my best friend is now a depressed friend

[icemann12]

shes one of my best friends, last year she tried to kill her self, shes not at that point again but in the beginning of the summer she was doing good and coming out and having fun, not all shes doing is staying at home, she wont hang out unless make her like tell her to, she will go to class and work, but otherwise she just lays in bed and does nothing, shes always miserable, she sees a doctor but i think the doctor is ****ing terrible. she hasnt gotten any better, does anyone know what i can do to make her happier at least to a point where im not worried about her..

 

if you need anymore details just ask, otherwise i appreciate any help i get

 

icemann

[berry_oh]

Maybe you could try going to her place and just spending some time with her. You don't have to do much together, just be there with her. If she tries talking to you about stuff, then be there to listen. You might get tired of listening to her after a while, but keep in mind, it will help her. She might not want to talk about anything, but sometimes just having someone there is enough. I don't know too much about this person, so I dont know if it's better to have a few people spend time with her, or have a one-on-one hangout with her. You could try both, but the important thing is to just be there. No one wants to go through depression alone, even if they won't openly admit to it and act distant, deep down they want people there to help them.

You probably won't see any results right away, but it will still mean something to her. Expect this to be a long healing process for her.

Just give her a call and keep trying to get her to hang out. It might get tiring for you since you're going to have to be putting in the extra effort, but keep at it.

[VegMidori]

I have been on both sides of this. It's good news that she'll go to class and work. The best thing is probably to make every effort to be an active listener, perhaps making some suggestions, but basically helping her to sort through her own feelings. If she is not responsive to your attempts to do this, just check in every once in a while to see how she's doing, let her know you're still thinking of her, or to share something interesting or funny.

 

Is there a glaring problem in her life other than depression? Sometimes just tackling one big problem can do wonders; it's possible (though not probable, given her suicide attempt) that depression is more of a symptom than a cause.

 

Does she have fun when you "make her" go out? I am glad you are making her. It is kind. If she doesn't enjoy the outings, though, maybe you could look at why, and/or suggest different ones.

 

How much do you know about this terrible doctor? I have had friends, partners, and relatives with ineffective doctors. One put my friend on an anti-depressant so strong that it caused much worse problems. This guy wasn't even THAT depressed at the beginning; he just needed help working through some mild depression, not enjoying hobbies as much, and still thinking of some childhood traumas. The doctor didn't mean to harm my friend, and is sorry for what happened, but I wish I had thought to intervene before the drug did him so much damage. My ex-boyfriend and my sister both saw (two different) therapists who just told them they were right about everything and collected money. This led to my ex continuing to be an ***hole, and my sister never taking any action that led to positive results, just stagnating. (I do have another friend who has been happy with his therapist, and who is happily medicated, so I am definitely not saying that all therapists or all medications are bad.)

 

One last idea from my own experiences:

 

One of the kindest things any friend has ever done for me is come in and help me change my living space. She used Nepalese spiritual techniques to "clear" the area (please don't stop reading!), and though the spiritual aspect of it may not have had basis in reality, that she cared enough to come meant the world, and when she was gone, my improved living space remained. I say improved, even if there is no spirit world, because we had to physically clean and straighten the place before she started, and some of the items she used (flower petals, a chiming brass ball, etc.) were beautiful. Use my experience in any way you wish. I am just saying that, especially considering that she spends so much time at home, if it were to be more soothing and attractive, based on your cleaning it together or putting positive images on the walls, your friend might be happier.

[icemann12]

I have been on both sides of this. It's good news that she'll go to class and work. The best thing is probably to make every effort to be an active listener, perhaps making some suggestions, but basically helping her to sort through her own feelings. If she is not responsive to your attempts to do this, just check in every once in a while to see how she's doing, let her know you're still thinking of her, or to share something interesting or funny.

 

Is there a glaring problem in her life other than depression? Sometimes just tackling one big problem can do wonders; it's possible (though not probable, given her suicide attempt) that depression is more of a symptom than a cause.

 

Does she have fun when you "make her" go out? I am glad you are making her. It is kind. If she doesn't enjoy the outings, though, maybe you could look at why, and/or suggest different ones.

 

How much do you know about this terrible doctor? I have had friends, partners, and relatives with ineffective doctors. One put my friend on an anti-depressant so strong that it caused much worse problems. This guy wasn't even THAT depressed at the beginning; he just needed help working through some mild depression, not enjoying hobbies as much, and still thinking of some childhood traumas. The doctor didn't mean to harm my friend, and is sorry for what happened, but I wish I had thought to intervene before the drug did him so much damage. My ex-boyfriend and my sister both saw (two different) therapists who just told them they were right about everything and collected money. This led to my ex continuing to be an ***hole, and my sister never taking any action that led to positive results, just stagnating. (I do have another friend who has been happy with his therapist, and who is happily medicated, so I am definitely not saying that all therapists or all medications are bad.)

 

One last idea from my own experiences:

 

One of the kindest things any friend has ever done for me is come in and help me change my living space. She used Nepalese spiritual techniques to "clear" the area (please don't stop reading!), and though the spiritual aspect of it may not have had basis in reality, that she cared enough to come meant the world, and when she was gone, my improved living space remained. I say improved, even if there is no spirit world, because we had to physically clean and straighten the place before she started, and some of the items she used (flower petals, a chiming brass ball, etc.) were beautiful. Use my experience in any way you wish. I am just saying that, especially considering that she spends so much time at home, if it were to be more soothing and attractive, based on your cleaning it together or putting positive images on the walls, your friend might be happier.

 

 

well shes on tons of different meds now, anti depressants and what not, i think the doctor has her on so much more than she needs that her doctor is like destroying her, she enjoys going out shes smilin a lot and stuff and i like seeing her happy hence why i keep doing it, ill start just going over and spending time there ill just show up lol, shell be ok with it from what i know