daphne Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I got my answer this week, about whether someone can truly change. I expected it would be some time before I knew, so I feel fortunate that I haven't wasted too much time. I found my ex had friended a few more women (to add to his collection) on facebook, of somewhat shady character. Then he hid his friends so I couldn't see them. He knew I knew since I had asked him about the women. I guess he decided he deserved some privacy to keep playing. lol The more I think about it though, I realize that couples break up for a reason. And often enough the dumpee will make all sorts of promises to change. But honestly, that simply doesn't work. People do not change at the core. And it really takes at least another relationship of messing up to see why certain behaviors don't work. But that's for the minor mistakes. I don't consider pathological lying and cheating a minor mistake. Or neglect for that matter. Those things don't change. One of my exes from long ago was selfish and treated me badly towards the end. He promised change, went with me to therapist, repeated after me all of his transgressions. I knew it wasn't going to work. The therapist knew it too. He is now happily married to a woman with whom he continues to be selfish and who he treats like crap. I sigh a big breath of relief on that one. Thanks, but no exes for me. No tricked out, washed up players with a long road of loneliness and regrets ahead of them for me. I wonder if all of us who look back to getting back with the ex simply do not like being rejected. Maybe we want the upper hand to make them feel the way they made us feel. Life is short. I'd move on and try to get it right with someone else. Because I have rarely seen a second chance work out for the better. I've seen people get married after a second chance, but it wasn't for the better.
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