indohouze Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Im not sure were to put this so ill put it here. Its been ages since ive put a thread up but unfortunately i can't cope it out, without getting peoples opinions. Me and my gf are about to go 2 years together. We have been up and down. I mean the first 7 months were chaotic but since then its been sorta ok ever since we had a massive fight with NC on my behalf for over 20 days. Lately though i can't seem to figure this girl out. We recently went on holidays(a tropical country in the pacific) and she stated over n over she didn't wanna hear anything about the holiday until the day we go. I payed for it and got everything organised, she had never been overseas but i booked it 8 weeks before we went. Through that time it was up and down she even threatened a few times that she wouldn't go over the silliest of things(like a small argument about listening to what i think a crap radio station is would fuel up to shove the holiday up my backside stuff like that). Throughout it we were up and down and it did seem she was enjoying it but it was like she couldn't fully settle down and relax, maybe because she felt guilty that i payed for the whole thing i don't know. Anyways we have been back a few weeks and its been ok but yesterday i was meant to go over hers at a certain time and was about a hour late(she lives 1/2 hour drive away) only because i got caught up with alot and generally im always getting held back by something its the nature of my job as a field tech and finding time throughout the day is extremely hard even beyond my job. She ended up ringing me when i was 10 minutes away and had a winge about me always being late and to stuff it go home. I end up going their anyways and she refuses to see me so i ended up wasting time of my day to go and see her. My background on this though is i always try my best for her, id pick her up from work, take her home, always doing the running around for her yet she does pretty much j/s for me and i mean it in every sense. Im the one always going over hers pushing things back with family(which i hardly get to see anymore) to suit and accommodate her yet the slightest thing goes wrong and im seen as the bad guy. I honestly am a person that will sit their and get over something really quickly as long as the other person trys to. She works mon-fri only roughly 6 hours a day, is addicted to a mmo bs game and even when im with her pays more attention to it than me. She talks about wanting to have a baby, moving out, getting married and why haven't i done it yet. I had a hectic day last friday, finally first time in years went and watched a game with my friends and she was fine with it but everytime i do something with my friends the following day turns into ww3 over something so pointless and i think its because im doing something and shes at home on mmo bs. I absolutely love her to bits, but she does these things like avoiding seeing me to suit her just because she wants to be incontrol all the time. She will do things like say no sex over some stupid argument(sex doesn't bother me hardly at all i mean we all have urges but her company makes me feel alot better than the way she makes it out to be with sex and me). She also mentioned to me she was getting bored with sex mainly because she's never in the mood for it and shes only ever done it with me and even said things like i wanted to at least try it with someone else because i don't think shes ever had a orgasim. She's discussed with me that she would never cheat on me because she loves me to much but as a guy its heart breaking to hear such things. Im feeling alone, i wanna do my best for her but everytime something so petty happens she'll use it to take control and we are going down the same path as our big break up were she'll continue with this sh** and if i argue she will say lets break up. I feel shes only doing it in fear of not being the controlling one something she can't do in any other aspect of life except with me because she has that barrier of a breakup. Guys i honestly don't know what to do, i feel like she's the one, i feel once we move out things would be different but unfortunately im not loaded with money at the moment, shes a terrible saver, i don't want to have a child in a environment were we are fighting over money id rather feel set up in a home and i want to marry her before having a child its just sort of a christian view that i respect(beyond the other ones that i dont follow lol). You know i just want the woman to know i love her more than anything in the world and be the one their to support her but on the same token don't want to cop unnecessary arguements and hate when its not called for(i understand their are times were you just say your sorry when you know you've done nothing wrong but this is beyond that). She says she loves me but i can't see how someone can love a person one minute and do the things shes does the other. Ill also say i know im not a perfect person but im always working towards trying to figuring problems out where shes a person that will explode for days upon end and all a sudden be over it. Please help me try understand this better. Thanks for reading
xpaperxcutx Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Have you seen Saving Silverman? Overlook the Jack Black jokes and pay attention to the plot of the story: two friends trying to save their third friend from his gf. Your girlfriend is dramatic and controlling, temperamental and in the end you're at the end of all her attacks. No matter how much you love this girl, you'll realize you'll be dooming yourself to her " abuse" after you're married? I can't imagine the child support you'll be supplying when she can't fulfill the duties of a mother. Reevaluate whether this relationship is at all, beneficial to your health. There are too many red flags with her.
Author indohouze Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 She would be a good mother i would think, shes takes care of children for a living. It seems in one sense though that shes a very lonely girl, i mean she doesn't have that many friends outside of work because she moved around alot. The last time we broke up the N/C absolutely killed her and mainly the thing that got me through it was my friends at work who pretty much instructed me how to respond and i think that worked because they could sense some sort of cycle where she got defensive and then continued on then eventually became remorseful and started blaming herself for the breakup calling herself all the wrongs(most of the wrongs were quite correct btw ) and i eventually got to have a deep n meaningful but that's really the only time i get the opportunity to set things straight. I love being able to sit down and speak DnM because its the only time she realises what a fool she acts like and lets me know truly what im doing wrong or whats been on her mind and things make sense even though its very emotional. But i honestly think its the same repetitive lifestyle of hers that's killing her from the inside, no doubt she would have done j/s this weekend and i feel bad for her in a way(as crazy as it might sound). She struggles with my family because shes for some reason afraid, she is always fighting with her family, hates her work because of the lack of respect she gets(she works hard and others bludge and she cops equal blame for it) and i suppose as i said earlier only has one easy outlet to blast and that's me because shes in control of that. She is however very temperamental , somewhat controlling and definately over the top with the drama. What i wanted to do for my 21st is go overseas probably to US and travel from 1 side of the country to the other and propose somewhere along their but its really hard to keep things a secret or plan for things like this when theirs just such a flip in direction over n over again.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Whoa!!!! Slow down, I think you need to take a step back before you decide marriage is a good step for you. If you think marriage is going to change her, it's not, and you're adding fire to the pot before you get your relationship figured out. I think you and her and should go to couple's counseling so you and mostly HER can find out the real reason why she behaves the way she does, without you coming up with excuses such as stress to validate her. Your persistence is admirable but you can't pursue a healthy relationship or marriage until you can quell the existing turmoil in the relationship. Don't jump ship until you know how to swim, that's all I have to say.
norajane Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Honestly? She sounds like a horrible person, and she will drain the life out of you trying to please her and never actually pleasing her. And you sound like a huge doormat. All of her bad traits that you listed are only going to get worse if you marry. You will be setting yourself up for a miserable, sexless, financially dangerous, unfulfilling marriage...and then one day, she'll cheat on you. And leave you. And take you for all your money, if you still have any after the way she spends it. Run! Run as far and as fast away from this woman as you can!
Author indohouze Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Like i don't wanna exactly validate everything on whats was said here although you do make good points but am i doing something wrong?
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