As Am I Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Trying to get some advice on dating after such a long relationship. I just turned 30 and have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. I've been seperated from my wife for about 6 months now after she told me she thought she was gay, and now wants her "freedom". I told her I was moving on a few weeks ago after she told me her feelings hadnt changed. She says she misses the family part of it and that she isnt sure she wants to completely give up but doesnt want the marriage and the intimacy right now. I am done. I have to be for my own sanity. I feel like im ready to get out and start meeting new people but I find myself very hesitant to make the initial approach. Ive gone out a few times and found myself wanting to talk to a few women, and had the opportunities, but I just let them fly by. Its been so long since Ive had to do this and I used to be a pretty shy person, so I was never really great at it. I do find myself to be an attractive guy and have repaired my self esteem after all this, but Im just freezing up when the chances are there. Im ready to move on so should I get the divorce before I start dating? Do I bring up gay wife drama? How do I stop from freezing up when I have the opportunites? Thanks!
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I don't think it's fair to have a goal in mind to get a woman emotionally attached to you when you're still legally tied to another woman. Get the divorce, THEN actively seek dating situations. And no, I would NOT bring up the "gay wife drama." Maybe when the relationship with a new woman has progressed quite a bit, but I wouldn't mention it in the first several months.
norajane Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 10 year relationship, 6 months separation after she tells you she's a lesbian, you're not divorced yet, and you think you are ready to start dating? That's why you freeze up. You're not really ready. You need to give yourself some time to emotionally process the end of your marriage. Sure, go out with friends, have fun, talk to people. But I doubt you are ready to give of yourself to another woman just yet. You can't even bring yourself to speak to one. There's no rush. Get your head together first. And file for that divorce.
Author As Am I Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 thanks for the feedback. even though we've been physically seperated for 6 months, we've been emotionally seperated for much longer, and im ready to move on. your probably right about taking more time to process all of this but im just so tired of thinking about it, I just want it to be over so I can find someone who WILL appreciate me. thanks guys!
truegirl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 If you were with someone for 10 years it will take you at least 1 year or more to feel like you are ready for dating... I would suggest seeking out new friends and hobbies... This way you can talk out your feelings out and confide in your new friends. Once you start the divorce paperwok there are a lot of emotions and feels that come up... It's not fair to any gf's to deal with your drama.... Go out, have fun and live like you never have before There is no reason to get back into a relationship so soon. You will find the longer the time passes; you as person will change. Wants/needs become different and toleration is a different game... Just my 2 cents
Author As Am I Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Well I know I'm not ready for a relationship right now, just wanting to get out and meet new girls. I must say im still a little shaken by the whole lesbian thing, but I've accepted it, just been a rough battle. Thank you for the advice.
redant Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I agree it would be best to finish your business. Single women you meet may be looking for a relationship. Friends are fine but sleeping with someone may cause emotional problems for all. IMO.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 Well I know I'm not ready for a relationship right now, just wanting to get out and meet new girls. I must say im still a little shaken by the whole lesbian thing, but I've accepted it, just been a rough battle. Thank you for the advice. Well, no offense, As Am I, but I don't know many women around our age (I'm 29) that would be all excited about casual dating with no hope of a relationship. Just learn yourself more, learn to appreciate YOURSELF so that you don't need that outside validation. As you heal and make yourself whole, when you are ready for a relationship, you'll be that much more of a catch.
Author As Am I Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 no offense taken. this is what I need to hear. thank you.
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