Isolde Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 My question is why do people go online and tell people that they're insecure or unsure about initiating contact? I've gotten messaged by at least ten people who showed their trepidation right away. While I don't like cockiness, on OD, this really hurts a guy and makes it look like he's spending all day in his mom's basement bemoaning how girls he messages aren't "interested". OD is getting to know people based on very little background information and as such, OD rejections, aren't even real rejections. So get a spine, lads! If we talk and I'm not interested, it's not because you're "lame," it's more likely because based on my limited knowledge, I don't see that we have anything in common. Have any other women noticed this phenomenon? FWIW, I'm finding this an interesting exercise, for several reasons. I just find it kind of funny that the few times IRL that a guy has been interested in me, it was similar--he'd be really unsure and hesitant to make any kind of move, no matter how small.
BobSacamento Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 OD is very interesting. However, the pool is far from overflowing with potential.
You'reasian Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 My question is why do people go online and tell people that they're insecure or unsure about initiating contact? I've gotten messaged by at least ten people who showed their trepidation right away. While I don't like cockiness, on OD, this really hurts a guy and makes it look like he's spending all day in his mom's basement bemoaning how girls he messages aren't "interested". OD is getting to know people based on very little background information and as such, OD rejections, aren't even real rejections. So get a spine, lads! If we talk and I'm not interested, it's not because you're "lame," it's more likely because based on my limited knowledge, I don't see that we have anything in common. Have any other women noticed this phenomenon? FWIW, I'm finding this an interesting exercise, for several reasons. I just find it kind of funny that the few times IRL that a guy has been interested in me, it was similar--he'd be really unsure and hesitant to make any kind of move, no matter how small. Maybe you're an intelligent and extroverted woman who intimidates men or you're smokin' hot and the average joe thinks your too good
Rebellious Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 You look kinda masculine so maybe you should do the pursuing.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 You look kinda masculine so maybe you should do the pursuing. Isolde I think most men think they win points by playing the sympathy card and most girls will probably write " aww well I'm glad you wrote me, etc". I don't know, personally it's not their insecurity I'm worried so much as their persistency in wanting to meet up after the first email. I mean if they can't even maintain a harmless email communication for at least a half a week and write intelligently on top, I wouldn't waste my time.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 you're smokin' hot and the average joe thinks your too good Dude. She is. I can't blame them for being intimidated. (Not a stalker...saw Isolde's pic on one of the pic threads once.)
You'reasian Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Dude. She is. I can't blame them for being intimidated. (Not a stalker...saw Isolde's pic on one of the pic threads once.) I knew it! That and she's intelligent. Most guys are probably intimidated.
DSM2709 Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 OD is a very interesting game. Yes it is a game. You have to keep in mind, that your not the only person they are talking to. It's like free agency, who has the better offer sheet. I think location is a prime factor when it comes to OD also. I think I may have to lie now to women about where I live, because if you see someone online you like, and you live halfway across the state, they are not going to be as interested in you than say the other guy who lives the next town over from her. I found that out the hard way. Also, some of the women I met on the OD sites, can a bit flaky, so watch out.
lammie Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 OD is a very interesting game. Yes it is a game. You have to keep in mind, that your not the only person they are talking to. It's like free agency, who has the better offer sheet. It is and competition is high as well. It is an interesting social experiment. This is my second time on OD sites, I can see it more clearly on how this all works. You might go on a good date, but because there are so many choices, you always want to trade up – "Mr Monday was a good date, not fantastic but let's see how new Mr Thursday works out first." Because of this, one might just end at first date and not given a chance to know the other person further. I really can't wrap around the concept of multi-dating, it's so confusing for me. I'm usually an one-track-pony, I know i shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket in general but that's how i roll. Whilst I was seeing this guy i really like, i felt I was entitled to still talk/meet other guys because the guy hasn't ask for exclusivity. I wanted to suggest that I'm putting my profile on private and concentrate on him but didn't want to freak out the guy neither after seeing each other for just one month. Exactly one month, he broke up with me – "Think i should let you know that i've started seeing someone else." Errrr!
BobSacamento Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I should also add that I wouldn't underestimate the amount of people that are on there for the pleasure of the ego boost. or in other words "Just looking!!!! tee hee :P"
Author Isolde Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 But that's exactly the point I was trying to make--some people take OD really seriously, where I can't conceive of taking it personally when someone doesn't respond to my messages. For that matter, I'm no longer able to understand why some people get so nervous about asking someone out, in general. I've done it before and though I wouldn't necessarily do it again (as a girl), it's not a big deal to get turned down. Really. On the other hand, I don't think OD necessarily makes people that much more picky. It's a dynamic whereby you have more choices than you otherwise would, but I don't think it will prevent a good connection being made where it otherwise would.
BobSacamento Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 But that's exactly the point I was trying to make--some people take OD really seriously, where I can't conceive of taking it personally when someone doesn't respond to my messages. For that matter, I'm no longer able to understand why some people get so nervous about asking someone out, in general. I've done it before and though I wouldn't necessarily do it again (as a girl), it's not a big deal to get turned down. Really. On the other hand, I don't think OD necessarily makes people that much more picky. It's a dynamic whereby you have more choices than you otherwise would, but I don't think it will prevent a good connection being made where it otherwise would. It's the internet. Everyone knows the internet is serious business. All kidding aside. I think expectations are very high for some people on OD. Perhaps because they believe it's their only option. A very foolish way to go about it but people do it. With messaging I think people should look at it like saying "Hello" to someone passing by on the street and nothing more. I mean if I say "Hello" to someone passing by on the street and get nothing in return I'm not going to chase them down and interrogate them as to why they didn't respond. That's what a psycho does.
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