Kayla19 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I'm 20 years old, female and at the moment feeling very upset because of the situation with me and my boyfriend. At times it has gotten so bad that I have even felt suicidal. It is at a point where I need to share this and get advice because I feel like i'm losing myself. This is my story: We met 6 months ago. I have never had a boyfriend before him and I was incredibly lonely, when we met I wasn't interested in him romantically at all but part of me felt safe and even flattered at the attention he gave me, nobody gave me that before. I never had best friends as a child, i was bullied alot and to be close to someone felt wonderful. A month after this, he admitted to me that he liked me alot and hoped for a relationship. At this point I still wasn't attracted to him.. But I loved him as a friend ...and didnt want to lose him. So I did the stupid thing and agreed to be his girlfriend. Even though I didn't really like him in that way. A few days later, I had gotten more used to being his girlfriend. It felt more like being a best friend but having the security of knowing he wont leave. And we got on so well, i loved him as a person and I loved his company. I cared so much for him. Soon after, maybe a week or two, something changed. I started getting this sick feeling inside me when he talked to other girls. I felt tinges of jealousy when he looked at girls in magazines or when pretty girls passed in the street. I couldn't understand...! Why was I feeling like this? I wasn't even attracted to him in that way. But it got worse. I started to get so jealous and I would cry myself to sleep if he went to clubs and danced with female friends. After 5 months of being together I started getting very depressed, I couldn't eat or sleep, these thoughts of him cheating or leaving wouldn't leave my head. I started hating myself, feeling not good enough, getting paranoid and thinking he hated me or was trying to make me jealous -- This brings me to right now, I'm at home constantly on the verge of crying. I'm so depressed, my mind is constantly going over things about him, wondering why he hasn't called me back, imagining him sleeping with other girls. I feel so down that some nights I go to sleep and I sometimes wish I could just not wake up, just so I could rest without going through this every day. I just don't understand how this happened. I went from not being interested in him romantically and hoping he would find a girlfriend so that he would just be my friend, to suddenly becoming ultra jealous and depressed in a matter of months. I can't go on like this, my hair is falling out, im down to 99lbs in weight, im a shaking wreck. I don't know what to do. Advice?
tkgirl Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I'm very worried about you... I think you need more help than anybody here can give you... like professional help and STAT... Please do that, ok? it's fine to come on here and get support but it sounds like you have some major insecurity issues that you need to get sorted out before you can be in a relationship... you should never look to someone else to fill that void for you, YOU have to be the one to make yourself feel good first. Relationships are about give and take... and if you can't love yourself you won't be able to truly love anybody else. Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend and let him know what's going on in your head.. see if you two can maintain a friendship for now.. because if this continues on he may just leave you.. and that might be too much for you. I hope what I said didn't make you feel worse! You will be ok... and love and all that can be truly wonderful and not scary at all.. but you got to got GOT TO learn to love yourself first! Take care sweetie!
Lucky555 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 well, the insecurity that you feel could be because your relationship doesn't feel solid. If the guy is attentive i dont think you would feel this way. Why is he dancing with other girls? Why is he going out clubbing? To me if a guy i was seeing did that i wouldn't be ok with it because i would think its disrespectful but i am looking for a longterm partner. So if a guy is doing this behavior now i don't think I would want to put up with that long term. Some guys will "do what they want" if you are tolerant of it just to be nice and not needy. In some cases you do have to state what turns you off. Obviously this is not a good sign. Suicidal thoughts can be a relation to insecurity which i think stems from childhood. I myself get insecure when i get close to someone. I have been doing better at coping with it. I don't become suicidal but with someone i care about i do fear losing them. However, when you begin to feel insecure or suicidal take a step back from being in the relationship. get some you time in there, go out with friends, and get the focus off this fear. Fear is our greatest obstacle. I don't suggest isolating yourself when you feel fearful. When i am fearful sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes i do and then i just watch a movie. It really is about changing those thoughts to gain the sanity back. But do make sure you get your mind off those negative thoughts when they are there. Get some inner strength and work on you. I think even if you love yourself it can happen. I know for myself i had a tough childhood and i have grown to be fearful of people who want to love me because i have grown up being hurt by people who loved me. As a child i told myself i would protect myself from everyone so i don't get hurt. relationships are hard to do if you can't develop trust. I always found having an honest talk and being able to open up to a guy was the best thing for me. For myself in relationships i need to feel safe and that hes not going to hurt me physically or mentally. It sounds like you maybe putting up with some things that he does that are not healthy for your relationship which is evoking these fears and suicidal thoughts. Have an honest talk, and don't fear losing him. If he leaves just because your honest he is not the right guy and you will continue to cry over things. I hope this helps and i wish you the best.
bac Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 You have a medical condition called depression. Symptoms of depression are all emotions that you have described. The problem is in you and how you handle reality, not in your BF. People with emotional problems can not handle relationships well. If you feel suicidal, it means your depression is really bad one and you need to see your primary care physician and tell him/her that you are depressed and suicidal. Your doctor will prescribe your medication/antidepressant which will make you more rational and happy in 2-4 wks. As for being suicidal, do you have a real plan?
BobSacamento Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 You have a decision to be dependent and submissive to this person or to be single. Why not be single?
Recommended Posts