Mydish1 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 So anyway I've been seeing this girl and things seem to be progressing and going at a steady pace. When we go out we connect really well in conversations and she takes time in asking questions and finding out about me. It's great to the point where we make a lot of good EC and have chemistry. However we've hung out 3 times so far, and the last time I noticed some things about her physically that were kind of a turn off (which I had not noticed before). I don't mean to come off shallow or anything but these are just some flaws I can't seem to get my mind of off. I noticed that her back is kind of hunched and under the right light, she has a barely noticeable stache above her lip. I mean yeah she's in her 20's and I'm sure she could fixed those things if she wanted - standing up more straight or getting the hair waxed. When I noticed it - it kind of turned me off. But when I look into her eyes when we're talking I tend to forget about it. I could point those things out to her, but it doesn't feel like it's my place to. If I can't get over this, should I just stop seeing her all together or tell her and hurt her feelings at the same time?
xpaperxcutx Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 " Maybe your face doesn't look right, and sometimes I find your feet freaky looking...." Yeah she could say something similar to you as well. If you're not that attracted to her don't think you could get away just having sex.
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I very much doubt there is a good way to tell a girl you've gone out with only three times that she needs to change xyz and for you to be attracted to her.
JoJola Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 If you have found these faults in this person already.....whats the point? There is no good way to point these things out or should you; it seems you may not be attracted to this person like you thought you may be.
BCCA Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I very much doubt there is a good way to tell a girl you've gone out with only three times that she needs to change xyz and for you to be attracted to her. Agreed. If after only 3 dates youre needing her to change to be more attractive, Id say thats a bad sign. Is she good otherwise, or is she marginal and these little things matter a lot? Im going to be honest with you, hunching and having a little hair above their lip arent really that big of a deal. Im sure you have equally displeasing traits.
Tayla Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 It can be approached in a positive manner. I had a terrible sense of self, and one time an endearing friend said Try changing your posture, sit straighter, Look up more, change your mannerisms to reflect the lovely person you are. I would look back on that as Helpful suggestions meant with kindness. Shy folks have a tendency to look down or make less eye contact. I think maybe you can broach it in a good manner and not as a way to create *hurt* feelings. As to the grooming factor of the supposed stache- Provided its not a full blown Snidely Whiplash stache, its best to remain silent. She probably already knows.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 As to the grooming factor of the supposed stache- Provided its not a full blown Snidely Whiplash stache, its best to remain silent. She probably already knows. TOTALLY agreed. Never, never, never tell a girl she has even a hint of a stache. No, no, no, no. I was in a situation with a group of guys and we were going over some pictures of a group activity. This one guy (who is a total ass anyway) made a joke about a girl having a stache. I didn't see any imaginary stache, but I was getting my fair share of ribbing about other stuff in my pics, so joined the joke. OMGoodness. The joke was so absurd and off the wall, I didn't think she'd care. It would have been like calling her obese or something and the girl is tiny... she got SO upset. Apparently she had been teased about it before. ****. I didn't even see one and I don't think anyone that joined the joke saw one, either. It was SUCH a stupid joke and SO immature. But it hurt her feelings so bad. I'll regret joining such a stupid-ass joke for the rest of my life and could not stop apologizing. I'm sure the girl is aware of it. Do NOT say anything. If she wanted to fix it, she would have. If it bugs you this bad already, I think it's time to move on. Or do you pick apart every girl like this?
dreamergrl Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 First off... I find it odd that you're just now noticing the imperfections. To me, that says that you're looking for an easy out. These things didn't bother you before, yet after 3 dates they do now. Let's be real. And hell no, you do not point them out. If she's not for you, then move on. Don't go telling her about whatever imperfections you find in her. That's not your place. Do you want someone telling you about the possibility of your ass hanging to low, or maybe you dress kind of funny? Maybe they see a more yellowish tooth. Maybe you don't sit right. Whatever it is..... you don't go blowing someone's self confidence just because they don't fit you right. And really... these are things that you're pointing out because there's a lack of chemistry. No one is perfect, but if they aren't for you, then they aren't for you. No need to bring them down for it.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Maybe she has a sore back at times? I do so on those days I tend to slouch a little far as the stash is it a huge issue for you? I think its a little early to mention anything perhaps she doesn't notice it herself? I say if you like her other then these 2 traits then deal with them for a while longer then when its more appropriate nicely being them up with out hurting her feelings...
loveslife Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 However we've hung out 3 times so far, and the last time I noticed some things about her physically that were kind of a turn off (which I had not noticed before). I don't mean to come off shallow or anything but these are just some flaws I can't seem to get my mind of off. I noticed that her back is kind of hunched and under the right light, she has a barely noticeable stache above her lip. I mean yeah she's in her 20's and I'm sure she could fixed those things if she wanted - standing up more straight or getting the hair waxed. When I noticed it - it kind of turned me off. But when I look into her eyes when we're talking I tend to forget about it. I could point those things out to her, but it doesn't feel like it's my place to. If I can't get over this, should I just stop seeing her all together or tell her and hurt her feelings at the same time? If you can't get your mind off these things and they turn you off then it's probably a good idea to stop seeing her. Why get her more deeply involved when you are turned off? I think if you were really into her and there was a spark these things wouldn't matter. Love conquers all, ya know. Maybe you really like her, but just not in "that way"? Don't lead her on.
New_Life08 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I am laughing so hard at these replies!! hahaha!! I don't know how old you are, you seem young. I tend to wonder if you are a perfectionist in your daily life? This is the true test of love my friend. When we start falling in love with the person who is right for us on the INside...the outward imperfections fall by the wayside, and we actually find a cuteness about it. It shouldn't feel like a sacrifice to accept physical imperfections, if it does, it would spare her a lot of agony if you move on before she gets attached. Do not mention these things to her, there is nothing she can do about the curvature in her spine...and the stache...well get used to it because hormones are no woman's friend..lol All my best~
Angel1111 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 As someone else often says on this board, "That's why it's called dating." If there are things about this person that turn you off, stop dating her.
seoa Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 one time an endearing friend said Try changing your posture, sit straighter, Look up more, change your mannerisms to reflect the lovely person you are. I would look back on that as Helpful suggestions meant with kindness. You are not a close friend - you barely know this girl - so DO NOT say anything - it is not your job... So many people think they are giving helpful feedback after one or two dates... It's not helpful, it's cruel - don't be cruel... You keep looking for your perfect girl, and be polite & kind to all the imperfect ones you date on the way, otherwise you might find your own perfect-status slipping, coz perfect guys are not mean...
seoa Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I don't mean to come off shallow or anything but these are just some flaws I can't seem to get my mind of off. But when I look into her eyes when we're talking I tend to forget about it. If I can't get over this, should I just stop seeing her all together or tell her and hurt her feelings at the same time? If this is just about whether you should ask her to improve herself to deserve you, see my comments above... But can I put the thought in to your head that maybe you are subconsiously sabotaging something that could be good, because you are frightened that this relationship seems to have some potential... They are things that are incredibly minor, and that you didn't notice before, and don't always notice now... You are letting yourself obsess about them, far more than you should... What is your dating history? How old are you? Do you have reason to be frightened of a relationship that could be good...?
Hkizzle Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 So anyway I've been seeing this girl and things seem to be progressing and going at a steady pace. When we go out we connect really well in conversations and she takes time in asking questions and finding out about me. It's great to the point where we make a lot of good EC and have chemistry. However we've hung out 3 times so far, and the last time I noticed some things about her physically that were kind of a turn off (which I had not noticed before). I don't mean to come off shallow or anything but these are just some flaws I can't seem to get my mind of off. I noticed that her back is kind of hunched and under the right light, she has a barely noticeable stache above her lip. I mean yeah she's in her 20's and I'm sure she could fixed those things if she wanted - standing up more straight or getting the hair waxed. When I noticed it - it kind of turned me off. But when I look into her eyes when we're talking I tend to forget about it. I could point those things out to her, but it doesn't feel like it's my place to. If I can't get over this, should I just stop seeing her all together or tell her and hurt her feelings at the same time? If it's so soon, accept her for who she is or walk away.
sally4sara Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 I'm all for being real and accepting that we all have flaws but Hunching - so offer her a shoulder massage and while you're making her feel physically good you just say: You're shoulder looked so tight; was it a bad day today?" Ask about her stress levels and move on to her posture. Ask her if moustache bleach is the same strength as hair bleach. Just let the subject hang and see if you can bring it up from there. If I had a faint one and didn't realize it, I'd want to know.
seoa Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Ask her if moustache bleach is the same strength as hair bleach. Just let the subject hang and see if you can bring it up from there. Agh...!! This is not even remotely a subtle approach - please don't try it... If I had a faint one and didn't realize it, I'd want to know. But would you want to know it, from a guy you'd only dated 3 times - as he was dumping you over it...?? Really...?? And don't forget, this is so subtle, he can only see it in certain lights, when the moon is in the 4th quadrant, and the stars have aligned... He's making excuses to pull away - this girl doesn't have a tache worth mentioning... And if she did, then it's for her family /friends to discuss it with her... people who have earned the right to give feedback...
sally4sara Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Agh...!! This is not even remotely a subtle approach - please don't try it... But would you want to know it, from a guy you'd only dated 3 times - as he was dumping you over it...?? Really...?? And don't forget, this is so subtle, he can only see it in certain lights, when the moon is in the 4th quadrant, and the stars have aligned... He's making excuses to pull away - this girl doesn't have a tache worth mentioning... And if she did, then it's for her family /friends to discuss it with her... people who have earned the right to give feedback... I didn't perceive that he would be telling her these things AS he was dumping her, but rather that these were things that bothered him about a girl he otherwise liked. I guess I'm not as thin skinned as all that.....
boogieboy Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 If shes into you, maybe she will ask you what you want her to do or wear. My ex did this to me and I was able to suggest a couple things and she did them. Not very well, but she tried. I wasnt looking to change her, she asked me one day. it was great. So be patient, she might ask you.
Author Mydish1 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 If shes into you, maybe she will ask you what you want her to do or wear. My ex did this to me and I was able to suggest a couple things and she did them. Not very well, but she tried. I wasnt looking to change her, she asked me one day. it was great. So be patient, she might ask you. Thanks that's a good idea. I do like her, but those things I mentioned do bother me at times. If this is just about whether you should ask her to improve herself to deserve you, see my comments above... But can I put the thought in to your head that maybe you are subconsiously sabotaging something that could be good, because you are frightened that this relationship seems to have some potential... They are things that are incredibly minor, and that you didn't notice before, and don't always notice now... You are letting yourself obsess about them, far more than you should... What is your dating history? How old are you? Do you have reason to be frightened of a relationship that could be good...? Actually funny you brought this up. I've only ever been in two relationships with lots of dating in between/after. However seemingly I find myself attracted to the girls that aren't interested in me or tend to be flakey. With this girl it seems to be a given because I haven't had to struggle with her compared to other girls that may have flaked out. Usually when I suggest a date, she readily accepts it. She's a nice girl and in a way she's not being a challenge. I think subconsciously I wish she would be less boring or should be more of a challenge. I guess the thought of being with someone who has the potential to be relationship material can be somewhat daunting too. And I also get the vibe that this is where things are headed with her..or what she wants. Honestly though, of all the girls I've gone out with in the past year...she's been the first to exceed 3 dates with me. So that is also something new for me, which I may or may not be ready to handle.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 " Maybe your face doesn't look right, and sometimes I find your feet freaky looking...." That made me laugh. MyDish, all I can say is if I was on the third date with a man and he was already making suggestions to me about things he disliked, even if they were easy to fix things, I would begin to wonder what else he didn't like about myself. You don't understand how hard most women struggle with the way they look on a daily basis. It would be hard enough hearing negative comments from a boyfriend of a year, let alone a guy that you only saw after a few times. And yes, no matter how kindly you think you are saying them they are negitive because the basic message is "you aren't what I really like unless you do this." You would be making extreme presumptions to even think it's your place to say anything. I am going to make a serious suggestion to you. Take a good long look in the mirror. Look at your face..your body...everything. There are probably things she could easily want to change about you too. Physically or very realistically, emotionally. Do you want a girl to make suggestions to you about what you can change to make yourself all that more attractive..or do you want a girl that excepts you for who you are? Good and bad? No girl wants to be settled for just because she went past the 3 date time line.
SierraRose Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 If it bothers u so much, get her a "Day of Beauty" at a local spa. Massage, facial, mani-pedi, waxing...It will cost u a couple of $$$, and a crap shoot with the stache, but hey... I say do it...lol and no, don't just get her a gift certificate for waxing. THAT would be just wrong...lol
always_searching Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Actually funny you brought this up. I've only ever been in two relationships with lots of dating in between/after. However seemingly I find myself attracted to the girls that aren't interested in me or tend to be flakey. With this girl it seems to be a given because I haven't had to struggle with her compared to other girls that may have flaked out. Usually when I suggest a date, she readily accepts it. She's a nice girl and in a way she's not being a challenge. I think subconsciously I wish she would be less boring or should be more of a challenge. I guess the thought of being with someone who has the potential to be relationship material can be somewhat daunting too. And I also get the vibe that this is where things are headed with her..or what she wants. Honestly though, of all the girls I've gone out with in the past year...she's been the first to exceed 3 dates with me. So that is also something new for me, which I may or may not be ready to handle. Wow. I'm usually not judgmental--so, I'll apologize in advance. First of all, you are being entirely superficial. However, the flaws you mentioned are very slight and ones that are easily addressed. I do wonder what kind of catch you are that you have the audacity to be so nit-picky with your women. I'm going to assume that you aren't the most attractive man, else you would probably get the women you are interested in. What really bothers me about your comments isn't even that you seem like a superficial person in the most typical sense, but that you call her boring. What? I mean, if she is being too easy and not enough of a challenge maybe you should just move on, as it seems like she's a mature woman who isn't interested in playing games i.e. hard to get. I have to say, if you don't dump her, I earnestly hope that, for her sake, she stops dating you. Indeed, you sound very young, and if you are over 30, you should honestly be ashamed of your ridiculous attitude regarding dating and women. That being said, it sounds like you aren't ready for a relationship. So, you ought not try for one. If you are only interested in the game and dating perfect women: keep at it. Don't waste this poor girl's time.
bac Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 These things are not a big deal to me. If a guy told me about them, I would be thankful because they can be improved. Anyway, you may start by giving her a light hint which will bring her attention to her flaws. Just let her know that you noticed them.
EcstasyX6 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It depends on how much you like her. No one is perfect, but I would appreciate if someone pointed out a couple of minor issues to me that are easy to correct. I'm crazy about my current bf, but he smokes a pipe which has made his teeth too brown. Hell ya I told him about it because I like white teeth, and I care enough about him to let him know, and also that the pipe smoking is a health issue. He's also very well groomed, but sometimes I've noticed a few nose hairs and ear hairs peaking out which I plan to tell him about . (He appreciated the comment about his teeth, and said he had planned already to go to the dentist) Waxing is an easy thing, but posture is a tough thing to change in an adult. If it's really eating at you, leave her alone and find someone who sits straight.
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