, you are being a doormat. You married your wife 30 yrs ago with that same feeling, now she is like a book that you have read over and over. Here comes the new novel, and you keep on reading to get to the steamy parts...you will either get to them, or get bored with it and put the book down.
always_searching Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Tami-chan is right, it will turn into a PA to get your half, or you will tire out providing for the emotional needs for 2 women with nothing in return (sex). You may not realize it, but you are pursuing this for the PA part, and she is pursuing for the EA part. She is having her cake and eating it too, you are being a doormat. You married your wife 30 yrs ago with that same feeling, now she is like a book that you have read over and over. Here comes the new novel, and you keep on reading to get to the steamy parts...you will either get to them, or get bored with it and put the book down. That's a really interesting--and very true--analogy.
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