stained glass Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Hi everyone, I am new to this. I was hoping for some insight or some guidance or peace of mind. I was in a relationship for 4 1/2 years with a married man. At first I did not know he was married. I got pregnant with his son. During the pregnancy he begged me to terminate the pregnancy. He also offered to pay me to end the pregnancy. Now that I am going thru child support enforcement, he says that he has rights, and he wants joint custody. My son has no idea who he is. He is still married with 2 other kids and a step daughter. I agree he should have the right to know his son, but shouldn't that be at least supervised? My son is the biggest blessing to me and don't want to loose him. Thanks
sb129 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I doubt very much that a court of law would grant him custody under those circumstances. He only has parental rights if you named him as the father on the birth certificate.
sb129 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 On the other hand, if he is paying you money and you accept it, its only fair that he at least be allowed some visitation rights.
MizzBlue72 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Well - you are in AZ so am I. I can tell you about visitation, etc. since I have recently went through this. If he IS the true father - if he petitions for visitation, more likely than not he will get it, especially if he is paying you anything.
Lucky_One Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Why should he have supervised visitation? Is he an addict or abusive? This is his father. This child will be better off to know his father and have his father involved in his life - besides just collecting money off of him. This may not sound sympathetic, but I am not trying to be ugly, but this what you get for playing with fire (not adultery fire - with CS fire). If you want him to pay support, then you have to be willing to accept that this man may want his child in his household to get to know his other family members. Personally, I'd eat pine needles before I'd ask a MM for CS, simply because I wouldn't want the chance that my child might be with him for holidays, vacations and overnights. I'd rather retain full rights and privileges.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 It sounds like he is going for custody so that he can take the child and not have to pay you anything, either out of spite or cheapness. It has happened to more than a few OW, and unfortunately more than a few OW have lost custody and have ended up paying the MM and his W child support. What can you do? Very little unless you can afford a damned good lawyer.
Lucky_One Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 It sounds like he is going for custody so that he can take the child and not have to pay you anything, either out of spite or cheapness. It has happened to more than a few OW, and unfortunately more than a few OW have lost custody and have ended up paying the MM and his W child support. What can you do? Very little unless you can afford a damned good lawyer. I haven't ever seen that happen; most MMs make more than the OW, and even if he gets 50-50 custody, it is doubtful that the OW would end up paying CS. It's pretty hard to argue in front of a judge that a previously non-custodial parent who has resisted all visitation prior to a CS request suddenly wants this child full-time, especially when the addition of a "love child" into a marriage can be very stressful to the marriage itself. Unless the mother is seriously unfit, I can't see a judge giving full custody to a previously absentee parent like that, knowing that the whole situation is hugely dramatic and painful.
bentnotbroken Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Why should he have supervised visitation?
Author stained glass Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 I doubt very much that a court of law would grant him custody under those circumstances. He only has parental rights if you named him as the father on the birth certificate. Thank you..for your input.
Author stained glass Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 On the other hand, if he is paying you money and you accept it, its only fair that he at least be allowed some visitation rights. He lives in another state now, with his wife. He works alot and so she would have to take care of my son. She was rightfully bitter and upset about the situation. He has seen his son once 9 months and expected to take the baby out of state. I'm trying to stay open minded and fair, but not be stupid at the same time.
Author stained glass Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 thanx...supervised visits at first. He lives in another state with his wife and kids now. He works alot and so she would have to watch my son. For obvious reasons, that would be a concern. It would be tramatic to a one year old to be taken away to another state with someone he isn't familiar with.
Author stained glass Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 it has been a stressful situation, and even with the poor choices that I have made in the past with this man, God has continued to bless me. I am the CP now..My son has always lived with me. MM is in anthother state. Would he have to take me to court for custody here in AZ or where he lives?
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