phineas Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 If / when you tell him, don't make excuses & don't try to justify it because then it may seem to him that you don't think you did anything that wrong.
GrayClouds Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Hi I'm new to this forum and I have done something stupid. I cheated on my fiance of 2 years (1 and 9 months of bf/gf and 3 months of engagement). I made-out with his best friend two weeks ago and needless to say we both feel guilty but decided to let it go and that it's not going to happen again. It was at his house where it all happened so fast. We kissed and it was when he started taking off my shirt and caressing me on the top that I stopped it and told him no that I couldn't continue and I left crying. I know I should come clean but I recalled on two occassions right before we were engaged, he did told me that if I ever cheated on him once or had thoughts about it he would rather not know unless he was at risk of contacting an STD or I was pregnant with another man's child. So I'm stuck whether to still tell so it can possible be over or keep to myself like he previously told me to. I'm trying to let this go and be happy with my engagement. I have never been engaged before and I'm so nervous. Help, I'm crying right now by the way... This is who I want to spend my life with and have kids else I wouldn't even be posting here. Don't pass along your pain to relieve you guilt, that is selfish. If you are truly sorry, from here on out your actions need to reflect it and you need to work even harder to let him know how much he means to you.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Since you 'pooped where you ate' I would come clean. There's every chance the 'friend' will tell him, and if this happens, what then? You can't suddenly own up and come clean. He said he didn't want to know if you did, but he probably believed you never would. Sometimes it is best to keep it a secret-i.e. when it's some random you've no intention and no reason to see again and no chance of them ever meeting- but in cases such as these, you're the one who should confess. He will more than likely find out. Would you want it to be from you or from someone else? Also, you're engaged, would you not want to know if he cheated before marriage, so you could make a wise choice? Ask yourself why you did it too. There's nearly always a reason, you don't want to ignore that reason because it could come up and happen again if not resolved.
Hop_prophet Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 You had better tell him now and hope he forgives you for the betrayal. You had sense enough to stop yourself and he will see that especially if you are honest with him. I am harsh on cheating but could forgive this if remorse and honesty are shown. This will come out one way or another, I would bet money on it. If he is at all perceptive he will know something is up. The consequences of this lie will be much larger than you can foresee. If he finds out about it later, then you really think he will believe that it was just a kiss?!? After hiding it from him and then proceeding with your sham of a marraige? Not likely nor will he be likely to forgive you. You know telling the truth is the right thing to do. It is not selfish, it shows courage and honesty which are cornerstones of any marraige. At the very least he deserves to know what a douchebag his so-called best friend is. I am sure the guy will resent for not going the distance and spill his guts anyway.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 This is so much simpler than it is being made out to be. Tell him. Tell him so that chode of a friend of his won't end up one of his best men at the wedding. How ****ty would that be? As you're marrying him, the guy you cheated on him with is standing there right next to him. He needs to know one of his boys isn't really his friend. As for the two of you, he deserves to know the truth. He has the right to know and to decide for himself. You OWE him that. Very simple. Tell him and go from there. If you don't, you can have fun with your karma later on.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 look, that's not for you to determine not "determining" anything. I call it like I see it. Its called an "opinion". i'm in the relationship that i'm in... it's not a conventional relationship and that's the way i like it... maybe you don't consider it "committed" but you're not the person i'm dating, are you? question is....are you committed? if not, then messing around with another guy like you did is justified I suppose. But if you do consider yourself "committed", well then you just broke the committment. right... that's what i said... i wouldn't... been there didn't flip out... but then again i wouldn't want to know either... are you going to make a moral judgment on that too? saying one isn't fit for a committment isn't a "moral" judgement. what you did breaks the very definition of "committment". If you are committed to someone, you forsake all others. no "moral" judgement bout it. Its a judgement based on committment. Now if you don't consider yourself committed, then mess around til your heart is content with any "hottie" you see. and maybe you say you wouldn't flip out because maybe he is honorable and wouldn't do to you what you did to him. in other words, it hasn't happened and probably won't if he is a decent guy, therefore you can say you wouldn't care because maybe you know or feel it won't happen. I think if he came home and said he made out with a hot gorgeous woman, much the same way you described the other guy, I think you'd react quite different. i don't think you'd say, "no sweat.....sh#t happens"....that is unless of course it lifts some guilt of you for what you did.....if you have any guilt.
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