SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 What are you feelings on couples new ones at that having roommates move in with them? Is it inviting temptation into the relationship you think? I ask because it looks like were going to be moving in the near future and were thinking about getting a roommate to help out for purely financial reasons. But it makes me feel insecure the tought of another girl possibly moving into a house with me and my partner I asked if it could just be a guy but he said no it would have to be either a guy or a girl. I don't think he would cheat and I know I wouldn't but still it just makes me so uneasy whats your thoughts experiences? good idea or bad? should we just look for a smaller cheaper place? thanks guys..
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Spanks...um...forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but in his case, is gender going to matter? That aside, I think if a relationship is strong, there shouldn't be worry about cheating if you know your partner is honorable. It would be better if you knew the person as a friend before moving them in as a roommate. But really - I don't buy that ANYBODY will cheat, given the right circumstances. Some people are wired to cheat, some aren't. If you feel you'd have to worry about him cheating, then there are deeper issues at hand. Don't you worry that YOU could cheat if it were a guy roommate? No? Then what's the difference?
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Spanks...um...forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but in his case, is gender going to matter? That aside, I think if a relationship is strong, there shouldn't be worry about cheating if you know your partner is honorable. It would be better if you knew the person as a friend before moving them in as a roommate. But really - I don't buy that ANYBODY will cheat, given the right circumstances. Some people are wired to cheat, some aren't. If you feel you'd have to worry about him cheating, then there are deeper issues at hand. Don't you worry that YOU could cheat if it were a guy roommate? No? Then what's the difference? Hey soul well I guess I'm thinking the chances of not getting a bi guy roommate are greater then getting one who is? And if its a female then its a def worry that way if that makes any sense? He has said things in the past about women who he liked at work but were to young and all. So I guess thats whats fueling my worries a little he came out and asked me tonight on the phone if thats what I'm worried about. I said yes he said he would never do that to me and then he said maybe we should just get a one bed. I'm not like in a panic about it but the idea/doubt would always be there no I know 200% I would never cheat on this guy I like him far to much for that. But hes a very kinky sexual kind of person part of me is thinking hes hoping me and the new roommate/girl would hit it off and he could have that dream 3 some hes talked about. So I just don't know I guess I just wanted to get others opinions if its needlessly inviting probs into a new relationship. He also mentioned something odd looking back he said a roommate may not like the fact I'm home so much. I said well if there not doing anything wrong who cares just looking back odd comment.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 For this very statement: But hes a very kinky sexual kind of person part of me is thinking hes hoping me and the new roommate/girl would hit it off and he could have that dream 3 some hes talked about. I'd go for a smaller place and nix the idea of a roommate. It's not a personal attack on him, per se. My XH was a "very kinky sexual kind of person" and believe it or not, had one of my friends talked into the idea of a 3some and had talked to 2 other girls about having sex with me (no...I never did anything). And he, I definitely would not have trusted with a female roommate. As for a roommate having a problem with you being home...hmm. I'm wondering if it was more that he was trying to give you an "out" without having to feel like you were making a statement that you didn't trust him. Because that doesn't make any damn sense unless you make a habit of walking around naked, sitting on the couch scratching yourself and drinking beer all day long.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 For this very statement: I'd go for a smaller place and nix the idea of a roommate. It's not a personal attack on him, per se. My XH was a "very kinky sexual kind of person" and believe it or not, had one of my friends talked into the idea of a 3some and had talked to 2 other girls about having sex with me (no...I never did anything). And he, I definitely would not have trusted with a female roommate. As for a roommate having a problem with you being home...hmm. I'm wondering if it was more that he was trying to give you an "out" without having to feel like you were making a statement that you didn't trust him. Because that doesn't make any damn sense unless you make a habit of walking around naked, sitting on the couch scratching yourself and drinking beer all day long. Haha thanks soul I needed that laugh hun... Yea you see I know he wouldn't want to purposely seek out to hurt me but I also know his sexual side all to well hence the inviting temptation thing. Far as him giving me an out you may be right I didn't think about that. I was thinking far more sinister motives I guess I don't know whats wrong with me with this guy Ive never been this jealous for no reasons in my hole life I hate it! I'm going to just be honest with him and say Ive thought about it and I want to see if we can just get a place of our own 1st and see how we go. I'll tell him I'm just to insecure about getting a roommate all tho I don't think he would hurt me its just to much on my mind to be comfortable with the idea. Honestly is usually the best policy I guess! Oh now that you mention it we like walking around the house naked actually its nice and yea he scratches from time to time in front of the boob tube lol OK tmi sorry..
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Well, you could always have a chat or whatever. The other poster gave some really good advice. Probably what I would do is: 1. Look for a smaller place that you can afford just the two of you (I personally think it's a little awkward living with couples, especially when they're married). 2. If you absolutely have to have a roommate, it probably depends on a lot of things, but it might be illegal to say you're only looking for a specific gender. You also have greater chances of finding someone if you double your pool of potentials. But whatever, that's not what concerns you! Just sayin maybe that's what he's thinking. So for #2, failing #1, what I would do is totally hate every girl he wanted to consider who came to look at the place. Try to make them for legit reasons though so you're not totally transparent.
Thornton Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 A lot of couples share a place with another couple - is your place big enough for four? Other than that, they usually invite a trusted froend to share with them, in my experience. I'd be concerned about offering your spare room to a complete stranger with uncertain morality.
Trialbyfire Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 STM, regardless of the morality of the roommate, it's your SO, who's morality matters, since no one can force anyone to cheat. If you trust your man, don't worry about it. If you don't trust him, you have something to worry about and not because of any roommate.
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